Read The No Cry Discipline Solution Online
Authors: Elizabeth Pantley
Discipline and Cooperation: Choose Your Adventure
85
Another lovely benefi t to this method is that it is a great way
to avoid saying those fi ghting words (
no
,
don’t
,
stop
) quite so many times in a day. Here are a few examples:
•
When
you put your pajamas on,
then
we can read a story.
• Eat your lunch
now
, and then you can have a piece of candy
later
when you fi nish lunch.
•
You may
play outside
after you
clean up your toys.
You’ll notice that this pattern has a very pleasant feel to it. You are
telling your child that, yes, he can do the thing he wants to do, but
after he does the thing you request of him. Or, to put it another
way, yes, he can do what he wants, but later.
Mother-Speak
“ The wonderful thing about the When/Then technique is that
you are, in effect, giving your children the power to make
something happen. They feel in control, and they learn that
they can be responsible people who make good decisions.
You accomplish your goal of getting them to cooperate with
you . . . and everyone’s happy!”
—Barb, mother to Caroline, age 4, and George, age 3
Distraction and Redirection
Distraction can be a lifesaver when an insignifi cant issue is at
hand and you’re just too tired to be otherwise creative or it’s just
such a minor issue that it’s not worth getting into it. It can also
work to end fussiness and tantrums before they really get roll-
ing. A child who is in the middle of a low-level fuss can often be
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No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools
Yasmin, age 18 months
distracted by the mention of a cat walking on the front lawn or
a butterfl y fl itting by. Or, he can be given a pepper shaker with a
white napkin to sprinkle the pepper on or another interesting task
to carry out.
Distractions can be part of a usual routine in some cases. Some
examples are a fl ashlight used during diaper-changing, a shoe box
of special toys to be used when Mommy or Daddy is on the tele-
phone, or a child’s backpack fi lled with fun activities to take along
on car, bus, or airplane rides.
Redirection is when you purposely alter a child’s attention from
one thing to another. For example, if your child is getting frus-
trated while putting together a puzzle and you sense a tantrum is
building up, it’s sometimes best to move him away from the puzzle
and direct his attention to a different play activity. If two siblings
Discipline and Cooperation: Choose Your Adventure
87
Mothers-Speak
“ Here’s an idea that works well for us: I send the children
outside to play and let them run. Fresh air and exercise can
help everyone feel happier.”
—Suzanne, mother to Laetitia, age 4, and Clément,
age 10 months
“ After a particularly trying day, I ‘transferred’ my daughter and
myself onto my bike for a lovely long ride. We both rode
silently enjoying nature and the wind in our hair. Our moods
calmed, and we shared smiles when we returned for a quick
dip in the pool and then a nursing session. In unison, we
forgot our troubles and reconnected.”
—Lynne, mother to Erika, age 2, and Colin, age 6
are getting on each other’s nerves, you might send one off to a dif-
ferent room to run an errand for you. If your child is getting bored
and whiny, bundle him up and take him for a walk.
Distraction and redirection are particularly helpful for families
who have more than one young child in the household. If you
have to deal with every single fuss, whine, and struggle, you will
make yourself a bit crazy. Instead, be willing to fall back on the
distraction technique from time to time to keep your sanity and
maintain peace in the house.
Family Rules: A Key to Peace
Even the youngest child can grasp the idea of a rule. It may be a