The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (41 page)

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Authors: Athol Kay

BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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Hair pulling is something that you can just add in to most sexual positions. Maybe not for the whole time of intercourse – it can start to get painful after a while – but adding it into the final run up to your orgasm can be amazing. The physical message being,
“I am about to cum inside you. I’m going to hold you so you can’t possibly escape it.”
(24.3) Bondage

 

Some women enjoy being tied up during sex. It’s really a continuation of positioning in that she is placing herself at a combat disadvantage, so she triggers greater sexual response in herself. Bondage can be a little frightening to some people, so this can be eased into slowly. One starting point is to simply have her lie on her back and be ordered not to let go of the headboard, or to loop one of your business ties around her wrists and order her to not let it go. Obviously she could let go at any time, but she probably won’t. It’s all just a mental game in that she can just as easily consent to handcuffs as she can consent to not letting go of the tie. You’re not actually forcing her do anything even if she is tied up.

 

Once she’s enjoyed the baby steps, there are hundreds and hundreds of bondage sex toys available in stores. Pick some out and play with them. Extended foreplay can be erotic play-torture on someone who is tied up. When you allow their orgasm finally, it can be exceptionally intense.
(24.4) Body Positioning

 

There are a number of body positions that a woman can be placed in that evoke submissive feelings and attraction to a dominant partner. The most common position is the “boring old missionary position,” where she lies on her back with her legs open, while you are on top of her. But once in this position, she really has no physical ability to push you off the top of her. She’s pinned under you for as long as you want to be there, which is why most women love the missionary position so much.

 

Being in a kneeling position is purposely putting yourself at a combat disadvantage, so generally anyone that is kneeling is displaying submission to whoever they are kneeling to. So when she kneels for you, simply having her take up that body position evokes a submissive feeling in her.

 

If she’s kneeling in front of you, it’s a short step to having her suck your cock. If she’s on hands and knees, she lets you have full access to whatever part of her body you want to touch, for as long as you keep her there. Knees do start to get sore after a while, so she can probably kneel much longer on a bed than on a hardwood floor.
(24.5) Neck Holding

 

Covered a little bit earlier in the Kissing chapter, holding the back of her neck is an easy dominant move that most women would have no problem with. It works on the same principle of being able to control her head as the hair pulling does.

 

Hold the back of her neck as opposed to the front of her neck. It doesn’t take too much to make a front neck hold feel very uncomfortable for her and want to stop the sex completely and afterwards feel very creeped-out about what a future with you would have in store for her.
(24.6) Spanking 101

 

Spanking can be very powerful in playing with dominance and submission. The woman is usually in a submissive body position, like bending over something, on all fours, or across the lap of her husband, so that triggers a submissive reaction by itself. But what really creates the emotional intensity of spanking is that it removes the
implied
ability of the male to dominate the female on a purely physical level, and he proves he can physically dominate her in
reality.
There is little question about who is being dominant and who is submissive when a husband spanks a wife.

 

However, this comes right back to the huge difference between an actual fight and a play-fight. Spanking is meant to be an exciting but safe demonstration of his potential physical power, and not his full power. The intensity of being spanked is an extremely stimulating experience and will usually result in a dopamine response in the woman. She may not enjoy the actual experience itself as much as she enjoys the after effects on her mood and intensity of feelings for her husband. Spanking is the most primal Alpha move there is, but it can’t be used until she consents to it.
(24.7) Safely Spanking

 

There are thousands of spanking porn movies to watch out there and I find them showing things well beyond anything I would ever do. Spanking porn keeps trying to top itself and has escalated into bigger and bigger bats to spank with and bloody, raw, wounded bottoms. Spanking porn is to safely spanking as waterboarding is to taking a bath.

 

To start with, limit any spanking to just the use of your hand. No belts, whips, floggers, straps, canes, crops, paddles or slippers. You can’t feel the depth of sensation you are giving without having your own hand involved. You can progress to some of this stuff if you want, but as a starting point,
just your hand.

 

Before you ever spank her… spank you. You should practice on yourself before you ever spank her. Get used to the sensations and sounds you can make. If you can’t reach your own ass, do your legs. Learn the difference between the tingle of pain that’s kind of like eating hot-sauce and just plain old
“That hurts!”

 

Agree on a safe-word that instantly brings the session to an end. “Stop” is usually a good choice. If she forgets her safe-word, yelling out the name of a local law firm is remarkably effective as well.

 

Be relaxed about it. If you are tensed up, you will also tense up your hand, changing it into something harder and less forgiving. You’ll end up “thumping” her with your hand, rather than “smacking” her. That means more of a bruising impact, rather than that hot-sauce-like tingle sensation.

 

Rather than hold your hand flat, cup your hand so that it meets the curve of her ass better. This is to spread the contact out across a greater surface area, so it will hurt less, but also so that it creates a much louder
sound
when you spank her. If you can make it
sound
like she is getting a big spanking, she can often be turned on by just that alone, while you keep the pain to a minimum. Think of it as “one hand clapping” on her ass.

 

Only spank on her butt. It’s big and padded compared to any other area of the body. Use up the whole surface area, don’t just spank in the exact same spot over and over. Spank both sides, upper and lower, in an even spread.

 

Rather than taking a “six of the best” approach where you just wallop her with a small number of big whacks that could injure her, go for dozens of
little
spanks in a session. Take your time, there’s no hurry.

 

A bare bottom spanking is safer than a clothed spanking. You have to spank harder through clothes to get the same sound and sensation as a bare bottom spanking. That extra force turns into more of a bruising spanking. Also you can see her skin color if she has a bare bottom.

 

As you spank her bare bottom, pay close attention to her skin color. There is a pinkish flush that can come from increased blood circulation to her bottom, but once her skin starts changing color to pink, it’s time to slow right down or stop. If you’re seeing reds or purples, you are well beyond the limits and she is becoming
injured.
(24.8) Erotic Spanking

 

With an erotic spanking, you are generally mixing up both spanking and sexual play at the same time. If she is on her hands and knees for example, most of your attention is going to be on playing with her clitoris or vagina, while you occasionally give her a few safe spanks.

 

You can also be on your back with her on top of you in a cowgirl position and spank her occasionally as you are having sex. This is usually the easiest spanking position to first experiment with as the spanking action can be very infrequent as there is already a lot happening sexually. Generally if you give her an occasional light spank while she is on top, you get a pretty good idea of whether or not she is sexually turned on by it. Some common giveaways being her sighing in pleasure, moaning, becoming more turned on, shutting her eyes, saying “Yes” and it can even be felt in a tightening of her vagina around your penis.

 

Another good position is you sitting on the sofa, with her lying across your lap. That way you can both finger her clitoris and vagina, plus also occasionally spank her ass. It’s a slow relaxed position and also good for first attempts.
(24.9) It’s Not For Everyone

 

As I’ve said before, only about 30% of what you try in the bedroom will ever work for you as a couple. For many couples, nothing in this chapter will work, for some couples, a lot of it will work. It’s worth a try to see if it works for you, but as I made plain at the start of this chapter, these can be quite potent, so you should discuss and agree with each other before trying them.

 

 

 

Part Four

 

When Push Comes
To Shove
Chapter 25
Oneitis

 

 

(25.1) But She’s the Only Girl for Me!

 

Oneitis is the state of being emotionally hooked into one woman as your entire romantic and sexual life. This sounds an awful lot like what marriage is supposed to be like, but if you’re feeling emotionally and sexually attached to her, and she isn’t to you, then you’re going to be completely owned by this woman. Oneitis can take all your very positive and good emotions for her and use them against you to lock you into the relationship.

 

Just as I’ve told you about the Alpha and Beta Male Traits triggering dopamine and oxytocin reactions in women, they do the same to us as well. What is Alpha for a woman are her physical body, appearance and obvious sexual interest all of which can trigger the dopamine reaction in us. Most times a guy with Oneitis has it about a very beautiful woman and not a plain looking one. The female Beta Traits cause a vasopressin response in a man and those are the ones that create the pair bond in him to her. Witnessing the birth of children and orgasm are the best creators of vasopressin in men.

 

As a woman can go crazy over a guy, so can a guy get emotionally and sexually fixated on a single woman. The trouble being that because his love interest is so important to him, he tends to not want to risk the relationship by upsetting or troubling her in any way. Plus he likes to gift her things as expressions of his love for her and deferring to her. All of this is a very low Alpha approach to her, so usually he stops triggering her attraction to him by being Betaized.

 

Many low sex marriages have a husband that is cupid stupid over the wife, while she can barely tolerate his existence in a romantic sense. She’s usually perfectly happy to have him wait on her and bring home a paycheck though. She just doesn’t want to have sex with him, save an occasional drip feed of sex to keep him on the hook and make him still bring her stuff.
It’s a tragic twist when your love for her, kills her love for you.
(25.2) Oneitis is an Addiction

 

If a basically healthy wife can’t hold a job, keep a house or have sex with you with any degree of functionality, she’s just dead weight. From a purely rational point of view, you may as well just cut her loose and go on with your life. But the husband with Oneitis for his wife can rationally know that she is a giant millstone around his neck,
but he can’t leave her anyway.

 

He really is addicted to her. The dopamine and the vasopressin literality tether him to her. The traditionally suggested Pickup Artist method of dealing with this addiction is to sleep with ten other women… and then see how you feel about your crush. That’s a little bit beyond my advice as obviously I’m trying to save marriages by jumpstarting sex lives. If you’re married, having sex with ten other women isn’t even remotely an option you can use. Plus I wonder how you can feel about
anyone,
after ruthlessly sleeping with ten women just to forget the first one.

 

What I would suggest though, is that you purposely stop all the extra lovey-dovey catering to her. This is to undercut her reward of having you do stuff for her, and it stops you looking so weak to her and starts to unplug you from endlessly pouring dopamine and vasopressin related to her into your system. You’re actually starting to give yourself some space from her. You may even wish to decline sex from her if she offers.
(25.3) If You Have Oneitis The MAP Will Fail

 

This is the really critical point of this chapter. You can up your Sex Rank and get all the way up The Timeline into phase three and four and do really well with it. But once you get into phase five, you can’t actually follow through with looking like you might really leave her if pushed hard enough. You’re still tethered to her; so you fold.

 

As soon as you fold and stop acting like you really might leave her and go running back, she will perceive your Sex Rank to be lower than her Sex Rank. It won’t matter that to an impartial observer you might be an 8 and her a 6. If you go running back,
she will perceive that you failed your own ultimatum because you are a male 5- w
hich is to say that you would have run all the way back to phase one. If The MAP is a game of chutes and ladders, you just rode a chute all the way back to the start.

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