The No Cry Discipline Solution (12 page)

The Four Parts to Discipline

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Think about something that you do or don’t do—but that you

know you should do differently. Perhaps it’s exercising or eating

healthily. Maybe it’s keeping your desk organized or your closet

clean. Perhaps it’s staying calm when your fl ight is delayed or you

are stuck in traffi c. In all of these examples it’s likely that you struggle to always do the right thing, even when you know what

the right thing is. So, if you, the mature adult, still don’t do every-

thing the right way, how can you possibly expect such a feat from

your young child?

Discipline means to teach—and it is a very rare lesson that

can be learned in one simple session. Furthermore, young chil-

dren cannot easily apply what they’ve learned in one situation to

another. So even minor variations create entirely new scenarios—

for example, learning to share toys with a sibling at home isn’t

easily transposed to sharing playground equipment with a friend

at the park.

Mother-Speak

“ Too often we are caught saying, ‘How many times have I

said . . . ?’ We forget that children need repetitive teaching

to learn.”

—Sonja, mother to Ekatarina, age 3, and Aleksandar, age 1

What this all means is that you must teach the same, or similar,

lessons over and over and over and
over
again in many different

ways until, perhaps, your child will master the idea and claim it

as his own. Even then, just because a child knows what is right

doesn’t mean he will always do the right thing. (Do you
always

drive the posted speed limit?) Our job as parents is to help our

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The Foundation for No-Cry Discipline

children learn right from wrong and how to make the right deci-

sions in life. It is to guide and teach our children, every day, in

many ways.

Discipline means teaching, and as such it can encompass

almost every interaction you have with your child. When you are

thoughtful about your role as a parent, keep your eye on long-term

goals, and use carefully planned parenting skills, then your essen-

tial parenting attitudes will be properly aligned. That’s when you

will avoid confrontation and tears, and your job as a parent will

be much more fulfi lling and rewarding.

Pa r t 2

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No-Cry Discipline Parenting

Skills and Tools

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Everyday Challenges

Children are joy. We love them with every cell of our being, and

we can’t imagine what our world would be like without them.

Yet, everyday life with our children can be challenging, frustrating,

and exhausting. All day, every day, there are so many things we

must get our children to do—or stop from doing. Beginning with

getting them out of bed in the morning, and ending with putting

them to bed at night (and maybe not even then), a parent’s job

involves providing an incredible amount of organization, guidance,

direction, and correction. Regardless of our beliefs about parent-

ing, our theories about children, or our life goals, it is the essence

of everyday living—the daily routines and ordinary actions—that

make up life.

When you have young children in your home, this everyday

life can be a challenging adventure from sunup to sundown. Even

when you try to see the big picture and make decisions based

on your goals for the future, the daily process of living seems to

create a whirlwind of activity and emotions so that in any given

moment your thoughts are wholly focused on the
now
. This is very different from living in the moment and enjoying it. Instead,

we often struggle through the day, trying to stay ahead of the

many problems and frustrations that arise. You may
want
to focus

your decisions on creating joy, achieving your goals, and seeing

the big picture of your child’s future, but you can’t even begin to

see that big picture because there are so many little pictures in

the way. Who would have ever thought that simple tasks, such as

putting on shoes, brushing teeth, or giving a bath would require

so much preparation, negotiation, and emotion? And who would

have thought that raising one tiny child could bring so many frus-

trating everyday challenges?

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Copyright © 2007 by Better Beginnings, Inc. Click here for terms of use.