The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want (17 page)

It took a while before I had the confidence to deliver a direct opener. You have to believe in what you say and put yourself on the line. You have to have complete authority. If there’s even a hint of weakness and the girl picks up on it, the opener will fall flat. When you have confidence from your success with other openers, or if you’re confident because you can tell the girl is attracted to you, bring out the direct opener and it’ll be fantastic. You will receive super-fast results and women will think you’re incredible because of your boldness. With a direct opener, if she doesn’t respond negatively, take the direct route and escalate quickly.

Here are some examples:

  I saw you and just had to come and tell you that you have the most amazing smile/energy/legs/fashion sense.

  I know this is kind of random, but I had to tell you that you’re just too cute.

  Do you know who you remind me of? Someone I want to meet.

  I saw you and I knew that if I didn’t come and introduce myself, I’d be kicking myself all day.

  I like you, and I’m going to get to know you.

Situational openers are what I mainly use now, after years of trial and error. When you find yourself spontaneously using situational openers, you know you have them down. This means you’re well on the path to becoming a true natural.

A situational opener involves taking something about the current situation and using that to start the interaction. It could be noticing something about the woman you’re approaching; it could be a Seinfeld-esque “What’s the deal with that guy?” Usually it’s noticing something about the environment and posing the first question that comes to mind: “How can they eat ice cream in the winter?” “Would you wear
that
?”

In looking back on an evening, I know when I used a situational opener because when I try to remember which opener I used, I can’t. It’s so natural and unconscious and uncalculated that it slips my mind. The way to become comfortable being as natural as possible is to get used to saying whatever comes into your head, without delay or planning.

Assignment #3

Write down three openers you like; then go out and open ten new interactions. Your goal is just to open and stay as long in the conversation as you’re comfortable, make an excuse to leave, get the woman’s name, and eject. This is to help you get comfortable with opening sets. You will notice that, as you become more comfortable, the interactions will last longer and longer.

To see hundreds more openers, go to www.puatraining.com/openers.

Y
ou now know how to approach. You can start a conversation with a woman and get into a conversation. Now what? What do you say? How do you prevent those dreaded awkward silences? The answer lies in a simple set of conversational skills and comfort-building techniques that can be easily mastered so that you can move your interactions from the opener to the close. I call these the “skills of the natural.”

Any close—whether it’s a number close (where all you do is get a girl’s phone number), a kiss close, or a sex close—requires a certain degree of good rapport and connection. With the skills of the natural, you can learn how to easily achieve rapport with a wide variety of women. For anyone who wants to become a natural with women and feel like he’s always had that innate ability, this is the chapter to pay special attention to.

I used to be a terrible conversationalist. I was boring on dates, useless in groups, a terrible public speaker, and unable to hold people’s attention. Now I game like a natural. This means that I’m able to break down exactly what’s necessary to be a naturally good conversationalist and to generate attraction. What’s more, I can give you exercises to practice this skill on your own.

During the first minute of an interaction, you need to do most of the talking. Anything that puts the conversational pressure on the girl you’re interested in is something that she could use as an excuse to end the interaction. When she is comfortable and committed to the interaction (which could be instantly, but generally takes longer from a cold approach), you can start putting some of the conversational burden on her.

Women are sick of boring conversations with men. They’ve had the same ones over and over and over. If you can be different, you’ll stand out hugely and quickly generate attraction. But first, what
shouldn’t
you do if you’re a good conversationalist?

I’m willing to bet that a lot of these mistakes will sound familiar to you. We’ve all made them!

Many women are approached and immediately put on the spot to answer a series of questions. The man’s only response to her answers is usually, “Oh really, so …” This quickly gets boring, and any woman who puts up with this for long must either be really attracted to you or be very, very polite (or desperate).

Don’t ask a series of questions. Ask one and connect on that point; then ask another. For advanced-level skills, try to elicit the answer without asking the boring question—make an assumption or guess about what she does, where she’s from, or what food she likes. You get the same information, but it’s more interesting for her.

Hairdresser Conversation

What kind of conversation do you have with a hairdresser, a person in line at the post office, or the aunt you see once every six months? It’s probably boring and shallow. As in, you have the conversation but aren’t really listening and don’t really care, and it’s entirely unmemorable. Likewise, when you meet someone totally new they typically say things like, “What do you do?” “Where are you from?” “Do you like films?” Blah, blah, blah.

We all hate answering these questions over and over, yet we ask them of others! For attractive women who get approached regularly, it’s even more of a turn-off.

If a girl has pretty eyes, she’s probably been told that five thousand times. Find something more specific to say to her, preferably not about her appearance. Or don’t compliment her at all. It’s fine to give an obvious compliment with feeling when you’re already together, but in the early stages it’s not what she wants.

The above methods of eliciting information may either put conversational pressure on the girl or else they’re boring. Here’s what you should be doing instead. The following are some ways to elicit the standard information without asking boring questions:

Instead of asking, “Where are you from?” say, “Are you Swedish?” Make some kind of personal guess that shows you’re paying attention to her.

Instead of asking what she’s doing, say, “Okay, so you’re waiting to meet Steve. He’s a guy you met on the Internet, and you’ve no idea what he looks like, but he’s going to be wearing a red shirt.” She’ll laugh and then tell you what she’s actually doing—or even better, she’ll play along with it and you’ll have a fun moment. Make up a silly scenario: What’s she going to do with her friend? Why is she in your town?

Another example (depending on whether you’re at a bar or a Starbucks) would be: “Let me guess—so you’ve been shopping all day, bought loads of stuff, and now your feet are killing you, so you’re going for a coffee or beer together.” This kind of thing also gets you in the habit of focusing on women, making observations and cold reads. Over time, this skill develops and you can usually guess correctly!