The No-cry Sleep Solution (24 page)

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stretch time between feedings. This will depend on your baby’s size, health, and possibly other factors as well.

Sleeping Through the Night

You have probably read or heard that babies start “sleeping through the night” at about two to four months of age. What you must understand is that, for a new baby, a five-hour stretch (the one I mentioned earlier)
is
a full night. Many (but nowhere near all) babies at this age can sleep uninterrupted from midnight to 5 a.m. (Not that they always do.) A far cry from what you may have thought sleeping through the night meant!

Here we pause while the shock sinks in for those of you who have a baby who sleeps through the night but didn’t know it.

If your baby is already sleeping through the night, enjoy the heady privilege of bragging rights next time the old childbirth education group meets. But, if you’re thinking of putting this book away now, not so fast. Babies are fickle, and “it ain’t over

’til it’s over.”

Mother-Speak

“By two months old our little Emily was sleeping a seven-hour stretch every night. But instead of developing that into a longer night’s sleep, she went in reverse, until she was waking every three to four hours. Luckily, your sleep solutions have helped us fix that!”

Christine, mother of eighteen-month-old Emily

What’s more, while the scientific definition is five hours, most of us wouldn’t consider that anywhere near a full night’s sleep.

Also, some of these sleep-through-the-nighters will suddenly

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The No-Cry Sleep Solution

begin waking more frequently, and it’s often a full year or even two until your little one will settle into a mature, all-night, every-night sleep pattern. This book is full of ideas that will help you work
with
your baby to encourage that pattern sooner than later.

Where Baby Wants to Sleep

Where does your baby feel the most comfortable and secure?
In
your arms
. Where is your baby most at peace?
In your arms
. If given the choice, where would your new baby tell you she
wants
to sleep?
In your arms
, of course!

There is nothing—absolutely nothing—as endearing and wonderful as a newborn baby falling asleep in your arms or at your breast. I know that I found it nearly impossible to put my sleeping Coleton down. Maybe because having this fourth baby at age forty-one, I knew he was my last baby and that he would grow up all too soon. Or, maybe not, given that I also did this with my first baby, Angela, fourteen years ago. Come to think of it, I did it with Vanessa and David, too. So, maybe, just maybe, it’s something else. Maybe the “mother lion” instinct takes over when I have a new baby. Maybe it’s because mothers are biologically programmed to crave their babies in their arms. And maybe I felt this urge because my reading and my curiosity opened me to it, and blocked out the clutter that today’s rush-rush lifestyle imposes.

Whatever the reason, I can tell you that I became an expert at typing with one hand. I can do—and have done—anything with a sleeping baby in my arms—including coaching my daughter’s softball team (dugout baby in team-colored sling), chairing a PTA meeting, and even using the toilet. (Oh, you thought you were the only one to do that?)

But—Danger! Alert! Warning! A baby who always sleeps in your arms will—you guessed it—always want to sleep in your

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arms. Smart baby! A baby who cries for the comfort of her mother’s or father’s arms, and the parent who responds, is working within the natural framework of instinct that has helped ensure infants’ survival from the beginning of time.

This very natural and all-consuming connection would work perfectly in a perfect world—where mothers do nothing but care for their babies that entire first year or two of life. A world in which someone else tends the home, makes the meals, provides the means to pay the bills—while Mommy and baby spend their days enjoying each other and doing those nourishing, bonding things nature intended. Alas, such a world no longer exists, if it ever did. Contemporary life, with its demands, does not provide such privilege. We mothers have much to do, and we must strike a balance between instinct and practicality.

A Forward-Thinking Suggestion

So, as difficult as it may be, I hope you will learn from my mistake. When your baby is asleep,
put him down in his bed
. Don’t deprive yourself completely of the precious pleasure of infant sleep, though. Do enjoy this treat once in a while. But unless you think you can spend hours each day with a two-year-old on your lap, it’s better that you let him get used to sleeping in his bed.

For those of you who choose to co-sleep with your baby, the idea to sometimes put your baby down alone for sleep is
extremely
important. Babies need much more sleep than adults do. I’ve worked with many mothers whose babies are so used to Mom’s presence in bed that Mom has to put
herself
to bed at 7:00 and
stay there
because her baby has built-in radar that won’t allow her to leave him alone. Mommy also has to take daytime naps, whether she wants to or not! The idea is to enjoy the co-sleeping times with your baby, but teach him that he
can
sleep by himself, too.