The Magykal Papers (10 page)

A Guide to
How to Behave When Visiting the Wizard Tower

BY
M
ADAM
M
ARCIA
O
VERSTRAND
E
XTRAORDINARY
W
IZARD

We, the Wizards of the Wizard Tower, firmly believe in access to all, and tours are available on alternate Monday afternoons. However, we reserve the right to refuse entry to those considered unsuitable.
Visiting the Wizard Tower is a privilege.
The following rules must be read before you enter the Tower. Please sign the “I accept” clause at the bottom, otherwise entry will be denied.

GENERAL BEHAVIOR

Remember that this is home to many Wizards, so please behave as you would in your own home (or at least as you would like people to think you behave). No screaming, shouting or swearing. No running, singing, dancing, playing ball games or skipping. No chewing gum, no musical instruments, no looking in the cupboards and no imported fruits or vegetables.

PETS

No pets allowed. Any smuggled hamsters will be speedily removed.

THE PASSWORD

The double silver doors at the main entrance are protected by the password. This will be whispered by your host Wizard and it is considered very rude to try to listen. In any case, you will not hear anything that is correct, as the password is self-scrambling. Please do not try shouting random words at the doors, hoping to get lucky. If you do, you will be asked to leave immediately.

THE MAGYK FLOOR

In the beautiful main vaulted entrance hall of the Wizard Tower you will notice that the floor feels somewhat like sand.
Do not
attempt to poke at it with your foot; it is a delicate, enchanted substance and difficult to repair. Stand still a moment and take time to watch for any messages. It will welcome respectful visitors if there are not more important messages to be relayed. Do not ask the floor to write something special for you—
the floor does not take requests.

THE SPIRAL STAIRS

These are probably the most popular feature of the Wizard Tower with visitors—and the most commonly abused. These are moving spiral stairs and must be treated with caution. Children under ten are
not allowed
on the stairs.

• Do not
  attempt to mount the stairs unless accompanied by your Wizard guide.
  
• Do not
  attempt to instruct the stairs. Your Wizard guide will instruct them to turn.
  
• Do not
  run up the stairs while they are moving.
  
• Do not
  request stairs to be placed on emergency speed.
  
• Wizards have priority use, so please do not complain if one wishes to stop the stairs to get o? or on.
  
• Obey the safety instructions of your Wizard guide at all times.
  

N.B. Rides are timed to ten minutes maximum.

THE TWENTIETH FLOOR

The top two floors of the Tower are home to the private rooms of the ExtraOrdinary Wizard. The spiral stairs stop at the twentieth-floor landing. Selected groups of visitors (those who have caused no trouble on the lower floors) may briefly get off the stairs and walk
quietly
along the landing to see the magnificent purple door that is the entrance to the rooms of the ExtraOrdinary Wizard.
Do not touch.

THE PYRAMID LIBRARY

We regret that access to the Library is not available at present.

I hereby agree to accept the above terms and conditions and promise that I will abide by all instructions given by the Wizard guide.

Signed ________________________________

The Journal of Marcia Overstrand

Entry #1

Something awful has happened. I know at I have always wanted to become ExtraOrdinary Wizard, but I never,
never
wanted it to be like is. But it is true:
I am now the ExtraOrdinary Wizard
, and my wonderful teacher and friend, Alther, is
dead
. Shot. And the dear Queen too and her baby girl as good as an orphan, for who knows where her father is?

Tonight I left the Princess out in the snow and waited until I knew at a certain someone (I dare not reveal
who
here, as even if I
Seal
is journal, it may till fall into the wrong hands) had taken her to safety. It is not the ideal home for a Princess, but it is the only home at I can ink of.

Entry #3

Guards are everywhere. The Castle has been taken over. The Wizard Tower must stand firm. They will not dare touch us.

Entry #6

It is so sad, have just heard that the poor Heaps’ seventh son died very soon after he was born. No one know why. I do hope
everything else
is all right.

Entry #15

Morning

This place is a
mess
. I don’t see why Alther couldn’t have managed a few housekeeping Spells. Oh, how could I ay at? Poor Alther. Anyway, today I have
Removed
the stains on the carpet. I put the stains on an old pair of socks and threw them down the rubbish chute—e rubbish chute is surprisingly useful.

Midnight

Very quiet up here tonight. All I can hear is the wind howling past the windows and—oh, what was at? I am getting jumpy. Oh, I
do
miss Alther.

Entry #366

Alther finally
Appeared
while I was having breakfast. It was wonderful to see him again. The Supreme Custodian and his guards still search for e Princess, but they have no idea where she is. So far our plan is working.

But the Palace is ransacked, servants terrorized and drafted into the Custodian Guard. And Alther says the awful rumors of an army of children are
true
.

Alther seemed tired and a little confused. Suggested he stay here for a few days. I hall be glad of his company. Talked into the night. Alther convinced at his old master, DomDaniel, is behind everything. Surely not?

On a lighter note, I told him about Alice Nettles’s new job at the Port. Alther worried about whether he would be able to find her. He kept muttering, “A ghost may only tread once more where, Living, he has trod before.” But I don’t see what he is worried about—Alther went all
over
the place. People used to moan to me about it all e time.

Entry #377

Alther made it to the Port and back! He found Alice in e Blue Anchor Tavern—which of course he could easily get into. Alice has just become Chief Customs Officer. Only trouble was Alther got
Returned
from her official residence. Said being
Returned
was horrible, felt like being sucked down the rubbish chute, which I told him was plain silly. No one goes down rubbish chutes. Couldn’t believe at Alther had never been to e Chief Customs Officer’s official residence, but he aid they gave very boring parties and he couldn’t be bothered. But Alice will figure it out.

Entry #687

Alther went to check on e Princess again today. He says he is doing very well and is a lovely child. Doesn’t look much like her adoptive brothers though. Hmm, hadn’t ought of at.

Entry #1,257

Alther has been going on about is Apprentice business. But I don’t
have
to get an Apprentice. The truth is, I haven’t been anyone with an ounce of talent—let alone anyone I could imagine spending all at time with. Alther says people are starting to talk, calling me fussy. Like I care.

Entry #3,001

Alther believes there is a spy in the Ramblings but can find nothing out. Nothing. The trouble is, the Supreme Custodian has begun holding his meetings in e Ladies’ Washroom and Alther, try as he might to get in, is always
Returned
—of course. Bother and double bother.

Entry #3,650

Terrible news. An Assassin has been instructed. I
must
speak to Silas. I dread is day and what may come of it.

Entry #3,873

Woke late a er ano er Dungeon Number One nightmare. Have pounding headache. Must get up and check at Septimus has brushed his tee and combed his hair. He is very disorganized at e moment. But after years in that awful Young Army, who can blame him?

Entry #3,992

Another interesting day with Septimus. Who would have thought at a on of Silas Heap’s could be of quick to learn? We moved on to
Hidden Seeks
today, and Septimus found them all. Had yet another note from Sarah (apparently attached to a bag of apples at was destroyed by the duty Wizard) asking him to come to tea. Does he not realize at Septimus has important work to do?

She sent me this letter:

The Palace

The Small Sitting Room

Dear Marcia,

I hope you will, for once, allow Septimus to come to tea this Sunday. I can still count on the fingers of one hand the times I have seen him since we all returned from Zelda’s. He is looking very pale. Is he eating properly? I am sending some app les for him.

Please tell him that his mother is so looking forward to seeing him.

Sarah Heap

Entry #3,993

I let Septimus go to tea with his parents against my beer judgment, and what time did the child get back? Nearly midnight. These Heaps have no sense of responsibility.

Entry 4,438

Oh no no no no NO. I can’t bear it….

Dear Marcia,

I know that one day you will find this note because when I don’t come back I know you will look everywhere in the Library and through all the Alchemie things that are there. I’ve never seen Marcellus’s book in the Library, but I bet you know where it is. It is probably on that
Sealed
shelf. I hope you find it soon after I have gone so that you do not worry about me too much and so that you can tell everyone where I am. I am going to put it in the Almanac section of Marcellus’s book. He is writing it for our Time—I mean your Time. It is not my Time anymore. I will put it in the day that I went so you will know where to look for it.

I want to say thank you, as I really liked being your Apprentice and I wish I still was, but I am Apprenticed to Marcellus Pye now. You must not worry, as it is not so bad, but I miss you all and if you can by any chance come get me (but I don’t know how you can), I would be SO happy.

I have to go now. Marcellus is coming.

I came here through a Glass. Jenna will tell you.

Love, Septimus xxx

Entry 4,449

That dragon
is a total health hazard and a disgrace. Have just
ReNewed
yet another window broken by all the disgusting stuff it coughs up. Why does it have to eat
bricks
? Those windows are not easy to
ReNew
anymore, after all is time. Had a delegation of Wizards yesterday complaining at the wretched beast traps them in the piles of poop and then tries to eat their cloaks. Enough is enough. To top it all off, got is pathetic note from old bossyboots down the road:

The Hermetic Chamber

The Manuscriptorium

13 Wizard Way

To: Marcia Overstrand, ExtraOrdinary Wizard

Re: Invoice number 44692

The above invoice remains unpaid. To refresh your memory, Marcia, this is for the damages caused at the Manuscriptorium by your dragon. You owe for three broken windows, a desk, four chairs, six lamps and the cleaning bill from the specialty cleaners we had to call in.

Your payment is three months overdue, but I trust I can expect it directly.

Sincerely,

(Miss)
Jillie Djinn

CHS MTHAB MSSLA BSDC FESAA DFC*

(Diploma of Fish Counting: Distinction)