The No Cry Discipline Solution (63 page)

job.

Toothbrushing

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Mother-Speak

“ After many months of trying to get my son to cooperate

with toothbrushing, it fi nally occurred to me that Elmo was

on his toothbrush and I could use this to help. I mustered up

the best Elmo impression I could and said, ‘Elmo is REALLY

hungry. Elmo heard that you ate burritos for dinner. Would

you please give Elmo some, too?’ Samuel smiled, giggled,

and gladly opened his mouth to feed Elmo. Now he and

his little sister usually run off down the hall to ‘feed Elmo’

before bed.”

—Morgan, mother to Samuel, age 4, and Abby, age 2

• Be creative.
Pretend the toothbrush is a train and the teeth

a track. Make enthusiastic train noises, and encourage your child

to drive the train. Give the toothbrush and teeth voices, and have

them talk to each other. Make up a toothbrushing song, or use a

variation of a favorite tune. There’s no reason that this daily ritual

can’t be a fun one!

What Not to Do

• Don’t let your child off the hook to avoid the battle.
Not

only can cavities develop quickly if you don’t brush, but you are

setting in place important lifelong habits.

• Don’t threaten future problems.
Telling a toddler he’ll have

to have a cavity fi lled at his next checkup or threatening a pre-

schooler that he’ll have dentures at age forty won’t have much

impact. Children can’t think that far ahead.

Traveling

See also: Car Problems; Restaurant Behavior

When we go on trips with our children, it seems to

bring out their worst behavior. What should be a fun

vacation turns into a trying chore.

Think About It

A new location, unusual foods, mysterious unfamiliar people, loss

of household routines, and a liberal dose of excitement—all of

these contribute to your children’s unruly vacation behavior. There

are a number of things that you can do to turn things around and

have a delightful excursion with your children.

What to Do

• Keep your normal routines.
Disruption of the familiar can

create chaos with children. When planning your travel times and

vacation events, try to keep four things consistent with your usual

routines: morning wake-up time, nap time, mealtimes, and bed-

time. Of course this isn’t always possible, but the further you veer

from your usual routines the more likely your children’s behavior

will deteriorate.

• Have realistic expectations.
Adults are able to transform

their normal behavior to vacation behavior, but children don’t

function this way. If your child is a picky eater at home, she’ll be

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Traveling

281

a picky eater on vacation. If your children argue at home, they’ll

argue away from home. If your child dawdles at home, she’ll move

slowly on vacation. When you expect something different from

the norm just because you are away from home, you are setting

yourself up for disappointment. Yet almost all parents fall prey to

the belief that their children’s behavior will magically improve

because they’ve bought airline tickets and rented a hotel room.

• Banish boredom.
We expect a vacation to bring all the fun

our children need. However, here are many hours of unfi lled time

involved: waiting in lines, sitting in buses, waiting for meals to be

served. Boredom is one of the main culprits for cranky children

and misbehavior during trips. Prevent boredom by packing “fun

bags” and keeping a few with you at all times. The party aisle of

your favorite toy store has lots of inexpensive ideas to fi ll your bags, such as tiny plastic animals, Silly Putty, stickers, drawing paper

and markers, playing cards, comic books, and miniature travel

games. These toys can be used anytime you need to keep your

child occupied.

• Tell them what to expect.
In advance of your journey, let

your children know what the travel plans are—how long the jour-

ney will take, the expected time of arrival, where you will sleep,

and what you will do all day. The better prepared they are and

the fewer the surprises, the more pleasant your children will be to

travel with. For younger children, you can even role-play the trip

in advance. As an example, set up chairs as an airplane in your

living room. Pretend your bedroom is the hotel room. Play-act the

trip, discussing what will happen when you’re on vacation.

• Have vacation rules.
Children will respond much better if

they know exactly what is expected of them. At the start of the

trip, or even before you leave, write down a list of rules. (Add

to them as necessary as the trip goes on.) Review the rules each

morning. This is a fantastic way to avoid power struggles during

the day.

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Specifi

c Solutions for Everyday Problems

• Use your parenting skills.
Remember to use all the skills

you have learned. Offering choices, using 5-3-1 Go!, engaging the

imagination, and having clear, specifi c, eye-to-eye discussions will

all help prevent you from losing your patience.

What Not to Do

• Don’t expect perfection.
It doesn’t matter how much money

you’ve paid, how much time it took to plan, or how excited you are

about the trip—your children’s behavior will be dictated by what’s

inside them, not by where they are in the world. They aren’t mis-

behaving because they are ungrateful or bad—they are just being

normal children.

• Don’t be too rigid.
Relax and pick your battles. Bending

a few rules is okay when you’re away from home. Don’t worry so

much about the little things, and focus on having a good time

yourself.