The Maverick's Red Hot Reunion (Entangled Indulgence) (15 page)

“You shut down. You turned into an Ice Queen.”

“That’s because three days after I lost Brianna you went on another business trip.” The room’s temperature dipped. Outside the wind howled and keened. “You used your father’s company directives as an excuse to escape our horrible reality.”

He combed his fingers through his hair. “You changed. You weren’t the same person I’d fallen in love with.”

“How could I be?” she demanded. “You wanted me to replace Brianna with another baby right away. Babies aren’t like business deals that you can barter or trade, Zach. And even worse, you refused to hear my reasons for wanting to wait. And why it was important for me to be ready to face the possibility of losing another child.”

“Just because you had one bad pregnancy didn’t mean that you’d have another one.”

“That’s what you think because you believe you know everything.” She massaged her temples, suddenly weary. “But there’s one thing you forgot to examine when you fell in love with an only child.”

“So you don’t have brothers or sisters.” He planted his feet in a wide stance. “I’ve got half-siblings who still like to treat me like I’m trailer trash—you’re lucky you’re an only child.”

“My parents wanted a house full of children. But my mother couldn’t easily carry pregnancies to term.” Kennedy inhaled a deep breath, then released it slowly. “And she didn’t bother to tell me the problem was genetic until after we lost Brianna.”

He jerked his head back, then shook it slowly as he digested her words. He moved closer, his brows furrowed. “There have been advances in medicine.” Zach’s eyes focused sharply and pinned her with their intense determination. “I’ll find the best doctors money can buy. We’ll go to the top fertility clinics. I can make this all go away. We can have everything we’ve always wanted.”

Everything inside Kennedy that loved Zach shattered to a million pieces. Once again Zach thought he had all the answers. He hadn’t heard her. Not at all. All the memories of what they had once known and all the hopeful dreams for their future lanced deep and splintered her soul.

She couldn’t live with herself if she chose to subjugate her wishes to Zach’s overwhelming need to control every outcome of her life without consulting and understanding her feelings.

Kennedy removed her engagement ring. “I can never go back to that naïve girl’s place again. Until you understand that I need control over my life, we have no way to bridge the distance that separates us emotionally.” She placed the emerald in his palm and closed his hand over it. “We have nothing to bind us anymore.”

Chapter Seventeen

Zach’s lungs constricted and his heartbeat seemed to stop for an instant. How could Kennedy reject the idea of building a family with him after all they’d been through these past weeks? He’d trusted her with his most closely guarded secrets. And in the process, he’d lost his grip on his heart.

She’d made a fool out of him once more. “You’re right.” Zach squeezed the ring until the edges cut his skin. “You’ll never be the woman I loved five years ago because you buried your heart alongside our daughter.”

The color drained from her face and she pressed her fist to her lips. “I thought you’d started to care for the woman I’ve become,” she whispered through her closed hand.

He tucked the ring inside his pocket and worked his jaw. He had to remove emotions from the equation. Never again would he allow her to make a mockery of him. “You were wrong,” he said. “You promised me once that you’d never hurt me again, but then I only have myself to blame. At least this time there won’t be a baby forcing you to stay with me.”

She dropped her hand from her mouth and raised her chin ever so slightly. “Unless you have business you want me to attend to, I’ll get out of your way.”

“Excellent idea.”

“I’ll move your stuff out of the suite and have it settled into another room until after the benefit. After that, I expect you’ll head back to New York.” She swept around him and toward the office door. “Good-bye, Zach.”

She left Zach alone without turning around to look at him one last time. Which suited him just fine, he thought, when he returned to his desk to rifle through the rest of the day’s paperwork and contractual obligations.

And then he saw the picnic basket she’d arranged for him and something inside him snapped.

They could have had everything again if Kennedy hadn’t been so resistant and unwilling to bend. He swept the basket off the desk, heard the contents crash to the floor as he zipped his leather jacket to his neck.

A long ride was what he needed.

Thirty minutes later, he’d ridden harder and taken the highway’s curves faster than the speed limit in a frenzied attempt to erase Kennedy’s face before she’d given him back his ring. But speed and risk failed to carve away the vision of her glistening eyes, or swipe away the hurt he had seen behind her pale mask of rigid determination to sever their ties.

Spent, unwilling to go back to the empty suite that awaited him, Zach pulled off the main road and drove to the hot springs. He cruised to a stop and kicked out the V-rod’s stand, then removed his helmet. After hooking it on the handlebar, he swung off the bike and walked toward the renovated site.

His chest constricted. Kennedy had gone to such lengths to bring the hot springs to life. Where once bushes had overgrown and taken the land hostage, there now stood pristine buildings of cedar and stone.

Zach stepped onto the natural pathway Kennedy’s crew had installed a week ago. Had it only been seven days since he’d believed they might have a chance? Clouds hovered over the mountain range and dipped low in the horizon, mirroring the emptiness in his gut.

A breeze kicked up and slapped his cheeks raw, but he trudged onward to the refurbished gazebo, which was located next to a majestic oak. Winter’s wild winds had stripped the mighty tree’s decaying remnants and exposed its outstretched branches.

An old, sick feeling settled deep in the pit of his chest. This place used to embody all his hope for the future, but now nothing remained. Zach veered off the new path and marched resolutely over the old trail, crunching over the skeletal foliage until he reached the grandfather of the forest.

He lowered himself next to the tree and rested against the trunk’s broad base. Here snow had fallen, melted in the daylight, and had iced over again to form a lacy white cover over bits of browned leaves and tiny acorns. The expanse reminded him of a baby’s blanket crocheted by loving hands.

His vision blurred and the pressure behind his ribs increased. When Kennedy had tested positive for pregnancy, he had been shocked, but the news had only accelerated him down a road he’d wanted to ride. But he’d lost his chance to know his mother’s namesake. He’d never see his little girl take her first steps or hear her first words.

The hot springs gurgled and bubbled just beyond the gazebo. Steam rose into the shadows now falling across the ground. For the first time in years he wished he could be with his mother again. He longed for the comfort of her arms wrapping around him. She’d know how to sweep the agony slashing through the walls of his chest with her words of wisdom.

But his mother was gone. And now he was achingly alone. More alone than he’d ever thought possible. Zach banged his head against the tree, welcoming the jolt of pain hammering against his skull. He had nothing left and nowhere to go. All he could do was return to the vast emptiness of his corporate life in New York.

More than five years ago he had everything. He remembered the first time he’d made love with Kennedy. The sweet taking of her innocence and the passion igniting between them after they’d buried a time capsule at the base of this very tree. They’d filled the container with letters, photos, and trinkets. Then they’d made a pact to wait ten years before opening the box and checking the contents.

He blinked and his cheeks grew warm with the hot track of his long unshed tears. Tears for a beautiful baby he’d only held for a fleeting moment while listening to Kennedy sobbing uncontrollably as they grieved their loss together. And the tears they had shed together when she’d whispered her agonizing pleas for him to fill her arms with their child.

The world spun around and he felt the forest floor slip from under him. Something powerful punched him low in the gut. He’d forgotten how much Kennedy had wanted Brianna. His rage about the unfairness toward the universe taking such a tiny life from them. And the impotence he’d experienced afterward when Kennedy had retreated behind a wall of sorrow.

He had wanted to fix things immediately. But nothing he’d tried had cracked through the despair separating him from Kennedy. So he’d done the only thing he knew how to do. He’d retreated into his father’s world.

In doing so, he’d abandoned Kennedy to cope with their unbearable and unthinkable devastation alone.

His selfishness and pride had underpinned every wrong decision he’d made in the aftermath. He’d been blinded by his failure to protect his child and his woman just as his father had failed Zach’s mother years before. All along he’d believed he was the better man. But in those days afterward, he’d been more like his father than not. And while he had anesthetized his broken heart with a business trip, Kennedy had hers savagely gouged by her mother’s revelation.

When he’d returned with his plans to make a new baby, he’d made it so easy for Kennedy to boot-kick him out of her life. He bulldozed over her objections with his bright ideas and vision to start a new family. And today he’d repeated the same selfish mistake. He’d never once considered her feelings, or how she’d been unable to fathom his optimistic plans because she’d been too emotionally brittle.

Twice he’d shattered the one woman who had the ability and the strength to give him what he needed most. Love. A wail ripped through his entire torso and his agony echoed into the depths of the blackening forest.

He’d lost everything all over again.

Chapter Eighteen

Days after she’d walked away from the only man she’d ever loved, Kennedy pulled on her warmest jacket and stepped outside to clear her head. Thirty minutes later, after tromping through the woods that surrounded the lodge, she couldn’t bring herself to go back inside. She preferred the chilly exterior to the emptiness that waited for her in the suite.

A shiver crept along her spine. Tomorrow the resort would host the ALS fundraiser. Michael had made it through the crisis, but no one could be sure if he’d be well enough to travel. If Michael couldn’t give his speech, then the plans for the benefit palled. The wind kicked up, swirling brown leaf remnants around her feet.

She kicked a stone and watched it skip over the winter-packed dirt.

Gray overcast the sky’s low hanging clouds, and the stark, dreary grounds reflected the carnage in her heart. After she’d packed Zach’s belongings and sent them to his new room, she’d gone to his office with the key card. There she’d discovered the contents of the picnic basket on his floor.

An hour later, she’d heard the telltale roar of Zach’s motorcycle in the distance. She’d half-expected him to return and beg her for another chance. After all, he never took no for an answer if he thought he had a chance to win.

But he had left the resort. And she’d never been lonelier.

Tears pricked behind her eyes, and her throat felt scraped raw. She still loved him. No matter how much she’d tried to erase him from her brain, she couldn’t stop the yearning inside. But unless Zach could accept her without condition, she couldn’t be with him.

She deserved to be loved no matter what decisions she made about her body. Even if they ran opposite to Zach’s will.

Kennedy tugged her coat around her and raised her chin as she walked into the lodge. Smoke curled in the lobby’s fireplace, scenting the air. People laughed and chattered as they sat in plush seating areas scattered around the grand fireplace. Servers wove around the tables and leather chairs, their trays filled with their new chef’s culinary creations and steaming mugs of hot chocolate.

Everything she and Zach had strived to create had come to life in this once ramshackle lodge. She hoped Shannon and Paul Sullivan would be able to appreciate the changes when—if—they arrived at Sweetbriar Springs with Michael for the fundraiser.

A heaviness settled in her chest. She shook her head to swipe away the impending feeling of gloom and sorrow before entering her office. Though she’d wanted to go seek out her mother’s comfort, she’d refrained.

No one. Not even her cousins or her parents could drive the pain out of her heart. Only the distraction of work and planning the fundraiser carried her through this crippling grief. Besides, she hadn’t had the heart to tell anyone the truth. Not when they all had such joy. There’d be time enough to deflate their happiness after the benefit—if it wasn’t already deflated by more bad news about her best friend.

“Have you heard anything more about Michael?” she asked Caleb.

He slipped a file into the cabinet in the corner, then closed it with a hitch of his hip. “His doctors are guardedly optimistic that he’ll be well enough to leave the hospital,” he said. “Zach’s got all the travel arrangements covered. And he’s with him now.”

Her heart ached. Of course Zach had gone to help Michael. But had he already exposed their lie? How would that impact Michael’s health? She prayed he hadn’t told Michael anything. “That’s good. Really good.” She stepped into her office and shrugged off her coat. “Get me the historic downtown renovation file and call the mayor. I want to get the downtown architectural renderings ready for the New Year.”

“Roger that.”

Kennedy sank into her chair. “Double check the people with special needs.” Although the wing they’d dedicated to assist the handicapped guests had been outfitted with state-of-the-art equipment and rendered wheelchair accessible, she wanted to eliminate any possible glitches before they held their benefit.

A wave of nausea passed through her, making her dizzy. In her rush to accomplish the jobs of three people, she’d forgotten to eat. “And bring me a turkey sandwich. I need something in my belly.”

“Will do.”

Caleb exited her office and she lost herself in the daily distractions of emails, scheduling meetings, and coordinating the final details of the benefit. Though she’d eaten half her sandwich by nightfall, she’d given up any hope of suppressing the continual bouts of sickness.

She tossed the remains in the trash and rose on unstable, wobbly legs. Whatever was wrong, Kennedy refused to let it stop her from giving the resort’s special guests and the man of the hour a stellar benefit.

“Are you okay?” her mother asked when Kennedy went to check in with them at the lounge. “You look pale.”

She sighed. “I think I have a touch of the flu, but I’m sure I’ll be fine by morning.”

Her mother lifted to her tiptoes and kissed Kennedy’s forehead. “No fever.”

Kennedy rolled her eyes. “Mom, that’s an old trick. I’ll probably have one by morning.”

“Most likely you’ll just get sick and feel better for a while,” her mother chided, looking at her from top to bottom with the intensity of a terrorist interrogator. “When is the last time you had your period?”

Horror swept through her. “How can you think I’d risk carrying a baby?” She held a shaky palm up. “There’s no way I’m pregnant.” They’d been careful to use condoms this time.

“I remember that peaked look quite well, young lady.”

Scratch interrogator and skip straight ahead to grand inquisitor of the universe.
“Tell you what, Mom. I’ll take a pregnancy test in the morning just to prove you’re wrong.” She’d pop into the local drugstore later that day and buy one to ease her own mind, too.

“Lovely.” Her mother caressed her cheek. “I’ll check in with you first thing. But no matter what, I’m sure Zach will be thrilled.”

She moaned inwardly. Her days of thrilling Zach had ended. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” A good night’s sleep would cure her of the real reason for the nausea—her worry and concern about her family’s reaction to the news that she and Zach had never intended to get married.

The cold winds blowing through the North Carolinian mountains mirrored the tundra chilling her soul. Her night was restless. She’d wake. Readjust pillows. Smack the covers with frustrated fists. Sleep came, but her dreams suffocated and strangled her. And when morning finally arrived, she fought to wake again.

She mentally tabulated every sexual encounter she’d had with Zach. There was a chance, but slim at best. Still, here she stood in the bathroom, waiting for a sign that her mother had been wrong. She couldn’t possibly be pregnant, and the negative test result she fully expected would prove it.

Memories of the first time she’d been in this position zipped through her mind. Though she’d been nervous about the outcome, Zach had been by her side all those years ago. This time, however, she faced the consequences alone. She closed her eyes, opened them again, and breathed in deeply as she lifted the stick to eye level.

Her stomach hollowed. Two pink lines. Positive. This time the only dazed expression meeting hers was her shocked reflection in the mirror. Kennedy dropped the stick. It clattered on the tiles and echoed loudly in her ears as she sank to the bathroom floor.

She gulped down breaths, holding them to the point of pain in her lungs. This couldn’t be happening. They’d been careful to use protection every time. Every. Single…

…except…

Black spots, a wave of dizziness coursed through her. No. The stick had to be wrong. No way could she know this quickly. She couldn’t be pregnant. Impossible. But then, they had been very passionate when they’d made love in Asheville, and condoms weren’t foolproof. Quickly, she picked up the test. Shook it several times. Reread the same telling lines.

Pregnant.

Knocked up.

And this time there’d be no groom at the altar waiting for her at their hastily arranged shotgun wedding.

She tossed the stick into the trashcan and scrunched her hair into a tight knot, twisting. The past bled into the present. Zach had never wavered when she’d shown him the results five years ago. He’d folded her into his arms, encouraged her with his enthusiasm, and embraced her with his love.

Then there’d been laughter and kisses and acceptance.

Once her parents had gotten over their initial surprise, they’d welcomed Zach into their family and wholeheartedly supported Kennedy. But how could she face them with this news when she no longer had a fiancé standing by her side? Giving her strength. Holding her steady.

And what about the baby? Her chest tightened and jagged emotions scraped her belly into shreds. She’d wanted the first baby so much. Kennedy still had the toddler-sized construction hat that her father had presented to Little Girl Tanner at the baby shower.

She heaved in more air and rocked. Losing her baby had carved a gaping hole in the fabric of Kennedy’s heart. Oh, how she’d loved Brianna. But she couldn’t fall in love with this child. It would hurt too much to have her ripped from her body and go through that kind of desolation again.

Hot tears rolled down her cheeks. They burst through the logjam she’d erected to hold them at bay. She loosened her hold on her hair and dropped her head into her hands, no longer able to contain the river. The wailing and keening cries of her heart breaking all over again echoed in her ears.

When she’d lost Brianna, Zach had been with her. His arms had enveloped her grief-wracked shoulders. His anguish had mirrored hers. She remembered how she’d clung to him after the nurses had gently taken the tiny body, which they’d wrapped in pink bunting. Tears sprang from her eyes anew. Oh, how she missed her baby.

But during the dark days of mourning, she’d been so desperate to stop the wanting, to suppress her desire to become a mother, that in her anguish she’d driven him away. When he’d returned from his business trip with optimistic dreams to start making new babies, she’d told him she wished they’d never conceived their daughter.

But the lie she’d shouted in a moment of postpartum depression and despair had more to do with saving herself than protecting Zach.

Kennedy remembered begging him to fill her empty arms again. And he’d wanted to. But when she’d learned she could miscarry again, she’d pushed him away. And as much as she wanted to spare herself a rerun of the same horrific events, she clung to the thought that she was here because her mother hadn’t given up. And maybe, just maybe, she’d have a second chance after all.

Kennedy looked down, cradled her abdomen, and allowed herself the first glimmer of hope. “It’s just you and me, little one. I promise I’ll do my part. You do yours. And, if we’re lucky, your daddy will come through for both of us.”