The No Cry Discipline Solution (14 page)

our responses to our child’s misbehavior are less than stellar.

Instead of using skills that gain control of the situation, a sleep-

deprived parent lacks patience and tries to force changes, often

leading to meltdowns on both sides.

Mother-Speak

“ I notice that Matthew misbehaves the most when he is tired.

If he only naps for an hour instead of his usual two-hour nap,

he tends to be fussy and clingy. And if he hasn’t had a nap at

all, he will start to hit or throw things. When he doesn’t nap,

it causes unnecessary misbehaviors and frustration. So now I

do my best to try to let him have a nap, even if we are on the

go, because in the long run it is better for everyone.”

—Genevieve, mother to Matthew, age 2

Solutions

Make the effort to solve any sleep issues—both night sleep and nap

time. If your child is fi ve years old or younger, plan for a daily nap.

You can’t force a child to sleep, of course, but you can set up a situa-

tion that invites relaxation and encourages sleep. A good time for a

nap is soon after lunch. Create a post-lunch routine where your child

First, Solve the Real Problem

55

lies in a dark room and listens to music or an audio book. If your

child is tired, he should fall asleep easily under these conditions, and

if he doesn’t sleep the rest time will still be good for him.

If your child isn’t sleeping well at night, do whatever you can

to solve the problem. A few quick tips that may get you started on

the right path include:

• Aim for an early bedtime.

• Dim the lights and calm the activity the hour before that

bedtime.

• Have a pleasant, relaxing pre-bed routine.

• Have your child go to bed at the same time seven days a

week.

If you are struggling with sleep issues, there is more specifi c help

for you in Part 4, Specifi c Solutions for Everyday Problems, as well

as in my books
The No-Cry Sleep Solution
and
The No-Cry Sleep
Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers
.

The Problem: Hunger

Children can’t always identify feelings of hunger, yet being hungry

can negatively affect their energy, mood, stamina, and ability to

focus and concentrate. While adults have learned how to iden-

tify and cope with hunger, children have years to go before they

develop this ability, so even mild hunger can trip them up.

Children can also be adversely affected by poor food choices

that don’t adequately fuel their bodies with proper nutrition. Your

child may be drawn to carbohydrates, as many are—toast or cereal

for breakfast, macaroni for lunch, crackers for a snack, and pota-

toes for dinner. Sadly lacking are protein, fruits, and vegetables.

An unbalanced diet such as this can directly affect your child’s

moods, health, digestion, and elimination. Children can become

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No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools

Aanyah, age 2

uncomfortable, unpleasant, and lagging in energy without under-

standing that a healthy snack or meal would help them feel much

better.

Solutions

It’s best to provide your child with breakfast (soon after he or

she wakes in the morning), lunch, and dinner plus two or three

First, Solve the Real Problem

57

healthy snacks (between the meals) every day. Children don’t need

big meals, but they do need frequent nourishment to stabilize their

behavior.

In addition to regular meals and snacks, take a good look at

the kinds of food your child is eating. Is your child’s diet healthy

and balanced? Does it contain choices from all the food groups?

The composition of your child’s meal will determine how it affects

behavior and for how long. Balanced meals that contain healthy

choices from a variety of food groups will have a much better

impact than a snack consisting of only one type of food. When

that one food is a nonnutritious choice, such as French fries or

cookies, the impact on your child’s mood will be only marginally

better than the hunger it replaces. A high-nutrition meal or snack

can refuel your child and improve behavior.

Children who have undetected food sensitivities or food aller-

gies may have related behavior problems. Signs of a food-related

allergy can appear soon after a child eats the food or several hours

later. The most common signs are diarrhea, vomiting, abdominal

pain, wheezing, coughing, rash, fussiness, gassiness, and diffi culty

sleeping. Your child may have only one or two of these symptoms.

If you suspect that your child may have a food allergy, talk to a

medical professional.

Father-Speak

“ I am always surprised to see how some parents’ lifestyles

have become so busy that they don’t notice the signals that

their children are sending to them. It often ends in frustration

for both the parent and the child, when the issue could have

been easily avoided.”

—Ole, father to Lucas, age 3

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No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools

Improving your child’s diet is a simple idea with a big pay-

off. Make an effort to provide many small servings of a variety

of healthy foods each day to prevent hunger-based behavior

problems.

The Problem: Frustration

Children’s minds are often one step ahead of their physical abili-

ties. They may want to tie their shoes and they may think they

know how to tie their shoes, but when they grasp those laces they

just can’t get them to tie! In their frustration—and their desire to

succeed—they often get discouraged and angry. They desperately

want to succeed, and, as nature would dictate, they are determined

to keep trying even when they fail repeatedly—which often makes

them appear to be unreasonable and stubborn.

While we do want our children to learn how to be indepen-

dent, we don’t always have time for the learning process nor do

we always identify this as the cause of stubborn behavior, so our

own impatience makes our children dig in their heels even deeper.

This, of course, makes us even more upset, and so goes around the

circle of negative emotions.

Solutions

Understand that your child has a biological drive to master her

world, yet oftentimes she’s unable to achieve the things she sets

out to do.

There are times when you can allow your child plenty of time to

practice a new skill. Other times, when you are in a hurry or when

your child is clearly frustrated, there’s no rule against helping your

child accomplish any task.