The Lies Uncovered Trilogy (Books 4, 5, and 6 of The Dancing Moon Ranch Series) (22 page)

"Will you be bringing Jesse here to live with us?" Maddy asked.

"I don't know," Adam replied. "It's complicated. But it'll all work out. Meanwhile, I smell gingerbread, and Mom probably has the house parts cooling right now, so we'd better get in there and put together the best gingerbread house in the county."

Maddy smiled, gave Adam a high five, and headed for the kitchen.

Adam followed behind, while wondering if he actually would one day have his son at the ranch. He also considered the logistics of raising a boy who, two days before, he didn't know existed. Knowing that the safekeeping and emotional wellbeing of a little boy, not yet three, was resting on his shoulders, was mind-boggling. It was also fulfilling in a way he hadn't expected, and he was anxious to get back to the cabin, if only to begin the long journey to becoming Jesse's father. But another part of him wanted to get back for a very different reason. Emily would welcome him in her bed, a thought that had been haunting him ever since he'd turned her down. He wasn't sure he'd have the strength or the will, to do it again.

CHAPTER 6

Adam arrived at the cabin with two hounds scouting the area with their noses to the ground, yet not showing signs of tracking the scent of the lion, so he knew the lion was no longer in the area. Whether the big cat would stay away was anyone's guess, but as long as the dogs remained in the vicinity and showed no sign of being on a trail, it would be safe for Emily and Jesse to walk around outside some. The dogs would also bark if anyone approached, which relieved another burden. Erik couldn't arrive without warning.

Emily met him on the porch, and the look on her face was one of relief, and excitement. But when he dismounted and walked up to her, Adam also saw the old light smoldering in her eyes. It was easy to detect because her eyes became all pupils with hazel rims, and her lips parted to accommodate her quickened breaths, and her nostrils flared slightly, and when she was looking at him the way she was at the moment, he knew. He just didn't know how to handle it now.

There had been no problem when they were engaged. Their love would be forever, and the natural thing was to consummate it whenever they had the chance. Being candid with each other when they wanted to make love, and talking openly about what each could do to please the other, was to be the foundation of the physical side of their marriage, an openness with each other's bodies that would be there until they were too old to care—although for him that day would never come. And from the way Emily responded when they'd made love, he knew it was important to her too. And then Erik came home on Army leave…

"Jesse watched you from the window," Emily said in an excited voice, as Adam stood not more than a couple of feet away, a small pack slung over his shoulder. "I told him Daddy was here and he didn't run and hide. He might still be in the living room. He also played with his frog in the tub." Her smile that followed was almost Adam's undoing. But now, the passion he'd seen moments before had been replaced by excitement.

Adam adjusted the pack on his shoulder, and said, "I brought some books for him, and Maddy insisted I give him a couple of her stuffed animals."

"Then they all know about Jesse?" Emily asked, her voice wavering with alarm, the pupils in her eyes wide, but for a very different reason.

"Yes, but they won't say anything," Adam assured her. "They know the situation's only temporary until we get you settled."

"Then they know about Erik?" Emily asked, worried.

Adam shook his head. "They think you're here because you wanted me to know about Jesse," he replied, "but being the eldest in the family I'm supposed to set a good example, so I was pretty up front with my brothers about what happens if they don't keep it in their pants. They got the message. But with Maddy, that was awkward. Before this she looked up to me as the perfect big brother. I can't imagine what she thinks of me now."

"Or me," Emily said. "Even in middle school there are names for girls who sleep around."

"You know that's not the way it was. We were engaged," Adam said, "and you're not the kind of girl who sleeps around."

"Please don't make excuses for me, Adam. I hate myself for what I did to you, and I hated having to share a bed with Erik. It was like I was dead inside the whole time I was with him. I had to fake things because I was afraid not to when he expected that of me. It was all so sick and twisted. It was like he had this hold over my body, yet he didn't, because he couldn't make it do what you could."

"Well, it's over now," Adam said, not wanting to hear about that side of her marriage.

"I know, I'm not expecting anything now," Emily replied in a wistful voice, and Adam realized she'd interpreted what he'd said as meaning having sex with him was over, which was for the best—one complication he didn't need amid all the rest. Yet, the temptation to take her into the bedroom and prove she wasn't dead inside was so strong he had to resist the urge to do just that. The reality was, the more he was with her the more he felt his resolve slipping.

"I need to check on Jesse," Emily said, and turned toward the front door.

Adam followed her inside, and after closing the door, he glanced around the room and saw Jesse standing just inside the hallway with his shoulder and the side of his face pressed against the wall, and his knuckle in his mouth, yet making no move to flee.

"Hey, big guy," Adam said. "I brought you some books and toys. You want to come see what they are?" He slipped the pack off his shoulder and lowered it to the floor in front of the couch and unzipped it. Pulling out a book, he paged through it, and said, "It's all about frogs." He set it on the couch then reached for another book. "And this one's about a little train. You know what a train is?"

Jesse stared at him with a puzzled frown on his brow, but said nothing, and gave no indication he understood. He just kept staring at Adam with big curious eyes. Still, he didn't leave his position in the hallway.

"A train has a big locomotive up front that pulls a lot of cars that carry things, even people, and it has a red caboose at the end," Adam said. "When you're ready, I'll read you the book and you can learn all about trains." He placed the book on the couch.

Jesse stared at the book then took a step into the room, as if he was about to walk over to look at it, and maybe pick it up, then caught himself and backed into the hallway again.

"And here we have a big fuzzy duck." Adam set a stuffed yellow duck on the couch. "And here's a shaggy dog with curly brown hair like yours." He placed the dog beside the duck and went into the kitchen to where Emily was standing with her back to the kitchen counter, and waited with her to see what Jesse would do. As he stood beside her, he moved his arm around her, not touching her, just around behind where he could brace his hand on the counter.

"Jesse, honey," Emily said, "why don't you go see what Daddy brought. It's all for you, and you can take everything to bed with you tonight." Easing toward Adam, she said in a hushed voice, "He's curious, so if we stay here he might go take a look."

Adam relaxed his arm some, so it was touching Emily's back, and when she leaned into it, he made no attempt to break the contact. Tipping his head toward her, he said, "Would it be better if I went outside and let him be?"

She looked up at him, and her face was so close to his he'd only have to bend slightly to kiss her, and the look in her eyes was eager, like she expected him too.

Then her lips parted and her tongue came out to moisten them, and she said, while holding his gaze, "You still make me feel things, Adam. I don't expect anything to come of it, but I just want you to know." She reached up and touched his face.

Ever since I lost my Adam there's been a hole here that he once filled...

Adam knew the feeling. There had been a hole in his heart ever since Emily left. Sometimes it festered with bitterness because she'd walked out of his life, but other times it just lay there in his chest like an open wound, but gradually it started to heal over. A day would go by when he didn't think about her, then another, and maybe a few days, and a week, and until he saw her again it had been well over a month, and he couldn't go through that again.

Taking Emily's hand from his face, he held it away from him, and said, "I'm not ready for things to start up with us again, and if you tell me things like that they will, at least for me they will."

Emily looked up at him with eyes that reminded him of a wounded animal. You see the pain in their eyes but they suffer silently. But right now she was escaping an intolerable situation with Erik, and she was hurt and vulnerable and not thinking clearly, and he wasn't about to compound things by adding sex to the mix, which would happen if he responded to her touch.

The silent exchange was broken when Jesse started walking across the floor, his knuckle still in his mouth, his eyes shifting between Adam and the books and stuffed animals on the couch. Adam released Emily's hand, and for a few moments they stood watching Jesse, who put his hand on the book about frogs then looked over at them so see if it was okay, which Emily affirmed, by saying, "It's okay, honey. The books and animals are yours. Would you like me to read to you about frogs?" Jesse picked up the book and held it out. Emily went over and sat on the couch and lifted Jesse onto her lap and opened the book.

As Jesse turned the pages, and Emily pointed to the pictures and talked about what was in the book, Adam watched from across the room, his feelings mixed. The last time he and Emily were at the cabin was the summer Becca and her baby moved in with Jayne and Sam while Chase was in Afghanistan. Rick was home from vet school and Marc home from college, and Sophie showed up unexpectedly, and Rick's mother committed suicide, and the guest ranch was in full operation, and he and Emily just wanted to be away from it all and have time alone. They'd spent the afternoon there making love, hiking, planning their future together, and making love again before returning to the ranch. He couldn't have imagined then that a week later, Emily would leave him for Erik. Just as he couldn't have imagined that three-and-a-half years later she'd be back with the son they'd conceived that same afternoon.

A little stab of anger tightened his gut.

Stepping over to the window, he looked out and saw the dogs stretched on the porch. They'd given no indication that the lion had come back, and when he checked the deer carcass earlier, he noted that it had been uncovered and dragged a little distance away, and large chunks of meat were gone. Later, when buzzards started picking off the remains, he knew the lion had moved on.

Returning to his stance in the kitchen, he said to Emily, "The dogs are quiet, which means the lion isn't around. Why don't we take Jesse outside? He can walk with you and I'll keep my distance."

Emily glanced up, and replied, "I think he'd like that." Looking at Jesse, she said, "Honey, Daddy's going to take us for a walk and you can play in the snow. Would you like that?"

Jesse looked at Adam, a long, big-eyed stare like he was sizing things up and not at all sure about them, and Adam didn't know whether to smile or not, because it would be a smile of apprehension, not happiness, and even a toddler could pick up on that, so he waited to see what Jesse would do. Then Jesse looked at his mother, and said, "Daddy take."

Adam felt a rush of pure joy, a reaction he could only equate to what a parent must feel on hearing his child's first word, or seeing him take his first step. And now, he was a father, and his son had just called him Daddy. He looked at Emily and couldn't help smiling, and when she smiled back, he saw the glint of tears in her eyes and knew they were tears of happiness. And in an instant he felt his resolve to stay away from her fading, and his desire to hold her and love her and again consummate that love growing.

But before that time would come, he had to get a handle on why Emily kept returning to a situation with Erik that was self-destructive. He'd known Emily since grade school and never gave her much thought until eleventh grade when they were in a school play together. He was in the play because his grandmother convinced his parents he needed to broaden his sights beyond horses, rodeos, roping, and bronco busting. But Emily was there to escape an intolerable situation at home. Long rehearsals after school gave her a place to be. But by then, Erik was her steady boyfriend because he'd convinced her she'd never be able to cope with life without him, or some distorted version of that. So for two years, Emily moved back and forth between home and boyfriend—two dysfunctional situations—and good old Adam was her sounding board.

Still, Adam couldn't help admiring her, not only because of her determination to study hard and get good grades and go to college on a scholarship, but because when she got herself off to school each morning she left behind an alcoholic father and a drug-addicted mother and a house that should have been bulldozed because of the filth. Except for Emily's room.

He saw it only once, when he'd dropped her off at her home after a late rehearsal their senior year in high school, because she wanted him to see the curtains and bedspread she'd made in Home Ec. She warned him in advance about the house. Still he hadn't gotten the picture until he followed her through a living room that looked as if it had never seen a vacuum or a mop, and littered with empty booze bottles and ash trays overflowing with cigarette butts. But when Emily opened the door to her bedroom, he'd been stunned. Unlike the rest of the house, Emily's clothes were neatly folded in a box she'd covered with a scrap of material, a varied assortment of books were in a bookcase that looked like it came from a thrift shop but had been sanded and painted to match a desk that also looked to be from a thrift shop. She'd also shown him one of her poetry books, and in it was a folded piece of paper on which she'd written the legend of the Thornbird.

He thought it odd that she'd want to put in writing the story of a bird that, once it leaves its nest, wanders around until it finds a thorn tree where it impales itself, and knowing it will die, yet unable to resist the instinct, sings for the first and last time in its life, the most beautiful sound ever heard. When Emily saw him reading it she told him to keep it, and the book. He still had both. After Emily married Erik he reread the legend and wondered if it had been a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy, because at the time Emily had written the poem down, she'd been dating Erik for two years. But early on, Adam saw the way Erik manipulated and controlled her. And now, as in the past, she turned to him when she was desperate.

Only this time, she brought along his son, and he didn't doubt for a minute that Erik would use Jesse against Emily, maybe even threaten Jesse in some way to get Emily back, and even though she'd managed to divorce Erik, she could still go back and impale herself. She was right. It
was
twisted, and he didn't begin to understand it. But he did know one thing. If Emily ever went back to Erik, she would
not
be taking Jesse with her. So the first step in the process would be DNA tests. But that couldn't happen until he could get close enough to his son to get them back to the ranch and have the tests done.