The No Cry Discipline Solution (60 page)

• Teach.
Teach your children how to talk, negotiate, and com-

promise with each other. They are likely to be blinded by their

own side of the story and need help to see each other’s point of

view. You can even have your children sit on a sofa together, or on

adjacent chairs, to talk. Rather than dictating a resolution, help

them discuss the problem and come to the best conclusion. Over

time, and with practice, they will learn how to settle arguments

on their own.

• Distract.
If the argument is over a trivial issue, you can

often defuse the tension with humor or distract the children with

another activity.

• Praise good behavior.
It frequently happens that when chil-

dren are playing together nicely the parent takes advantage of the

peace to catch up on some work. Then, when a fi ght breaks out,

the parent shows up to solve the problem. So, don’t disregard your

children when they are getting along well! Reward them for getting

Mother-Speak

“ Recently I’ve been dealing with Kekoa being less than nice to

his little brother. It’s really frustrating because the mama bear

comes out in me each time he knocks Kalani down or takes

a toy away from him. I’ve been telling myself I need to be

calmer and nicer about how I handle those situations, and to

be patient and teach. Kindness begets kindness, I think.”

—Michel, mother to Kekoa, age 3, and Kalani, age 1

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Specifi

c Solutions for Everyday Problems

along with some positive attention. Make a comment of apprecia-

tion, such as, “I’m happy that you enjoy playing together.” Giving

attention when things are going well will confi rm your expecta-

tions and encourage them to continue the positive behavior.

What Not to Do

• Don’t assume that only one child is at fault.
Don’t assume

that your older child controls the relationship. Don’t assume that

a more aggressive child is always at fault. Sometimes one child

has taunted or teased the sibling to the point of frustration. It’s

important to be aware of any behind-the-scenes ordeals that may

be testing one child’s patience to its limit.

• Don’t assume there’s nothing you can do.
Yes, siblings fi ght.

But they can learn from you how to handle their disagreements in

a respectful way.

Sleep Issues—Bedtime

See also: Sleep Issues—Naps

Our daughter hates bedtime. It’s a battle every night

to get her into bed, and then she’s up several times

during the night.

Think About It

Up to 70 percent of children under age six have sleep problems.

Sleep issues are complicated and have many different causes.

They’re hard to deal with because when children aren’t sleeping,

parents aren’t sleeping, either. Lack of sleep affects
every minute
of
every day
because lack of sleep isn’t just about being tired. Sleep has a role in everything—dawdling, temper tantrums, hyperactivity, growth, health, and even learning. Improving your child’s sleep

patterns can bring more peace to your home.

What to Do

• Maintain a consistent time for going to bed and waking

up.
Your child’s biological clock has an infl uence on her wakefulness and sleepiness. When you establish a set time for bedtime

and wake-up time, you “set” your child’s clock so that it functions

smoothly.

• Aim for an early bedtime.
Most children will sleep
better

and
longer
when they go to bed early.

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266

Specifi

c Solutions for Everyday Problems

• Encourage regular daily naps.
Daily naps are important. An

energetic child can fi nd it diffi cult to go through the day without a

rest break. A napless child will often wake up cheerful but become

progressively fussier or hyperalert as the day goes on.

• Set your child’s biological clock.
Take advantage of your

child’s biology so that she’s actually tired when bedtime arrives.

Expose your child to bright morning light to push the biological

“go” button—the one that says, “Time to wake up and be active.”

Then align your child’s sleepiness with bedtime by dimming the

lights during the hour before bedtime.

• Develop a consistent bedtime routine.
Routines create secu-

rity and prevent battles. A consistent, peaceful bedtime routine

allows your child to transition from the motion of the day to the

tranquil state of sleep. An organized routine helps you coordinate

the specifi cs in a peaceful manner.

• Create a cozy sleep environment.
Where your child sleeps

can be a key to quality sleep. Make certain the mattress is com-

fortable, the blankets are warm, the room temperature is right,

pajamas are comfy, and the bedroom is welcoming.

• Provide the right nutrition.
Foods can affect energy level

and sleepiness. The right food choices can bring better sleep.

Sugar, junk food, and soda pop in the few hours before bedtime

can affect sleep. Provide a healthy prebedtime snack, such as whole

wheat toast and cheese, a bagel and peanut butter, an apple and

cheese, oatmeal with bananas, or yogurt with low-sugar granola.

• Help your child to be healthy and fi t.
Too much TV watch-

ing and a lack of activity prevents good sleep. Children who get

ample daily exercise fall asleep more quickly, sleep better, stay

asleep longer, and wake up feeling refreshed. But avoid activity in

the hour before bedtime, since exercise can be stimulating.

• Help your child relax.
A child who is listening to a par-

ent read a book or tell a story, or one who is listening to peaceful

Sleep Issues—Bedtime

267

music, will tend to lie still and listen. This quiet stillness allows

her to become sleepy.

What Not to Do

• Don’t keep doing what you’re doing if it isn’t working.

In order for your child’s sleep issues to be resolved, you’ll need to

make changes in your current routine. Examine what’s
not
work-

ing, and then make a brand-new plan.

• Don’t discipline your child for not sleeping well.
Sleep

issues are resolved more effectively and peacefully when you take

a positive, proactive approach to them.

• Don’t ignore the problem or think it will resolve itself.
If

sleep issues are upsetting your household, take a look at the solu-

tions in my books on this topic:
The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle

Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night
and
The No-Cry
Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop

Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Child’s Sleep
.

Sleep Issues—Naps

See also: Sleep Issues—Bedtime

My daughter refuses to nap, but I suspect that she still

needs one. How can I convince her to sleep?

Think About It

Naps are important for your child’s health and growth. A nap

refreshes a child so that she can maintain her energy for the rest

of the day. Studies show that children who nap are more adapt-

able, have longer attention spans, and are less fussy than those

who don’t nap.

What to Do

• Determine if your child needs a nap.
There are some signs

that tell you that your child would benefi t from a nap. If she wakes

up happy but gets cranky later, if she has more temper tantrums

from after dinner until bedtime, and if she routinely falls asleep in

the car or when watching TV, she’s telling you that a daily nap is

a great idea.

• Figure out how much nap time your child needs.
Children

differ in the amount of sleep they require—but most have similar

needs. Toddlers usually need one to three hours of nap time, and

preschoolers can use one to two hours. Many kindergarteners ben-

efi t from an hour or so of nap time. Your child’s behavior is a good

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