The Maze (ATCOM) (19 page)

Anticipation
and excitement built until she thought she’d explode if she didn’t have him
inside her soon, but she exercised restraint and moved lower. She sensed his
rising need and received pleasure from knowing that he wanted her with a
passion equal to hers. Looking up at him she found him staring down at her with
a fire in his eyes that made her heart trip. He looked hungry as a wolf ready
to devour her.

“Don’t,”
she cautioned, wrapping her hand around him. He bucked but didn’t reach for
her. His control was ruthless.

Attie
liked having the unmovable Rock on the brink. She wanted him to lose control,
just once.

She
took him into her mouth and she came close to her goal. He let out a growl of
satisfaction and frustration as she tasted and explored. His groan, low and
guttural, urged her on as she took him deeper into her mouth. She loved the
taste and feel of him and wanted more—

Noah
lurched upward and in one swift move had her pinned beneath him, his mouth
crushing hers as his knee parted her legs.

Smiling
against his mouth, she responded with equal fervor. She knew exactly how he
felt because she wanted him just as badly.

He
pressed into her and she arched her hips to urge him inside but he stilled and lifted
his mouth from hers to stare down into her eyes.

Frowning,
Attie reached up and touched his cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“Now
is the time to stop this if it isn’t what you want, Attie,” he ground out as
perspiration beaded his upper lip. He had almost lost control, but true to form
he’d quickly overcome and reined it in like a pro. Attie felt a tug of
disappointment that he hadn’t crossed that line for her but her need for him
quickly took over and made her arch into him. She wrapped her legs around his thighs
and forced him inside her, but still he held back.

“Are
you sure?”

Moving
her hips in an erotic circle that made him smother a groan and caused more
beads of perspiration to pop out, she said, “Make love to me, Noah. Now.”

So
he did. He let out a low growl of satisfaction and surged into her. She took
him in and cried out as he filled her. Together they set a rhythm that quickly
built to a feverish pitch. Attie had never felt like this before, never wanted
like this before. He drove her toward the edge with finesse and grace that took
her breath away.

When
she could take no more, she cried out his name and rode the storm he had
created. He waited for her, holding onto that precious control until she found
fulfillment, then let himself go. He thrust deep inside, growled in pleasure as
he found his own release. It was the most erotic sound and experience she’d
ever had. They rode the wave together until both collapsed, exhausted on the
bed. Noah supported himself on his elbows so he didn’t crush her, his forehead
tucked into her neck. He was breathing hard and fast, as was she.

And
they were both smiling.

When
he rolled onto his back and tucked her into his side, she didn’t argue. There
was no tension between them, no anger and no past. Attie laid a hand on his
chest, closed her eyes and fell into an exhausted sleep.

This
time she didn’t have any nightmares.

* * * *

Noah
stared at the painting on the wall across from the bed. Something funny about
it… A disguise for a camera. He could see it now, but he had missed it last
night when Attie had him distracted. He shouldn’t have missed it. Now Santiago
may have him and Attie’s lovemaking on video. That didn’t set well at all.

What
they had done was personal and private, not to be shared, and a hell of a lot
more intimate than he cared to admit. The last thing he wanted was for Santiago
to have evidence of that. Given the man’s need for power and control, Noah was
certain he had taped them and would use it to his advantage later. Another
reason to get rid of the bastard.

Noah
glanced down at Attie. Making love to her had stirred up emotions he wasn’t
ready to deal with. She had burrowed under his skin and planted herself firmly
inside his heart. She’d made him promise to let her go after this was over and
he would do it, despite his feelings for her. How the hell he was going to do
it, he had no idea.

Attie
sighed in her sleep and snuggled closer. Her lips brushed his neck. Noah
groaned inwardly. If that camera wasn’t there, he’d wake her up slowly and make
love to her again.

Gently
he rolled her off him, slipped from bed and walked over to the painting. With a
simple, silent strike he disabled the camera and returned to bed. Maybe he
would wake her up after all…

Attie
flopped onto her back, restless in sleep now, let out a grimace and flopped
onto her side in effort to get comfortable.

Or
maybe not.

Noah
climbed in beside her and pulled her into his arms. She instantly curled into
him and went still. In sleep she trusted him. He tucked a strand of hair behind
her ear and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She sighed softly. He skimmed a
hand down her hip, exploring her softness. With his fingertips he traced a scar
on her outer thigh, trying to imagine what had put it there. There was another
a little lower. He slid his hand over it, scowling. The bastard was never going
to mark her again. Noah would die before he let that happen.

Attie
rolled onto her stomach with a moan, exposing her delectable backside. She
turned her head away from him and settled against him.

Propping
on an elbow, Noah reached out and traced the small thin scars that peppered her
spinal cord. They were only a few inches long, but numerous. At one time they
had been open, angry wounds that must have hurt like hell. They hadn’t required
stitches since they weren’t very deep, but the pain must have been horrendous.

His
chest tightened painfully as he traced each one with his fingers, wishing he
could erase the pain that was associated with them. He had given Attie his word
that he wouldn’t ask her about the marks. He would hold to it, but damn if he
didn’t want to know what had put them there. He wanted to know everything
Santiago had done to her.

“Tell
me what he did to you, Attie,” he whispered.

Chapter
18

“Homemade
flogging device.”

Her
voice was soft, husky with sleep.

“Leather?”
he asked, not wanting to push but needing to know if she was willing to tell
him.

“Yes,
short, thin strips but plenty of them. He had to stand very close in order to
reach me. Not a problem with my fractured leg. I wasn’t going anywhere.”

Noah
guessed she’d probably tried. His jaw clenched. He wanted to know, but the
truth tore him up inside.

“Dammit,
if only I’d known…”

“No.
I didn’t want anyone to know. This isn’t about you, Kincaid. It wasn’t then and
it isn’t now.”

“Yes,
it is,” he said quietly, his fingers still tracing the scars. “I could have
protected you.”

“How?
By aborting my mission sooner? It was bound to happen. Carlos was getting
suspicious already. I could have held out until I had all the evidence. I was
so close…”

“At
what cost? Huh? Look what he did to you in those couple days. I don’t even know
what he did to you in the months before that. Goddammit, you never should have
gone in.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat.

“You
shouldn’t have lost faith in me,” she retorted angrily.

He
sighed and bent over to press his lips to her skin, running his tongue up her
spinal cord. He didn’t want to argue with her. He wanted—needed—to know
everything. “Tell me the rest,” he said softly.

She
stiffened and he thought she wasn’t going to tell him. After a moment she
spoke. Quietly. Remembering.

“He
tortured me long before he put me in that cell. He used to give me gifts.
Expensive, extravagant, ridiculous gifts. Jewelry, gowns, spa days in the city.
But there were always strings attached to his gifts. He used them to keep me in
line. I had a part to play and nothing but perfect would work for Carlos. So, I
did and he punished me when I didn’t.”

Noah’s
gut tightened. He’d wanted to hear this. He hated that she had to tell it.
Stretching out beside her, he waited for her to continue, dreading what was
coming.

“My
first night on the estate he gave me a necklace.” She paused, lost in the
memory.

Noah
feathered a hand down her back, soothing the tension there.

“He
used it to choke me,” she continued with a short, harsh laugh. “Caught me
completely off guard. I wanted to strike out. Almost did. But caught myself at
the last minute and sat there, watching in the mirror of my vanity as he choked
me with a diamond necklace.”

Her
training taught her to defend herself. Yet, as an undercover operative she was
helpless. Just as he was now.

“He
was upset because he thought I’d been flirting with Antonio—the man who we
couldn’t dig up any identity on.”

Noah
remembered Rogan’s frustration at not finding any information on the man. He
was a ghost.

The
only ghosts Noah was aware of were mercenaries.

“Carlos
was paranoid. Possessive. He never took me to his bed, yet he acted like we
were lovers. He didn’t want me. He wanted to possess me. Mark me as his. Carlos
didn’t keep things. He kept possessions. Everything was a show, an act. I
wasn’t the only one playing a part.” She paused, shifted so he could gently
massage the muscles in her neck. “He would come into my room at night sometimes,
just to torment me. Sometimes he would stand over my bed and not speak. Just
stand there watching me. Other times he would drag me out and…punish me for
something I’d done that day.”

It
took every ounce of Noah’s strength to remain calm. For Attie, he did, but
inside he raged.

“He
never left marks where anyone could see them. He never hurt me badly, just
asserted his control over me. It was more torment than torture.”

He
was going to kill the bastard with his bare hands. His palms itched to feel Santiago’s
flesh beneath them.

“It
was nothing I couldn’t handle.”

She
shouldn’t have had to handle it at all.

Noah
pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck. “You did good,” he said softly.

His
words deflated her and she sank into the sheets. He lifted up on an elbow and
looked down to see her shoulders shaking. A second later he heard her breath
hitch.

“Ah,
hell,” he murmured and rolled her so he could gather her into his arms. Tears
streamed down her cheeks, her eyes glistening when she looked at him. Brendan
had told him she’d refused to cry after her return. Never shed a tear over what
happened. Never purged those demons. She was too strong, too stubborn to give
in to such weakness. She needed to do this.

With
a sob, she wrapped herself around him, climbing onto his lap and crying into
his shoulder as if the weight of the world rested on hers. Noah’s chest
tightened, feeling her pain. She’d gone through hell and no one knew. She
hadn’t shared her pain with anyone. Kept it locked inside. His strong, stubborn
crusader.

More
tears came and Noah did the only thing he could. He held her. Offered comfort
where she would let him. He buried his own emotions, putting them away until he
was free to deal with them. Carlos Santiago had done this and the man would
pay. Before this was over, the drug lord would know what he’d done to Attie and
be on his knees begging for his miserable, sadistic life.

When
she fell into an exhausted sleep, he lay down with her, continuing to hold her
and ward off her nightmares.

* * * *

Attie
lay on her stomach as Noah rubbed her back. In the darkness he spoke quietly.

“I
didn’t lose faith in you. Never that. You’re one of the best damn agents we
have. I acted on instinct and I’m glad for it. I knew. Somehow, I knew there
was more going on than what you were telling me. I was responsible for you—as
an undercover agent. I didn’t send Seth in to undermine you. I knew you could
do the job. I would never jeopardize any of my agents and I would have sent
Seth in for any one of them if I felt the need. The past is the past. You have
to let it go. You did everything you could to save Seth. You have to forgive
yourself. We both do,” he added, wondering how the hell he was going to get
past what she’d just told him.

A
soft moan slipped from her lips. “I can’t,” she whispered. “I still hear him.”

He
resumed his exploration of her back, feeling her moving sensuously under his
touch. “What do you mean you hear him?”

“He
whispers to me in my nightmares, the same as he did in my cell.”

Noah
frowned and nibbled the back of her neck. Goose bumps erupted down her arms and
back and she moaned.

“I
hear him but I can’t understand him. He’s trying to tell me something and I
can’t hear it. I tried to get to him but I hurt so bad I couldn’t move. I tried
to follow his whispers and get to his cell but I just…”

“You
know Santiago killed Seth early in your captivity. You have to forgive
yourself.”

“That’s
what I’m told, but it can’t be. I heard him.”

Seth
had been her lifeline. Regardless if she heard him whispering in her head or
not, she believed he was alive in that cell and given her stubborn nature she
would do whatever it took to get to him. Though Seth had been killed, he had
saved Attie’s life. The whispers she heard now were probably the result of her
surviving the trauma and the guilt she felt over Seth’s death. Once she dealt
with the past, maybe they would go away.

Not
only would she have to face the past, she would have to deal with the present
because Santiago was giving her a whole new set of nightmares to handle. Except
this time she had Noah to help her through it.

“I
survived,” she said in a broken whisper. “Seth didn’t.”

Noah’s
heart contracted. He trailed kisses down each bump in her spinal cord while his
hands caressed and soothed.

“Yes,
you survived, and I think Seth would want you to move on with your life.”

Attie
rolled beneath him, her eyes flashing. She trapped him with her legs around his
thighs and clamped down tight. His words had struck a cord but she didn’t want
to listen. He knew what she was doing and he’d oblige her. She wasn’t ready to
hear about what she should do to heal so he’d let her distract him. The road to
healing would be a long one and she was well on her way, even if she didn’t
want to admit it.

“Shut
up and make love to me, Kincaid,” she ordered, arching into him.

“Yes,
ma’am,” he drawled and thrust inside her. She was ready for him and met him
halfway. There was nothing gentle about their lovemaking. Attie let him know
she didn’t want him to be careful with her. She didn’t want him to be gentle.
So he gave her what she wanted and got it back in spades. When they climaxed it
was primal and raw, their shouts mingled as one as they shattered together.

Afterward,
they slept in peace, sated and exhausted.

* * * *

A
jumble of nerves, Attie dressed with jerky movements, taking pleasure out of
the pain in her shoulder instead of hating it. She was angry with the feelings
churning inside her because she didn’t know how to handle them.

They
hadn’t sunk in earlier, but now Noah’s words haunted her and refused to give
her any peace. Was what he said true? Would he really have sent Seth in for any
other agent? Noah never lied. So how was she supposed to feel about this? She
had given up her career because of him. Everything she’d lost was because of
him. And now he was telling her he would have done the same for anyone?

How
was she supposed to feel about that?

It
changed everything she thought was the truth. Everything she believed.

And
until she figured it out, she wouldn’t be able to rest.

And
the lovemaking last night. Noah had slipped past her defenses and it shook her
up. She didn’t like it at the same time it made her feel all warm and fuzzy
inside.

She
had opened up to him and told him things she’d asked him not to ask about.
Broken her own promise and confided in the one man she’d vowed not to. And it
felt good to tell someone. Not as scary as she’d thought it would be.
Afterward, she’d felt relieved and lighter, not at all what she thought she’d
feel. By talking about it she’d thought she’d go back to that place and then
never leave, but it had been liberating. It made her want to tell him all of
it, but a part of her still held on.

She’d
cried on his shoulder. Told him her secrets. Something she’d sworn never to do.

What
was he doing to her?

“Are
you okay?” Noah asked quietly from where he sat on the bed tying his bootlaces.

“Fine,”
she snapped.

“Liar.”

She
spun around to face him and damn if she didn’t get butterflies in her stomach.
He was gorgeous in the morning with his dark, tousled hair and five o’clock
shadow. Now what was she supposed to do? She couldn’t be lusting after him
every time she looked at him.

He
moved toward her, like a predator stalking its prey. The glint in his eye was
just as predatory.

Attie
stood her ground.

“Are
you having regrets?” he asked, stalking closer.

“No.”

“Good,
because we’re good together.”

“Spoken
like an arrogant male—”

He
wagged a finger at her. “Uh-uh. I’m merely stating a fact. We’re good together
and you know it.”

He
was almost on her now. “I know no such thing.”

The
bastard had the nerve to grin. He was pulling out all the stops. “I love your
stubborn nature,” he said, stopping a foot away from her.

“I’m
not stubborn.”

He
merely smiled and slowly backed her against the wall. She could fight him, but
what was the sense? She wanted to feel the press of his muscular body against
hers. She loved the feel and scent of him. Though it had only been a few hours
since he’d made love to her, she wanted him again.

That
was a dangerous thing, one she needed to be careful with. She couldn’t afford
to get emotionally involved with Noah. She may never find someone like him
again, but she couldn’t care about him. Not with her past hanging over their
heads. He was a vital part of it and she couldn’t forget what had happened.

She
gently bumped into the wall. Noah pressed closer and heat flooded her from head
to toe. Would she ever get enough of him?

“You’re
a unique woman, Attie,” he murmured, his fingers twining with hers and locking
them against the wall beside her head.

“Compliments,
Kincaid?” she mocked. “Does that really work with your women?”

He
quirked a dark brow. “My women? Usually.”

Attie
scowled at him, silently telling herself that it was not jealousy.

“Is
it working?” he mused.

“No.”

“Liar.”

Noah
chuckled and kissed her hard on the lips before he let her go. “I need to
change that dressing before Santiago comes for us. Make sure we didn’t tear any
of my stitches last night.”