The No Cry Discipline Solution (47 page)

friends and older siblings. Pay attention to TV programs that are

on when your child is in the room. Children imitate other people,

which is how they learn. What goes in children’s ears often comes

out their mouths.

• Be consistent.
This is a situation that will come up from time

to time during childhood, and it can be curbed with calm guid-

ance. The key is to be unswerving in your dedication to address

every
single episode of backtalk.

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c Solutions for Everyday Problems

What Not to Do

• Don’t empower it.
Whenever your child talks back, don’t let

it turn into a two-way argument between equals. The issue is not

the subject that caused the backtalk, anyway. It is the backtalk

itself that needs to be addressed.

• Don’t ignore it.
You must be consistent in your response to

backtalk. If you selectively ignore it, depending on how it happens

or when it happens, then you can count on having to deal with

more and more sass over time.

• Don’t shout or slap.
A child who erupts with a biting, sarcas-

tic remark can bring out the worst in parents, who feel shockingly

disrespected and unloved. Responding with knee-jerk anger may

startle your child into silence, but it won’t solve the problem.

Bath, Not Behaving In

See also: Bath, Not Wanting One;

Bath, Won’t Get Out

Bath time at our house is a disaster. My daughter

splashes, throws toys, and sprays the entire bathroom

with water. Washing up doesn’t happen without a

big fuss.

Think About It

For many children, the tub is a grand private swimming pool and

washing up is last on their list of priorities. They’re not being

naughty—they are just having fun!

What to Do

• Have a specifi c list of bathtub rules.
Children can’t guess

what you expect of them in every situation. It helps to clearly express your expectations. State your rules in a way that lets your

child know exactly what you
want
, rather than what you
don’t

want
. As an example, instead of saying, “No splashing,” a better

rule is “Keep all water in the tub” or “Keep the bath rug dry.”

• Put only a few inches of water in the tub.
Tell your child

that when she shows you that she has learned how to keep the

water in the bathtub, you’ll increase the amount of water you put

in the next time.

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Specifi

c Solutions for Everyday Problems

• Allow a shower instead.
If your child is six or older, have her take a shower instead of a bath.

• Join ’em.
If you have a younger child and you’re comfort-

able with family nudity (or with bathing in a swimsuit), you can

sometimes get in the tub with her and have a good time splashing

together.

• Relax, it’s just water.
It may help if you budget extra time

for a bath and put up a clear shower curtain and close it while

your child splashes and plays. That way you can still see in the

tub, but the water stays contained. Bring a chair and a book into

the bathroom and enjoy a few minutes of relaxation. Water play is

free and lots of fun, so if you can make it work for you, bath time

can be a great play experience for your child.

What Not to Do

• Don’t let this routine continue.
Children are creatures of

habit, and your daughter’s bath play is a fun routine for her. In

order to change things you’ll need to revamp your entire bath time

routine.

• Don’t make bath time playtime.
If toys and wild play are the

problem, then don’t put any toys in the tub for a while. Get your

child into the tub, washed up, and out of the tub quickly. Over

time, as bath time gets under control, provide a couple of toys and

see how it goes.

• Don’t complain without action.
If every time your child

wrecks havoc in the tub the only consequence is hearing you

complain about it, then she’ll have no reason or motivation to

change.

Bath, Not Wanting One

See also: Bath, Not Behaving In; Bath, Won’t Get Out

My child never wants to take a bath. She doesn’t

cooperate at all, and it becomes a battle.

Think About It

Take a minute to stop and think about
why
your child doesn’t

want to take a bath. Is it because she’s having too much fun doing

other things and doesn’t want to stop? Is it because bath time usu-

ally includes a battle of wills? Is it because she always gets soap in

her eyes? Or is it because it signals the beginning of the bedtime

routine? Once you fi gure out the real reason, you can take steps to

move past the problem.

What to Do

• Make it fun.
Allow your child to use bubble bath or chil-

dren’s bath foam to make it more fun. Buy a few fun bath toys or

use plastic kitchen products for play. Allow your child to play for a

while before washing up.

• Control the suds.
If your child fears getting soap in her eyes when you wash her hair, let her wear swimming goggles or a plastic

sun visor while you do the washing.

• Be very consistent.
Have a bath every day or every other day

at exactly the same time
and
in the same way. Specifi c routines can overcome resistance after they’ve become regular occurrences.

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• Give a forewarning.
Let your child know ahead of time that

bath time is nearing. Give a few warnings. “Bath time in ten min-

utes.” Then, “Bath time in fi ve minutes.” Your child will respond

better with warnings than if you just drop the bomb in the middle

of her fun activity.

• Change your routine.
Bath time is often done at bedtime

when a child and the parent are tired and grumpy. In addition, if

your child knows that bedtime follows a bath she may want to put

off the entire sequence. Instead, let your child bathe fi rst thing in

the morning when everyone is fresh and energetic.

What Not to Do

• Don’t lecture about the importance of personal hygiene.

Hygiene isn’t the reason your child avoids the bath—she isn’t even

thinking about that aspect of bathing. It’s the time that it takes

and the process involved that she objects to.

• Don’t wheel and deal.
Parents inadvertently get into the

practice of bargaining with their children. “If you get in the bath

right now, then I’ll let you have bubbles.” Bribes are the wrong

approach to gaining cooperation, taking power away from the par-

ent and giving it to the child. Bribes are different from rewards

or encouragement. Bubbles offered to a child up front, to make

the bath more fun, are fi ne. Bubbles offered to stop a tantrum

could be seen as a reward for misbehavior or as incentive for future

tantrums.

Bath, Won’t Get Out

See also: Bath, Not Behaving In; Bath,

Not Wanting One; Dawdling

My child doesn’t listen to me when I say it’s time to

get out of the tub.

Think About It

Your child probably doesn’t want to get
in
the tub either! You

might notice that your child doesn’t adjust quickly to any kind of

change. Often, the problem occurs when he’s doing something fun

(splashing in the tub) and has to stop and do something that’s not