The Navy SEAL's Bride (17 page)

Maybe he needed to walk away. Maybe he needed to figure out what he’d done here, how he’d managed to stuff this up so bad. When had he turned into the kind of guy who’d taken center stage and refused to let anyone else show him that he wasn’t alone? The kind of arrogant ass who thought that what he was going through wasn’t on par with what happened to other people every single day? That he wasn’t alone in his pain?

Tom ran faster, pushed himself, tried to empty his mind of thoughts and get into the zone, the head space he’d become so good at getting into when he’d been on a mission, out in the field.

He had flashbacks, visions of the morning when it had all gone so terribly wrong. Bursts of images behind his eyes, of the explosion, of what he remembered of it, of losing his buddy and not being able to hear a thing.

Tom wiped the back of one hand into his eyes, rubbed the blur away, stopped. He dropped his head, knees bent,
heaving,
hardly able to breathe. He felt as though he was going to suffocate, drop where he was standing.

He forced his body up and took off at a sprint again, knowing he couldn’t keep up the pace but not caring. He needed to push himself as hard as he could go, to stop thinking and focus on his body.

That’s what he
needed
. Only then would he be able to deal with what had just happened, with what he was up against. And figure out what he was going to do to make it up to Caitlin.

If that was even possible.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

“
O
KAY,
go for it.”

Tom sat back, nursing a beer but not remotely interested in drinking it. He deserved whatever Daniel gave him.

“Idiot, loser, moron.” Daniel grinned before shrugging. “You know I don’t mean it, right?”

Tom sank deeper into the sofa. “Yeah? Well, I know I meant it when I said it to you.”

It wasn’t that long ago that he’d ripped into his brother for being an idiot and almost wrecking his marriage. Now he was the one who’d stuffed up big-time.

“Advice?”

Daniel shook his head. “All I know is that I’d hate to be without Penny. If I hadn’t had you and mom to kick my butt over the whole thing, I could have lost her forever.”

“So what’re you trying to say?” Tom asked his brother.

Daniel leaned forward, intent. “If you think you stuffed up, then suck it up and say sorry. Do what you have to do to make things right.”

Daniel was right. Everything he was saying made sense, but it didn’t make the situation any easier to deal with. “I have a scary feeling that she’s the one, Dan. It’s in my gut, it’s keeping me awake at night.” But it wasn’t the only thing keeping him awake. His dreams, his nightmares, were worse again—back to what each night had been like since he’d been home, nothing like the peaceful night he’d had lying in Caitlin’s arms, with her tucked against him.

Daniel laughed, sipping on his beer. “If she’s the one, then I pity her.” He held up his beer, raised it to the ceiling. “To Caitlin, you poor, poor girl.”

Tom scowled. “What makes you think making it up to her will be that easy? There’s more to it than just saying sorry. I don’t think she’ll even want to hear me out.”

That really made Daniel laugh. “That’s the thing, bro. It ain’t going to be easy. She’ll chew you up and spit you out, then stomp all over you. But if she’s the one, she’s the one.” He shrugged again. “Besides, saying sorry is always a good start.”

Tom put down his beer and dropped to the ground. It was the only way he knew how to deal with whatever was going on in his head.

“Whatcha doing, Tommy?” Gabby’s singsong voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Press-ups,” he grunted, lifting his body up and down, hands planted into the carpet, muscles pulling back and forth.

“Your uncle’s punishing himself.”

Tom didn’t bother to glare at Daniel; he kept his eyes trained on the ground, focused on the rigid up-and-down motion of his arms.

“Why?” Gabby asked.

Tom listened to Daniel snigger but ignored him. “Because I like to work out when I’ve got stuff on my mind.”

“Like my teacher?” she asked.

Daniel burst into laughter now, slapping his hand against his thigh. Tom rose, stood up and glared down at Gabby. She was standing all cute and innocent in front of him, twisting her hair between her fingers, not scared of him in the least.

So how the hell was it he’d managed to scare Caitlin? When he should have been doing his darnedest to show her he’d protect her no matter what?

“Why? Why would it have anything to do with your teacher?” he asked.

She giggled. “Because Miss Rose’s been all sad this week, just like you have been. And I saw you
kiss
her.” Gabby looked proud of herself, as though she’d just divulged a major secret. “So that means I know you like her.”

“Gabby, does Cait— I mean Miss Rose, teach ballet on a Saturday?”

Gabby shrugged, but he didn’t care. This was his chance.

“Daniel, I didn’t understand what you were going through when you gave everything up for your family,” Tom admitted, hoping his brother recognized his words as an apology.

His brother smiled over at him. “Yeah, maybe not, but I decided to walk away from the Navy. You didn’t have a choice.”

“What if it wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened to me? Maybe it was time for me to do something different.”

Daniel raised his eyebrows. “Maybe, but jeez, Tom, I don’t know. You can talk it to death, but at the end of the day you’re out. You’re not a SEAL now and you need to make the most of what you’ve got.”

Daniel’s words seemed to echo in his mind.
He wasn’t a SEAL anymore.
The sooner he got over that, the sooner he had a chance at being happy and making a new life for himself.

“Your ear’s damaged but you still have all your limbs and you have your mind. You’re alive.”

Tom looked up. Penny was leaning in the doorway, arms folded, watching him. He didn’t look away, because she was right. Penny had every right to be the one to tell him that, because she’d made it home from war, had been a soldier and a brave one at that. And she’d lost people she was close to while she was away peacekeeping—he knew that, too.

“How much did you hear?” Tom asked her.

She smiled widely, making him feel that he was the most important person in the room, as she always managed to do. “Most of it,” she said. “Figure it out, Tom, and do it quick.”

“I gotta go.” Tom grabbed his coat and raised his hand in a wave as he rushed to the door.

“Tom and teacher up a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G…
”

He didn’t even bother to scold Gabby for singing her little song, although her squeals of laughter told him that Daniel was probably play-scolding her on his behalf. His brother had listened to him when he’d needed an ear, his sister-in-law had put everything in perspective in one sentence, and his niece had made him realize that maybe, just maybe, Caitlin had been moping about, too. That maybe she was hurt and wishing things had turned out differently, just as he was.

It was up to him to make this right.

He’d been an idiot, a fool…everything his brother had called him. What he needed to do now was make it up to her. Because Caitlin had told him to figure out who he was and what he wanted.

Now he knew. He wanted
her,
and nothing was going to stand in his way. That’s what he wanted. But even if she wouldn’t forgive him, he needed to change his attitude for
himself
.

Tom was used to getting his own way, to being the boss and working a certain way. Caitlin had changed all the rules and he still wanted to play the game.

And that told him everything he needed to know.

She was right and he was wrong, and that wasn’t something he’d ever liked to admit before.

* * *

Caitlin stretched in front of the mirror, showing her class exactly what she expected of them. They were older girls on a Saturday morning, young women who were starting to remind her more and more of herself at the same age. They might not want to become professional ballerinas, but they loved what they were doing and that’s what mattered to her.

She stopped to survey the room, looking over each girl to make sure they were stretching and moving correctly.

Oh,
my
.

She hadn’t heard the door open, but she knew it had. She’d been so consumed with dance that she hadn’t seen him, but she had now.

Tom.
The man she so desperately wanted to stop thinking about, but who’d been in her thoughts every minute of every day since they’d parted so badly.

She’d missed him.

“I’ll be back in a moment, girls, then we’ll run through the rehearsal,” Caitlin instructed in a firm, unwavering tone.

When she met Tom’s gaze, she didn’t feel so confident. Didn’t have the core strength that she was usually so good at summoning. Because Tom rocked her off her axis and made it tough to rebalance. Even if she wasn’t physically scared of him any longer.

“Caitlin,” he said when she neared. “I’m sorry to interrupt.”

She smoothed away imaginary creases in her snug-fitting top, touched over her skintight leggings, all the time watching him. Seeing him. Realizing how much she’d missed him, even though she’d tried so hard to fight it. To tell herself he wasn’t worth the pain.

“I can’t talk here,” she said, wishing she could throw herself into his arms. Wishing they were more, but then knowing they couldn’t be. That it was never going to happen. Caitlin looked into his rich, dark eyes, at the softness of his mouth as he smiled at her. “Why are you here?” she whispered.

“Because I was an idiot and I’m here to make sure you believe it,” he said, holding her gaze. “Can I see you after class?”

Caitlin looked over her shoulder at the girls still dancing, then back at the man before her. She wanted to say
yes
so badly, but…

“Why?” she asked, her voice low, not quite able to say
no
.

“Because I’m hoping you believe that everyone deserves a second chance,” he said, his voice husky and low, too. Tom reached for her hand, squeezed her palm inside his. “Just give me this afternoon. Hear me out.”

Caitlin wavered, the desire to say yes stronger, then disappearing. But she couldn’t say no, could she? Not when he was standing before her, honestly and truly asking for a chance to prove himself. It didn’t even mean she was giving him a second chance. Maybe it just meant that she was prepared to hear him out.

“Just this afternoon?” she asked.

Tom grinned, nodding. “Just this afternoon. If you still think I’m an idiot after that, I promise I’ll never bother you again.”

Caitlin touched her hand to his cheek, smiling back at him. No matter what he’d done, she knew he was kind. That he was a nice man, a brave man who did nice things in his life and for his family. What she didn’t know was whether he was the right kind of man for her. Or if she was even capable of letting a man in again.

“I never thought you were an idiot,” she told him before stepping back.

“Yeah? Well, I sure acted like one.”

Tom didn’t move; she could feel him watching her, but she wasn’t going to let him distract her or her class, at least not until after their lesson was up.

“No viewing in the classroom,” she called out, confidence back.

Caitlin didn’t have to turn around to know that Tom had disappeared.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

T
OM
was starting to sweat. Not just a damp line touching his brow, but a panicked, wet kind of break-out that was making him nervous as hell.

He had less than half an hour to figure out what to do, how to show Caitlin the kind of man he could be, and he had no idea what that was going to be. Where to even start. But he’d asked her and she’d said yes, and that’s what was important. What was spurring him into action.

Penny.
Penny would be able to help him. She’d tell him what to do. He should have told her the whole story earlier, confided in her, instead of running out of the house in such a hurry.

He pulled out his mobile and hit speed dial.

“Tom!” Penny answered, sounding breathless.

“Bad timing?” he asked, one hand nervously rubbing back and forth over his head.

“No, it’s fine. I’m just outside kicking a ball around with Gabby.”

Tom stood up straighter, pulled himself together. That’s what he wanted. He’d resisted it, fought it, but he wanted to be the guy hanging out with family, kicking a ball around a yard. Not with his brother and his family, but
with his own family.
And he wanted it now. Maybe he hadn’t realized it before, but now he knew, he didn’t want to stuff this up. Screw his past, to hell with the demons chasing him in his sleep. He wanted Caitlin in his life and he would do whatever it took, whatever he needed to, to make that a possibility.

“Pen, I need help,” he admitted, realizing how desperate he sounded but not caring. This was his sister-in-law, someone he loved and trusted, and if he couldn’t turn to her, then there was no point even trying to make something happen with Caitlin. “You were right, but I don’t how to tell her, what to do.”

There was silence, before Penny answered. “Daniel filled me in on the whole story.”

He’d presumed his brother would have spilled as soon as he’d left their house. “So what do you think I should do? How can I make it up to her? I need to show her that I care enough not to walk away. That I was a jerk.”

Penny laughed. “Have you tried telling her all that?”

“Should I?”

This time her voice was serious. “I’m not going to tell you what to do, Tom, because it’s what you
want
to do that matters. Just tell her how you feel, in your own words, and show her why you’re serious. Only you know what’s in your heart and what you need to tell her.”

“But I’ve got less than—” he checked his watch “—twenty-five minutes to figure out what to do.”

He could almost see Penny shaking her head. “I can’t help you, Tom. I wish I could. All I can say is that if she means that much to you, you’ll know what to do and what to say.” There was silence for a beat. “I know about her, Tom. She told me a little about her past, and I’m guessing she finds it hard to trust men. You need to show her why she can trust
you,
that you’re different.”