Repented
REPENTED
SOPHIE MONROE
Copyright © 2015 by Sophie Monroe
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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are a product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.
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If you're reading this, THANK YOU! This has been the wildest, craziest fucking ride I could have ever asked for! These boys have taken on lives of their own and thanks to you; they are continuing to bring laughter and love onto the pages. I couldn't have done this without my amazing group of friends, who are my biggest supporters! Briski, my Twinnie Jr. I am so lucky to have you as my best friend! Thank you for editing this bad bitch and for always being my ear, shoulder and overall go to. I love you more than you could ever know! Stacie, my other ear, my voice of reason. Thank you for reading this through over and over. I love you too! Matt for helping me with his epic song writing skills. You are pure talent, buddy! Check out his band Dead Fish Handshake, they're incredible!
Even though it's a series, best read in order for the background, they can be read as standalones. The next book I'll be releasing is a standalone called, "The Longest Road" it's another rock and roll romance. After that's ready for publishing, I'll be solely focusing on the GT series. It will be about Guilty Tendencies, who you met in Conflicted and will continue to meet in Repented. I'm looking forward to getting them out to you ASAP!
Thank you for following me on this journey! I owe you guys so much for allowing me to do what I love.
Lots and lots of Sophie love! xoxo
PROLOGUE
Standing there, I felt like I was watching my favorite cassette tape getting eaten. Remember those things? The music starts by going way too fast, only to end in dead silence and before you know it it’s destroyed. That’s kind of what my life felt like at the moment. Unfortunately, I wasn’t so sure I was going to be able to take a pencil eraser and try and fix this. If I was going to put it back together, I was going to need one big fucking eraser.
Metaphorically speaking, I needed to try and pull the tape out of the player, wind it back up, and hope I could get it to play again. Only, this time it involved hearts, which aren’t so easily pieced back together.
I was going to need to repent. A lot.
Rewind
Ten years earlier…
Snubbing out the last of my joint, I chugged the rest of my PBR and crushed the can on my head letting out a loud howl. The party was in full swing, just how I liked it. Music was pumping out of the speakers and bodies were swaying, or maybe it was my vision. Either way, I was high on life at the moment. I had been drinking since before noon, which was normal for me, even at eighteen. I didn’t like being told what to do. Typical non-conformist. Thankfully, my parents being the free loving people they were didn’t believe in discipline.
Jake was lying on a lounge chair making out with a bleach blonde that had volleyball’s for tits. Blake was completely pussy-whipped by Rowan, his long-term girlfriend, so they were off playing house at the apartment he shared with Jake. That left Derek, who was here with his on again off again girlfriend, Kennedy. Kennedy was hot, a little fucked up in the head, but you could tell that she was killer in the sack. The crazy ones always were. We had an innocent flirtation thing going on back and forth over the past year, but for some reason, she captivated me on a deeper level.
For the life of me, I couldn’t quite pinpoint what she saw in Derek, other than the fact that they were both in the system. Don’t get me wrong, I love Derek like a brother, but he’s got more issues that an issue of Us Weekly. He gets jealous, and they end up fighting like they’re training for a UFC match. Seriously, they beat the fuck out of one another to the point where it’s hard to watch, but you can’t bring yourself to look away. He never hits her, mostly just deflects, but still. From where I was sitting, it looked like a storm was brewing. I already knew it wasn't going to end well. It never did.
They were both piss drunk, and I could tell by their facial expressions that they were exchanging harsh words. Derek was getting in her face when she hauled off and punched him square in the jaw causing his head to jar back. Shaking his head and spitting out a mouthful of blood, Derek grinned at her, which just fueled the already out of control fire.
The two of them for going tit for tat for at least a good ten minutes, before Derek finally stormed off leaving her standing there crying. I managed to stand my inebriated ass up and made my way over to her. Cautiously tapping her shoulder, she turned to look at me with tears in her eyes. “I pushed him too far.”
“What the hell happened?” I asked, trying my best not to slur my words.
“I don’t know. One minute it was business as usual, the next he just flipped out and left,” she slurred before falling into me, using my shirt as a tissue. “But fuck him. I don’t need him or his shit. I’m done. We’re done!”
Stumbling back, I managed to keep us both on our feet and steady us. I suddenly felt much more sober, as I placed my arm around her back and led her to the sliding door of my parent's sprawling mansion. My dad owns a bunch of health and fitness locations, and my mom owns a few holistic spa retreats. The places pretty much run themselves now, so they’re always off traveling, which leaves me to my own devices…mischief and parties of epic proportion.
One foot in front of the other, I had to practically carry Kennedy up the stairs to try and find an empty guest room for her to sleep it off. After opening door after door down of what seemed like a never-ending hallway, there were none. I also saw more naked asses than I cared to in the process.
Suddenly, it clicked as I eyed the set of French doors at the end of the hallway. Behind them was my room. My bed... Even in my drunken and high stupor, I knew that once I fished the keys out of my pocket and opened the door there wasn’t going to be any going back. A year of sexual tension was going to come to a head, and I wanted it to happen. Part of me knew I should feel guilty. I should call her a cab. Anything except what I was about to do. After all, fucking your best friends girlfriend less than an hour after they broke up, if at all, had to be breaking some sort of code. Kennedy Meyers was like a forbidden fruit for so long, and I needed her.
Kicking the door open with my foot, I held my hand out to her in invitation.
“Holy hell, Kev, your room is like six of mine,” Kennedy giggled as she walked over and sat on the edge of my bed. She began bouncing up and down on her ass making her tits go up and down each time. Patting the spot next to her, I went over and took a seat, and a deep breath.
Why was I so fucking nervous? The angel on my right knew I was doing something wrong, but the dirty devil on my left knew I loved to sin. As I turned to look at her, her lips crashed into mine. It was game on.
“Take it out on me,” I breathed into her lips.
Clothes were being ripped off; skin was sliding against skin and not even two minutes later I was fucking her.
We fucked that night. Yes, you read that right. We didn’t make love, there was nothing emotion whatsoever, just pure uninhibited fucking. We fucked out our anger, our pain, our hurt. We took it out on one another, and it was fantastic.
When it was over, she rolled onto her side and fell asleep almost right away. Folding my hands behind my head, I looked over at Kennedy’s sleeping form. We'd hauled ass straight for sin and I pondered what I was feeling now that it was done. I was waiting for the guilt or remorse to hit me like a ton of bricks to the face, but instead, I felt nothing.
When I opened my eyes the next morning, I headed straight to the bathroom to take a piss and snort my morning line. Leaving Kennedy sleeping, I made my way to the kitchen. I filled a cup with orange juice and vodka, downing it in one gulp.
This was my life. It was who I had become, and I had no intention of changing it.
CHAPTER ONE
REPRESS WITH THE BEST
Fast-forward to my wedding day
Checking my silver tie in the mirror, it was hard to believe that I was going to be a married man today. Then again, if it weren’t for Bryn coming into my life when she did, there was a strong possibility that I may have wound up dead. I'd like to say that I'm kidding, but I'm not.
When we met, I had only been in LA for a few months at the time. For me, it was my first time truly being on my own. Nineteen and free to run the streets of the LA underground. Sure, in Phoenix I had a lot of free time to party, but I had to clean up my act at least a few times a month while my parents were home. Here, I had no sort of responsibility, except to be sober enough to play our shows. Even then it was questionable.
At the time, we were experiencing a lot of new found fame, and I was having a hard time adjusting to it. The drugs were everywhere, usually free, as was the pussy. Some people would probably say I was trying to fill some void in my life. Then again, from an outsider perspective, I had the perfect life. The silver spoon kind of life that most kids dream of having. Growing up, I spent a lot of time on my own, or with nanny's, while my parent's built up with holistic empire. I wanted for nothing.
On the other hand, maybe there was something missing from my life.
For a while, it was almost like putting a band-aid on something that needed stitches. No matter how much you tried to stop the bleeding, it would just continue. The cocaine made the bleeding stop, or at least made it feel like only a trickle. The groupie thing was already losing its luster. My days and nights were spent doing drugs and drinking myself into oblivion. Different girls all the time, most of whom I don't even remember their names, and in some cases even their faces.
Slowly, I was digging myself into a black hole that I wasn’t sure I would make it out alive; I’m not sure I cared either.
Then one sunny day in mid-March things took a drastic turn and landed me where I am today. I went to Perk to get my daily dose of caffeine. In front of me was this petite, pretty brunette that looked like she shopped at J. Crew. She turned to look at me, and a shy smile crept across her angel face. She didn’t seem like the typical girl that went after a guy like me, but the attraction was instant.
After ordering our coffees, we stood off to the side. Knowing I had to look like shit, I instantly regretted just picking clothes up off the floor to come here. She kept staring at me. I wasn't sure if it was because I looked homeless, or that I possibly smelled. Regardless of why, she kept gazing my way before moving closer to me. It was busier than normal today leaving little room to maneuver.
“Hi, I’m Bryn,” she smiled. She appeared to be flustered.
“Kevin,” I offered her my hand.
“Hopefully this line moves faster than it looks like it's going to. I’m new to the area, and I’m supposed to be starting my rotation today. I haven't even finished unpacking, and I'm going to be late. That's not going to make the best first impression.”
The way she rambled on was adorable to me. “Rotation?” I asked, curiously.
“Oh, I’m studying to be a doctor. I’m supposed to be at the hospital in fifteen minutes, but there’s so much damn traffic. There's also no way I’ll make a twelve-hour shift on hospital coffee. Have you ever had that stuff? It's disgusting.” Her mouth formed into a grimace.
A future doctor. She was definitely out of my league, but I could certainly sympathize with not knowing anyone. At least I had the guys.
“Actually, I only moved here a few months ago myself. It’s a big change, but I’m sure you’ll get used to it in no time. Traffic is bad though.”
She pulled out a pad and pen from her oversized bag and scribbled something down. “My number. I’m sure I’ll be working non-stop, but maybe we can get together for a drink sometime. I mean that is if you want to,” she blushed. “I feel so stupid. I should really brush up on my people skills. Too much time with my nose buried in anatomy books.”
I took the paper and slid it into my back pocket. “Don’t feel stupid, I'd love that. If anyone should feel stupid, it should be me. I rolled out of bed to come here, and I'm pretty sure my socks don't even match.” I smiled that I earned a laugh.
Finally, with coffees in hand, I held the door open and watched her walk away. Not for long though.
It would be different with Bryn. I wouldn’t sleep with her right away. More than that, I wanted her to be aware of what she was signing up for by picking someone like me, if it went that far. Until now, I had enough one-night stands to last three lifetimes, and she deserved better. No matter how hard I tried, I still occasionally struggled. The coke was the worse; I couldn't go a day without it. Something would always happen, or we'd be playing a show and next thing I knew, I was in the bathroom cutting lines and snorting through a hundred dollar bill.
After a few months of dating, she gave me an ultimatum to get clean or get lost. Falling so in love with her, the choice was obvious. I could live without the drinking, drugs and partying, but I didn't want to live without her. I chose to give up all my bad habits and make a complete change.
She took a week off from the hospital and never left my side. She was the one who took care of me while I was detoxing and helped me get my shit together. She was the one that helped me decide to go vegan and get into intensive therapy. She was with me every step of the way, even when I fucked up, which I did. After everything we went through together, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life proving to her that I was worth saving.
In the hotel suite at the Ritz Carlton, I stood getting ready with the best friend's I could ever ask for. The brother's I chose. I felt really calm. There were no cold feet here. I was beyond ready to start the next chapter of my life.
Jake and Derek were rehashing old times. Since I learned to repress with the best, I tried my best not to let those memories surface. It’s something you have to do when you suffer from an addiction if you want to live with yourself. Occasionally, I'd get a trigger memory from a song, a sound or a place, and it reminded me of how shitty I used to be. I'd spent years trying to pay repentance for my sins.
A knock sounded at the door. I opened it, thinking it was something from Bryn since I sent her a pair of earrings. Needless to say, my heart stopped in my chest when I saw who was standing on the other side.
Kennedy Meyers.
She still looked almost the same as she did when we graduated high school, tall, tan, dark hair and a slim figure. She smiled, as I stood there stunned. I hadn't seen her since...
What the hell was she doing here?
She wasn't on the invite list. Maybe she was in the area and just wanted to stop by for old time's sake. Derek stopped talking to Jake mid-sentence and walked over to her. Leaving me even more confused.
Not wanting anything to interfere with my happiness, I went into the bathroom and finished getting ready. I took one last glance in the mirror before making my way downstairs. The guys and I took our positions at the altar. Scanning the room, I saw a lot of familiar faces and some I had no clue who they were. Byrn and I had been tirelessly planning this thing for over a year. We had spent a small fortune in the process, but it was her special day, and I wanted it to be everything she could have ever dreamed of, and then some.
Blake looked on high alert as his sister Joss stalked down the aisle and took a seat next to Kennedy. In fact, Joss looked like a woman about to go on a rampage. To say she didn’t look happy would be a huge understatement, not that I could blame her. She was head over heels for Derek and Kennedy was obviously up to no good. Those two had a tumultuous history, but I thought it died a long time ago. Last I knew, no one had seen or heard from her in years. Seeing her at my wedding of all places didn't make much sense. I didn't bother asking Derek questions. She was obviously here to see him. The time to figure out why would have to wait.
The doors opened up, and the Wedding March started playing. Bryn stood there with her arm looped with her Dad’s. She looked absolutely stunning. Her tall, lean figure was showcased in a fitted lace mermaid style dress with cap sleeves. Her brown hair was curled and pinned showing off her heart shaped face. Her makeup was subtle, but she didn’t need it to begin with. The slow stroll down the aisle started, and my heart was hammering in my chest. I needed her touch to calm me down.
Since we met, she had been my gravity. She became my everything.
The officiant cleared his throat. “We’re gathered here today to join Kevin Marcus Johnson to Bryn Marie Mills in holy matrimony. Marriage is the beginning of a new life for the two of you. You’re planting a seed. It needs to be watered and nurtured in order to grow,” he spoke to the two of us before scanning the crowd of witnesses. “ If anyone has any reason these two should not proceed, speak now.”
Glancing out into the sea of people, I saw Joss stand up, pulling Kennedy with her. “She does,” Joss said, pointing at Kennedy.
It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as I felt all the blood drain from my face. Bryn looked like she needed an exorcism.
“What the hell is going on here?” Bryn shouted.
“We need a minute. Everyone stay where you are. We’ll be right back.” I made a move toward the side door that led out to a small courtyard. I was pacing trying to wrap my head around what the hell was going on.
Could it be? No. No way. Maybe?
“Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on before my head explodes?” Derek grumbled, snapping me back to the present.
“Skylar isn’t yours,” Joss said, looking up at him. “I knew it the second I saw him, so I pressed Kennedy. She finally admitted that she and Kevin had a thing going on behind your back, and that was part of the reason she took off to begin with. Then when you showed up, she was on the verge of being evicted, and she thought you’d never question it. You were going to be her payday,” she spat out.
Fuck!
My normally calm and rational demeanor was out the window, and suddenly the gray started to blanket over. The old Kevin was scratching the surface begging to come out and play. I shoved my thoughts away and focused on the scene that was playing out in front of me.
“Please tell me this is a joke?” Blake asked. “Kev, you didn’t really do that, did you?”
Knowing I had to come clean, I nodded. “I was young and stupid. Not that it’s an excuse. When she told me she was pregnant, I helped her run away. I just wanted it to all go away. She swore it wasn’t mine, and that she needed to go somewhere and start over. I gave her the money, and she left. I didn’t know where she went. Honestly, I was so high all the time; I wouldn’t have remembered even if I did.”
I was ashamed of how I handled the whole situation but became so good at repressing that I never gave it much thought after it was all said and done. All I was thinking about at the time was how I was glad Kennedy was gone and that we still had a band.
Trying to take her hand, Bryn looked thoroughly disgusted. “You slept with your best friend’s girlfriend and possibly fathered a child with her?”
“Wife,” Joss clarified. “They were married at the time. Technically, they still are.”
Married? Wife? Blake and Kennedy are married?
Bryn’s yelling snapped me back to the present again. “This is too much to take on right now. You need to go in there and tell everyone to leave. Now!” She demanded.
I wanted to beg her just to go back inside. I wanted to do anything other than be standing here in hell, but this was all too real. Instead, I marched my sorry, confused ass into the room full of people and cleared my throat. “There’s been a situation and the wedding will be postponed, feel free to head to the reception hall and enjoy the evening.”
Making my way back to the courtyard, I didn't even take a second glance back at the hundreds of confused faces gathered for what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. Instead, I pushed open the door and tried to breathe. Bryn looked like she was exchanging harsh words with Kennedy. I knew I needed to intervene before it escalated. Every part of me felt like it was unraveling.
What hurt the most was the look of hurt Bryn gave to me. Her shoving a knife through my chest would have hurt less. She looked at me like I was a monster. Worse, I felt like one. Here this kid was nine years old and didn’t have a father figure because I took that away from him. I was ripping at the seams. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold it together for much longer.
I needed a drink. Just one, to quell my nerves.
“I can’t even look at you right now, Kevin. I knew you had issues when I met you, but this is just too much. How could you not mention this along with everything else you told me? I didn’t sign on for this.” Bryn stormed away in her wedding dress, leaving me standing there alone with Kennedy since everyone else seemed to have disappeared in the blink of an eye.
“I’m sorry,” she cried. “I think deep down I always knew, but I was holding onto the hope that he was Derek’s. It was a bad time in my life, you know that.”
Rubbing my temples. “You’re sorry? Really, Kennedy, that’s fucking bullshit, and you know it. You dragged your innocent fucking kid, make that our innocent fucking kid, into this shitstorm, and you’re sorry!” I seethed. “Sorry doesn’t cut it!”
