The Panty Whisperer: The Complete Series (25 page)

JOEL

Q
UINN
GRIPS
MY
leg with her hand while keeping her eyes focused on the road. I don't know what to think. I don't have any information other than Mom collapsed at home. I can barely breathe, and it feels like I might vomit. She's driving remarkably steady for how fast she is going. It is like she can feel what I am feeling and is not bombarding me with questions, even though I know she must have a million.

"We'll be there soon, okay? I'll get us there as fast as possible. Everything is going to be fine."

I keep trying to talk to her, but my throat closes every time I try to say something. "Thank—" I gasp.

"Don't say anything. You're having a panic attack. We have to get you relaxed, okay babe?"

She's staying completely calm even though she must be going crazy on the inside. Every possible scenario plays out in my head. What if she is gone? What if she tried to call me, and I didn't answer? The guilt is crushing me from every angle.

"Lean back and roll your window down, you need air. Give me your phone."

I do what she says, and she calls Tommy as the air blasts me in the face when I roll down the window. It is helping. I can feel some of it making its way into my lungs.

"Tommy!" I hear her yell. "We're on our way. Yeah, five minutes out. Okay." She hangs up the phone. I can't turn my neck to look at her.

"What'd he say?"

"Sit back and relax, babe. You have to breathe. Just breathe in deep breaths, okay? We'll be there in a minute."

I nod and lean back in the seat, trying to take in air. My chest is thrust back into the seat, and then my whole torso is yanked to the side as I hear the engine tacking out. We fishtail around a corner, and I can see the hospital coming up.

"I'm dropping you up at the front of the ER. I'll be in right after I park, okay?"

I nod again, my chest is caving in the closer we get, and I'm starting to suffocate once more.

She starts stroking my hair. "Just try and breathe, slow and deep. Deep breaths."

She flies through the parking lot to the entrance and comes to a stop.

"Go."

I jump out of the car and sprint through the doors as she pulls away. I see Tommy down the hall, and it feels like I'm running in place. The harder I try to run the slower I seem to go.

QUINN

I
'
M
FREAKING
THE
fuck out. I can't believe I remained calm like that. I have to get back in there before Tommy gives him the news. He made me swear not to tell him in the car. He's going to be a mess. It wasn't my place to tell him he just lost his mother. Staying collected and not crying or breaking down in front of him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I park the Mustang and sprint toward the entrance as everything starts to surface in my mind. He is going to blame me. His mother had a heart attack and died while I was off fucking him under some bleachers. He'll never forgive me. It's no time to be worried about myself right now though. I just want him to be okay. As long as I know that, I'll be happy.

I see them at the end of the hallway, and Tommy has his hand on his shoulder. He hugs him as Joel goes limp in his arms, barely able to stand. The tears are flowing down my cheeks as I run toward them. Megan is covering her mouth. Her eyes are watery and red. Tommy is on the verge of a breakdown as well. My poor guys, I want to take their hurt away.

Joel lightly pushes Tommy away from him and turns and sees me. He's standing as if he's being held up by puppet strings, like every ounce of strength in him is gone.

His eyes meet mine and this time it crushes my soul. He is completely helpless, defeated, hurting more than he ever has and probably ever will. His face turns pale and his eyes roll back. He collapses on the hospital floor as I run up to them. I dive on top of him and everything happens so fast it's like I'm in another world. I hear voices coming from different directions but it sounds like they're in a tunnel. I know I am screaming but I can't tell what I am saying. In my mind it is all happening in slow motion, but everything is a blur around me as I make sure he's still breathing.

He is, and I can tell he has a pulse. He must have just passed out. He had to have been so overwhelmed with emotion coursing through him, all of his senses simultaneously shocked. I look up and Tommy looks like he might do the same, he looks like a zombie. I holler at Megan to take care of him and she runs over and wraps her arms around his shoulders.

Some nurses and a doctor rush over and call for someone. They haul Joel off on a stretcher, but will not let me go with him because we are not related. Tommy's skin appears to be turning back to a slight pink hue, and he's able to talk.

I grab hold of him and hug him as he grips around my back. Megan hugs him from the other side so that both of us now have him wrapped up, squeezing his trembling shoulders.

I'm bawling my eyes out, still completely confused and praying it is a bad dream. I've never met Joel's mother, and now I never will. I want to go and make sure Joel is okay. I just want to see him, but they still won't let me.

The best I can do is to be there for Tommy until they come and get us.

"It'll be okay, Tommy. Just breathe, sweetie."

He's gripping me tighter, and Megan is rubbing the back of his head and neck, telling him the same things, trying to calm him down.

"She's gone. Mom is gone." He stares off at the wall in disbelief.

"Just relax, babe," says Megan. "Just try to breathe for us, okay?"

He nods, but I'm contemplating calling for a nurse. Megan presses the button.

"Sweetie, you need to let them check you out too. Maybe get you some oxygen. Okay?"

He appears reluctant, but Megan nods to him and he agrees.

A nurse approaches, and she walks Tommy away.

When he's out of sight, I hug Megan and really lose it. I don't do well with death, and I hate seeing people I care about hurting.

"It'll be okay," she says. "They'll get through this. It'll be okay."

"I know." I nod. "I know, but Megan, he's going to blame me. It's all my fault."

"Bullshit!" She grips my face. "No it isn't. You didn't do this. You have to be strong for them, okay?"

"Okay."

About 15 minutes pass, and they call Megan back. I watch her disappear around the corner, and I assume she's going to see Tommy. I asked to go back but they said only one could go at a time and that Joel is still recovering. The next 10 minutes are the longest of my life. I'm pacing back and forth, crying, worrying. I didn't think I'd be stuck out here all alone. I want to see Joel. I want to go hold his hand and take care of him.

Finally, Megan and Tommy walk around the corner. Tommy looks much better, but he is still distraught. They're both walking with a purpose. They seem to be slowing down as they near me, but I assume it just seems that way because I'm so eager to get back there.

"Is he okay? Tommy, is he alright?" I ask.

"He's going to be okay." Tommy stares at me.

"Are you okay? How are you doing, babe? Do you need anything?"

"We're okay, Quinn, I promise. Tommy will be fine," says Megan.

There's something in their tone. Something is off. I don't have a good feeling about it, and my face starts to tingle. My nose is burning, and I start to tear up before I even have all of the information they are hesitant to give me.

"Well can I see Joel?"

They look at each other, and I ball my hands into fists. Tears stream down the sides of my cheeks.

"He doesn't want to see you right now."

I start bawling. I knew he would blame me. I knew it. I fucked everything up. I'm such a horrible person.

I keep trying to speak, but the words just barely come out. "Did? Did he say why?"

"Look, Quinn. He's just shaken up really bad right now. It's going to be fine, I swear—" says Tommy.

"Well what'd he say? He hates me, doesn't he? What did I do? I'm so sorry—please—just, please tell him how sorry I am."

Tommy and Megan wrap me up in a hug.

"Don't worry about what he said. He's not himself right now. This is just how he deals. It's going to be alright."

I can't stop sobbing. Fifteen minutes ago the guy was practically in love with me, and now he suddenly hates me. I don't know if I can take it. I just don't understand why. He wouldn't have been there with her. He would have been hanging out with Tommy. There has to be something else.

I finally calm down a little and look into Tommy's eyes. I know he'll tell me the truth if I really want him to.

"Tommy—what'd he say?"

Him and Megan look at each other for a second, silently debating if he should tell me.

"I think—well, from what little he said, I think he might be upset because he didn't go see his mom for about two weeks after all the shit went down with you guys the first go around. He just needs some time, he's still processing everything. He's emotional."

It is like someone just ripped my heart out of my chest. I hadn't even considered it could be something to do with that.

"W-was, that something he would normally do when he would get upset?"

Tommy sits there, still not wanting to say anything to me. He buries his head in his palms and talks through them. Megan hugs me and I'm about to lose it.

"I umm—" He looks up at me with his sad, glossy red eyes. "I had never seen him go that long without talking to her. I'm sorry."

TOMMY

I
T
LOOKS
LIKE
Comic Con blew a load all over my walls, and I love every goddamn bit of it. Megan walks through my apartment, and I gawk, as usual, when she comes into the bedroom. Her brunette curls bounce with each step every morning after she fixes it just right. I stare around at the greatness that is my decor and give my morning wood far less attention than it deserves.
Star Wars
shit lines one entire wall because that's how I fucking do.