The Lost Blogs (23 page)
Authors: Paul Davidson
While the scouting I required my toned friends to take part in—dreadful things like staying up at all hours (even though I’d
sometimes spend the time with them because I am just that type of man) standing guard and, even worse, acting as a messenger
to deliver notes across enemy lines… These young native men bonded together, looked out for each other, and were even there
to lend a hand or a hug when things weren’t looking so cheery! It was heartwarming to see, and even more disturbing when,
while under my command, some of my beloved native friends were injured or killed! Simply dreadful!
Scouting, as I decided, should no longer be associated with violent conflicts—but should be colored by heartwarming, friendly
camaraderie consisting of a young group of boys! No more standing up at all hours, working the body to maximum fatigue levels
(well, in war that is)! The new scouting, as per ME, should be a cheery, happy, sunny experience for all! It was at that point
when the “idea of the century” hit me!
Costumes. We must integrate costumes! The kind that make me want to just eat those little scouts up!
Being a scout is not about tracking a wild animal through the wilderness or building a fire per se—it is all about style!
Yes, they should have neat little costumes with shiny fabrics and bandannas and patches that show off their unique little
talents. They should wear emblems and knee-high socks and have learned a whole list of rollicking songs which they should
also know the dance steps to! My scouts should find options when it comes to dressing up—not just one color or style. Give
them the creative freedom
to make their own styles and show them off to the rest of the young boys they share their time with. Aah, but will society
… Will people really encourage their children to take part in such feel-good club activities?
I say YES. I say that there’s nothing a father wants more than to see his young son take pride in his patches and his fabrics
and his adorable little bandannas and his good deeds.
This thing is going to be huge, I can feeeeeel it!
From:
http://www.dianfossey.org/zaireblog/
Subject:
My First Year with “Him”
Girls, I am in LOVE.
I know I know I know! I’ve been horrible at keeping in touch, but this last year has been absolutely amazing! A year of growth,
mutual understanding and true bonding with you know who. He’s at my side 24/7 and, well, I am feeling a connection that I
have never felt before with any of the others!
You would diet He is so affectionate and caring. So in touch with his emotions. We’ll be out in the wilderness and he’ll just
play with my hair without me even having to ask him to. He’s so playful, too—he loves whacking me with leaves and branches!
It’s funny, how cultural differences manifest themselves between two different creatures like he and I. I have to say, and
don’t quote me on this, but this is my first relationship where all that confusing miscommunication is gone! We are there,
looking into each other’s eyes, and we so GET each other. Heel You can hear the excitement in just my words, can’t you?
I have learned in the past that for a relationship to develop and move forward, someone must always give in to the other individual.
Sure, it’s a kind of social experiment if you really think about it, but I’m willing if it means that I’ll find what I’m looking
for. Oh, who am I kidding—I don’t want there to be an end! I hope there never is. My time with him is one of the most valuable
moments between sunup and sundown.
The other day he was sooooo cute. He vocalized his feelings to me, in such a way that I really can’t even begin to try to
communicate. It was this really sweet moment when he opened his mouth and told me exactly how he was feeling! I didn’t even
have to push him—it was all voluntary! Such a powerful communicator, if you ask me. Just amazing!
I’ve given him such a cute little nickname, “Digit,” which he doesn’t seem to mind at all. I think he likes it. too—unlike
some of my other relationships, you can tell they just don’t quite appreciate being given a nickname like that. Well, Digit
loves it. Heh. He’s sort of proud that I gave him a nickname, I think—it shows how we feel about each other.
Okay, I gotta go but I’ll write more later. Seems that Digit and the rest of his brethren are going out to scavenge for food!
I’m sure Digit will ask me to come along in his own, subtle way. That would be great—a real step forward in the relationship.
I’ll just have to make a conscious effort to not be overbearing or anything like that. You know how these guys get!
From:
http://www.cecil_b_demille.com/BLOG/
Subject:
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From:
http://www.bonnieandclyde.com/blog/
Subject:
Domain Name Acquisition!
If you got an idea or a business but you don’t got the domain name, you ain’t never gonna make the dough. But through us,
we can get you any domain name you want. Even if someone else already got it Yes, that’s right Someone has what you want and
they don’t wanna give it to you? We’ll make ’em give it to you. Trust us. Just look at some of the ones we already got, that
we can give to you, for a very reasonable price:
These are just some of the domains we can getcha. Do you wanna have a President’s name for your domain? No problem. Want one
that your neighbor already has and he ain’t givin’ it up? Drop us a
note
. Between the twos of us, we’ll getcha what you want for very little up-front dough.
Also, once you get the site you want, you may find that you ain’t got nuthin’ to say. Well, look to us. We can provide you
with a variety of already written blogs on topics that range from:
Science
Mathematics
Gravity
Hollywood
Technology
Foreign Relations
Romance
and
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If there’s somethin’ you want and you don’t see it here, doesn’t mean we can’t get it. Just fill out our
request form
and well get back to you as soon as we find a place to hide out in.
From:
http://www.johnharvey_kellogg.edu/blog/
Subject:
Day 7693, Battle Creek Sanitarium Philosophy #7,693
Inspirational Health Thought #7693: Insanity is nothing more than the result of one's mistreatment of their bowels. [
View the previous 7692 inspirational health thoughts
.]
Here at the Battle Creek Sanitarium, I have had many dealings with people suffering from a myriad of ailments. Each one of
them, cured by voluntarily joining my program of healthful activity, vegetarian lifestyle and high-fiber diet. It's what convinced
my brother Will and I that the only way to give people the opportunity to heal themselves in the privacy of their own home
was to start our own high-fiber cereal company. It's name? Sanitas Food Company.
Get it? San-itas? Sane? Get it? People who are
insane
will become sane after eating the whole grain goodness of San-itas products!
The names of the cereals, of course, have yet to be decided—but I have suggested at length to my brother that we must integrate
the ideas of insane and ill individuals who have become healthy (i.e., reaching that point where they're suddenly and miraculously
healed) into the names of the cereals!
In my 20+ years here at the Sanitarium, I have realized three things about those who are unable to control their mental or
physical health. There comes a point, when they are given life-changing information about how to heal themselves—this is when
they SNAP into reality. The knowledge that there is a solution to their previously insurmountable odds often gets them thinking,
an electric CRACKLE of sorts shooting throughout their brains—and since the body is primarily an energy source, the idea of
such a thing is not far from reality. When a subject experiences the first two steps of reaching a healthy lifestyle, they
often POP to attention, and act on such things. These themes, of course, should be incorporated into the names of our products.
And so, I have suggested to Will that we incorporate the words "FIBER," "CORN" and possibly "BOWEL" into our first few cereals.
Based on my experience and writings, I encouraged Will that we should move forward as quickly as possibly on our "Fiber Corn
Bowel Breakfast Cereal," to which he seemed less than pleased.
We are working through a few issues right now, but I hope to resolve them before the week is up. Yes, Will is threatening
to sever ties and start his own cereal company where he'd rather name his cereal something a little more "snappy," but I think
that would be the biggest mistake in his entire life.
From:
http://mx.frida_kahlo.com/blog/
Subject:
Desperate for Dumont
I must be quick to thank all the generous readers who have sent their best of wishes and kindest of words to me—yes it seems
as though Diego and I have hit what some may call a little bit of a rough patch in our marriage, but I do believe with God
as my witness, that things will eventually come full circle. I’ve posted some of the wonderful wishes on my
Guest Book
for others to see.
But more importantly, I must share my excitement with everyone (especially the ladies) that I have been contacted to possibly
become the spokesperson for the company they call
Dumont
. If you do not know.
Dumont
is a company located in none other than Switzerland, which has been making
tweezers
since 1875! And these are not any ordinary
tweezers
not at all—these are high-quality, durable and detailed
tweezers
whose advanced engineering has resulted in a
tweezer
that can excavate the hardest of stubborn stubble! Trust me when I tell you I know about these things!
I use
Dumont’s XL-87
tweezers every single morning, during lunchtime, and in the afternoon and evening as I clean up my well-known brow-line,
shaping it with such ease. I often can be heard screaming ‘Dios Mío!’ due to my excitement and pleasure in using such a well-created
piece of equipment! Did you know that
Dumont
is the largest manufacturer of
tweezers
in the world? That they supply a wide variety of businesses through their vast national and international distribution network!?
Neither did I. And do you know what? Such details mean nothing to me!
But what DOES mean something to me, Frida Kahlo, is that my eyebrow hairs, which were at once unruly and hard to pull from
my forehead (and even painful—ouch!), are no longer an issue now that I use the
Dumont XL-87
advanced tweezer technology! Now I can spend much more time concentrating on my paintings instead of having to labor for
hours with a lesser-tweezer that just doesn’t grasp my hairs in the way I hope that it would.
It is extremely premature for me to even be mentioning the
Dumont
product or the fact that if you
click here now
you will get not only the
XL-87 tweezer
plus the complimentary brush kit and the click-on spotlighting system (for those dark bathrooms), but you will also get a
wonderfully ornate silk carrying case just for buying this
amazing product
.
But don’t take my word for it (I am just an innocent bystander singing the praises of the wonderful
Dumont product
)—check out these
pictures
of all the eyebrow hair I was able to pull out (these are full
hairs, women, not broken pieces which lesser-tweezers often mangle)—I am looking right now into the mirror as I type this
and can I just say that my single eyebrow looks so well manicured that I hope this whole agreement goes through with
Dumont
so I will never be without one of the most amazing products I have ever used.
