The Paler Shade of Autumn (18 page)

“And fly back Sunday night?”

“If you like. I’ll be back Monday afternoon though.”

She thinks about her brother’s request for Saturday morning with the real estate girl and how Tae will react if she was to say yes. She also thinks about her finances, knowing at the moment she isn’t in the position to buy flights on a whim to Sydney. But mostly, she considers what he would be doing otherwise that she will distract him from—his charities, fundraising, educational programs.

“Why the reluctance?” he asks.

“I promised my brother I’d do something for him this weekend, but I can reschedule that for tomorrow afternoon.”

She is silent.

“The company will cover costs, if that’s another issue. I’m privy to how little you’re paid.”

Autumn tries to smile, but she is embarrassed he sensed that particular concern. Again she is silent.

“What else?” he asks, brow furrowing.

“Being with you, always seems to come with a sense of guilt. I don’t want to pull you away from any duties you would otherwise be doing.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Autumn, we’ve been through this before, in India, remember? When you left me without any way to even contact you, not even a last name I could trace, out of a sense of duty to me and to the children I was caring for. You’re not and I’m not sacrificing a chance at happiness again. Surely, I’m entitled to some romantic fulfilment.”

“As long as I don’t distract you from what is most important.”

“You are who is most important. But believe me, not even you can stop me from pursuing my other efforts. I have the ability to have you all in my life.”

Autumn considers that for a moment and then eventually says, “Fine. I would love to spend the weekend with you in Sydney.”

He grins cheekily. “Great. Scott won’t have to cancel the booking.”

Autumn laughs. “One day I’ll disappoint you.”

He shakes his head and presses his lips to hers, just once. “You can never disappoint me,” he says, eyes only inches from hers.

As she peers into his beautiful face, she never does want to disappoint him, but she knows that is wishful thinking.

Tae walks into the kitchen in her pyjamas, eyes bloodshot and hair in disarray. She notices Autumn humming at the bench, fixing a coffee. “Another sleepover at the boss’s?”

Autumn spins to face her, grinning. “Yep.”

“How did it go?” Like she even has to ask.

“Wonderful.”

Tae raises an eyebrow, narrows her eyes. “Did you sleep with him?”

Biting her bottom lip, Autumn turns back to the jug, pours a flow of boiling water into a mug. “No.”

“No?” Tae stands shoulder to shoulder with Autumn, grabbing a mug from the cupboard above their heads. “I must say, Autumn, you’re showing incredible restraint.”

“I’m merely doing what you suggested, feeling the waters instead of diving in head first.”

“When have you ever listened to what I say? I’ve been thinking about it. Life’s too short. I know you really like this guy, Christ, I had to listen to you whine on about him for almost two years after your India trip. So what if he’s your boss, I say, go get him, tiger!”

Autumn laughs. “What’s with the sudden change of mind? Where’s the whole, ‘Ooh, you’re gonna ruin your career’, ‘don’t jump in too quickly’, business gone?”

Tae smiles. “I’ve gained advice from beyond the grave.”

“Who was it this time—Jane Austen, Virginia Wolf?”

“Charlotte Bronte.”

Autumn grins. “Let me guess—
Jane Eyre
?”

Tae nods. “You’ll relate to this, I promise. It will help you reconcile the perceived inequalities between you two.”

“Oh, will it just?”

“Yes.” Tae finds her handbag on the bench behind them and pulls out a yellowed, dog-eared copy of
Jane Eyre
. She leafs through the pages for a while.

“Here it is,” she says. “This is where Jane is talking to Rochester, so listen closely.”

Autumn nods.

“‘
I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh;—it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God’s feet, equal,—as we are!’

‘As we are!’ repeated Mr Rochester
.”

Tae stops and peers at Autumn from over the cherished pages of her book. Autumn doesn’t notice, as she herself is staring at the floor, silent, caught between enlightening thought and shame. Jet had breathed these exact sentiments to her and she chose to see flesh over spirit, exactly what she had stupidly blamed him of doing.

“As we are,” she whispers, not to Tae, more to the Jet she sees painted in her mind.

“Exactly,” says Tae. “If Jet’s the guy for you, then why hold back.”

Autumn smiles. “Thank you. I like your thinking. So much less mum-like. Now I don’t feel nervous about telling you what I’m doing this weekend.” She apprises Tae of her plans to spend tomorrow night through to Sunday with Jet in Sydney.

“That certainly sounds like your moving forward at a firing pace, not at all like testing the waters.”

Autumn shrugs. “Yeah. I guess it does.” She brings her coffee to her lips, takes a sip. “But you know what? I think I’m ok with that. I’ve had my doubts, mainly because he’s …”

“So rich.”

“Yeah and because …”

“He’s your boss.”

Autumn smiles. “Yes, all those things. But the more time I spend with him, the more I see that none of that matters to him.”

“Just like Rochester.”

A bellowing laugh escapes from Autumn’s lips. “Yes, something like that.”

They hear footsteps moving towards the kitchen and a smile spreads over Tae’s lips. “And here is my own handsome devil,” she says as Jace, dressed solely in a pair of shorts, joins them in the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Autumn says, begrudgingly.

“Morning, Autumn. Haven’t seen you much this week.”

“I’ve been busy,” she says, avoiding his eyes along with the slight smirk she thought she saw when he said ‘seen you much’.

“Yeah. I’ve been filled in on the details. The boss’s been keeping you busy.”

She shrugs, grabs her toast from the bench along with her mug of coffee. “You could say that,” she says as she steps past him to the dining room to eat her breakfast.

Autumn has known Jace for five years, ever since he and her brother started their landscaping business together. He is her brother’s age; went to school with him. Jace and Tae hooked up at her Jordy’s twenty-first birthday two years ago and have been inseparable ever since. He has been a good boyfriend and is a decent bloke, otherwise she would never have let her best friend have a relationship with him, or her brother go into partnership with him. But what she saw on Sunday night as their hands touched for the briefest of moments, despite being out of the ordinary, is weighing on her in ways she is finding difficult to ignore.

Autumn shakes her head. Men masturbate all the time, using which ever fantasy is floating in their thoughts. If she didn’t have her gift, she would never be the wiser, like other ‘normal’ women who are left in the dark when it comes to men’s minds. It’s only that this is personal—the fantasy being her, in an incredibly vulnerable position, naked. It feels like an intrusion on her privacy as much as it feels like she has been betrayed and, simultaneously, is betraying her best friend. Autumn picks up a slice of her toast with Vegemite. Her teeth grind as she chews down a bite, “Bloody curse,” she mumbles between mouthfuls.

“What’s the matter with you?” asks Tae, eyeing Autumn uncertainly from the kitchen door.

She snaps her head up to look at her. “Oh, um, nothing. I was thinking about what I have to get through at work today.”

Tae steps towards Autumn, places her hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure you’re doing a great job while Tanya is away. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” She smiles a reassuring smile. “I’m going to take a shower and get ready. I’ll see you after work. I can drop you at the airport if you like?”

Autumn nods. “Thanks, but I’ve organised for Jordy to take me. He wants me to,” she does air quotes with her fingers, “
see
a girl he is interested in before I leave, to check if she’s hot for him or not.”

Tae shakes her head and frowns. “You know you shouldn’t let him take advantage of your,” she looks around behind her and lowers her voice to a whisper, “
gift
like this.”

Autumn shrugs. “It’s ok. I don’t mind, really.”

“Well, you have yourself some fun in Sydney and I’ll see you when you get home. I want
all
the details.”

When Tae is out of sight and earshot, Jace appears, pulls out a seat opposite Autumn and sits. He sips his coffee noisily. “Have I done something wrong?” he asks.

Autumn raises her eyes to look at his face. He is worried; she can discern it in his eyes, the creases on his forehead.

“I saw you watching me, Jace.”

His face turns red in an instant; he lowers his eyes, his face the expression of a school boy caught looking up a class member’s skirt. “When?”

Autumn releases a long sigh. “You know what I’m talking about.”

Jace doesn’t answer; glares at the table.

“You know this puts me in a really awkward position,” she says.

He snaps his head up. Looks directly at her. “You’re not going to tell… Tae, are you? She would kill me, then dump me and I …”

“I’m not going to tell her. I’ve thought about it, but I won’t.”

Jace nods, relief transforming his features. “Thank you.”

She leans over the table closer. “Why were you near my room anyway?”

“I was heading to the toilet and I only looked in because the light was on and then I saw you…” He stops, narrows his eyes. “You didn’t look as though you’d seen me.”

Autumn stands, picks up her plate and empty mug from the table. “I’m not going into details, Jace. Just don’t do it again or I’ll tell my brother and he can deal with you.” She starts towards the kitchen.

“Autumn,” he calls.

She turns.

“I’m sorry.”

She nods her head and continues on her way.

The day at work is hectic, thanks to her time off over the week; she has back-to-back appointments with clients, not to mention dealing with staff requiring assistance with their work, plus all the administrative obligations she has to attend to.

When she finally gets a break for lunch, she spends the time searching for lingerie to wear while in Sydney, anticipating that she and Jet will be taking the next delicious step in their relationship and not wanting to disappoint him with her drab, sensible collection.

By six, she finally tears herself way from her desk and meets Jordy, who is waiting for her in the foyer. A brief drive across town in his truck has them at the real estate agency where Jordy’s potential love interest works. The plan they had come up with together is: Autumn will hand over the cash for rent that week, on behalf of Jordy and, in the process, take the opportunity to brush her hand against the girl of his interest.

Autumn, on first impressions, likes the girl, Rose. She is attractive and polite and Autumn can clearly see without using her gift that Rose is besotted with Jordy, flirting like a smitten school girl. She follows through with their plan, nonetheless; hands her over the rent money and allows their fingers to linger against each other for just enough time to see what she needs to see.

Not until they are back in the car, heading towards her apartment does she fill Jordy in on the details. “Rose has had a very interesting life, nothing like you would anticipate by looking at her now.”

“How so?” asks Jordy.

Autumn looks to him as he holds the steering wheel, concentrating on the road ahead. “She was a stripper, Jordy.”

Jordy snaps his head to face Autumn, forehead crinkled. “A stripper! What like totally naked for the entire world to see?”

Autumn nods. “Yes. It was quite disturbing for me to see. I wish you wouldn’t send me on missions like this.”

“Why, what else did you see?”

“She has had so many sexual partners. I’m talking upwards of a hundred. She would sleep with the clients after every show, sometimes two, three, four at the one time.”

“Fuck,” he says, drawing the word out like a whine. “She seemed so wholesome.”

“If it’s any compensation, she is now. From what I could see, she has had a child, a little girl and has turned her life around for her. Oh, and she does like you, a lot. But still, would you want to even go near someone with a past like that?”

Jordy sighs. “I really liked her. Fuck, now I wish we hadn’t done this, and I’d be none the wiser.”

Autumn huffs. “Story of my life.”

The aeroplane’s tyres touch the tarmac of the Sydney terminal at precisely nine-thirteen. Autumn knows this because she counted down the minutes the moment she felt the plane thrust into the Brisbane night sky. Behind the other passengers—businessmen, families and couples—she walks briskly from the plane, through to the arrivals lounge. Autumn’s eyes flitter over the faces and forms that crowd the expansive area, anticipating, until she sees his tell-tale eyes.

Jet’s face transforms in that moment from a furrowed brow to a wide crinkled smile. Oh God, he is simply gorgeous and that smile, that smile is all hers. She quickens her step.
Don’t run, you’ll look too eager
.
It was only this morning you saw him
.

But she can’t talk herself out of the sheer elation she feels to see him, knowing they are spending from now till Sunday, alone, together. He strides towards her and, when close enough, throws her arms around him, pulls him in tight to her body and they kiss; mindless, passionate kisses.

“Hi,” she says, eventually.

“Hi.” He raises an eyebrow, grins. “Now that’s what I call an arrival.”

“I did get carried away.”

He shakes his head, lengthens his arm around her waist, turning her towards the exit. “Definitely not. It speaks volumes.”

She nuzzles her head into the curve of his shoulder and neck. “And what does it say to you?”

“You missed me.”

She stops midstride and kisses him again, holding his face in her hands. “I did. I didn’t realise, I’d been too busy to think about you until I was stuck on that plane.”