The Night Beat, From the Necropolis Enforcement Files (35 page)

We stormed inside the house, to hear Nero finishing up his homeowner’s tour. “So, you can see, I’ve really made this place my own.”

Jack looked bored out of his mind, and also frustrated. I raised my eyebrow and he shook his head. “He has the right papers to prove ownership. Could be forged or magically created, I can’t tell.”

“Well, real homeowner here or not, I’m sure the local Homeowner’s Association has a lot to say about the planting of dangerous pests with intent to send them right up to the big house of worship on the hill.”

Nero feigned innocence. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I think you do. But, to be fair, we’ll take you in for questioning and let some of the beings more adept and dragging information out of suspects have some alone time with you.”

Nero looked nervous. “I think you need a warrant.”

“If I were arresting you as part of the Prosaic City P.D., yes, I would. Since I’m arresting you as part of Necropolis Enforcement, however, I need nothing more than the fact that I don’t like you.”

“Fascist,” he muttered.

“No, but speaking of which, is Hitler up at the church?”

He tried to control it -- he kept most of his expression neutral. But his eyes opened a bit wider and his body jerked, just a little. “I have no idea.”

“You’re big on saying you don’t have any idea about anything. But Nero, my not-so-favorite ghoul, you’re an idea being. So, I’m betting you have a really
good
idea of what’s going on. Like who set the fake Hellfire perimeter.”

He shook his head. “I’m not saying another word.”

I considered our options. Continuing to question Nero could bear fruit, or it could just leave us barking up a very silent tree. I refused to just let him wander off because Yahweh only knew when we’d find him again or what he’d do. But my alternatives weren’t all that exciting. Tying him up just meant he’d get free in some way -- I’d seen enough movies and heard enough stories to know that never worked. Taking him up the hill with us would give him a prime opportunity to advise the Forces of Darkness that we were coming, let alone allow him to mess things up in any way he could.

This left taking him the Headquarters. I was all over that possibility, but how was the really big question. Other than the five of us, our entire extended team were in some form of medical rehab, so I couldn’t really ask one of them to come on over and cover this. I doubted Jack, Freddy or Sexy Cindy could really find their way back to take Nero in safely, and Nero was a pro at exploiting weaknesses. Which would leave Ralph.

However, Ralph was my only truly trained operative. Sure, Jack was a great cop, but he was a human and we were about to face some serious minions. And I didn’t want him to get hurt. Freddy and Sexy Cindy were game and seemed willing, but they had no real training in how to use their undead powers. So, if I sent Ralph away, I was making my meager team even weaker.

I felt out of options. “We need to do something with him before we move on,” I said lamely, mostly to fill the silence.

“We could call for a car,” Jack suggested.

Ralph snorted. “You don’t want humans dealing with this one. Trust me.”

I nodded. “Ralph’s right.”

“Don’t you all have some sort of paddy wagon?” Sexy Cindy asked.

Ralph and I looked at each other. “Actually,” I said slowly, “we do.” It hadn’t occurred to me because they didn’t really work law enforcement so much as transportation. But they were on day shift duty under normal circumstances and they were always up for anything, and no one was ever able to put one past them -- they’d seen and done enough when they were alive that nothing ever fooled them.

I hit the buttons on my wrist-com for the Tour Bus. “Yo,” a man’s sexy voice replied. “Vic, baby, what’s up?”

“Merc, are you and L.K. available?”

“For you, darling, always.”

“I need a perp taken into Headquarters. He’s slippery and trouble, and I need it done with some semblance of speed and subtlety.”

Merc chuckled. I heard L.K. in the background. “Is it needful circumstances?”

I controlled the sigh. These two did have their little quirks. “Yes, King, it is.” I knew what was expected. Fortunately, it was easy in this case. “No lazing on a Sunday afternoon for you two.”

They both laughed. “Love working with you, darling,” Merc said. “We aiming for your mark?”

“Please. By the way, we’re in the Estates.

“I could tell.”

“Yes, but here’s the thing. It looks surrounded by Hellfire, but it’s not real.”

“You want us to take your word and risk unlife and limb to cross what could be the most deadly thing out there?”

“Yeah. I figure it’ll be a nice flashback for both of you. Not like your human lives were exactly dull and full of boredom.”

“You do know how to entice, don’t you darling? Be there in two shakes of my tail.” Both of them were laughing as Merc signed off.

My wrist-com went dead. Jack cocked his head. “Let me guess -- Elvis is on his way?”

“Not…quite.” I went to the front door and waited. True to their reputations, they were as fast as lightning. The Tour Bus flew up the street and came to a screeching halt in front of what might really be Nero’s house. I was fairly sure no one had noticed them -- the Tour Bus had a good spell on it. Human’s only saw it when they needed to.

The Tour Bus really looked like a tour bus, for some obvious reasons. It was a little longer and wider than normal, but nothing that couldn’t drive on a human street without too much notice. Well, as long as no one noticed what was painted on the sides. Merc and L.K. liked their fun, after all.

“Ride with the best Little Devils anywhere,” Jack read aloud. “You called in evil demons?”

I snorted. “Hardly. They just have an interesting sense of humor.”

Two beings slid out of the Bus. Literally. They were both wraiths now, and they only used doors if they had to. Wraiths are more powerful than ghosts -- they have more of their human abilities with them, and can go solid if necessary. Plus, no icky ectoplasm smell. Of course, with these two, if they had smelled, they’d have found a way to counter it or, more likely, bottled it as the scent to attract the girls
and
boys.

“That’s not Elvis,” Jack hissed at me as the wraiths solidified, touched ground, and sauntered over.

“Nope.”

Merc laughed at the expressions on Jack, Freddy and Sexy Cindy’s faces. “You didn’t tell them, darling?” He gave me a big hug.

“It’s so much more fun to initiate this way.”

“How’s Fangs doing?” Merc asked, as he let me go and L.K. gave me a hug.

“Maurice is okay. Well, as okay as the rest of our team is.”

“There’s big trouble going on?” L.K. asked, voice as smooth as single malt scotch.

“Yeah, there is.” I gave them the fast highlights, reassured Merc that Maurice was really okay, and stressed that they were here for transportation assistance only.

“Sounds like you might need us to do more than just drive,” L.K. said, looking and sounding worried.

“L.K., you guys are the greatest but you’re not trained. I’m working with enough non-Enforcement personnel already.”

“Why do you call him L.K.?” Jack asked finally. “And not Jim?”

Merc and L.K. grinned. I shrugged. “He really is the Lizard King.”

“And I’m not into titles all that much,” L.K. added. “But there are some undeads…well, you know…it’s easier if they don’t know where you are at any given time.”

“Groupies hard to shake in unlife, too?” Sexy Cindy asked dryly.

“You know it.” L.K. gave her a long, appraising look. “But, your Lizard King is always willing to make an exception for lovely and lonely succubae.”

She snorted. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Do.” L.K. looked at me. “And, of course, any time you’re ready, babe. You have the open invitation.”

Jack glared and Ralph growled. I just laughed. “And I appreciate it, too.”

Freddy was staring at Merc like he was seeing a ghost. Which, I guess, he sort of was. “That’s…you’re…this is Freddy Mercury,” he choked out finally.

Merc nodded. “In the not-flesh, darling.” He cocked his head. “You were a fan?”

Freddy nodded. “The biggest.”

“A theology professor who was into Queen?” I wondered if I’d heard everything now, and figured I hadn’t.

Freddy shook his head. “The insinuation that rock and roll was the Devil’s music always seemed unfounded to me.”

Merc and L.K. grinned at each other. “Oh, Satan did have a lot to do with it,” Merc said.

“He’s a cool dude,” L.K. agreed.

Jack cleared his throat. “Anyone here want to help us get Nero into custody? Anyone at all?”

“What’s the rush?” Merc asked. “Armageddon has a build, darling. There’s still time to avert it.”

“Says a dead rock star,” Jack muttered.

“Undead,” Merc corrected. He stared at Jack for a few long moments. Then he pulled me aside. “Why is he along?”

“He’s my human partner. He’s handling all of this really well.”

“And you’re sleeping with him.”

“How can you tell?”

He shrugged. “I can tell. Anyway, I don’t like him. And I know Jimmy doesn’t either.” Merc only called L.K. “Jimmy” when he was making the point that he was talking in a very personal way and about personal things.

L.K. joined us. “I agree with Freddy. This one. Not his zombie namesake.” And, similarly, if L.K. was calling Merc “Freddy”, they were both making it clear that they weren’t kidding around. At all.

“What’s wrong with him?” I asked a little more defensively than I wanted.

Merc shook his head. “I don’t know. But…something’s off.”

“Like what and how do you mean?”

“He’s hiding something,” L.K. said. “You know, we spent our human lives around people who were hiding their real intentions.”

“Or what they really were,” Merc added. “And, the Gods and Monsters know we spent our own time hiding things, too. Darling, I know you like him, I mean, I have working eyes, what’s not to drool over, right? But….”

“Something’s off,” L.K. finished for him. “In fact, it’s off enough that we’re coming back, once we get rid of your perp.”

“Guys, really, you’re not trained. And I think we’re going up against all the big minions.”

“And you’re going up against them with someone backing you we both feel is hiding something,” Merc said. “It’s decided. We’ll be back.”

“Now,” L.K. said briskly. “Who are we taking in?”

How they’d missed Nero I couldn’t figure. I sighed and looked around -- and resisted the urge to curse impressively. “Are you kidding me? Jack! Where in the depths of Hell is Nero?”

We all looked. Sure enough, the little weasel was gone.

Chapter 51

Ralph and I both sniffed the air. “He’s heading up the hill,” Ralph called as he took off.

“Follow that werewolf!” I shouted.

Jack ran for the S-Class. “The keys are gone!”

Oh, right. I had them. I was about to say so, when Merc grabbed me. “Come on, we’ll take the Bus.”

L.K. floated into the bus and opened the door for those of us still corporeally challenged. “Our weapons are in the trunk,” I said as Merc shoved me in. He rolled his eyes and went to the back of the bus.

The others were behind me so I sort of had to get on board. The Bus was nice. L.K. hadn’t had it this plush in his day, but Merc had seen plenty before he left the human plane, and it was all here. They even had a hot tub. Not that I felt now was an appropriate time to try it out.

“Full bar?” Sexy Cindy asked as she looked around and headed for one of the more plush and comfy Captain’s chairs. “We get to drink as undeads?”

I coughed. “I do.”

“Why don’t I?” She was back to defensive.

I shrugged. “Succubae don’t…eat or drink.”

“Say
what
?”

“Now probably isn’t the time,” Jack said as the Bus lurched and he fell onto a couch. “Vic, sit down.”

I would have, and almost had no choice as Freddy flew past me and, thankfully, landed in another Captain’s chair. But Merc wasn’t in the Bus, and L.K. was peeling out like he’s been a NASCAR driver, not a rock star.