The Light in the Wound (35 page)

I walked along the water for what seemed like miles and rested upon a little hill, as the tide crept up the beach and the afternoon sun was setting. Not too far in the distance, a wooden boat floated close to the shore, rocking back and forth in the calm, velvety water. My feet felt so good to be buried under the warm sand. I collected some shells to bring home to the kids, so I placed them next to me as I sat on the sand with my arms wrapped around my knees. I missed Alex so much. I wanted to call him so badly but was afraid that he had decided by now that he didn’t really need this kind of stress from someone like me. He could have any woman he wanted, he didn’t have to deal with this.

“You look like an angel sitting here so peacefully, even from afar.”

I looked up to see those familiar blue eyes, more beautiful than any sea in the whole wide world.

“How did you find me?” I managed to say. I was so speechless with emotion; I knew that the next words out of me would turn me into a blubbering mess.

“I didn’t at first. I went the other way and turned around a few miles into it. I’ve been walking for an hour.” He laughed.

I reached out my right hand to him and he sat down next to me as he clutched it. He then brought my hand to his lips.

“Alex!” I started to sob. “I’m so sorry if I hurt you the other day. I didn’t mean to. You totally misunderstood me. I was never confused about us. I-”

“Shhh. Baby. Please don’t cry. I’m sorry I left so abruptly that night. It killed me to think that you had loved someone so much before me. I didn’t know if I could deal with it.”

“But I can’t help that we had seven years together. I wish I’d met you first. But in many ways, you ARE my first. You’re the first man that saw me and loved me for who I really am. You encourage me to be myself, you’re happy when I succeed, you love my crazy family.”

He wiped my tears with his thumb and kissed me. We touched our foreheads together as he gently rubbed his nose against mine.

“Isabel, last night I realized that I would rather have the smallest part of your heart than nothing at all.”

“You have my whole heart. It doesn’t matter if someone had it before you. He didn’t deserve it. You do. All of it. I’ll marry you tomorrow, if it means that much to you.”

“I want to marry you next month. Only because I want to get started on our life together.”

“My grandma and your mother are going to kill us, but we can probably threaten elopement if they don’t agree.”

“You’re the smartest girl ever. I need you tonight, Isabel. Let’s head back to the house.”

I stood up and brushed the sand off my white sundress, gathered my shells and took his hand. It was a nice and slow walk back to the beach house
. This just feels so right.
I knew more than anything that Alex was my road back home.

We reached the cottage and knocked on Alicia’s door. The kids were so excited to see their Uncle Alex. We looked at the shells that I brought back and then Chelsea asked Alex to join them in a game of Old Maid. Of course, he ended up with the Old Maid card, which cracked them up even more. I took Alicia’s hands and brought them to my cheeks. She looked at me with understanding and I nodded my head in reassurance. After the card game, it was Christopher’s turn to get some attention from Alex. They sat on the floor and played with the Transformers, while Ali and I ordered room service for everybody.

Two hours later, we walked hand in hand into our room, our energy renewed by the laughter and warmth we had just shared with Ali and her kids. Alex led me to the bed, and instead of sitting on it, I stepped up and stood on the mattress in hopes of being on the same level with him. He was so tall that it merely brought me slightly above his head. Our kisses turned frantic, only to pause as he pulled my dress over my shoulders.

“I’m going to spend every night of my life kissing away your memories of him. I’m going to find places he never touched, places he never kissed and our first times will be a thousand times sweeter than your first times with him. Isabel, you are the love of my life.”

“Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower, we will grieve not; rather find strength in what remains behind.”

—Splendor in the Grass, 1961

Alex was serious about moving up our wedding date. Despite our parents’ protests and Pierre’s extra “rush” charge, our wedding was going to take place two months earlier on January 21. That was only two weeks after Betty and Leigh’s wedding, and I felt rather bad about infringing on their special event. Betty, on the other hand, was thrilled and tried to convince Leigh to wait for us so we could honeymoon together. Of course, Leigh didn’t go for it. Neither did Alex, for that matter.

The days after Christmas were as hectic as ever. Alex requested additional security for me in the weeks leading up to the wedding. My grandparents were worried that Jesse would resort to extreme measures to try to see me or speak to me, so they thought that having a bodyguard for protection wouldn’t hurt.

“I don’t need additional security. Why is it such a big deal? Senator Rickey already granted me a leave of absence. I’m not going anywhere!” I argued vehemently against any special type of extra protocol.

“Isa, your grandparents are just looking out for your safety. And I can’t say I don’t agree with them,” Alex calmly reiterated.

“Agree with them about what, Alex? Jesse may be persistent, but he’s not that kind of person. You’re portraying him like he’s some kind of loony criminal. He would never, EVER do anything to hurt me. I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” I snapped.

Alex’s body went rigid as he withdrew his hand from mine and turned around to walk away. I knew that my adamant defense of Jesse had upset him. I relented as soon as I saw his reaction to what I said.

“Alex, where are you going?” I exclaimed in surprise as I turned on my heels to follow him down the hallway that led to our bedroom. I gently gripped his arm and tried to spin him around to face me.

He backed away with a pained look in his eyes. “I think I should be asking you that question. Where do you go, Isa? Where do you go when we talk about him?”

“Nowhere. I don’t go anywhere. I’m here with you, and I’m sorry.”

“Sometimes I’m not too sure about that.”

I ignored the fact that he didn’t want to be close to me. I stepped in toward him and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I’m trying, A. I really am.”

With Alex, I knew just what I had to do to make him feel better. I knew his weakness, and I wanted to make him happy. I stood on my toes and pulled him in for a nice, slow kiss. His arms immediately wrapped around me.

“I’m sorry, babe. If it will make you feel better, I’ll agree to being followed around for now.” I smiled sweetly as I led him into the bedroom and closed the door behind us.

My mother was going to fly in the week before the wedding with Evie and Gracie. We spoke on the phone several times. She was sincerely very excited for me, but there was a dejected tone in her voice whenever we discussed the attention that my grandmother and grandfather were lavishing on me. I was on leave from my real job but continued to work for my grandfather’s firms by attending at least one board meeting a day. I enjoyed the type of work that I did for him immensely. It was challenging to be able to use negotiating skills to accomplish targets and goals. Alex and I would often discuss our ongoing deals and projects. My grandfather would beam with pride in the merging of two large family legacies. Gone were the days where my grandmother would compare me to my mother. I was nothing like her.

Preparations for the wedding were in full swing. Pierre was the couturier/wedding planner/wedding coordinator. Apparently, he decided what your wedding was going to look like, what you were going to give to the guests and the food you were going to feed them. All my grandmother did was give him a blank check and away he ran with the Holtzer-Ailey funds like they were his. Neither my grandmother nor my future mother-in-law was worried, so I figured I would let it go. Alex was busy traveling for work, trying to finish up his obligations so that we could take a week off for our honeymoon before figuring out what we wanted to do with our lives.

My grandparents gifted us with the house across the garden where I grew up. We were going to live with them in the big house until they got the house renovated and furnished the way we wanted it. I didn’t take anything for granted. I was very grateful that we were getting a head start in life that not everyone else was privileged enough to have. His parents also gifted us with enough cash to spend on our honeymoon and to invest or save, depending on what we chose to do.