The One That Got Away (19 page)

Sighing I say, “Nathan is apparently coming
around in the morning. Phoebe thinks that I should tell him about
us, let him down gently and allow him to move on.” I hear a sharp
intake of breath on the other end and in a steely voice he says, “I
am coming to get you now. You are not ready to tell him, I know
that. It has to be when you are ready and not just when it’s right
for him. Pack your bag you are staying with me for the weekend, no
arguments.” He hangs up without waiting for my reply and I feel
safe again. I need him more than he or I realise. I recognise that
I can’t fight this much longer. I set about packing and write
Phoebe a note, explaining where I am and that I can’t face Nathan
yet. I hear Ben’s car pull in half an hour later and as I make my
way outside I see him standing by the passenger door of his car, a
shadowy figure in the dark, holding the door open for me.

I feel safe, he keeps the world away and as I
sit back against the leather upholstery I close my eyes as I hear
the door closing and relax for the first time since Phoebe told me
about Nathan.

Chapter
26

I hide at Ben’s for the whole weekend. He
doesn’t push me and I try to put the inevitable confrontation with
Nathan out of my mind. Nathan has tried to call me several times
and I have just ignored the calls. We have a nice chilled out
weekend and after lunch on Sunday my thoughts turn to the week
ahead.

Ben looks at me with concern and says,
“You’re quiet Bella, are you worrying about seeing Nathan tomorrow,
because if you are I can arrange for him to be somewhere else?” I
smile at him gratefully but say with a sigh, “It’s ok Ben. You have
been great about all of this but I realise that I must tell Nathan
that I have moved on, I can’t let him have any hope that we can
resolve our issues. I will speak to him tomorrow.”

He reaches over and pulls me against him, his
arm holding me tightly. It feels reassuring and I feel safe with
him. “Will you tell him about us?” he says softly. I shake my head
and stroke his hand. “No, I don’t want him to know that. He will
tell everybody at work and it may make things awkward. He doesn’t
need to know who, at least not just now. I am sure that it won’t be
long before our secret is out and I just want to enjoy it for a bit
longer.”

He pulls my face towards him and gives me a
gentle smile. He cups my chin and gazing into my eyes he says, “It
is your decision. I am happy for you to tell everyone but
understand your reasons for waiting. Nothing will change anyway. We
are meant to be together Bella, we always were.” He then kisses me
gently, his mouth teasing mine. His fingers run through the back of
my head and he grasps my hair and holding my head in place kisses
me deeply and passionately. My legs turn to jelly and I realise
that he is right. There is no going back, he is my perfect fit. I
cannot be without him, he is the air that I breathe and without it
I cannot survive.

Ben drops me into work the next day. He
doesn’t stay as he has a meeting in one of his other stores and he
makes sure that he drops me off a few roads away from the store. As
I walk in my stomach is churning at the thought of the conversation
that I will be having sometime today. Luckily I am very busy for
most of the morning and the time passes quickly. April and I have
been planning the Spring displays and once we have finished she
jumps up saying, “Is it ok if I go to lunch first today? It’s just
that I am meeting my friend Sasha for a catch up.” I nod smiling
and say, “Of course you can, have fun.”

She grabs her coat and bag and excitedly
leaves the office. Almost immediately the door opens again and I
laugh, “Ok, what have you forgotten now?” But as I spin around it
is not April standing there but Nathan. My breath catches in my
throat and I feel my face fall. My body tenses up and I just stare
at him. He looks at me with a serious face and I can tell that he
is very tense too. He moves towards me and pulls April’s seat over
until he is sitting directly in front of me. He is so close and I
can see the lines around his eyes that he always gets when he
hasn’t been sleeping and his face is sombre.

He runs his fingers through his hair and
says, “Ok Bella, we need to talk and I am not going to take no for
an answer. You have been avoiding me and even though I fully
understand your reasons I cannot wait any longer.” Feeling my face
flush I look down at my hands. Seeing him in front of me is hard.
Despite everything I do still love him. Not in the same way that I
did before, something changed when Ben came on the scene and Nathan
cheated on me with Melissa, but even so my feelings are still very
strong for him, which I am relieved about. It shows that the time
we spent together meant something.

I can see that he is waiting for me to speak
so I look at him and say, “You’re right Nathan, we do need to
speak. This situation needs resolving and we need to clear the air.
I am sorry that I have been avoiding you, you’re right about that.”
I feel him studying my face intently which distracts me so I stand
up and walk to the other side of the room. I need to compose myself
and can’t do it with him sitting so close to me. I can see him
watching me and waiting for me to speak.

Clearing my throat I say, “Look Nathan, a lot
has happened since the New Year. I was absolutely devastated when I
found out about you and Melissa and I needed to get away.” I can
feel my eyes filling with tears and have to turn away. I need to
get a grip, I know it’s not going to be easy but it needs to be
done. Nathan looks at me with tears in his eyes and I know that he
is on the verge of coming over so I carry on quickly. “I took a few
days to let it all sink in and the one thing that I realised was
that it was now over.” He looks upset and I go back and sit in
front of him. “I don’t know what is going on with you and Melissa
now, but whatever it is I hope that it works out. I want you to be
happy and I can’t just switch off my feelings for you.”

He reaches out and takes my hands. He holds
them tightly and I can see that it would be pointless to try to get
away. His voice is husky and emotional and he says, “I am so sorry
for what I have done to you. I love you still as much as ever and
would do anything to make it up to you. Melissa and I were never in
a relationship. I was obviously just someone to fill the loneliness
in her life. I was flattered and know it was wrong but once I
started seeing her I couldn’t stop.” I nod and look down. How can I
judge him when I had those same feelings for Ben?

He looks at me still holding my hands and
says, “Melissa and I finished whatever it was that we had started.
She told me last week that she had lost the baby.” He gulped as he
said it and I look at him in shock. I can see that he is upset and
my first thought is to comfort him. Putting my hand on his arm I
look at him with sympathy. “Please believe me when I say this
Nathan, I am so sorry.” He shrugs but I can see that he is upset.
He carries on, “Melissa is gone, I don’t know where. I suppose I
could look for her but I don’t want to.”

Looking at me earnestly he squeezes my hands
and says, “I will fight for you though Bella. This has made me
realise that I don’t want to lose you. I can’t believe that I was
so stupid to ruin what we had. I know you may need time to think
but please can we try again? I will spend my life making it up to
you, I swear.” Tears are now running freely down my cheeks and I
pull my hands away. Shaking my head I say, “No Nathan.” He looks at
me the distress evident on his face. I stand up again and take a
deep breath. I look at him with as blank an expression as I can and
say the words that I know he doesn’t want to hear. “It’s too late,
I have met somebody else.” It is as though I have physically
punched him. His face looks in total shock and he stares at me in
bewilderment. It is almost as if he can’t believe what he heard and
shakes his head at me. “What do you mean? You can’t have met
anybody. It’s only been a few weeks.”

I can’t bear it and reach out to him. “I
know, I didn’t plan it, it just happened. If nothing else it
reinforces the fact that we were not right for each other. I am
sorry Nathan, I didn’t want to tell you but you need to know so
that you can move on.”

He pushes the seat back violently and brings
his fist down on to the desk. It lands with a thump and he looks
angrily at me. He is staring with such a ferocious look that I
suddenly feel quite scared. Then in a steely voice he hisses, “Who
is it?” I shake my head in fear. I have never seen him this angry.
“Nobody you know, it is best that we leave him out of this.” He
reacts angrily and starts shouting. “Leave him out of it! Are you
stupid? How on earth can we leave him out of it? The first thing I
am going to do is to punch his lights out.”

He starts pacing up and down and I feel
worried. He is obviously losing control and the last thing I want
is for him to find out that it is Ben and storm out looking for
him. He would lose his job if he went after him. I try to calm him
down and reach out to him.

“
Please
Nathan, calm down, this isn’t helping.” He looks at me angrily and
then his face changes almost immediately. His eyes soften and he
reaches out to me. He pulls me towards him and I have no choice but
to let him as he has me backed in the corner of the office. “I’m
sorry Bella. Don’t worry I’m not going to hurt you.” I can feel him
crushing me to his body and can hear his heart thumping in his
chest. He whispers softly, “I understand. You were hurt and upset
and the first man that showed you some attention confused you. You
probably don’t realise it but you were hitting out at me. I totally
get it and don’t blame you.”

Pulling away from me he holds my face in his
hands and looking gently at me he says, “You know what this means
don’t you Baby?” I shake my head; my eyes now wide with fright. “It
means that we are even. You got back at me fair and square. You
don’t really want this man; it was just a reaction to my
infidelity. We can put it all behind us and carry on together.”
Before I can even answer he leans in and kisses me passionately. I
struggle to get away but he is too strong. As he draws away I push
him. He looks at me in surprise and all of the anger in me comes to
the surface.

“
How dare
you.” I shout at him, not even caring if anyone can hear us. “Get
out Nathan and don’t ever touch me again. I have tried to do this
nicely but you have left me with no choice. I am not getting back
with you now or ever. The fact that I have found somebody else so
quickly shows that I must not have loved you enough in the first
place. I am sorry if the truth hurts but shit happens. Now get out
before I call security.”

He staggers back as the full force of my
words hit him. He looks like I have wounded him and heads blindly
towards the door. He wrenches the door open and runs out slamming
it behind him. I sink down on to my seat and it all comes rushing
out. I sob bitterly. It is as though all of the pent up feelings
come rushing out and I cannot stop. Finally I let my emotions get
the better of me and I totally give in to them.

I spent the rest of the day in my office.
April came back from lunch and could see that I had been crying.
She had asked if she could help but I waved her away. Luckily she
left me to my own devices and I tried to concentrate on my work
instead. Ben texted me to see if I had seen Nathan. I just replied
that I had and would tell him about it later. He said that he would
pick me up where he had dropped me off and take me to dinner.

April and I pack up to go home. She looks
over to me and says, “Night Bella. I hope that you manage to get a
rest tonight. It looks like you could do with it. I hope that you
feel better tomorrow.” She comes over and hugs me. I hug her back,
grateful that she recognises when I need to be left alone. “Thanks
April. I am sorry for the atmosphere. It will be ok from now on I
am sure.” We walk out together and then once outside head our
separate ways.

I walk the ten minutes to the road where Ben
will be waiting and think about what I will tell him. I am angry
with Nathan but I don’t want him to lose his job.

Seeing him waiting for me my heart lifts. I
am so glad that he is here, I need him more than I thought I did,
today has taught me that at least. As I approach the car I suddenly
feel somebody approaching from behind me. They grab my arm and pull
me around. My stomach lurches in fear as I see Nathan behind me
holding on to my arm, his face set in stone. Fear creeps over me
and I am suddenly aware of the disaster yet to come. Before I can
even pull away I hear the car door slam and my knees grow weak as I
see events unfolding before me.

Ben reaches my side in an instant and Nathan
looks up at him, the shock evident on his face. “You!” Nathan
hisses as he looks between me and Ben. I pull away and Ben says in
a cold voice, “Get in the car Bella.” He looks at Nathan the whole
time as he speaks and I feel the fear rising within me. I look at
them both wildly and my feet are rooted to the spot. Ben speaks
again more forcefully and says, “Now Bella. Get in the car!”
Turning away I run for the car and don’t look back until I am
safely inside. I can see the two of them just glaring at each
other. Soon I hear raised voices but can’t hear what they are
saying. I can see that Nathan is extremely angry. Ben’s back is to
me but whatever he is saying is not going down well with Nathan.
Then abruptly Nathan leaves, throwing an anguished look towards me.
Ben watches him until he is out of sight and then slowly turns and
walks back to the car. He gets inside and I can see that his face
is set into a cold angry mask.

Trembling I sit back and fasten my seat belt.
I have never seen him like this and fear once again grips me. Ben
drives off but instead of the restaurant he takes me back to his
house. We go inside and he turns towards me. His face looks angry
still and I reach up to it. I trace the frown and he holds my hand
against his face. His eyes are almost black and I can feel the
tension in him. I move closer to him, I just want to make the
tension go. I pull him towards me and gently kiss him on the mouth.
He pulls me roughly towards him and kisses me with such passion
that it takes my breath away. We don’t speak and he lifts me up
into his arms and carries me into the living room and lowers me on
to the settee.