The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know (27 page)

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    In this position a woman’s vagina is especially tight, which can be highly arousing for both men and women.
    

    the man can also use a free hand to stimulate his partner’s clitoris. When lying flat, the woman is probably better off stimulating her clitoris herself.
    

    SIDE BY SIDE
    

    The side-by-side position does not require much effort from either partner and is therefore good for later stages of lovemaking and for relaxing with each other after more vigorous lovemaking. The position is a little difficult to achieve and to maintain since penetration is generally shallow. It may be easiest to start with the man on top and to roll over into this position. Lying face-to-face with full-body contact is good for harmonizing and circulating energy.
    

    SITTING POSITION
    

    The sitting position is a variation of the woman-on-top position and a favorite for Healing Love. The parallel positioning and the close embrace make this an extremely intimate and healing position. This position is perfect for later lovemaking, soulful connection, and energy circulation.
    

    

    If the woman leans back and supports herself on her arms, the couple can generate a great deal of friction in this position, but generally the position is best for less-vigorous thrusting. The thrusting, however, relies on the rocking of the pelvis, which can assist the circulation of energy up the spine. You can help your partner circulate the energy by stroking up his or her spine and drawing the energy down from the head to the abdomen.
    

    

    The parallel positioning and the close embrace make the sitting position an extremely intimate and healing position.
    

    The sitting position is perfect for later lovemaking, soulful connection, and energy circulation.
    

    STANDING POSITION
    

    In a more strenuous but powerful adaptation of the previous position, the man stands while the woman wraps her legs around him (see illustration opposite). This position requires quite a bit of strength, coordination, and balance, but it can be extremely energizing. The ability to thrust in this position is limited (unless the woman is propped against a counter), but it is excellent for circulating and exchanging energy.
    

    Circulating energy during lovemaking shifts the focus of intercourse from the often fun and frenetic race for orgasm to
    

    a more meditative process of making love.
    

    Circulating Sexual Energy
    

    As discussed in chapter 3, circulating sexual energy through your body is a powerful way to nourish your whole system and to transform the fleeting pleasure of orgasm into an enduring ecstatic experience that is profoundly healing. Circulating energy during lovemaking shifts the focus of intercourse from the often fun and frenetic race for orgasm to a more meditative process of making love.
    

    In chapter 3, you learned how to circulate energy within your own body while alone. In this section, you will learn to circulate energy within your own body but now while making love with your partner. In chapter 7, you will learn how to give energy to your partner and to receive energy from your partner in the Soul-Mating exercise. This exchange of energy allows a profound level of healing and intimacy, but first we must understand how to circulate energy in our own body during lovemaking.
    

    DRAWING UP AND GETTING DOWN
    

    You can circulate sexual energy at any time from when you are first aroused to when you are close to orgasm. Circulating your energy will rejuvenate you and will help the man decrease his urge to ejaculate. Women and those men who have learned to separate orgasm from ejaculation can also circulate the energy during and after they orgasm. A man can still circulate energy after he ejaculates, but he will have much less energy to draw up, since he has poured much of his energy out through his ejaculation.
    

    When you are both highly aroused, stop and hold each other. Look deeply into each other’s eyes. Truly see your partner’s inner goodness, and express the depth of your love with your eyes. Keeping your eyes open also helps bring the energy up.
    

    

    While thrusting is limited, the standing position is a powerful one for circulating energy.
    

    Couples must first learn to circulate sexual energy in their own body during lovemaking. Later, partners can learn to give and receive sexual energy.
    

    

    

    Finding the W ay
    

    Three Levels of Cultivating Sexual Energy
    

    • CIRCULATING BY YOURSELF: Circulate sexual energy within your own body while self-pleasuring.
      

    • CIRCULATING IN YOUR OWN BODY WITH EACH OTHER: Circulate sexual energy within your own body while making love with your partner.
      

    • CIRCULATING AND EXCHANGING WITH EACH OTHER: Exchange sexual energy with your partner while making love.
      

Exer cise 19

THE ORGASMIC UPWARD DRAW DURING LOVEMAKING

1. STOP: When both of you are highly aroused, pull back so that the tip of the man’s penis is just inside the entrance to the woman’s vagina. This will allow both of you to cool down.
   

2. EXHALE AND CONTRACT: Each of you should exhale and contract your
   PC
   muscle. It may help for the man to contract first, so the force of the woman’s
   PC
   muscle does not push him over the edge.
   

3. PUMP: Pump the energy back to the sacrum and up the spine to the crown of the head by contracting your
   PC
   muscle and anus.
   

4. REST AND SMILE: Rest and smile to the sexual organs, and let the energy rise up to your head.
   

5. SPIRAL: Spiral the energy in your head by rolling your eyes in circles nine times left and then right.
   

6. CIRCULATE: Bring the energy down the front of your body to your sex-ual organs with the Inner Smile. Continue circulating the energy up your spine and down your front.
   

7. MAKE LOVE: Continue to make love.
   

8. STORE: When you are done, touch your navel as you focus there. Smile and imagine the energy spiraling into your navel and being drawn down from your head to your abdomen, where it can be stored and released to nourish your body.
   

   Relaxing during lovemaking also allows the hormone-filled blood from your genitals to return and fortify the rest of your body. Do not be concerned if the man’s erection decreases. This is the only way that the blood can return to his body, and it will allow new blood to flow into his penis as he gets hard again once you continue making love.
   

   Multi-Orgasmic Quickies and Marathons
   

   For Taoists, the longer you make love, the more healing energy you are able to generate and circulate. The classic Taoist texts suggest that it takes a thousand loving thrusts to satisfy a woman completely. Before this starts to sound like a marathon, it is worth pointing out, as Jolan Chang does in his
   Tao of Love and Sex,
   that a half hour’s jog takes at least two thousand steps. If
   

   The classic Taoist texts suggest that it takes a thousand loving thrusts to satisfy a woman completely.
   

   When you and your partner start practicing Healing Love, you will
   fi
   nd that your bodies are in tune and that you can experience heights of multi-orgasmic energetic lovemaking very quickly.
   

   a half-hour jog should require two thousand steps, why should a half hour of lovemaking not involve a thousand loving thrusts?
   

   This duration is quite different from that of most modern lovemaking. When Alfred Kinsey conducted his famous studies of human sexuality in the fifties, he found that average “coition” (that is, lovemaking) for an American couple was two minutes. The average has since risen to around ten minutes. The ancient Taoists would explain a great deal of the discontent in the mod-ern bedroom with these figures. It is very difficult to fully satisfy and energize a couple—especially the woman—with such short lovemaking. While sex should not become a marathon or an endurance test, it is worth remembering that by Taoist standards our modern lovemaking is often far too brief to reach the heights—and depths—that can be experienced.
   

   Of course, for most of us, our hectic life does not afford opportunities for prolonged lovemaking every night or even every week. Still, to reach the more profound and energizing levels of ecstatic lovemaking, we need to set aside time when we will not be interrupted by the phone, children, or anyone else. Staying home for an evening of lovemaking is certainly more entertain-ing than going out to the movies, and a weekend tryst can allow just the kind of break that our desire needs to be awakened fully.
   

   Before you start worrying about how to fit hours of lovemaking into your life, it is worth mentioning multi-orgasmic quickies. When you and your partner start practicing Healing Love, you will find that your bodies are in tune and that you can experience heights of multi-orgasmic energetic lovemaking very quickly. Much will depend on how skillfully the female partner’s sexual waters can be brought to a boil by her partner and herself, but, with the techniques described in the earlier chapters of this book, her desire can quickly be raised to a rapid boil.
   

   Sex is many things, and while we strongly encourage you to explore the heights of Healing Love, we do not recommend that you abandon the more instinctual pleasures of heart-racing couplings. You may wish to think of Healing Love and especially the circulation of energy as a gourmet dinner that you anticipate and savor as often as your life affords but that you do not expect every night. When you choose a more feverish pace, you can still circulate your sexual energy once you are done and resting, although you will have less energy to draw up, especially the man if he has not yet learned to orgasm without ejaculating. Still, whenever you are having sex with love and a desire to heal each other, you are practicing Healing Love.
   

   But when do we stop? Most people stop having sex when the man ejaculates and hopefully
   after
   the woman has had at least one orgasm. Once you
   

   are both multi-orgasmic, there is no longer this obvious ending point. You and your partner will need to decide how long you want to make love and when you are satisfied. Most of us are not accustomed to paying close attention to our sexual appetites and knowing when we are really sexually satisfied. You and your partner will have to pay close attention to your desire and decide when you are both done.
   

   The Taoists encouraged people to stop eating several bites before they are actually full. As the food descends to the stomach, a person will discover that he or she is pleasantly full and not uncomfortably stuffed. The Taoists similarly encouraged lovers to stop lovemaking before they are totally sated, to stop with their embers still burning. This remaining desire will allow you to continue to crave your partner the next night and the next night for a lifetime of passionate lovemaking.
   

   Coming and Going
   

   According to the Taoists, multiple orgasms are not the only reason a man should learn to orgasm without ejaculating. As we’ve mentioned, the Taoist masters were physicians and were therefore concerned with sexuality as part of the overall health of the body. Through their close observation, they discovered that ejaculation drains a man of his energy. Men usually notice this loss of energy in their own body as they long for sleep after ejaculating. Women are constantly lamenting their partner’s disinterest in intimacy, con-versation, or even cuddling after he ejaculates. The man who ejaculates, grunts, and falls asleep on top of his partner is regularly depicted in the media. The way that ejaculation exhausts a man’s body was already well known several thousand years ago.
   

   After ejaculating, a man is tired, his ears buzz, his eyes are heavy, and he longs for sleep. He is thirsty and his limbs feel weak and stiff. In ejaculating he enjoys a brief moment of sensation but then suffers long hours of exhaustion.
   

   Peng-Tze, a sex adviser to the famed Yellow Emperor
   

   Younger men will not feel the depletion as much as older men. And men who ejaculate after a long time will feel it much less than men who are ejaculating often. As we discussed in chapter 2, every time a man has an orgasm, he draws energy into his body. If he eventually ejaculates after having multiple
   

   How depleted a man feels by ejaculation will depend on his age, his health, how often he ejaculates, and
   

   how energetic the lovemaking was before he ejaculated.
   

   Unlike men, women generally do not have to worry about sex being depleting.
   

   orgasms and especially after circulating energy, he will lose much less energy. How depleted a man feels by ejaculation will depend on his age, his health, how often he ejaculates, and how energetic the lovemaking was before he ejaculated.
   

   If a man does not ejaculate, he will of course have much more energy to circulate. If he brings this energy down to his abdomen, the energy will be stored in his organs and released when his body needs it over the next twelve to fourteen hours. Many multi-orgasmic men and women who cultivate their energy describe feeling orgasms that last for hours after climax.
   

   Many people who do not understand the difference between orgasm and ejaculation assume that the Taoist tradition warns men against having orgasms. We hope it is clear by now that men can have as many orgasms as they want as long as they learn to avoid ejaculating.
   

   We discuss the effects of “going to seed” on a man’s body at length in
   The Multi-Orgasmic Man.
   We encourage all men (and women) who want to know how and why ejaculation depletes a man’s body to read it. The best proof, however, is in the man’s own body. He can experiment easily in his own bedroom. See how much sleep he needs and how he feels the next morning after ejaculatory sex (especially after several nights of ejaculatory sex) and after non-ejaculatory, multi-orgasmic sex.
   

   Unlike men, women generally do not have to worry about sex being depleting. The energy they lose through vaginal discharge during orgasm is minimal (even for those women who release a spray—often called female ejaculation— during intense orgasm). Of course, often after especially intense or “terminal” orgasms many women feel tired or “done.” This feeling of completion comes from the release of orgasm (even an especially intense release) and is nothing to worry about. If a woman wants to avoid this feeling of tiredness or exhaustion, she can simply circulate her sexual energy up through her body.
   

   According to the Tao, women lose far less energy through sex than they lose through menstruation and childbirth. The Taoists, therefore, developed practices to shorten the length of menstruation and to decrease the pain that many women experience during their periods. While these practices are beyond the scope of this book, they are discussed at length in Mantak and Maneewan Chia’s book
   Healing Love Through the Tao: Cultivating Female Sexual Energy.
   

   Strengthening Your Sex Organs
   

   If couples want to have good sex, they need to have healthy sex organs. The healing lovemaking that we have described so far in this book will certainly
   

   energize your sex organs as well as the rest of your body. There is, however, a Taoist exercise that you can do to strengthen your prostate (if you are a man) and your uterus (if you are a woman).
   

   While we tend to think of the penis and the vagina as our sex organs, much of our sexual energy and sexual ability comes for men from their prostate and for women from their uterus. You can try the following exercise if you want to cultivate these vital parts of your body. Doing this exercise will also generate a great deal of sexual energy that you can circulate through your body even when you are not making love or self-pleasuring.
   

   Exer cise 20
   

    
   

   

   PROSTATE AND UTERUS STRENGTHENING
   

   1. Sit at the edge of a chair or stand with your feet shoulder-width apart.
      

   2. Exhale and suck your lower abdomen in.
      

   3. As you exhale, gently push the
      fi
      ngers of one hand into your abdomen right above your pubic bone to feel the muscles
      fl
      atten.
      

   4. Suck up the lower abdominal muscle several times as if you were sucking through a straw although without inhaling through your mouth or nose. (As you suck up the abdominal muscles you will notice your anus and vulva or testicles will rise slightly. This sucking massages your prostate or uterus and creates a vacuum, which will draw more energy to your prostate or uterus. Don
      ’
      t be surprised if you make funny sounds as you suck up the lower abdomen. It is the result of the vacuum you have created and a sign that you are doing it correctly.)
      

   5. Inhale into your abdomen. Your
      fi
      ngers will be pushed outward. The suction will draw the energy into your pelvis.
      

   6. Exhale slowly through your teeth, hissing like a snake.
      

   7. Keep your attention on your prostate or uterus as it warms up.
      

   8. As you relax, the energy will rise up to your head. You can smile to your sex organs to assist the energy rising up through your spine to your brain.
      

   9. Spiral the energy in your head nine times one way and then nine times in reverse.
      

   10. Touch the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth just behind your top front teeth and let the energy descend down to your navel. You can imagine the energy spiraling into your navel to help you absorb it.