The Madam (23 page)

I told you I never saw him again.

I wasn’t lying.

Lilith didn’t ever see him again.

The Madam did.

Julian…

We
continued to stare at each other from across the room, and our
connection was strong and evident. We couldn’t take our eyes away
from each other. There was this imaginary line that was pulling
deep within my bones. I felt it in every part of me. It was flashes
of a life that wasn’t mine anymore. I wasn’t that person. I hadn’t
been that person in a very long time. It didn’t change the fact
that he was there and so was I.

I could hear Mika saying my name in the back
of my mind, it was like I was at the end of a tunnel and he was
trying to pull me back in. I was terrified that if I looked away he
would disappear, and a huge part of me didn’t want him to leave. I
knew that if he left so did everything else, the feelings, and
emotions, the physical need to feel something for someone else. The
truth that I had been hiding for so long. The fact that I given her
up, and that I had no idea if she was dead or alive. I had turned
my back on something that I created, something that was mine, and a
piece of me.

A part of me died that day and I had just
realized it by looking across the room at the person who had helped
me create it. I had given life and it was brutally taken away from
me. I couldn’t take it anymore and I ran. I ran on pure impulse to
pull myself from a situation I didn’t think I could survive. It was
fight or flight mentality and I chose the latter. I ran as fast as
my legs would allow me to go.

As soon as I felt the strong hand wrap around
my arm, I turned around and I fought. I fought with everything I
had in me. I pushed, slapped, and hit. I knew it was Julian and I
just wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to feel like he was dying. I
wanted him to think that I was fucking burying him in the ground,
alive. I wanted to piss and spit on his grave. I punched him in the
face with such force that he fell back and I thought I broke my
hand. Mika’s arms wrapped around from behind me and lifted me in
the air.

“Angel, calm down,” he repeated over and over
again.

“You don’t know! You don’t fucking know what
he put me through! You don’t know what he did! I fucking HATE YOU!
I wish you were fucking dead!” I screamed.

“I’m sorry, kitten. I’m so fucking sorry!” he
said.

“Don’t fucking call me that! I was sixteen! I
was a fucking child. You could have done something; you could have
done anything. You didn’t do one goddamn thing but tuck your tail
in between your legs and walk the fuck out. You gave her what she
wanted! You let her fucking win! How can you look at yourself in
the mirror?” I yelled.

“I have no idea where the fuck she is! I
don’t know what the hell happened to her and it’s your fucking
fault!” I tried with all the force I had to get Mika to release me,
but he wouldn’t. The more I tried, the harder he would hold me.

I hysterically cried big, fat, ugly tears.
They poured out of my eyes and the pores of my skin. I was
hyperventilating and my vocal cords felt like they were on
fire.

“You didn’t do anything, Julian. Nothing. I
hate you. I hate you so fucking much because I didn’t do anything
either. I let all of it happen right before my very own eyes. I
didn’t even get to fucking hold her or say goodbye. I didn’t get a
fucking chance to do anything but cry. It was the only day my
mother ever allowed me to shed one tear over my loss. I went
through it all by myself. You’re to blame for all of it! DO YOU
HEAR ME! ALL OF IT!” I shouted. My body couldn’t take it anymore
and my legs finally gave out beneath me. I fell to the ground in
Mika’s arms.

I cried for it all.

“Her?” Julian said barely above a whisper. I
looked up at him and he was crying. He was still one of the most
gorgeous men I’d ever seen; he had aged but it only made him look
better. I took in his disheveled appearance, he had scratches all
over his face and his lip was bleeding. The bruising around his eye
was becoming darker and it had a cut from one of my rings.

I slowly nodded. “Get the fuck out of my
face.”

“Kitten…”

I cocked my head to the side, “Madam,
motherfucker, and if you don’t get out of my face I will destroy
you. Do you understand me? You will never be able to show your face
in this city again.”

“I’m so-”

“Listen, fucker, you heard her. If she has to
say it again you will have to deal with me. Let me tell you a
little something about me, I always let my hands to do the
talking,” Mika threatened.

Julian placed his hands in the air in a
surrendering motion. He wanted to say more, but he succumbed. He
took one last look at me before he stepped back and walked
away.

I breathed a sigh of relief and Mika picked
me up under my thighs and behind my back and carried me to the limo
that awaited us. We were back at The Cathouse fifteen minutes
later. He carried me inside the house and we went straight for my
bathroom. He turned the shower on and undressed me slowly and
carefully and then did the same to himself. He helped me into the
shower and as the water dripped from my head to my body, I felt
like it was washing away all my sins.

Mika washed my hair, face, and body with
tender touches and caresses along the way. He kissed all over my
face, my neck, and down my body. Anywhere he washed me he would
kiss right after. I closed my eyes, taking in the feel of him. Mika
and I weren’t like this, we weren’t sweet, caring…loving with each
other. That’s not who we were. He treated me like a doll that was
going to break at any moment.

The truth was…I was broken.

I just never let myself admit it.

After he dried me and changed me into a silk
robe, he put on a pair of boxers and I sat on my bed up against the
headboard.

He got up off the bed; I panicked and grabbed
his arm. “Don’t leave.”

He lightly smiled, knowing that must have
been hard for me to say. “I’m not going anywhere. I was going to
get you something to drink. What would you like?”

“Tequila.” He was going to say no but he
thought about it before he nodded. He brought back a glass with the
bottle of Patrón and handed me both. I grabbed the bottle and he
sighed. I took three huge gulps straight from the bottle, so
lady-like. It burned the entire way down and after a few seconds,
it warmed my insides. I repeated the process three more times.

Have you ever tried to get fucked up when
you’re upset? It doesn’t fucking work. I did feel nothing though,
and I guess that was something. We stayed silent for a while, just
passing the bottle back and forth between each other.

“I’ve lived a really fucked up life, Mika,
and at the same time a very privileged one. It’s all I know,” I
said in a Tequila haze.

“Angel, no one is perfect and you pretend to
be all the time. You are your own worst enemy,” he declared. “What
happened back there?” I took a deep breath.

I had never shared this with anyone before. I
had never shared a lot of things with anyone before. I trusted
Mika, and somewhere deep within my subconscious and heart, I
probably loved him. My guard would never allow me to say that out
loud. I wasn’t made like that.

“You know my mother. I don’t have to explain
the infant, child, teenager, and adult I had to be. I hated being
told what I was allowed to do. I am my mother’s child, after all.
When I found out about VIP and what my life would become, I wanted
it then, right there at the ripe old age of sixteen. I had a very
thought out plan, as best as any sixteen year old girl could have,
I guess. I waited till my mother’s eyes weren’t on me for one
fucking minute and I took what I wanted. Julian wasn’t anybody to
me other than someone who gave me attention. Our encounter was
brief and he was the first man I ever had sex with.” I took another
gulp of Tequila not wanting to say the next words.

“I got pregnant.” I nervously laughed. “What
a cliché right? First time I have sex and I get knocked up. Make a
very long story short I ended up in a facility where I became
someone else’s problem. I went into premature labor, there was a
lot of bleeding, and they had to perform a hysterectomy.” I took
another two gulps of the Tequila. I really didn’t want to say what
was next.

“I can’t have children, Mika. I have no one
to leave this empire to. I watched my child through a window in an
incubator on machines that helped her stay alive. I never got to
touch or look at her face. You could put hundreds of baby pictures
in front of me and I couldn’t pick which one belonged to me.” I bit
my lip, trying to control the tears that were threatening to flow.
I cried enough that night. I wouldn’t allow for it to happen
again.

“And Julian?” he questioned with some
hesitation.

“He didn’t do one fucking thing to stop my
mother. He signed all the necessary paperwork to make the baby and
I go away. Tonight was the first time I had seen him since the day
he walked out on his mistake.” I tried to take another gulp and
Mika took the bottle away.

“That’s enough, Angel.”

“Fuck you,” I stated, trying to get the
bottle out of his hand. He quickly grabbed my wrist.

“You want to forget? Let me help you forget.”
He placed the bottle on the nightstand and stood up facing me. I
looked up at his face, taking anything he had to offer. He untied
my robe and slowly opened it, never taking his eyes off mine. His
eyes were intense, they were blue, dark, and beautiful; they were
Mika. I reached for his belt and he grabbed my hand.

“No, Angel. Let me take care of you,” he said
in a soft tone.

He slid my robe off my shoulders and kissed
along my neck as it slid down. Mika has seen me naked hundreds of
times, but it was the first time I felt like he was truly seeing
me. I was in true form. The layers of all the bullshit were gone
and all that was left was me. Mika had peeled away the mask that I
wore and I had temporarily placed it in my back pocket.

His mouth grazed down my neck to my breasts
where he licked and sucked at my nipples, making them hard stones.
His path continued to my navel and my lower abdomen and he got down
on his knees. I lay back staring at the ceiling. The foundation of
a room…if it caved in, it could kill you. It would happen so fast
and you would never see it coming.

The Madam was the ceiling to VIP.

“Angel,” Mika murmured while his hands
lightly touched up and down my thighs. “Stop. Don’t think about
anything other than how good I am going to make you feel.”

His eyes were different; I had never seen
them like that before. This wasn’t the Mika that I was use to being
intimate with. There was no darkness present in my bedroom that
night. It was just me and Mika, two people coming together as one.
I didn’t need to feel the sting of anything.

We looked into each other’s eyes as he kissed
from my mound to the folds of my pussy. They were soft, tender
strokes of his tongue, while he moved his way toward my opening. He
started there; opening me tenderly and slowly, and then gently
pushed his tongue in and out of me, making my breath catch. His
warm, soft tongue licked all the way to my clit where he stroked
his tongue back and forth and then in a circular motion. My
breathing became labored and I waited for the words that never
came. Mika loved to make me beg for it and I anxiously awaited to
hear them.

When he took my nub and lightly sucked on it,
I gasped. He went tortuously slow, lapping and manipulating my
bundle of nerves. I had no control over my reaction, he did. I felt
his thumb proceed to make circles around my opening and he eased it
in. He pushed up, making sure to hit the upper walls of my pussy.
It was rough but tender and I was close to release. Mika could
sense it and his techniques continued to become more persistent and
demanding. When he pushed what felt like his middle finger inside
me, my legs started shaking.

My eyes closed and my head fell back. “Don’t
close your eyes,” he ordered.

I moaned and watched as he sucked my clit and
finger fucked my g-spot. When he started to hum, my vision blurred
and my eyes rolled to the back of my head.

He licked all of my juices and then his
fingers as he made his way up my body. I was all over his face and
he leaned forward to kiss me. I tasted myself and the distinctive
taste of him, and I sucked on his tongue enjoying the taste of us.
The shaft of his cock slid up and down my slit and I came once
again, lathering up our sacred parts with more of my moisture.

“Jesus, Mika. Just fuck me already,” I
begged, wanting to feel his hard cock deep within me. I couldn’t
take this dry fucking anymore.

“Angel, you’re always so fucking wet. I have
never felt a woman who can get as wet as you. Do you have any idea
how much of a turn-on it is to a man like me?” he praised, never
letting up from rocking on my clit.

“Ahhh…” he captured my mouth with his as he
forcefully thrust into me. My back arched off the bed and he put
his arms under mine, holding me close. My legs curled on top of his
ass, waiting for him to move. He didn’t. He stayed inside me, just
holding me and kissing me. We had never been like this with each
other. I knew we were crossing lines but we allowed it; even the
feel of his skin felt different to me.

I rocked my hips, trying to get him to move
because I was growing anxious and impatient with all the emotions
and sensations he was causing. I couldn’t handle it. This night had
been an overload of it already and my mind and body needed to just
be fucked. Mika wasn’t having it; he knew what I wanted. I had no
idea what game he was playing, but with each kiss and caress, he
made his way deeper into my heart.

I wanted to hate him for it, but the heart
wants what it wants. She’s a brutal cunt like that.