The No Cry Discipline Solution (51 page)

Day Care or Preschool,

Dropping Off and Picking Up

See also: Dawdling; Doesn’t Come When Called

My child dawdles and fusses when I drop her off at

day care. You’d think she doesn’t want to be there. I

know she loves it because she repeats the behavior

when I pick her up in the afternoon—she doesn’t want

to leave!

Think About It

Some children have a diffi cult time adjusting to changes. They

like things to fl ow in a predictable way. Anything that upsets their

current activity is cause for alarm. These children require a bit

more thought to help them maneuver the changes they encounter

during their day.

What to Do

• Create very specifi c routines.
Consistency can help your

child be more comfortable.
Very specifi c
means that you do and

say the same things every time you drop her off and pick her up.

For example, park in the same area, enter through the same door,

approach the cubby, hang up the coat, check the job chart and

comment on the day’s assignment, give two hugs and two kisses,

and say, “See ya later, alligator!”

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• Let your child know when you will return each day.
It’s

comforting for a child to know that you will be there at a certain

time. Tie in your arrival with a specifi c activity, such as after snack

time, and let your child know when to expect you.

• Schedule an adjustment period.
When you drop off your

child and again when you pick her up, allow a fi ve-minute adjust-

ment period. (The time is worth it, as you’ll save at least fi fteen

minutes of fussing!) When you arrive at the day-care center, allow

your child to play or show you something for fi ve minutes. When

it’s time to leave, use a fun indicator, such as a tickle on the neck.

Or, hold up your key ring and have it tell your child (in a funny

voice) that the car is waiting and ready to go.

• Have a fun routine for the drive home.
Leave a snack bag

on your child’s seat with different contents every day, such as gra-

ham crackers, dry cereal, pretzels, or fruit. Play a certain game in

the parking lot as you walk to the car, such as counting all the red

cars you see or counting your steps. Mention something that your

child can look forward to at home, such as reading the new library

books or Grandpa coming for dinner.

What Not to Do

• Don’t cater to the complaints.
If you try too hard to con-

vince her that everything is okay, you may just make her nervous.

Instead, stay lighthearted and have confi dence that everything will

be fi ne. Most children stop crying within fi ve minutes of a parent’s

departure. Ask your day-care provider if this is true for your child.

If you like, call the center when you get to work or arrive at home

so they can reassure you that your child has fi nished crying and is

playing happily.

• Don’t get mad.
Your anger will just make your child fuss and

cry even more, and it won’t solve a thing. Moreover, it’s also a very

unpleasant way to start the day (for both of you).

Doesn’t Come When Called

See also: Dawdling

Even if I call my child four or fi ve times, he still won’t

respond to me. It’s like he’s wearing earplugs! If I want

him to come at all I usually have to go get him.

Think About It

Your child has learned exactly what you’ve taught him—that he

doesn’t have to heed your calls. He knows that if you really do

want him—you’ll come and get him.

What to Do

• Call. Wait. Act.
Follow this procedure: Visually locate your

child. Call once. Wait three minutes. Go to your child, take him

by the hand, and say, “When I call, I would like you to come.”

Then lead him to the desired location. If you do this consistently,

he will know that you really do expect him to come when called.

• Watch how the adults in your family act.
Does the caller

yell from two rooms away? Does the callee mumble, “In a minute,”

and then have to be reminded several times before responding?

These are the models for your child’s behavior. Change the ways

you respond to each other, and model the behavior that you want

of your child.

• Give a warning.
Making a transition from one activity to

another can be diffi cult for children. Instead of calling, “Come

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Doesn't Come When Called

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now!” try giving two warnings fi rst. “You’ll need to come in fi ve

minutes.” A few minutes later, say, “Two minutes.” Then, “Please

come in now.” At this point, wait a minute. If he doesn’t respond,

go to him and take him by the hand saying, “When I call I would

like you to come.”

• Acknowledge your child’s desires.
Let him know that you

understand he wants to continue playing, and then follow with a

statement and an action that promotes compliance, such as “I bet

you wish you could stay in the pool forever, but it’s time to go now.

Here’s your towel.”

• Use a dinner bell or timer to call your child.
Tell him that

when he hears the bell, he needs to come before you count to fi fty.

This is a fun and specifi c indicator. If you have more than one

child, you can let the fi rst one to respond to your call ring the bell

a second time.

• Check his hearing.
Make sure that your child has had a

hearing test and that his failure to respond isn’t because of a hear-

ing problem.

What Not to Do

• Don’t call to your child from more than twenty feet away.

The farther you are from your child, the more likely he’ll ignore

your calls.

• Don’t call your child until you’re
really
ready for him to
come.
If you summon your child but then get involved in something else, you are reinforcing that your call is only a warning that

you’ll need him sometime soon.

Hitting a Parent

See also: Biting, Child to Adult

When my child is angry, he sometimes shoves or hits

me. I’ve tried to explain to him that he shouldn’t, but

he keeps doing it.

Think About It

Children typically hit because they are frustrated, don’t get their

way, and can’t get their point across. However, hitting an adult is

a serious offense and should be treated as such. It must be nipped

in the bud. This is as much about establishing control in the rela-

tionship as it is about teaching how to handle emotions and how

to show respect for other human beings.

What to Do

• Respond naturally.
Many children are unaware of how other

people feel or how their actions affect others. It is through experi-

ence that they learn best. If your child hits you, respond with an

“Ouch! That hurts!” Then explain that it isn’t the way to get your

attention, saying, “Use your words to tell me what you want.”

• Respond instantly.
Every time your child hits you, immedi-

ately take him gently by the hands, look him in the eye, and say

in a fi rm, no-nonsense voice, “No hitting! Time-out.” Guide the

child to a chair or other time-out place and announce, “Stay here.”

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Madeline, age 6, and Isabella, age 3