The Mourning Woods - 03 (38 page)

“We had a bit of an accident.”

“Indeed. So where is your hiking partner anyway?”

“She refused to come here without changing first. You know how women are.”

“Well, be that as it may, I’m sure you can fill me in on your adventures at another time. Unfortunately, you’re a little late for tonight.”

That wasn’t particularly surprising, although that didn’t make it suck any less. It also explained why I ran into James on the path to the meeting valley...or whatever it was.

“They ended already?”

“Already?” James asked, surprised. “This was the longest session by far. They were negotiating for hours.”

“Sorry. My watch kind of died. Unlike us, when it goes it tends to stay dead.”

“I should say so. Alma excrement is full of their fae essence. It can wreck havoc with electronics.”

Now it was my turn to look shocked. “How...did...”

“The Alma have a very
unique
odor. It takes a fairly thorough washing to completely eliminate it. I might suggest a good delousing before tomorrow night’s proceedings.”

“Noted.”

“Come, walk with me.” James beckoned me to follow. “The conference has already broken for the evening. We can take the scenic route back to your hut. It’ll give us a chance to offer our proper
respects
.”

“Respects?”

“Yes, one of the outcomes of this night’s talks...a very peculiar one at that.”

* * *

“Does this place look familiar?”

“Yep. That’s a tree...and that’s a tree. Oh, look there. Another tree.”

James sighed in response. “I meant the area. I believe we’re fairly close to where your friend...”

“Took the shit heard round the supernatural world?”

“As always, Dr. Death, you do have quite the way with words.”

“Thanks, I try. Oh, speaking of my friends...”

“They’re fine. They took their seats at the table and were mostly respectful...well at least one of them was, Ed I believe his name is.”

“Oh, well, as long as Tom didn’t get himself killed. Although I’m surprised they were there at all.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t think they’d go without me. I mean I had told Nergui...” I trailed off before I said something that indicated my and Sally’s little adventure had been premeditated.

“Don’t worry,” James replied, “They never left Nergui’s sight.”

“Well, that’s good. So, anyway, you were going to tell me how badly Francois’s minions sold us out.”

James raised an eyebrow at that. “I was going to tell you no such thing. I was merely going to tell you that Francois’s team offered the Alma some concessions with regards to the
grave
insult the night before.”

“Uh huh. And pray tell what concessions did they make?”

“That’s the odd part,” James said, continuing to walk. He seemed at ease, but I could see his eyes continually scanning the brush as well as the flare of his nostrils. If his spider sense started tingling, I was sure there would be an abrupt change in topics. “They offered up to Turd that we vampires would wish to pay homage to the Alma’s dead as a show of respect.”

“
We
vampires?”

“Not you or I, to be sure. To my great surprise, Turd was open to this.”

“What’s so surprising about them accepting a little ass kissing?”

“Am I correct in assuming that the envoy of the First brought you up to speed on the Humbaba Accord?”

“Alex? Yeah.”

“Then you know that the dividing line between our territories and the Alma’s are quite strict. The forests and mountains are theirs, plain and simple. Cities and towns are ours. Plains and Deserts are neutral territory.”

“Glad I’m not a big fan of camping.”

James waved his hand dismissively. “The occasional trespass is allowed; however, that tolerance does not extend to their sacred areas. We’re here today by the Alma’s invitation. Had we stepped foot into these woods at any other time, the response would have been both swift and brutal.”

“Let me guess, in return Francois offered to let the Bigfeet wander into our areas whenever they liked? Not like anyone in New York would probably notice.”

“Hardly,” James replied. “There was no such exchange, just the offer on our part. What I also found odd was how the offer’s details were settled upon. On the one hand they’re quite specific, yet they almost seem to purposely leave other aspects as vague as possible.”

“How so?”

“The offer is not an open invitation. Only a set number of vampires will be allowed in and only at predetermined times and locations.”

“OK, so when, where, and how many?”

“That was the vague part. That notion was tabled for post conference discussions; to be determined between the respective regional leaders of both the Alma and vampire nations.”

“Francois and Turd.”

“Precisely, and also exclusively.”

“Exclusively?”

“Yes. The Alma have many such places of spiritual significance throughout the world, yet this is the only one that was brought up. Turd quashed any consideration for elsewhere and Francois’s men were quite happy to not argue the point any further.”

“Because they got what they wanted.”

“That is merely speculation, of course,” James said, although the glance he gave me said he agreed.

“Of course,” I replied. “Speaking of speculation, care to hear what happened after Sally and I got ‘lost’ together? You might be able to speculate a few new ideas from that.”

James suddenly spun to face me. “Your dalliances with that trollop are of no concern to me.”

What the fuck? He thought I was going to tell him about how I banged Sally in the woods? Don’t get me wrong. I was flattered that he thought I had a shot with her. Not that I wouldn’t have a shot. It’s just...

That wasn’t the case, however. I looked into James’s eyes and noticed him quickly glance over my shoulder. Not wanting to turn around and be entirely obvious, I listened. For a moment, there was nothing, but then I heard just the faintest crunch of leaves. I could have easily missed it had I still been yammering. Oh, yeah, the hills definitely have eyes.

“Your loss, but let me tell you...the things she can do with her legs, woo!” I shot back, maybe a tad over dramatically. Sorry, but I’m just not good at this espionage shit.

James let out the barest of sighs. I had little doubt his opinion of me dropped a notch every time we spoke.

“Yes...well for now at least, you’ll have to keep your adventures to yourself and your friends,” he replied, dropping a hint that even I was able to pick up on. In other words, I was on my own. What a surprise.

I had just gotten back to my hut, still considering whether Sally and I might need to conduct some more “dalliances” as James put it, when I heard a voice cry out from inside, “Ow! You bit me!”

That’s not exactly a confidence builder when surrounded by vampires. I immediately rushed in, hoping that one of the neighboring vamps hadn’t suddenly decided to snack on my roomies.

At first, I didn’t see anyone. Then I heard the voice again, this time from behind Sally’s curtain. “You need to watch the teeth.” It was Ed.

“Sorry, got carried away a little,” came Sally’s voice in response. Motherfucker!

“Get a room, you two!” I loudly announced, stomping over to my luggage for some clean clothes.

Ed immediately came running out of Sally’s section. Fortunately for my sanity, he was still fully clothed. He did have one hand on the side of his neck, however.

“Oh, hey Bill,” he said, a little flustered - a rare thing for Ed. “We were just...”

“I believe the phrase you meant to say,” Sally said, also stepping out, “is that it’s none of his fucking business.” There was a slight smudge of blood on her bottom lip.

I looked between them for a second, until Ed replied, “Yeah, I guess she is kind of right.”

“Men are such pussies,” Sally commented with mock disgust.

Ignoring the hundreds of things I wanted to say, I instead opted for the practical. “Are you all right, Ed?”

“Yeah. Nothing a band-aid won’t fix,” he replied, taking a seat at the table.

I turned to Sally. “I thought I was pretty specific on that whole no snacking on my roommates thing.”

“Oh, please. It was just a playful little nip.”

Suddenly a thought hit me. “He’s going to be OK, right?”

“What do you mean?” Ed asked, getting a bit wide-eyed.

“Social diseases aside,” I continued, still facing Sally. “He isn’t going to...you know...turn is he?”

“Oh, shit, I forgot about that,” said Ed.

“Relax, stud,” Sally said. “You’re fine. I’m not exactly a newb here.”

“Well, that’s good,” Ed commented. “Not that I wouldn’t make a better vamp than Bill.”

“I wouldn’t argue that,” she replied.

“You both can go fuck yourselves...
separately
. Where’s Tom?”

“He went off with Christy after the meeting ended.”

“Figures,” I replied. “James brought me up to speed on what happened. How about you, did you tell Sally or was your tongue too busy...”

“Yes, I told her what happened,” he said, cutting me off. “Although, speaking of that,
thanks
for sneaking out earlier. When we saw you gone, Tom and I thought maybe Turd had dragged you both off. We were going to try to find you, but then we learned you had left Nergui behind as our guard dog.”

“I already said I was sorry,” Sally purred. “Besides, didn’t I just make it up to you?”

“Does anyone have a stake handy, because I suddenly feel the need to impale myself on one?”