The No Cry Discipline Solution (45 page)
Read The No Cry Discipline Solution Online
Authors: Elizabeth Pantley
• Get to eye level when talking to your child (don’t shout from
two rooms away).
• Pick your battles—not every issue is worth fi ghting over.
• Increase your support system—join a parent club, visit an
online parenting chat site, or make friends with the parents
of your children’s playmates.
185
Copyright © 2007 by Better Beginnings, Inc. Click here for terms of use.
There are times when people are taught anger management skills
but the information doesn’t match their personality, doesn’t
address an underlying reason for anger, or isn’t enough to help them to control their emotions. If the six steps to staying calm
don’t help you stay calm, then answer these questions with a yes
or no.
• Have you read and studied this chapter and posted the review
page, but your anger still gets the better of you?
• Do you lose your temper over both big and small issues?
• Are your angry episodes frequent and/or intense?
• Do your angry feelings last for a long time after the situation
that caused them?
• When you are angry do you hit, slam, throw, or break things
or hurt people?
• Do you fi nd that your spouse or children are becoming afraid
of you?
• Are you afraid of yourself when you get mad?
• Is your anger worse now than it used to be?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may have dif-
fi culty handling anger and require more assistance than this book
can offer. There are many places where you can get caring, sup-
portive help for learning how to control your anger. You may want
to explore several options, since there are various approaches used
for anger management. Possible options for getting the help that
186
Copyright © 2007 by Better Beginnings, Inc. Click here for terms of use.
Do You Need More Help?
187
you need, either through classes, group workshops, or individual
counseling, include a
• local hospital
• school counselor
• priest, minister, or other religious leader
• family doctor
• counselor, therapist, psychologist, or other mental health
professional
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your family will be so much bet-
ter off if you do, and you will be proud that you took such positive
action. Your family is worth it.
Step 1: Stop
Identify your angry feelings.
Raise your hands to signal STOP. Stop talking.
Step 2: Space
Move away from your child or move your child away from
you.
Alternate choice if calm:
Squeeze
—give your child a big hug.
Step 3: Soothe
Calm yourself.
Take a deep breath, repeat a relaxing phrase, pray, or practice
yoga.
Read, listen to music, or exercise.
Step 4: See
Replay what happened in your mind’s eye.
Analyze the situation objectively.
Step 5: Specify
Defi ne the
exact
problem (“The problem is . . .”).
Step 6: Solve
Decide which parenting skills to use.
Create several possible solutions.
Follow through.
188
Copyright © 2007 by Better Beginnings, Inc. Click here for terms of use.
Copyright © 2007 by Better Beginnings, Inc. Click here for terms of use.
This page intentionally left blank
Until now, we’ve covered basic parenting skills. You can use
these skills to solve nearly any behavior issue you face. Some-
times, though, there’s so much information rolling around in your
head that it’s hard to sift through all the skills you’ve learned and
come up with a specifi c solution at a given moment. The chapters
that follow will provide some quick tips for the most common dis-
cipline problems parents face during the early childhood years.
It is critical to keep in mind that your child’s age and level of
understanding will affect the way you’ll respond in any given situa-
tion. How you’ll approach a two-year-old who has a tantrum is very
different than how you will approach a six-year-old having a tan-
trum—even if both children are having tantrums because they are
tired, hungry, and rebelling after you said no potato chips. Younger
children will require much more teaching and direction than older
ones who have already had years of lessons from you. In addition,
you’ll have to honestly assess how
you
have responded to your child in the past, as the history between you will affect both of
your reactions today. You can’t abruptly change your way of inter-
acting with your child and expect him to modify his responses to
suit your new goals.
All children are unique. There isn’t one perfect solution that
works for every single child. Even siblings can be very different
from one another. I have four children who are as alike as apples,
oranges, brownies, and chewing gum. It often amazes me that
these four children were birthed by the same parents and raised
in the same home. They are very distinctive individuals, and they
have very different strengths and personality traits. They each
191
Copyright © 2007 by Better Beginnings, Inc. Click here for terms of use.
