Read The No Cry Discipline Solution Online
Authors: Elizabeth Pantley
192
Specifi
c Solutions for Everyday Problems
require very different things from me, yet other things from their
dad. When parents expect all children to act exactly the same, or
if they expect the same child to respond precisely the same way
in every situation (which they don’t!), they set themselves up for
frustration. That’s why I think that it’s important for us to have a
wide repertoire of parenting skills so we can modify what we do
to make our discipline plan work best for each child in our family,
and in each different situation.
The best advice I can give you is to be fl exible and ambidex-
trous! As each situation arises, apply what you learn to each of
your children in the unique and special way that is best for them.
Then take pleasure in the variety and spice that they give to your
life.
Each of the following topics could easily fi ll an entire book, and
there are several hundred additional topics that could be added to
this list. So, what you’ll fi nd in the following pages are a handful
of the most common discipline-related problems that occur during
early childhood, along with a variety of solutions for each issue.
The solutions all have a common denominator: respect—for both
child and parent. In addition, these solutions can help you to avoid
anger and tears (both your child’s and yours). All the options will
help you guide your child to become a thoughtful person with
healthy self-discipline and self-esteem. Yet the options are varied,
allowing you to customize your response to best suit both you and
Mother-Speak
“ The list of topics in this section sounds like my three-year-old
daughter’s daily ‘to-do’ list!”
—Patti, mother to Maddison, age 3, and Mason, age 1
Applying No-Cry Parenting Skills to Everyday Problems
193
your individual child, leading you toward the best solution in each
situation.
The combination of solutions for each problem that follows is
diverse. I don’t mean for you to follow every single suggestion as
if it were a road map. These ideas are meant to act as a starting
point for you to develop your own customized solution. With this
in mind, the following chapters provide you with a number of
practical solutions for solving each type of parenting problem.
When you are struggling with a behavior issue, look up that
particular topic and any other similar topics, as you might pick
up pointers in various places. Look over the ideas, combine them
with the other skills you’ve learned throughout this book, and cus-
tomize them to create several options that suit your family. Review
your options, and consider your child’s personality, your parenting
style, and your family goals. Then put your decision into action. If
your original plan doesn’t bring success, try another option, and,
on occasion, even a third option, until you feel good about how
things are going. Remember: This too shall pass. Relax, take a
deep breath, and remember to hug your child.
My preschooler has gotten in the habit of talking
in a baby voice. When she was a baby, that kind of
talk was adorable. Now that she’s not, it’s extremely
annoying.
Think About It
This is a normal stage of behavior. Many preschoolers think that
talking like a baby makes them sound more cute and lovable. It’s
one of those phases that will pass on its own but can be frustrating
in the meantime when you want your child to “act her age.” You
can give nature a nudge and move your child past the baby-talk
stage more quickly by using some of the following suggestions.
What to Do
• Give more attention.
Children sometimes use baby talk to
hold on to babyhood as they take a developmental step forward. It’s
a way for them to feel safely rooted in the familiar cared-for envi-
ronment they are used to—but that they know they must leave
behind. Acknowledge this as a real need, and give your child a bit
more loving attention. A few extra hugs or a chance to sit on your
lap or hold your hand may build her sense of security and give her
the courage she needs to grow forward.
• Express your feelings.
Let your child know how much the
baby talk bothers you. Ask for her help in changing the behavior.
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Baby Talk
195
“The baby talk really bothers me, and I love your big-girl voice
very much. Will you please use your regular voice for me?”
• Fail to understand her.
When she says, “Me wanna gas of
mik.” Look at her with a very confused look on your face and say,
“I can’t understand. What do you want?” This should be easy, since
you probably don’t fully understand her anyway. Don’t respond to
her request until she uses her normal voice.
• Be silly.
Intentionally interpret her baby-talk request into
something ridiculous, like “Did you say you want some lima beans
and liver?”
• Give your child more responsibilities.
Help her to see that
she is growing up, and encourage her with praise. Choose fun tasks
for her, such as helping to prepare the salad for dinner, feeding the
cat, or sweeping the fl oor. Often, when a child begins to see herself
as a big kid, the baby talk will disappear.
What Not to Do
• Don’t assume she’s doing this to annoy you.
This reversion
to baby behavior isn’t intended to irritate you, because it’s not about you at all. Sometimes it’s a sign that your child is sorting
through her feelings about growing up and leaving her babyhood
behind.
• Don’t mimic or mock her baby talk.
Your child may not be
fully aware of what she is doing or how often, so don’t call it to her
attention in an angry or sarcastic manner.
See also: Bossiness; Hitting a Parent; Swearing,
Bad Language, and Bathroom Jokes
I always thought backtalk was something older kids
did, but my four-year-old is proving me wrong.
Think About It
The fi rst time a child talks back to a parent, it is usually just an
honest emotion being expressed, typically indicating he doesn’t
like something. The problem is not the child’s opinion—which he
is entitled to—the real problem is the way that opinion is voiced.
If the parent doesn’t correct the way the child is communicating—
then and there—the pattern will continue and become worse over
time because the child will assume that this is an acceptable way
to express his feelings.
What to Do
• Identify it.
When your child talks back to you, immediately
call attention to it. Look your child in the eye and, in a serious
voice, fi rmly say something like, “That is backtalk and not a proper
way to tell me what you think.” Then, since you want to teach
good manners, use your good manners as you request, “Please don’t
talk to Mommy that way.”
• Teach.
Your child is talking back to you because he disagrees
with you. His disagreement is not the problem; his manner of deal-
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Backtalk
197
Jobe, age 2
ing with it is the problem. Teach him how to politely and respect-
fully voice his opinion by demonstrating how to communicate
politely. “What I want to hear you say is, ‘Mommy, can I please
play a little longer?’ That’s using your good manners.”
• Watch for bad infl uences.
Keep your eye on your child’s