The One Addicted (53 page)

“I so wanted your baby - our baby.”

“So did I, Lu - I didn’t realise how much until I’d lost it but so did I.”

“You did?”

“Yes.”

“But you don’t want children?”

What?
 

My head’s pretty murky but things are beginning to dawn and make sense here. Oh fucking hell, I’ve seriously messed up. What a prize prick. I knew she’d taken issue with our talk in The Maldives, but when I’d asked her she’d said it wasn’t that.

“Yes, I did say that didn’t I.” My teeth grind down at my stupidity.

She nods weakly in her hospital bed and I’m reminded that she’s just had major surgery.
 

“Baby, let’s talk about this later - you need to rest…”

“I want to talk about this now.”

I bite my lip and nod, I owed her this. “Ok, but not long.”
I take a seat again, her hand in mine. “This place gives me the creeps, Lu. Its nearly 4 years to the day that Finn was born and I nearly lost you then too!”

Green eyes search mine, questioning, surprised by my admission. “We weren’t together then.”

“I know, but you nearly dying in childbirth made me do some hard thinking. I swore to myself that if you and Niall ever broke up and you and I ever had a chance at making a go of things I’d never put you in that position again. I’d never be that selfish. I meant what I said - I didn’t want kids - what I didn’t tell you was that if I couldn’t have them with you, I didn’t want them and I’m not prepared to sacrifice you to become a father.” I lean into her and her hand rests along my jawline.
 

“You can’t control everything, Sebastian. Sometimes you have to let life just… happen.”

“I know. I just couldn’t risk losing you, after finally finding the best thing that has ever happened to me. When I told you I didn’t want children it was to protect you, not because I didn’t want them with you!”

“You were willing to forgo trying for a child to avoid the risk of me going through the birth I experienced with Finn?”

I sigh, now she spoke the words it all sounded rather OTT. “Yes, but you weren’t there, Lu, last time
 
- well you were, but you were under anaesthetic - it was frightening - we all were.”

“I love that you want to protect me and a future pregnancy would be a risk I agree, but we’d need to talk about it together, when the time is right- find out all our options - not just rule it out because you have a fear of what may be - we can’t live like that - I can’t live like that.”

“I agree.”
 

“You do?”

“Yes.” I whisper.
 

“Right now - I need to grieve the loss of
this
baby but I don’t want to do that without you.”

Thank fuck for that.
My shoulders drop a good few inches at her words, the immense relief is gratifying and I know in that moment that we’ll get through this together.
 

“I was pregnant in The Maldives but even I didn’t know then.”
 

“I figured as much. I’m presuming that the morning after pill wasn’t much cop?”

“No.” A glimmer of a smile plays at her lips and I jump on it.

“Baby, you’re strong and we’ll get through this. I’m devastated for you, for us, but I’m here for you.”

“I’m so sorry - I was on my way to tell you when I crashed.”

“That was your news…”

She nods.
 

“When did you find out?”

“In Dubai.”

I rake my hand over my head in annoyance - not at my beautiful woman - at myself and my boorish behaviour - I’d pushed her away, with my stupid controlling ways, so that she didn’t feel she could confide in me when she needed to most - that wasn’t what I wanted for us in our future. “You don’t need to apologise - I’m the one that needs to apologise. I’m so sorry for putting you in an impossible situation, for leaving you to deal with this on your own. God, Lu…” my voice breaks and throat burns.

She holds her arms out to me and I squeeze myself onto the small bed, placing my arms around her and folding her body back against me, the wires and leads wrapped across us. This was good - as long as she was in my arms we could face anything; together.

“I love you, Lu - my beautiful, lady.”

“I love you too, Sebastian - you were my last thought before I crashed.”

“You are my only thought from the minute I wake. No one else is worth my time.” I lean to kiss her lips - careful not to crush the blood pressure monitor attached to her arm.

“Who did this to me?”

“They don’t know yet, you were the only car at the scene. Although there are a couple of witnesses that corroborate your story.”

Holding her hand in mine, so small and vulnerable, I rub my thumb gently across the back of it. She was so cold. Her eyes are filled with tears and I reach out to catch one, cupping her cheek, my heart is gripped tightly, and she leans into me. “Oh, baby - it’s Ok. We’ll find out who did this, I swear to you - I’ll make it my fucking mission and they’ll pay.”

I slip off the bed carefully, to stretch my legs and wander over to the window. Lu’s room looks out on to a small garden to the rear of the hospital, there’s a bench and a few potted plants but it was too dark to see anything clearly other than the reflection of myself and my girl lying broken in her hospital bed. I glance back in her direction and am suddenly struck by her strength as she rests, so petite within the sterile surroundings. My, lady Lu - I never want to be without her again. This whole nightmare had made me realise the force of my feelings for her. I knew I was in love with her but the thought of potentially losing her after we’d come so far and had a chance at something real - a future with her and Finn - had crucified me and in that instant, I know I can’t live without her.

“Lu?”

“Hmmm”

“Look at me.”

Her emerald eyes fix onto mine, huge and so striking against her pale complexion and she leans her head to focus upon me, at the obviously serious expression on my face. “What, Seb? You’re freaking me out here…”

“I’m devastated at the loss of our baby - I’ll be here to support you everyday I promise you that, and when and if, in the future, you can ever consider trying again, I’ll support you in that too - your choice. I know you probably can’t think about that right now, but, Lu these few months with you; us as a couple, lovers and friends has been… well words can’t express how amazing.” I stop and consider my next words carefully, taking a deep breath. “You’re the one, baby - you’re it! I knew it when I saw you ten years ago, when I threw a drink over you in the cave bar and let you walk out that door with another man like a complete dick - I knew it when I came home from Dubai before you propositioned me, but that proposition was my way in at last. I knew it when I saw you in that pearl dress, wiggling your sexy arse and walking away from me with more sass than any woman I’ve ever met and when we danced to Nina Simone in The Maldives, under the stars. I know it every day I look at your gorgeous face and hear your dirty laugh and I know it now as I watch you fight to get through this horrendous trauma, my respect for your strength is immense. I know that you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

Tears begin to fill her eyes, turning them to liquid and one slithers down her cheek and I pause. “I love you so much it breaks me, Lu. I’m ridiculously addicted to you. My lover. My best friend… my wife?”

Lu’s eyes well. Her brows rise as she computes the meaning of my words. “Your wife?

“Marry me. Make me the happiest man alive and marry me. It’s been ten years in the post - marry me.”

She nods immediately, scrunching that gorgeous snub nose of hers. “Yes! I’ll marry you, baby.”

I expel the breath I’ve been unknowingly holding. She is mine. She loved me and we had a future, despite some bastard’s attempts to put an end to it all - we were impenetrable.
 

My beautiful, lady. My life.
 

I slide onto the narrow bed, drawing her body against me, planting kisses on her face and head. “I love you, Lu and we’ll get through this and we’ll have our revenge. I promise you that. It’s you and me, always and forever, baby.”

*****

As he watches Sebastian Silver curl up with his Lucia, his lip snarls in contempt for the man who could not seem to take the fucking hint.
Was he that dense?

He must be - he’d just looked out of the bloody window and not seen him hiding behind the pillar next to the bench! They obviously couldn’t see out into the darkness but with the bedside lamp creating a halo of light around his love and all the flashing buttons from her medical equipment he had a great view of them.

Yet again he was watching from afar - on the fucking outside looking in. When oh when would
he
be the one by her bedside, mopping her brow and bending her to his will? Hey? Wasn’t it his time now? Silver had had his chance and look what a fuck up he’d made of things. He couldn’t even protect her from a little car accident. She would be much safer with him. Yes - Silver had served his time and needed to piss off and let him step in now.

His eyes are drawn to the rose that takes pride of place on her bedside table. That fat bitch of a nurse that wouldn’t let him hand deliver it had at least put it in a narrow vase and placed the card on show for all to see. These roses were pricey but he wanted people to see eventually that he was as good as Sebastian Silver, he could do classy.
 

Shame he couldn’t put a microphone in this one - it wouldn’t have worked anyway with all the hospital equipment so would have been a waste of money. Not that she wasn’t worth every penny. His car had been towed away tonight, and was in the shop now waiting to be fixed - that would cost a bomb but would have been worth it to ensure she was
de-silvered
by the time he had his way with her.

This message had been short but ever so sweet. She needed time to get her head around things - he wasn’t totally without feeling. She would soon see that it had all been for the best.
 

He’d waited hidden in the hospital, to hear snippets of her updates during her admittance and subsequent surgery, and had managed to avoid contact with all of her friends and family - no small feat as several of them would have recognised him and his cover would have been blown.
 

He hadn’t wanted to cause her so much damage - just enough of a crash to induce a miscarriage and get rid of Silver’s little bastard. Perhaps he should have resorted to
pushing her down the stairs
as he’d originally planned? Maybe that wouldn’t have caused the damage to her head? He didn’t want her to be scarred - well not on the outside anyhow.

He sips his black coffee, bought from the hospital cafe and considers the situation carefully. It had never been his intention for her to be in so much pain, but true love meant making sacrifices - didn’t it? She’d heal in time and he’d be waiting on standby to make his move and be her rebound guy.
 

His hand squeezes the paper cup tighter as he sees Lucia kiss Silver. “How can you kiss the man that didn’t protect your baby? Surely this proves to you that you are not right together, Lucia? Someone is trying to tell you something - for fuck’s sake, it’s staring you in the face. YOU’RE NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER….” The cup cracks under the pressure of his strength and the lid pops off, slopping the remnants of hot coffee on to his wrist. “Ahh, now look what you’ve made me do, you bitch!”