The No Cry Discipline Solution (55 page)
Read The No Cry Discipline Solution Online
Authors: Elizabeth Pantley
and broccoli, so you need to provide healthy choices.
My child leaves toys, socks, tissues, and dishes
lying around the house and expects me to clean up
after him.
Think About It
As parents, we set ourselves up for this one, I’m afraid. One day
we have a baby who requires our total care, and the next thing we
know we are still providing the same level of care to a six-year-old
who’s never had a compelling reason to want life any other way.
If you had a live-in maid who followed you around and tidied up
all your messes, I bet you’d be pleased to let her continue to do it,
too!
What to Do
• Be consistent.
If some days you encourage your child to
clean up but other days you ignore the mess, your child won’t have
a clear expectation of what you want him to do. Set a plan and
stick to it.
• Create a daily routine for cleaning up.
One day’s mess is
usually manageable, but a mess that adds up day after day becomes
insurmountable. Pick a scheduled time that you can adhere to
every day, such as after dinner or before putting on pajamas, for a
daily cleanup.
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Messiness
243
• Join in during the cleanup time.
Cleaning up together makes
it more pleasant. Over time this cleanup routine will become habit
and your child will cooperate with little fuss.
• Get more organized.
Make sure there is a place for every-
thing, and teach your child to keep everything in its rightful place.
Use plastic bins, boxes, and shelves to stay organized.
What Not to Do
• Don’t constantly clean up after your child.
If your child
never participates in cleaning up, he won’t learn how to do it.
• Don’t complain about it.
If your child doesn’t have a cleanup
routine and you don’t have clear expectations, then it’s not his
fault that you’re unhappy. Instead of complaining, use your energy
to teach good habits.
See also: Biting Other Children; Bossiness;
Playtime Behavior
I have a close friend I’ve always enjoyed spending
time with. The problem is that her children are
boisterous and disobedient, and she does nothing to
correct them.
Think About It
When you love your friend and she loves her children but your
parenting styles are very different, it becomes a very sensitive issue.
Chances are she doesn’t see her children the same way you do.
Tread lightly when you approach issues about other people’s chil-
dren because lifelong friendships can be broken over contrasting
parenting approaches.
What to Do
• Use distraction and redirection.
If you see a problem brew-
ing, step in and invite the children to get involved in an activity.
Keeping them busy may help avoid confrontation or problems.
• Focus only on the issue at hand.
Find a solution to the cur-
rent problem only, don’t address personality or lifestyle. Do what’s
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Other People’s Undisciplined Children
245
necessary to get through the visit. Make your comments about the
action or the group, not the individual child.
• Share parenting knowledge in a nonthreatening way.
Invite
your friend to accompany you to a parenting class or to attend a
lecture. Share a copy of your favorite parenting book—tell her that
you love it and you’re sure she will, too.
• Pick your battles.
Try to take pleasure in your visits and
overlook the petty issues. Focus on the things you enjoy about your
friend, and open your heart to fi nding some things to enjoy in her
children, as well.
• Have childfree visits.
If her children’s behavior affects your own children or causes too much stress for you, then schedule
mainly adults-only social events.
What Not to Do
• Don’t parent other people’s children.
Allow your friend to
deal with her children’s behavior (or not deal with it, as the case
may be). Get involved only when something involves your chil-
dren or your property.
• Don’t think you can change other people.
Don’t expend
energy thinking you can change your friend’s family life with a few
well-placed comments. Forcing change on others can make them
hurt, angry, or defensive. Furthermore, unless she asks for help she
may be content with things as they are.
• Don’t stop seeing your friend.
Friendships are precious
and important to your health and happiness. Children eventu-
ally mature and grow up, and you won’t be around her children as
much as they get older. Find ways to make this situation work for
you.
See also: Biting Other Children;
Hitting, Kicking, and Hair Pulling; Other People’s
Undisciplined Children
I joined a play group with the idea that my
preschooler would have fun playing with other
children. But it’s usually not fun because they don’t
share, they bicker, and they all have crying spells—
my son included.
Think About It
Developing friendship skills takes time and experience. The only
way children learn social skills is by practice, so even though there
are plenty of bumps along the way it’s worth scheduling playtime
with other children.
What to Do
• Have realistic expectations.
Young and inexperienced chil-
dren will need guidance during playtime. Even with supervision,
children will get into tussles with each other—and if they didn’t
they’d never learn how to handle the disagreements that are a part
of life. Look at these moments as golden teaching opportunities.
• Watch for signs of hunger or tiredness.
Children lose
patience and good humor when they are tired or hungry. If hunger
is the issue, supply a wholesome snack to the group. If tiredness
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Playtime Behavior
247
Treston, age 2
hits, either leave for home or pull out a quiet game or a favorite
movie for the children to watch together.
• Choose the right activities.
Sharing toys can be a challenge,
so avoid having just a few special toys to pass among the group.
Good choices for group play are things like building blocks, art
projects, and imaginative play supplies such as dress-up clothes and
toy kitchen supplies. Having several different activities to choose
