The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (20 page)

Don’t touch me. It’ll make me even hotter. I turned around to find Taniguchi’s grinning face.

“Yo!”

Taniguchi, walking next to me, was also drenched in sweat. He sounded quite cheerful as he spouted nonsense. “What a pain. Spent all that time to get my hair just right and now it’s soaking wet.”

“Taniguchi.”

I interrupted him as he began going on about his dog, a subject I couldn’t care less about, to voice my query.

“I’m a normal high school student, right?”

“Huh?”

Taniguchi had a forced expression of amusement like he just heard some funny joke for the first time.

“Define normal first. We can talk after that.”

I shouldn’t have asked him.

“Kidding, kidding. Just a joke. Are you normal? Now look here. A normal high school student wouldn’t push down a girl in an empty classroom.”

I should have known better, but apparently he hadn’t forgotten about that.

“I’m also a man. I have enough judgment and pride to refrain from prying the whole story out of you. But you know, yeah?”

Not a clue.

“How did you get so close all of a sudden? And Yuki Nagato, an A—by my ranking.”

She’s an A—, huh?

Moving on….

“That was just…”

I explained. “The story going through your mind is delusional, and completely misguided. Nagato was the unfortunate victim when her club room was turned into Haruhi’s base. She had been troubled by the fact that she was unable to engage in literary club activities so she came to me for help. She wanted to know if there was a way to get Suzumiya to withdraw from the room. I sympathized with her, so I felt I should help out the poor girl. We decided to discuss remedial measures somewhere out of Haruhi’s sight, so I had the idea of meeting in the classroom once Haruhi had gone home. Then Nagato’s chronic anemia kicked in and she fainted, so I quickly put myself between her and the floor. That’s when you happened to barge in, Taniguchi. Indeed, once the truth has been brought to light, it seems like such a trivial thing.”

“Liar.”

Instantly rejected. Damn it. I figured my assorted mix of truth and fiction had created the perfect story.

“Even if I believe your lies, the fact that an antisocial girl like Yuki Nagato would come to you for help already makes you not normal.”

Nagato is that well-known, huh?

“Plus, you’re one of Suzumiya’s people. If you can be considered a normal high school student, then I’m as normal as a water flea.”

Guess I might as well ask.

“Can you use ESP?”

“Huh?”

The dumb look on his face got even dumber. You look like you just found out the beautiful girl you picked up was a solicitor for some dangerous religious group, Taniguchi.

“… I see. You’ve finally been infected by Suzumiya’s poison…. Wasn’t very long, but it was nice knowing you. Stay away from me or I’ll be infected by Suzumiya.”

I shoved Taniguchi, and he sputtered, breaking down into laughter. If he’s an esper, I’m the UN Secretary-General.

As we walked across the paved stone between the front gate and the school, I suppose I felt somewhat grateful. At the very least, I forgot about the heat for a while.

Not even Haruhi could bear the heat, apparently. She lay sprawled on her desk looking listlessly at the mountains in the distance.

“Kyon, I’m hot.”

“Yeah. So am I.”

“Fan me?”

“If I’m going to fan anyone, I’ll fan myself. I don’t have enough energy to be wasting any on you this early in the morning.”

Haruhi leaned forward without any sign of having made that speech yesterday.

“What should we have Mikuru wear next?”

After bunny and maid, the next would be… Wait, there’s more?

“Kitty ears? A nurse outfit? Or perhaps a queen?”

I pictured Asahina’s petite frame dressed in each outfit, cheeks flushed. It made me light-headed. She’s so cute.

As I began deliberating the matter, Haruhi narrowed her eyebrows, glared at me, and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Dumb face.”

That was how she labeled how I looked. You’re the one who brought up the subject. Well, it’s probably an accurate description, so I can’t really protest. As she fanned her chest with her book…

“Seriously, it’s so boring.”

Haruhi’s mouth looked just like an upside-down V. She looked like a character out of a manga series.

The afternoon gym class from hell, being barbequed in the radiation of the sun, came to an end. With disgruntled mutterings of “Okabe, don’t make us run for hours, you idiot!” and other assorted cursing, we headed into classroom 1-6 to change out of our uniforms, now soaked rags. We then returned to classroom 1-5.

The girls had gotten out of gym class early and were already finished changing, but since the last period was homeroom, a few people who had sports team practices right after remained in their gym uniforms. For some reason, Haruhi, who wasn’t a member of any such teams, was also wearing her gym uniform.

“Because it’s hot.”

That’s why.

“Who cares. I’ll have to change again once I get to the club room anyway. And I’m on cleaning duty this week. It’s easier to move in this.”

Haruhi rested her oval face in her hands as she stared out the window, following the huge towers of clouds.

“Guess that makes sense,” I admitted.

We could go with this for Asahina’s next costume. Though it wouldn’t really count as a costume.

“You’re probably fantasizing about something, right?”

Haruhi glared at me after her disturbingly accurate comment. It was like she could read my mind.

“Don’t do anything perverted to Mikuru until I get to the clubroom.”

I swallowed my
So it’s okay once you’re there?
and raised both hands in the air like an outlaw who’s got a sheriff pointing a gun at him in some Western.

As always, I waited for a response to my knock before entering the room. The maid sitting in her chair like a Therese doll greeted me with a smile like sunflowers in a grassy field. The sight healed my soul.

Nagato, flipping through a book in her corner, looked like a camellia that had bloomed in the wrong season. Yeah, I don’t understand my metaphors anymore either.

“I’ll make tea.”

Asahina adjusted her headband before flopping in her shoes over to the table covered with junk. She carefully placed tea leaves into the teapot.

I sagged into the brigade chief chair and blissfully watched Asahina prepare tea when I was hit by a sudden thought.

I turned on the computer and waited for the OS to boot up. I watched for the mouse icon to switch from hourglass to pointer. Then I opened the freeware viewer and input the password I set to load the contents of the folder MIKURU. I can understand why the Computer Research Society was in tears when they gave this new machine up. The thumbnails for Asahina’s maid outfit image collection loaded instantly.

As I verified that Asahina was still preparing tea with one eye, I enlarged one of the images and zoomed in.

This was when Haruhi forced her into her crouching tiger pose. I checked the edge of her exposed, ample cleavage. There was a black dot on her left mound. I zoomed in again. The dot was rather blurred, but it did indeed look like a star.

“I see. That’s what she meant.”

“Did you just figure something out?”

I closed the window seconds before she placed the teacup on the table. I don’t make mistakes. Asahina stood next to me and looked at the monitor. There was nothing to see.

“Huh? What is this? This MIKURU folder.”

Gah! I slipped up.

“Why is my name on here? Hey, hey. What’s inside? Show me, show me!”

“Uh, this is just, well… Hey, I wonder what this is. I’m sure it’s nothing important. Yep, that’s it. Nothing at all.”

“Sounds like a lie.”

Asahina reached for the mouse with a playful smile on her face and leaned over me, trying to grab my right hand.
Not happening, sister.
I grabbed onto the mouse. Asahina’s face popped over my shoulder as her soft body pressed into my back. I could feel her sweet breath against my cheek.

“Uh, Asahina. Could you let go….”

“Show me—”

Her upper body was crushing my back as she placed her left hand on my shoulder and reached for the mouse with her right. The sensation I felt was killing me.

Her soft giggling tickled my earlobes. It felt so good that I was about ready to let go of the mouse—

“What are you people doing?”

An icy –273°C voice froze Asahina and me. Haruhi stood in her gym uniform with her bookbag over her shoulder, looking like she’d just caught her dad molesting someone.

Asahina unfroze. She detached herself from my back, maid skirt rustling stiffly, and stepped back with robotic movements. She plopped into her chair like an ASIMO robot whose batteries are almost dead.

Haruhi made a “hmph” sound before stomping over the desk to glare down at me.

“So maids turn you on?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m going to get changed.”

Go ahead. I drank the tea Asahina had made and made myself comfortable.

“I said I’m going to get changed.”

What about it?

“Get out!”

I was practically kicked out of the room as I fell into the hallway. The door slammed in my face.

“What’s with her?”

I didn’t even have time to set down the teacup. I tugged at my tea-soaked shirt and leaned back against the door.

Why does something not feel right? Something feels different than usual.

“Oh, I get it.”

Haruhi had no qualms about changing in the classroom, yet she chased me out of the room just now. That’s what was nagging at me.

Well, now. Did she have a change of heart? Or had she finally grown up and learned what shame is? I wouldn’t know since the boys of 1-5 were still in the habit of sprinting out of the room right before gym class. Funny, the person who drilled this habit into us, Asakura, was no longer there.

I placed the teacup on the linoleum floor and sat cross-legged, one leg propped up.

After a short while, the rummaging sounds from within the club room ceased without any voice telling me to go in. I hugged my knees and waited ten minutes, then knocked.

“Come in….”

I heard Asahina’s small voice through the door. I look past Asahina, opening the door for me like a real maid, to see Haruhi, looking bored, elbows propped on the table, and her long, pale legs. On her head were swaying bunny ears. The familiar sight of her as a bunny girl. Maybe she didn’t feel like putting in the effort. Collar and cuffs were absent. Her bare legs weren’t covered in fishnet stockings. But the bunny ears were still there as Haruhi sat with her legs crossed.

“My arms and shoulders feel cool, but this outfit doesn’t allow much ventilation,” Haruhi said as she sipped her tea. Nagato flipped another page.

Surrounded by a bunny girl and a maid, I was at a loss as to how to act. I considered how much I would make if I introduced these two to a part-time job for attracting customers.

“Whoa, what’s going on?”

That was Koizumi’s merry response in a somewhat hysterical voice, all while maintaining a smile on his face.

“Oh? Was today a costume party? Forgive me. I didn’t prepare anything.”

Don’t say anything that’ll make this situation more complicated.

“Mikuru, sit down here.”

Haruhi pointed to the metal chair before her. Asahina was obviously cowering as she timidly sat down in the chair with her back to Haruhi. I was wondering what Haruhi was planning when she took Asahina’s chestnut hair in her hands from behind and began braiding it.

If you just looked at this scene by itself, it was like a beautiful picture of an older sister arranging her younger sister’s hair, but Asahina’s face was frozen in fear and Haruhi had a sour look on her face. She probably just wanted to turn her into a maid with braids.

I turned to Koizumi, chuckling deeply as he watched, and asked, “Up for a game of Othello?”

“Sounds fabulous. We haven’t played in a while.”

We spent the next period of time engaged in the struggle between black and white (Koizumi sucked pretty bad for someone who could turn into a ball of light) while Haruhi braided and unbraided Asahina’s hair, then played around by tying it into two pigtails and then a bun (Asahina would shudder every time Haruhi touched her). Nagato was absorbed in her reading and didn’t look up for a second.

Why are we all gathered here? It was becoming harder and harder to understand.

That day, we simply engaged in monotonous SOS Brigade club activities. No aliens talking about some space-distorting data. No visitors from the future. No blue giants. No red spheres. Nothing at all. We didn’t know what we wanted to do. We didn’t know what we should do. We just let the clock tick by as we lived a routine sort of high school life. The everyday happenings of a natural world.

While I did feel a bit dissatisfied when nothing was going on, I could just tell myself, “Oh, well. There’s still plenty of time,” and aimlessly look to the next day and repeat.

I was still having more than enough fun though. We gathered in the room with no purpose in mind. I would watch Asahina hard at work like a maid. Watch Nagato be as still as a statue of Buddha. Watch Koizumi’s perfectly harmless smile. Watch Haruhi’s face jump constantly between good and bad moods. All these things had their own sort of essence of the unordinary. And it was part of this oddly satisfying school life I was living. As for almost getting killed by a classmate and encountering some rampaging monster in a gray, uninhabited world, those things just don’t happen that often. Though I couldn’t write them off as hallucinations, hypnosis, or daydreams.

I did resent being addressed as one of Haruhi Suzumiya’s lackeys, but I was the only one lucky enough to be involved, in various ways, with such an interesting group of people. For now, I’d just put aside the question of why I was the only one. Another human may join one of these days.

That’s right: I wanted everything to stay this way.

Just about anyone would agree with me on that point, right? Normally, yes.