The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (17 page)
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Authors: Athol Kay
BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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"It is well known that these medications can cause emotional blunting and dysfunction in sexual desire, arousal, and performance in upward of three of every four patients. But we are writing now to add that we believe these side effects have even more serious consequences than currently appreciated, due to their impact on several other related neural mechanisms….
…
Due to their impact on the sex drive, these medications can also jeopardize other brain/body mechanisms that govern mate assessment, mate choice, pair formation and partner attachment. For example, female orgasm has many functions. Among them, it aids sperm retention and enables women to discriminate between self-centered as opposed to dedicated partners—partners who might be more likely to help them rear their young. Female orgasm may also help women choose men with better genes, as women are more orgasmic with men who are healthy and symmetrical, markers of good testosterone load. Female orgasm may also enhance feelings of attachment, because it stimulates the release of oxytocin and prolactin. As these drugs impair or eliminate female orgasm, they interfere with delicate biological mechanisms designed to aid mate choice and partner attachment. As these SSRI medications impair male orgasm, they also jeopardize a male's ability to court, inseminate, and attach to a potential partner."
Due to their impact on the sex drive, these medications can also jeopardize other brain/body mechanisms that govern mate assessment, mate choice, pair formation and partner attachment. For example, female orgasm has many functions. Among them, it aids sperm retention and enables women to discriminate between self-centered as opposed to dedicated partners—partners who might be more likely to help them rear their young. Female orgasm may also help women choose men with better genes, as women are more orgasmic with men who are healthy and symmetrical, markers of good testosterone load. Female orgasm may also enhance feelings of attachment, because it stimulates the release of oxytocin and prolactin. As these drugs impair or eliminate female orgasm, they interfere with delicate biological mechanisms designed to aid mate choice and partner attachment. As these SSRI medications impair male orgasm, they also jeopardize a male's ability to court, inseminate, and attach to a potential partner."
Or in plain English… if you or your partner is on these pills you are chemically castrating yourselves to some degree. If you can’t get an erection and frequently have sex with your wife, you are literally shouting at her Body Agenda that you are a poor choice of mate. One can only hope she doesn’t listen. Likewise, if your wife is on these medications herself, they may play a very large part in her sexual disinterest in you.
Should either you or your partner be on an SSRI medication, do not stop taking them and please seek medical advice as to whether there are better alternatives for you to take. One of the more common non-SSRI anti-depressants is Wellbutrin and it is often used to either replace an SSRI or added to the medication regime where sexual dysfunction has occurred because of the SSRI.
(7.12)
Personal Hygiene
Personal Hygiene
Some guys miss the whole personal hygiene thing. You have a body and that body can get a little stinky. That is a huge turn off to women. Work out, get all sweaty, then rinse it all off. Sounds stupid to have to mention it, but some of you just need to be told.
Particularly the washing up needs to happen “down there” if you have any hope of getting blowjobs. You may think you smell just fine, but in the words of Fat Bastard,
"Everybody loves their own aroma.”
Her vagina doesn't have a sense of smell, so as long as you don't smell terrible all over she can lie back and think about shoe sales for the two minutes it takes for you to be done. (Yeah yeah, I know, you only need two minutes because you're "
so intense."
)
"Everybody loves their own aroma.”
Her vagina doesn't have a sense of smell, so as long as you don't smell terrible all over she can lie back and think about shoe sales for the two minutes it takes for you to be done. (Yeah yeah, I know, you only need two minutes because you're "
so intense."
)
Her nose does have a sense of smell though and when it’s nuzzling into your crotch she's going to get a heady whiff of whatever has been happening down there. Two-day-old underwear with urine stains aren't going to cut it. If you've spent half the day getting hard over the busty chick in the cubicle next to you and there's something approaching a pint of drying pre-cum swill in your pants, that's going to smell
bad.
Women have sensitive noses, far more sensitive than those of men. Faced with smells as strong as these, she's just going to uncontrollably gag as soon as something goes in her mouth. Wives hate that.
bad.
Women have sensitive noses, far more sensitive than those of men. Faced with smells as strong as these, she's just going to uncontrollably gag as soon as something goes in her mouth. Wives hate that.
Even if the last person you had sex with was
her
, if that's not cleaned off with soap and water and is just left
au naturale
, within 24 hours your cock is going to smell like you have a fetish for bare-backing cheap zombie hookers. So please, wash your cock.
her
, if that's not cleaned off with soap and water and is just left
au naturale
, within 24 hours your cock is going to smell like you have a fetish for bare-backing cheap zombie hookers. So please, wash your cock.
(7.13)
You Can Do This
You Can Do This
Seriously you can do this; just go work out. You don’t have to turn yourself into a Chippendale Dancer, just be a physically put together version of you. I know I’m not going to turn into an Olympic athlete, and probably neither will you. In fact, after a certain point getting bigger and bigger starts turning women off. Just work out regularly and get in shape.
She already married you, which means the deck is pretty well stacked in your favor. She’s already shown she can be sexually responsive to you and she’s probably just drawn to you by sense of smell because your genes and hers match up so well for making babies. More likely than not she’s already set up, on a biological level that she has no rational control over, to be in love with you and attracted to you. You might be quite average physically, but you probably aren’t average
to her perception
of you. At some point in her life she just looked at you and felt
“There’s just something about him.”
Exercise, general fitness and health just make that entire aspect of your relationship click.
to her perception
of you. At some point in her life she just looked at you and felt
“There’s just something about him.”
Exercise, general fitness and health just make that entire aspect of your relationship click.
But you can completely blow that natural advantage by being in bad shape. Half the time when she’s ticked about something minor it’s just a symptom of a lack of sexual interest in you. If you were a strapping version of you, do you really think the way you stacked the dishwasher is going to be quite the same drama as it would be if you were a pasty weakling version of you? No way in hell, not if her vagina gets a vote.
So get rid of some of the bad pounds and put on some of the good ones. Stand taller, live longer and come harder. Don’t love being on the bottom because you don’t have the upper body strength to be on top.
Chapter 8
“
Instigate, Isolate and Escalate”
Instigate, Isolate and Escalate”
(8.1) Pickup Artistry 101
The basic core for seducing women is to
“Instigate, Isolate and Escalate”
on them. There’s no fixed order you have to do it in, but all sex comes from these three factors. I’m a firm believer that a married man needs at least an
idea
of how to still date and seduce a new woman or three as part of running The MAP. You shouldn’t actually cheat on your wife as I’ve said before, but the possibility of other women being interested in you, coupled with an actual ability to seduce them, changes the marital dynamics quite drastically in your favor. It’s very empowering.
“Instigate, Isolate and Escalate”
on them. There’s no fixed order you have to do it in, but all sex comes from these three factors. I’m a firm believer that a married man needs at least an
idea
of how to still date and seduce a new woman or three as part of running The MAP. You shouldn’t actually cheat on your wife as I’ve said before, but the possibility of other women being interested in you, coupled with an actual ability to seduce them, changes the marital dynamics quite drastically in your favor. It’s very empowering.
And more to the point, you have to know how to seduce your wife! She’s a girl too!
(8.2) Instigation – You Make a Move
Instigation means to make something happen, so by advising you to instigate I’m saying you need to be active in your pursuit of women rather than passive. I’ve heard all the whining about how
“she doesn’t initiate sex,”
but you will get far more sex by your instigation than by waiting for a woman to try something on you. Men tend to be the active pursuers seeking sex, while women tend to be the passive responders to sexual advances.
“she doesn’t initiate sex,”
but you will get far more sex by your instigation than by waiting for a woman to try something on you. Men tend to be the active pursuers seeking sex, while women tend to be the passive responders to sexual advances.
(8.3) Instigation – Look Attractive
Looking attractive, a.k.a. Peacocking, is the purposeful wearing of highly attractive clothing, or clothing that displays a high social status and wealth. Essentially this is nothing more than a giant display of sexual availability and openness for interaction with the opposite sex. If you wear clothing of sufficient value women will approach you and start conversations with you. If you wear crappy clothes, women will purposely avoid you.
The clothing you wear will: attract women, repel them, or simply be neutral to them. You don’t have to crazily out-dress everyone around you and walk around like you’re ready for the prom; you just have to dress better than all the other men in your social circle. All the women in your social circle will be acutely aware of the best dressed man they know.
The key here is remaining socially appropriate to your environment – dressing up in a Halloween pimp costume is pretty eye catching and the ladies
will talk
, but perhaps it’s not the best thing to wear to the little league games you coach. So be socially appropriate, but also the best possible version of what is socially appropriate and tailoring the look to your personality and style.
will talk
, but perhaps it’s not the best thing to wear to the little league games you coach. So be socially appropriate, but also the best possible version of what is socially appropriate and tailoring the look to your personality and style.
Try and think of the whole package here: hair, teeth, skin, shoes, accessories, smell and clothes. Be the complete package. Don’t start trying to look like a manscaped metrosexual; going in that direction starts looking increasingly like you are seeking to attract men. You can stay rugged if you like, just make sure that it is a calculated rugged.
Don’t underestimate the power of one and just one focal item on your outfit. That can be a special hat, belt buckle, ring or necklace. One visually interesting item will draw the eye and can act as a conversation piece. If a woman is interested in you, she will often start a conversation with you about that piece.
And quite obviously all this purposeful effort at looking attractive goes much easier and better if you are becoming a fitter and leaner-looking clothes horse. I’d suggest not buying a whole raft of new clothes on day 1 of The MAP and then having to throw them all out on day 120 because you’re thirty pounds lighter. The move where you unveil a whole new wardrobe is often the announcement that your Sex Rank is now up a point.
“Look honey, I’m not a 7 anymore I’m an 8. (Now let’s go to bed.)”
“Look honey, I’m not a 7 anymore I’m an 8. (Now let’s go to bed.)”
(8.4) Instigation – Be Playfully Mean
The key to verbal interaction is keeping your banter light-hearted and playful, but also pushing the limits to see what you can get away with as well. You should be trying to playfully instigate her into engaging in further interaction with you.
Light teasing works very well. Don’t be insulting or rude, but lightly tease her. This shows a lack of social fear and high confidence that women find attractive.
Look back over your early life at all the times when the naughty boys were a little bit mean to the girls and the girls just lapped it up, making a huge fuss over the boys that did that to them. If the girls were all in bikinis sunbathing, you can bet that the guy who sprayed them with a hose got a verbal telling off – but then was the one they all wanted to get with. Remember how girls would squeal at the boy chasing them with a spider?
If you ever push it just a little too far, you can always apologize and say
“I’m so sorry I did that, but there is a good explanation why I did that…. I’m an asshole.”
Then you give a big naughty boy grin.
“I’m so sorry I did that, but there is a good explanation why I did that…. I’m an asshole.”
Then you give a big naughty boy grin.
(8.5) Instigation – Display High Value
It’s also important to not allow yourself to be overly affected by the women you are talking to. Simply because you are talking to an attractive woman doesn’t mean you should hang around her forever. It’s possible to make greater progress with her by actually walking away from her than hanging around her. It’s a Display of Low Value to hang around endlessly, so by walking away to do something else you can display that you are essentially used to attractive women.
Many husbands in love with their wives endlessly hang around them and unwittingly can display low value to them. It’s best to be in motion somehow. By all means plant a kiss on her, but don’t stick around too long after that, go do something. If she happens to follow you after you attempt to progress to your next task, take that as an excellent indicator of her interest in you and you can escalate the flirting further.
(8.6) Isolation – Get Her Alone
Remember from the Body Agenda chapter the female sexual strategy of concealed ovulation? What that means is that women really do get horny and turned on, but they also don’t usually like to broadcast to the world that they are horny and turned on. Almost all sex happens behind closed doors with just two people. If a woman is going to allow herself to become more intimate or sexual with you, you need to get her alone.
In a marriage this should of course be pretty easy; you just go to bed together at the end of the day. But for many wives that’s not quite enough romance and emotional intimacy built up, so you do need to focus on getting her away from the kids and the rest of the family once in a while to rebuild the intimacy along the way.
Whether that’s a date night, meeting for breakfast somewhere, visiting her at work for lunch every so often, or taking a half day off work to just have sex all afternoon, it doesn’t really matter. The key is to isolate her from the herd and from her normal routine.
(8.7) Isolation – Move to a Second Location
In dating the isolation play is pretty simple; you simply ask to relocate her and you to a second location away from her friends or other people. It doesn’t have to be anywhere overtly sexual, just a second location. It could be another club, another restaurant, a place for coffee, a music store, your house or anywhere other than a gas station or emergency room.
Ideally you can frame the request to move to a second location as something that you are doing with or without her and offer her the chance to come along.
“Listen, I’m having a great time here, but I’m also getting really hungry. I know this great place to get steak down the road, want to come?”
Once you move your date to a second location, she can safely deny to her friends that she did anything with you. This allows her to be more openly sexual with you, because if no one else was there to see her do something, no one can question her alibi that nothing happened!
“Listen, I’m having a great time here, but I’m also getting really hungry. I know this great place to get steak down the road, want to come?”
Once you move your date to a second location, she can safely deny to her friends that she did anything with you. This allows her to be more openly sexual with you, because if no one else was there to see her do something, no one can question her alibi that nothing happened!
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