The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know (6 page)

Finding the W ay

Pelvic Pressure

Pressure in your pelvic area is a natural result of the increased blood flow and sexual energy in your genital area. If the pressure feels uncomfortable, you can simply ejaculate, or you can breathe deeply (as described in Exercise 2) as well as massaging your perineum and testicles gently. This will help your body to assimilate this powerful and healing energy. In chapter 3, you will learn to circulate this energy out of your genitals and to the rest of your body.

Your Prostate

When a man gets aroused, the prostate naturally enlarges slightly. By contracting your
PC
muscle around your prostate during and after self-pleasuring or lovemaking you will not only help control ejaculation, you will also help reduce any pressure on your prostate.

These
PC
contractions will also guide the energy out of your pelvis and up your body (see chapter 3). This will further reduce the pressure on the prostate gland and testicles. You can also massage the perineum, testicles, and tailbone to help relieve pressure and disperse the built-up sexual energy.

If you feel a burning sensation when you urinate or prolonged pelvic pain, you may have a urinary tract infection. You should see a physician and clear this up before trying or continuing with the practice. While trying to get rid of the infection, you will need to ejaculate more regularly.

WHEN TO STOP

Most men stop masturbating or having sex when they ejaculate. Once you become multi-orgasmic, this obvious end point will no longer exist. You will therefore need to decide when you and your partner are satisfied. On some days

It is important to let your erection decrease somewhat about every twenty minutes to allow the blood to recirculate through your body.

you will want a quick sexual experience, and on others you will want leisurely lovemaking. Your needs will change based on your mood and the moment.

When you begin to be multi-orgasmic during lovemaking, it is important that you give yourself and your partner time to adjust. You do not want to turn sex into a chore or an endurance test for you or her. So talk to your partner, and let both of your desire determine the duration of your lovemaking. The more she cultivates her own
PC
muscle and sexual desire, the better matched the two of you will be.

Your
PC
muscle is like any other muscle—it strengthens with use—but as with all exercise, you don’t want to push it too far too fast. Also, if you are solo or duo cultivating for more than twenty minutes, which you often may once you are multi-orgasmic, it is important to let your erection decrease somewhat about every twenty minutes to allow the blood to recirculate through your body.

WHEN TO EJACULATE

According to the Taoists, pleasure was not the only reason to become multi-orgasmic. They also believed that multiple orgasms were healthy and healing for the body. The more orgasms a man had without ejaculating, the more sexual energy he could circulate through his body. While orgasms, for the Taoists, are energizing, ejaculations are depleting. While there is nothing wrong with ejaculating from time to time, the Taoists felt that as a man got older ejaculating too often could physically exhaust him. The Taoists linked many erection problems to this physical exhaustion. (If you have difficulty getting or maintaining an erection, you may wish to read “Snake Charming: Overcoming Impotence” in
The Multi-Orgasmic Man.
)

If you are very young, you may not have experienced the depletion that

often follows ejaculation, but most men after they ejaculate are tired or want to go to sleep. (We discuss the Taoist and medical views on the topic in detail in chapter 5, “Sexual Healing.”)

According to the Taoists, each time you have an orgasm (without ejaculating), you draw more energy into your body. Therefore, if you eventually do ejaculate, you lose less of your energy. This is why ejaculation after multiple orgasms is less draining than the old “wham, bam, thank you, Ma’am” ejaculation. If you have half a dozen orgasms and then ejaculate, you will lose approximately half as much energy.

The Taoists recommended that each man ejaculate according to his own condition depending on his age, his health, and the circumstances of his life. If you are getting sick or working hard, you will want to conserve more energy. During the winter, you, like all of nature, will also want to conserve

more energy. However, if you are on vacation, you may want to ejaculate more. Of course, if you are trying to conceive a child, you will need to ejaculate whenever your partner is ovulating. Sun Ssu-miao, one of the leading physicians of ancient China, recommended that, overall, a man can attain good health and longevity by ejaculating twice a month.

Sun Ssu-miao also offered more specific guidelines by which one could decide how often to ejaculate:

A man of
twenty
can ejaculate once every
four
days. A man of
thirty
can ejaculate once every
eight
days. A man of
forty
can ejaculate once every
ten
days.

A man of
fifty
can ejaculate once every
twenty
days. A man of
sixty
should not ejaculate.

Of course, a man of any age can continue to have sex and have multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms. Indeed, the Taoists believed there is no reason that men and women shouldn’t have sex until the day they die. While you may worry about the decrease in the number of ejaculations or the prohibition on them after sixty, once you experience multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms, the typical “squirt” orgasm is a pale comparison and hardly missed.

The most important thing, however, is not to give yourself a hard time about ejaculating. When you feel that you are past the point of no return and are going to ejaculate, enjoy it. Many men who want to practice Healing Love start to judge themselves if they have trouble learning to control their ejaculations. Focus on being with your partner and exchanging Healing Love, not on whether you did or did not ejaculate.

Learning to circulate your sexual energy (as you will learn in chapter 3) can happen even if you eventually ejaculate. This will far reduce the feeling of depletion after ejaculation. In addition, after you do ejaculate, you can also contract your
PC
muscle to tighten your pelvic muscles and reduce the amount of energy that is lost.

In the end, what is most important is that you are making love with yourself and with your partner. Cultivating compassion for yourself and for your partner is much more important than how much energy you conserve.

From Genital Orgasms to Whole-Body Orgasms

The physical techniques described in this chapter, especially breathing and contracting your
PC
muscle, will allow you to separate orgasm from ejaculation

A man can attain good health and longevity by ejaculating twice a month.

Conserving and circulating the energy magnifies the intensity of the orgasm and enables the body to retain the energy for longer-lasting pleasure and health.

and become multi-orgasmic. Still, the real secret to long-term ejaculatory control—and multiple orgasms—is learning to circulate your sexual energy out of your genitals and to the rest of your body. As long as sexual energy continues to build up in your genitals, it will eventually cause you to ejaculate unless you stop lovemaking or learn to redirect it out of your genitals. Ejaculation can hap-pen only if there is enough energy and blood in the genitals to trigger ejaculation.

By drawing the energy up and away from your genitals, as we explain in chapter 3, you will be able to control your sexual energy for as long as you want. Conserving and circulating the energy magnifies the intensity of the orgasm and enables the body to retain the energy for longer-lasting pleasure and health.

The combination of a man’s using his sexual strength (his
PC
muscle), his sexual sensitivity (his ability to be aware of his arousal rate), and his ability to circulate sexual energy should help immeasurably in allowing him to become multi-orgasmic.

Women lose far less energy than men when they orgasm (and even when they ejaculate
6
). However, when women have a single strong terminal orgasm, they often experience a loss of energy and a loss of their desire to make love. By drawing their sexual energy up and multiplying their orgasms, they will feel more energized and more aroused. This is particularly important for women who have difficulty feeling desire

Both you and your partner will be able to expand your genital orgasms into whole-body orgasms as you learn to circulate the energy and pleasure to the rest of your body. This is also the basis for transforming that wonderful orgasmic twitch into an experience that is ecstatic, healing, intimate, and for some even spiritual. The rest of the Arts of the Bedchamber await you.

CHAPTER 2

The Pool of Desire: Multiple Orgasms for Women

In this chapter, you will discover:

• The Power of Your Desire and How to Exercise Your Passion
  

• Your Erotic Fingerprint
  

• How to Strengthen Your
  PC
  Muscle for Stronger Orgasms
  

• The Nine Steps to Multiple Orgasms for Any Woman
  

• How to Overcome Difficulties Having Orgasms
  

23

Every woman can have a passionate and deeply satisfying sex life. Many women, however, still have difficulty experiencing their full desire and being regularly orgasmic. According to one recent study that we discuss below, one-third of women experience orgasm only occasionally and another third do not experience orgasm at all. If you are one of these women, this chapter will help you reach your true orgasmic and multi-orgasmic potential.

If you are a woman who already experiences pleasure and orgasms easily, this chapter and the next will help you to intensify the pleasure and orgasms you already enjoy. Even if you are already multi-orgasmic, we strongly encourage you to take the time to read and do the exercises in this chapter. The messages we receive as women about our bodies, our desire, and our pleasure are so pervasive it is difficult to embrace our sexual selves fully. This chapter will help you cultivate your potential for even more profound pleasure and intimacy.

Desire is not just the impulse that leads us to the bedroom; it is the pulse that keeps us alive.

For our sexual life to
fl
ourish, we need to make our pleasure a priority.

Desire Is the Energy of Life

Desire is not just the impulse that leads us to the bedroom; it is the pulse that keeps us alive. Sexual desire is related to the desire that motivates us in all other aspects of our life. For Taoists, sexual energy, or
ching,
is an essential part of our total physical energy, called
chi.
People who are in touch with their sexual energy will have more energy to pursue their goals and dreams in the rest of their lives. In chapter 3 we will discuss in detail how to cultivate your sexual energy and how to transform it to increase your overall energy. But first we begin by focusing on your current level of desire and pleasure so that you can learn to enhance them both.