The Nanny's New Family (Caring Canines) (13 page)

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I care for you. I lo—” His eyes widened, and he moved back.

Anger swelled in Annie. Not even Amanda had pushed her this much. “What, loathe? Like? Maybe you pity me.”

Ian’s gaze drilled into her. “I’m falling in love with you.”

“The only feeling you have for me is gratitude for my help. Don’t confuse that with anything more.” Annie swept around and marched toward her tent.

At the opening she paused, trying to calm her trembling. She squeezed her hands into a ball. She didn’t want the girls to know anything had happened. Why couldn’t Ian let things alone? Let her work for him and care for his children?

Just for a second her heart had leaped when he’d said the word
love
. Now she didn’t know how long she could stay at the McGregors’. By the age of twenty she’d realized love wasn’t in her future. Not after David.

Ian wasn’t David... But still, Annie couldn’t risk being hurt anymore.

* * *

Ian wanted to go after her, but he knew she would reject him. Yes, he was grateful that Annie was in their lives, but it was much more than that. Up until a few minutes ago he hadn’t realized how much. There was a lot to love about Annie.

Why doesn’t she see the beauty I do?

Her guilt was robbing her of the life she should have had. Ian wasn’t going to give up helping her see that, or the medical fact that there were procedures that would make her scars less noticeable, especially her ear. Ian knew that until she accepted that what happened was an accident, she’d never be free of the past. Every day when Annie looked at herself those scars reminded her of her mom’s death.

Maybe he could solicit Amanda and her family to help convince her to have surgery, especially if it didn’t cost her anything. Ian wanted to give her that chance to heal.

* * *

“Thanks for coming to help me,” Ian said a few days later to Amanda, whom he’d invited to help chaperone Jeremy’s belated-birthday swimming party.

“Someone has to shake some sense into Annie. I’ve been trying. Dad has. Even my youngest brother. She won’t listen. I think she’s gotten so used to feeling that guilt she’s afraid to let go of it. She and our mother were very close, probably closer than any of us were. But I know Mom would be so upset if she knew what Annie is doing.”

Ian greeted Ben, who was coming up the steps to the porch. “I’m glad you’ve been a lifeguard before.” Ian shook Annie’s brother-in-law’s hand. “I probably let Jeremy invite too many, but I was thrilled he wanted to. I couldn’t say no when he kept adding boys to the list.”

“Are your other children going to be here?” Ben asked.

“Yes, they invited a couple of friends, too.”

Amanda laughed. “Good thing they aren’t a little older or there might be problems. Four girls at a party with eight boys.”

“Please don’t remind me about what I’ll be dealing with in a few years,” Ian said with a chuckle.

“You hope it takes that long,” Amanda said as she headed for the kitchen to help Annie with the food.

“Amanda told me about what you were going to do later.” Ben crossed the foyer toward the hallway with Ian.

“It’s my version of an intervention. No matter what she feels about me, I want her to do this for herself.”

“Have the surgery or forgive herself?”

Ian opened the sliding glass door to the patio. “Let the past go. Ben, I just noticed you don’t have your dog with you.”

“No, I want to focus totally on the children in the water. Besides, this is Jeremy and Rex’s show. I want all the attention on them. Ringo can be an attention hog at times.”

“By the way, my children, even Joshua with his scrapes, had a great time last week with all the others.”

“I understand Nathan is coming to the party.”

“Yes, Jeremy and Nathan hit it off that day fishing. I also had Annie invite her niece Carey because Jasmine and Jade really enjoyed themselves with her.”

“Where are your kids?”

“Cleaning up outside. Annie has everyone working, even Joshua.” The front doorbell rang. “I’ve got to get this.”

“I’ll supervise the preparation for the party.”

Ian answered the door and let in a steady stream of children while telling the parents when to pick them up. After everyone arrived, he headed for the kitchen to let Annie and Amanda know the party was starting. As he approached the room, he overheard Annie saying, “I’m not going to say anything until I’ve found someone.”

Ian walked through the doorway. “Found someone for what?”

At the sink Annie whirled around and stared at him, her expression stamped with surprise.

“Excuse me. I’m going to help my husband with the children out back.” Amanda hurried from the house.

Silence hung between Annie and Ian. His mouth went dry. Something was wrong.

“Is there a problem I should know about?”

“I’m looking for a replacement for me as your nanny.”

Chapter Thirteen

T
he shock on Ian’s face made Annie want to snatch the words back.

Ian opened his mouth to say something, shook his head and pivoted. The sound of the back door slamming reverberated through the kitchen. Her body trembling, Annie collapsed against the counter behind her, her stomach roiling. After coming home from the camping trip with her family last weekend, she’d realized she couldn’t work for Ian any longer. He threatened everything she had planned for herself. He wasn’t really falling in love with her, and he’d realize that and break her heart. Ian was grateful for her help and only said that because he took pity on her. She’d had enough of that the past fourteen years.

Annie couldn’t stay here. Ian would see the wisdom when she found him a good nanny to replace her. Annie would stay until she did. She cared far too much for him to let a relationship based on false assumptions go anywhere.

Annie began taking the food outside. After setting up all the treats for the party, she scanned the children, glad to see so many attending. Several hung around Jeremy and Rex on one side of the pool while the girls remained across from them, giggling and occasionally pointing at the boys. The only ones in the water were Joshua and Brent, Annie’s nephew. Once she’d seen Joshua at the lake swimming, she felt more at ease with him in the water. He was a good swimmer for his age.

Then her gaze fell on Ian at the other end of the pool with Ben. A frown carved deep lines into Ian’s face. His stiff stance screamed his anger. At her.

Amanda approached her. “Are you all right?”

“No. That was not the way I was going to tell him. I didn’t even want to say anything until I had a good lead on a nanny.”

“If you really want to leave, he has a right to know from the beginning.”

“I guess.” But what if he fired her right after the party? Annie wasn’t ready to go yet. She hadn’t even talked with the children about it.

Make up your mind. You can’t have it both ways
.

Amanda turned toward her and lowered her voice. “My problem is why you think you need to leave. He’s a great catch and you love all his children. This could be the family you’ve always wanted.”

“Being a nanny has satisfied my need.”

“Has it really? When we were kids all you talked about was having a family like the one we had.”

“Whose side are you on?”

“Always yours, even when I think you’re wrong. But that doesn’t mean I won’t try to straighten you out.”

“What if Ian is interested in me because of his children? In fact, that makes the most sense.”

“Why are you selling yourself short?” Amanda asked in a furious whisper.

“I’m being realistic. I see myself in the mirror. And Ian hasn’t even seen the worst of my scars.”

“He’s a plastic surgeon. He knows what burn scars look like.”

Joshua swam to the steps and exited the water, then walked quickly to Annie. “See, I’m not running.” The child grinned.

“Walk any faster and you are. You love pushing the limits.” Annie smiled and brushed his blond curls off his forehead.

“No one but me and Brent are swimming. Come in the water, Annie.”

Although she’d grown up loving to swim like Joshua, she hadn’t planned to go into the pool. Annie wore a one-piece swimsuit under a long T-shirt just in case she needed to help a child in the water, but she didn’t wear her suit other than with her family.

When she didn’t say anything, Joshua tugged on her hand. At first she resisted, then when all eyes were on her, she gave up and followed, intending only to sit on the top step. When she did, Joshua did a cannonball right next to her, totally drenching her.

“You’re wet now. You might as well come in.” Joshua swam toward her.

Annie waited until he was within arm’s reach and grabbed him. After twirling him around, she playfully heaved him away from her.

When he surfaced, his giggles erupted, and he came toward her again. Annie slipped into the water and stood her ground until he was right on her, then darted away. He tried to catch her. “Come and get me,” she taunted Joshua, her laughter filling the air.

He swam as fast as he could, and this time she let him get her, launching himself at her and taking them both under the water. When Annie and Joshua popped to the surface, the boys started jumping into the pool, seeing who could make the biggest splash. She glanced toward Ian and Ben, who were now both soaking wet.

As she started to look away, Ian’s gaze riveted her. Even from a distance she could see his green eyes darkening to a brewing storm. Annie shivered. When he joined the boys in the water, she swam to the steps and hurried out of the pool, making sure her shirt covered most of her scars. To hide what was left of her right ear, she donned a floppy sunhat, then wrapped herself in a beach towel she’d placed nearby.

As the girls dived into the water, Amanda sidled up next to Annie. “You were having fun. Have you thought about how much you’re going to miss that?”

“Thank you for that observation.”

“Were you aware a couple of times the damage to your ear was visible, and Joshua didn’t react to it? In fact, no one did.”

“Why are you pushing me so hard?”

“Because I don’t want you to make the biggest mistake of your life.”

“I already did that the night I lit that candle.”

When Amanda murmured, “You don’t have to be that way,” Annie began walking away.

Annie wanted to throttle her twin. She’d always counted on Amanda’s support and needed it to do what she must. Because deep inside, she didn’t know how she was going to deal with leaving this family she loved.

* * *

Something was up with Amanda and Ian. They had been talking together for the past ten minutes and from the looks of it, arguing. All the guests had left a half an hour ago except her sister and Ben. The surprise was when her eldest brother, who was Brent’s father, had invited Joshua to spend the night when he’d come to pick up her nephew. Annie helped Joshua pack. He was so excited about his first sleepover.

She checked on the twins and Jeremy, camped out in the den with Ben watching a movie. The kitchen, poolside and yard were clean, so she decided to go to her apartment and collapse. When Ian had insisted she take the rest of the night off, she hadn’t turned down the offer. Today had been fun, nerve racking and draining. Ian could see her sister and brother-in-law out.

In her apartment, Annie sank onto the couch and lay down, cushioning her head on a pillow. She needed to come up with a nanny for the children. At the moment she couldn’t think of anyone—everyone had a job already. And Ian’s kids needed someone who was special, patient, loving and...

Her eyelids slid closed, her exhaustion catching up with her.

When a loud knock at the door woke her, Annie bolted up on the couch. She wanted to pretend she wasn’t in her apartment.

Another knock sounded and Amanda said, “I know you’re in there. I’m not leaving.” When Annie opened the door, Ian stood behind Amanda. Annie took one look at both of them and tried to shut the door.

Amanda blocked it with her body. “I told you I wasn’t leaving. I could have invited the rest of the family, but I didn’t. They think everything is okay.”

Annie backed away. “It is.” Then to Ian she added, “Why are you here?”

“Actually, I’m the one who wanted to talk to you. Amanda insisted on coming, too. It’s hard to say no to your sister.”

“Tell me about it. You two might as well come in and have your say. Then you can leave. It’s been a long day.”
And will probably be a longer night
.

Annie took a chair set across from the couch where they sat. “Ian, I’m sorry you had to find out about my leaving that way.”

“That’s not why I’m here. I’d planned on talking to you tonight even before I knew that.”

“Then, what do you want to say?”

Ian sat forward on the couch, his hands loosely clasped. “I contacted a good friend I went to medical school with. He lives in Dallas and is a plastic surgeon, too. He’s agreed to see you and assess your situation.”

“I can’t afford it.”

“Free of charge. I’ve made all the arrangements. Everyone will be donating their services, so you won’t have to worry about how much it is. He thinks a prosthetic ear will probably be the best way to go. He can see you next week. I’ll drive you down.”

Annie gripped the arms of the chair. “Do I have a say in this?”

“Yes, but you have no reason to say no now. I’ve taken care of the financial issue.”

“And you still want to do this even though I’ll be leaving you when a new nanny is found?”

“Yes.” She saw a twitch in his jaw.

Do you think I’m that repulsive?
Annie almost asked. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep the words to herself. “What about the children?”

“Dad will take care of them that day. His summer-school teaching job won’t start for another two weeks,” Amanda said.

“I see. You two worked this out without asking me if I would even go to the appointment.”

They both nodded, solemn expressions on their faces.

Annie didn’t know what she felt. She guessed she could go and at least hear out Ian’s friend. She’d been half-afraid when he’d come into the apartment he was going to ask her to leave immediately—he’d been so angry at her today. He’d spoken to her only when absolutely necessary.

“Okay I’ll go—on one condition. Ian, I won’t leave until you find someone the children will love. That’s the least I can do whether or not I agree to have surgery.”

Ian stared right through her as though she wasn’t sitting a few feet from him. “You’ll have the job as long as you want. And believe me, I’ll keep my distance and my feelings to myself,” he said icily. He rose. “As you said, it’s been a long day. Good night.”

The sound of his footsteps resonated through her place as he made his way to the door. The last look of disappointment in his eyes nearly undid Annie. But she wasn’t the right person for him. She was damaged, and when she left, he would realize that his feelings weren’t based on love but gratitude.

“Do you know anyone who could be their nanny?” Annie asked Amanda, suddenly feeling as though she’d let everyone down. But Ian needed to realize what he thought he was feeling toward her could probably be extended to anyone who did a good job with his children.

“Actually I do. She just graduated from high school last year and went to Oklahoma State her freshman year, but she has decided to attend Cimarron Community College in the fall. Mary is great with children. I think she could work her school schedule around the children’s in the fall. She wants to be a teacher, but OSU was too big for her. She wants the feel of a small college.”

“Mary Franklin? That tall, redheaded beauty with men lined up at her front door during school holidays?”

“Yes. I could talk to her and let you know if she’s interested. When she was in high school, she worked as a nanny for the Grimms across the street when their three children were out for summer break.”

“I guess you can check with her.” This was the answer to Annie’s problem, yet she couldn’t put any enthusiasm into the sentence.

“I thought you would be excited that I knew someone. Are you having second thoughts about leaving?”

“Of course not.” But Annie sounded weak even to herself.

Amanda hugged Annie. “Good. You’re having doubts about what you think you need to do. These past couple of months I’ve seen you changing. You’re more open. You’ve shared with Ian and his children more of yourself than you have with anyone else. That includes your own family members.”

“But he wants me to have surgery as if I’m not good enough this way.” Annie swept her arm down her length.

“That’s not what he’s doing, and I think in your heart you know that. Ian wants you to have options and to make your own decision. He took the money factor away so you could look into your heart and decide what
you
want.”

Annie straightened, thrusting back her shoulders. “It’s my life. People should accept me as is.”

“Yes. And in a perfect world, they would. Sometimes people react before thinking.”

Mentally exhausted, Annie tried to stifle a yawn but couldn’t.

“There’s no use talking about the surgery until you hear what the doctor says. You’re tired. Go to bed. I’ll let myself out.”

Annie switched off the lamp and walked toward the light streaming from her bedroom. But even after she got ready for bed and lay down, she couldn’t quiet her thoughts, all centered on Ian. Even if she let herself love, Ian was used to making people as close to perfect as he could. And she would never be that.

* * *

“You’ve been awfully quiet on the ride back. Do you have any questions you didn’t ask Neil?” Ian glanced at Annie sitting in the passenger seat of his Lexus.

“Dr. Hawks was quite thorough. I have all the information I need.”

“What do you think?”

“I don’t know. It’s happened so fast, and the fact he can do the surgery next month makes me feel rushed.”

Ian gritted his teeth. He’d hoped Annie would be excited once she heard from Neil what could be done to improve her scars and replace her ear. She’d helped his family so much—why couldn’t she see that and accept the gift for what it was, a thank-you?

“The choice is yours, of course.”

“Then, why did you arrange this?”

Ian gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Because you’d said you couldn’t afford it, and I wanted at least to take that barrier out of the decision.”

It had been nearly a week since Jeremy’s swim party, when Annie’s news about leaving had rocked his world, and he still hadn’t been able to right it. She wanted to quit. Ian was trying to keep his developing feelings for her to himself, but it was hard when all he wanted to do was hold her and make her life better. To love her as she deserved. He might never have considered a service dog for Jeremy if she hadn’t suggested the possibility. Rex was the best thing that had happened to his son.

“My life is fine the way it is.”

The defensive tone in her voice made Ian wonder if she was trying to convince herself. “Are you sure you feel that way?”