The Lost Days (30 page)

Thursday the 12th

Dear Diary,

Welcome to my world, little black book. Don’t expect to be addressed as “Dear Diary” anymore. Do expect to have strange liquids spilled on you, and bugs pressed in you, even though I have other books just for strange liquids and pressed bugs, and for gravestone rubbings, bad poetry, good poetry, foreign candy wrappers, cat drawings, cat+monster drawings, robot+cat+monster drawings…just to name a few.

The reason I need another black book in my life right now is that I’ve just gotten the strangest letter from my Great-Aunt Emma, and I have a feeling that diary-worthy adventures are inevitable.

Here’s the letter:

Haven’t decided just what to do yet. Still very busy with golem project, which began as a way of making the best of a bad situation. It all started when my cats caught this raven. Cats are vicious, violent, bloodthirsty beast-creatures, you know? Anyway, I stepped in just in time. But too late to save the bird…as she was. I happened to be making a golem in my basement that week, and the brain and heart came at the perfect time. This was about a month ago. Right now I’m putting on the final touches before I bring her out of anesthesia. She’s going to be my driver. Possibly bodyguard, too. I’ll teach her to make sandwiches just how I like them. And maybe a little judo and diamond cutting, if I have time. And now I’m thinking she can help me out in this Blackrock place with this whole inheritance thing.

Friday the 13th

Animated the golem and named her Raven. Man, I did a good job on her. Spent part of the money Great-Aunt Emma sent getting her some nice clothes and a pricy wig. I am never getting pulled over again!

I have a rough plan for this whole inheritance thing now. It goes a little something like this:

1. Develop technology for completely blocking and restoring memory.
   
2. Create foolproof memory backup device in case of disaster.
   
3. Install devices into van.
   
4. Program Raven for the next month.
   
5. Go to Blackrock.
   
6. Send Great-Aunt Emma’s employee Rachel on a long cruise.
   
7. Set up Raven and myself in her place.
   
8. Back up memory.
   
9. Block out memory.
   
10. Identify and neutralize the enemy.
    
11. Take possession of my inheritance.
    
12. Restore memory.
    
13. Learn important lesson about
    life laughter friendship
    how cool it is to have a golem who follows your every command.
    

Oh man, I have some lab tinkering to do.

Saturday the 14th

I made the memory backup device. It wasn’t that tough. The only tricky part was programming a sorter to organize all my memories into categories as it stored them. But SOOO worth it! Here’s a few of my favorites:

Sunday the 15th

Have been experimenting all day with memory-blocking device and, you know, it’s really hard to learn from your experiment when the experiment is to block your memory. Had to make myself a sign:

Monday the 16th

I got the memory-backup and memory-block devices working and installed them under the seats in my van. Did not have time to create independent memory-restore device but I did add a timer function to the memory-block device so I can just specify how long the amnesia lasts. Will start myself out with thirty days. I doubt it will take me that long to get things in Blackrock under control, but just in case.

I got Raven a fake ID and a title to the van in her name. I got the tickets for the cruise for Rachel, and some travel postcards all written up to my mom, for Rachel to mail for me. I got my mom convinced that I won this cruise to Australia and won’t be back for a month. GOOD STUFF!

I have so much on my mind with all these preparations that I almost can’t wait to lose my memory.

Tuesday the 17th

Spent the day loading the van, convincing my cats they are coming with me, convincing my mom that my “friend” Raven can take the best care of my cats while I’m gone, convincing my mom that my “friend” Raven should drive me to the airport in “her” crazy van, tolerating my mom’s tears and hugs, taking mental snapshots of my home, and hoping my memory-block device’s timer function works exactly as expected!

Still Tuesday—LATER

Skibbly plagues on my luck today!!!! We broke down about an hour away from Blackrock. No service station in sight, so Raven and I opened the engine compartment, and a blast of fire shot up and got Raven’s wig, and I had to pull it off and stamp on it and tear some of the worst burned chunks off. Stupid pricy flammable wig. Anyway, the engine was a mess, but I couldn’t even touch it until it cooled off, so Raven and I took a walk to look for water, since I
forgot to pack any in all the confusion. She has an excellent sense of where to dig for water, that Raven. We had to dig for a while using only a spork and a screwdriver, but we eventually hit a gusher, and filled up all our pockets and cheeks and cuppy hands, and ran back to the van, and splashed the engine, and got well steamed. Looks like certain essential engine parts have been ruined in the fire. Man, I wish I had more memories about “storing spare essential engine parts in the van, just in case” and fewer about “telemarketers I have cursed.”

Still Tuesday—a lot later

Finally got the van running again, mostly by using strands of Raven’s wig to tie together engine parts that looked like they went together. I actually have no idea why we are rolling down the highway at this moment, unless the spirit of Great-Aunt Emma is moving this van. Will definitely pack spare essential engine parts for my next adventure.

Very late Tuesday

Things have gotten super hectic!!!! We finally rolled into Blackrock, and right away got into trouble when Raven nearly drove the van into a cop car that was just sitting in the middle of an intersection with its lights off. Blasted pigfarks! She swerved so hard the passenger door went flying open and I almost shot out of the van—would have, if she hadn’t grabbed my arm and yanked
me back in! Good old life-saving golem!!!!!! The cop woke up then and started driving after us. And so that’s why right now we’re involved in a medium-speed car chase through the streets of Blackrock! Not the way I would have chosen to make our entrance into town!! Thank badness I already did all of Raven’s programming! Once I get my memory erased, she is going to drop me off somewhere in town and then hide the van. She’ll go to the café Great-Aunt Emma told me about and give Rachel her cruise tickets. Oh man I wish I had more time to get ready.

One last Polaroid before things get too crazy:

OK. Camera has just gone smashing to the back of the van. I guess that was my first and last photo of Blackrock. And I just want to take this opportunity to pat myself on the back for creating a nice, stable, competent golem who can calmly steer us through a medium-speed car chase and never bug me about why I am sitting here just writing in my diary.

OK. Am arming myself with slingshot, pen, diary. Will rip out these pages in a moment and hide them in the van. Am wishing myself good luck and happy forgetting! SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!!!