The Marriage Book (74 page)

“With your husband’s money, Miss Catherine?” I asked. “You’ll find him not so pliable as you calculate upon: and, though I’m hardly a judge, I think that’s the worst motive you’ve given yet for being the wife of young Linton.”

“It is not,” retorted she; “it is the best! The others were the satisfaction of my whims: and for Edgar’s sake, too, to satisfy him. This is for the sake of one who comprehends in his person my feelings to Edgar and myself. I cannot express it; but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is or should be an existence of yours beyond you. What were the use of my creation, if I were entirely contained here? My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff’s miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and
he
remained,
I
should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I’m well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I
am
Heathcliff! He’s always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.”

C. H. FOWLER AND W. H. DE PUY

HOME AND HEALTH AND HOME ECONOMICS
, 1880

Methodist ministers Charles Henry Fowler (1837–1908) and William Harrison De Puy (1821–1901) took on everything from dirty socks to tight-lacing when they published their very popular handbook (see
Wives, How to Keep
). Touchingly, they dedicated their volume to their mothers, wives, daughters, readers, and “to those who have good homes and to those who need them.”

The authors listed thirty-seven reasons why and why not to marry. What follows is a selection.

Do not marry to please any third party.
You must do the living and enduring.

Do not marry to spite any body.
It would add wickedness to folly.

Do not marry because some one else may seek the same hand.
One glove may not fit all hands equally well.

Do not marry to get rid of any body.
The coward who shot himself to escape from being drafted was insane.

Do not marry merely for the impulse love.
Love is a principle as well as an emotion. So far as it is a sentiment it is a blind guide. It does not wait to test the presence of exalted character in
its object before breaking out into a flame. Shavings make a hot fire, but hard coal is better for the winter.

Do not marry without love.
A body without a soul soon becomes offensive.

Do not regard marrying as absolutely necessary.
While it is the general order of Providence that people should marry, yet Providence may have some other plan for you.

Do not marry simply because you have promised to do so.
If a seam opens between you now it will widen into a gulf. It is less offensive to retract a mistaken promise than to perjure your soul before the altar. Your intended has a right to absolute integrity.

Do not marry the wrong object.
Themistocles said he would rather marry his daughter to a man without money, than to money without a man. It is well to have both. It is fatal to have neither.

Never marry as a missionary deed.
If one needs saving from bad habits he is not suitable for you.

CYRIL CONNOLLY

THE UNQUIET GRAVE
, 1944

For background on Connolly, see
Sickness and Health
.

Two fears alternate in marriage, the one of loneliness and the other of bondage. The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.

AVA GARDNER

TO A CONCERT AUDIENCE MEMBER, 1952

In 1951, Frank Sinatra left his wife Nancy for actress Ava Gardner (1922–1990) and a marriage that was famously combustible. They were intermittently separated in 1952, but both were scheduled to appear at a rally for Democratic presidential hopeful Adlai Stevenson. Seeing Sinatra from the wings, Ava was apparently seized with an unexpected wave of affection that carried over to her interaction with an audience member after the show.

“Hey, Ava, Sinatra’s career is over, he can’t sing anymore. . . . What do you see in this guy? He’s just a hundred-and-nineteen-pound has-been.”

“Well, I’ll tell you—nineteen pounds is cock.”

STANLEY SHAPIRO AND MAURICE RICHLIN

PILLOW TALK
, 1959

Jonathan was played by needy, nerdy Tony Randall, Brad by box office idol Rock Hudson, and the love interest by Hudson’s frequent screen partner Doris Day. The plot involves a reluctantly shared party phone line (there were such things); flaring tempers; a false identity; and, of course, romance, even as Brad remains seemingly immune to Jonathan’s arguments in favor of marriage.

Screenwriters Stanley Shapiro (1925–1990) and Maurice Richlin (1920–1990) shared the 1960 Oscar for best original screenplay with Russell Rouse and Clarence Greene, who were credited with the story.

LINDA PASTAN

“BECAUSE,” 1982

Winner of a Pushcart Prize and a Dylan Thomas Award, among other honors, New York native Linda Pastan (1932–) has published some dozen volumes of poetry and for several decades was on the faculty of the Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference.

Pastan married molecular biologist Ira Pastan in 1958 and had three children, putting her writing career temporarily on hold but gaining insight and material for the work that followed, much of it about love and family life.

Because the night you asked me,

the small scar of the quarter moon

had healed—the moon was whole again;

because life seemed so short;

because life stretched before me

like the darkened halls of nightmare;

because I knew exactly what I wanted;

because I knew exactly nothing;

because I shed my childhood with my clothes—

they both had years of wear left in them;

because your eyes were darker than my father’s;

because my father said I could do better;

because I wanted badly to say no;

because Stanley Kowalski shouted “Stella . . .”;

because you were a door I could slam shut;

because endings are written before beginnings;

because I knew that after twenty years

you’d bring the plants inside for winter

and make a jungle we’d sleep in naked;

because I had free will;

because everything is ordained;

I said yes.

AUDREY WELLS

SHALL WE DANCE?
, 2004

A high point of the American version of the 1996 Japanese film by Masayuki Suo is Susan Sarandon’s scene with a private eye (played by Richard Jenkins). Having found out that her husband’s unusual behavior has involved dancing lessons, not adultery, Beverly tells the detective she won’t be wanting him to investigate further.

Screenwriter Audrey Wells (1960–) has also been a producer and director. Among her other credits are
Under the Tuscan Sun
,
George of the Jungle
, and
The Truth About Cats & Dogs
.

JASON REITMAN, SHELDON TURNER

UP IN THE AIR
, 2009

In the popular movie written by Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner, Ryan Bingham and Natalie Keener (played by George Clooney and Anna Kendrick) travel the country firing people on behalf of companies that are downsizing and don’t want to do the dirty work themselves. In due course, the older, commitment-free Ryan ends up being grilled about his life choices by the younger, more hopeful Natalie.

The screenplay was an adaptation of a 2001 novel by Walter Kirn.

WIVES, HOW TO KEEP

“THE FAMILY CIRCLE”

THE LADIES’ REPOSITORY
, 1866

Starting in 1841,
The Ladies’ Repository
was published monthly by the Methodist Episcopal Church. Just before the end of the Civil War, “The Family Circle” was added as a popular column addressing manners, morals, prayer, and family relationships of all sorts.