The Perfect Mess (13 page)

“Welcome to the club,” Landon murmured and Ben hummed as he twined their fingers.

“What club?” He asked and Landon grinned.

“The Super Power Bottoms of America,” he said loudly and Ben made an urgent hushing sound as he swatted Landon’s arm and Landon laughed as he held Ben tighter.

“I suppose I might be but the neighbors don’t need to know,” he insisted and Landon snorted.

“I’m pretty sure they already do,” Landon said. “You were really loud,” he added and Ben groaned as he covered his face with his pillow.

“If the police show up, I’m telling them you attacked me,” Ben grumbled and Landon laughed softly as he pulled Ben’s back against his chest. His lips rubbed gently against Ben’s neck.

“They’d never buy it,” Landon said drowsily and Ben sighed in agreement and waited as Landon’s body became heavy around his and his breathing slowed.

Chapter 19

Once again, Landon had casually shattered Ben’s world. Realizing he was gay had been a very simple and easy process for Ben and his coming out was something he handled quietly after college. It wasn’t a big deal as long as he was a top, for some reason. He was the horrible cliche that terms like “Brosé” were invented for. Ben could calmly tell people he was gay as long as he could see that they assumed he was a top and he avoided anything he thought might make him look effeminate. Somehow, he felt like he would lose some respect or be less acceptable if it was known that he liked getting fucked.

It had all been simpler for Ben when he didn’t enjoy it. Now that he did, and, holy shit, he really did, he felt like he was a different type of gay. Before, he just preferred fucking men and wasn’t attracted to women. Now, he was “totally” gay. If that could possibly make sense. He’d allowed himself to enjoy a little anal play now and then, in the past but he’d never really appreciated or allowed himself to be open to all the pleasure he could experience through his ass. Thanks to Landon, Ben wasn’t so sure which gave him more pleasure or which orgasms were stronger.

Does it really fucking matter? Is anyone going to care about this other than you?
He wondered as he rolled and pulled Landon against his chest. Landon snored lightly as he wrapped his hands around Ben’s head and rubbed his lips against Ben’s cheek.
Would anyone blame you? He’s incredible and does things to your body that shouldn’t be possible.
Ben snorted as he ignored the heaviness in his groin as his cock got hard.
Can you get over yourself and just accept that you’re at least versatile or “totally” gay for Landon?
He didn’t really have to think about it. For Landon, Ben would be anything.

Which didn’t make Ben feel better about everything in general. He could get past the irrational clutching at his masculinity and accept that he enjoyed being fucked because he found the perfect man and he was in love. Unfortunately, he was running out of time with the perfect man and he was in love.

Chapter 20

“So you have to be out in two weeks?” Jason asked and Landon nodded as he jumped to his feet and collected dessert plates.

“Does anyone want more coffee?” He asked as he went into the kitchen. Jason, Michelle and Ben all shook their heads in response. Landon quickly rinsed the plates and set them in the dishwasher as he waited for the conversation to switch to something other than his move.

“That cheesecake was divine,” Michelle announced and Landon relaxed as he wiped his hands then returned to the table. “I think I want a tower of cheesecakes for our wedding,” she said and Landon looked at Ben. He looked nervous and Landon nodded faintly as he pulled his seat closer to Ben’s and took his hand. They agreed they would confront Michelle after dinner. Landon knew Ben was dreading it but putting it off wasn’t going to make it easier. He gave Ben’s hand a reassuring squeeze and tilted his head toward Michelle and Ben’s lips pulled tight.

“Michelle.” Ben’s voice was low and cautious as he waited for her to look at him. “We didn’t just invite the two of you here for dinner. There’s something we want to talk about,” he said and Michelle looked excitedly between them.

“Oh, my God!” She whispered as she fanned her eyes. “Are you two getting married? Who proposed?” Michelle asked and Landon shook his head quickly and wished he could duck under the table. There was a very long, weak groan from Ben. Michelle’s face fell and her shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry. What is it, then?” She asked as she fidgeted with her sleeve. Ben took a deep breath and sat up straight.

“We think it’s time for you to tell Jason,” he said softly and Michelle’s eyes grew wide as her arms crossed over her chest defensively.

“What are you doing?” She hissed at Ben and he rubbed the back of his neck anxiously.

“He loves you and he deserves to know,” he insisted and Jason’s brows fell as he looked at Michelle. Her jaw clenched and Landon knew she was furious.

“You have no right! How could the two of you ambush me like this?” She asked loudly and Jason frowned as he looked at Landon and Ben.

“What’s going on?” He asked carefully and Michelle grabbed his hand as she stood.

“Nothing. Let’s go,” she commanded and Jason was confused as his eyes drifted from person to person.

“I think we should stay,” he said and Michelle growled in frustration as she tugged.

“No!” She yelled and he shook his head as he looked at Ben and Landon. He looked so scared and Landon knew he was expecting something along the lines of an affair and he almost wished it was. Ben sighed heavily and Landon squeezed his hand again.

“Please, sit,” Ben said and she stomped her foot before she dropped onto her chair. Jason’s eyes were huge as they searched her face.

“What is it?” He asked and she glared at Ben.

“It’s nothing,” she ground out and Ben shook his head.

“I wish that was true, Michelle,” he said and she rolled her eyes.

“Why are you doing this? What’s the point of scaring him? Everything’s going so well and you’re going to scare him off,” she complained and Landon cleared his throat as he reached for her hand. She tried to pull away but Landon held tight.

“He loves you and I think he deserves a chance to prove that. And it’s wrong, Michelle,” Landon said and Jason groaned in frustration as his hands pushed through his hair.

“Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?” He said loudly and Michelle’s eyes flooded and she shook her head.

“I can’t do it!” She whispered as she looked at Ben. “I can’t say the words,” she said and Ben shut his eyes briefly then turned to Jason.

“You know our mother died of breast cancer,” he said and Jason nodded slowly. “Our aunt died of ovarian cancer and we’re fairly sure our grandmother died of one or both as well,” Ben explained and Jason blinked a few times before the color drained from his face. He shook his head as he reached for Michelle.

“Baby! Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked as he gathered her face in his hands. “But you’re ok? Right?” He asked urgently as his eyes poured into hers. She was completely frozen and until Jason’s hands fell to her shoulders and shook her gently. She tried to speak but her voice was too weak and Ben’s body was taut as he leaned against Landon.

“We aren’t sure. She hasn’t been to a doctor and had a checkup for three years,” he explained and Jason gasped.

“Why?” He asked loudly and Michelle just shook her head. Jason looked back at Ben in confusion. “If they found anything, they could treat it before it was too late, right?” He asked and Ben pulled his lips in and cringed.

“It depends,” he explained. “She needs to get tested for certain genes and there are things they can do…” he stopped when Michelle waved her hands, silencing him.

“This is too much!” She yelled and Jason grabbed her hands.

“No, it’s not! I don’t know anything about this. I need to understand. I need to know what to do,” he argued and Landon almost sighed in relief. He saw it in Ben too. Jason pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Whatever we have to do, we’ll do it,” Jason whispered and Michelle whimpered.

“You don’t get it,” she said shakily. “If I have the genes, they could take my breasts,” Michelle explained and Jason’s lips twisted as he stared at her then he nodded.

“Right. I don’t want to sound insensitive, but you could always get new ones,” he said and Landon covered his mouth before he could laugh. Michelle was about to explode when Jason made a soothing sound. “I love your breasts, baby. But, if I had to choose between them and you… Well, they’re not your best feature,” he teased and Landon and Ben cringed. It was a bold joke at the moment. Michelle’s eyes narrowed and he grinned sheepishly. “You are. You are your best feature. I love a million things about you and your breasts are just one of them,” he explained and she softened. He pulled her close and kissed her cheek gently. “And you know I’m an ass man,” he whispered and Landon heard Ben curse under his breath as Michelle swatted his arm.

“That’s not it,” she said and Jason sobered. “They could want me to have my ovaries removed. We talked about having kids and I can’t…” Michelle’s voice broke and Jason shushed her as he cradled her head against his chest.

“I want to have kids with you but I can’t do that if you aren’t here,” he said. “Can we just start with the tests and see what they say? What if you test negative? Maybe you test positive but we can have a baby before you have them removed? What if we harvest your eggs first? We could look at in vitro or surrogates if you can’t have a baby later. Or, we can adopt. There are lots of babies that need good homes,” Jason said as he rocked her. “All I care about is you being healthy. The rest of it can wait,” he promised and Landon saw a tear roll down Ben’s cheek.

“I knew it,” Landon whispered as he slid his arm around Ben’s shoulders and Ben nodded “Me too,” he whispered back. Michelle rolled her eyes at both of them.

“I’m not sure if I’ve forgiven you two,” she announced and Jason nodded as he stood and took her with him.

“Yes, you do. You should have told me and they want you to be healthy,” he said and her face was soft as she looked back at them as Jason settled her coat over her shoulders.

“Fine. But only because I’m fine and we’re ok,” she said and Ben waved as he and Landon stood.

“I love you and have a good night,” he said unsteadily. Once Jason and Michelle were gone, Ben exhaled loudly as he sagged against Landon.

“Thank you so much for helping me get through that!” He said as he held Landon close. Landon laughed softly.

“Of course. I love Michelle and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her,” he said then cringed. He prayed that Ben wouldn’t address the fact that Landon could admit he loved Michelle but that even she wouldn’t keep him from leaving.

“I know,” Ben whispered as his hands splayed and pressed against Landon’s back. He could almost feel the words. From Ben and in his own throat. “I’m so grateful,” Ben said and Landon almost sighed in relief. He had his opening.

“How grateful?” He asked as he raised his head and a brow and tugged Ben toward the bedroom. Ben sighed in mock disbelief.

“Is that all you think about?” He asked as he let Landon pull him down the hall. Landon looked up and pretended to consider.

“Umm…” He smiled as he backed into the bedroom. “I think about kissing you a lot,” Landon said and Ben looked skeptical. “And I like when we cuddle and watch movies,” Landon added and Ben snorted.

“Except that I don’t think we’ve ever actually completed a movie together,” he said and Landon was about to argue and froze with his mouth open. Then shook his head.

“Nope. Not a single movie.” He admitted. “I’m kind of proud of that,” Landon said and Ben laughed as he raised his arms so Landon could pull the shirt over his head. He had them naked and stretched on the bed within seconds. “But I do think about you sucking my cock pretty often and I almost constantly think about how good you are at fucking me until I can’t see straight,” he said and Ben growled as he pinned Landon.

“If I’m honest, I think about both a lot myself,” he rasped as his lips traced Landon’s abs before his tongue slid along his adonis belt.

Chapter 21

“I need to know what kind of pizza everyone wants,” Landon announced as Jason set the last box in the storage container. “There’s plenty of wine and beer at Ben’s. I’ll go ahead and call our order in now,” he said as he pulled the door shut and locked the padlock.

Ben pulled in a steadying breath, he’d kept his emotions bottled up all day but knowing that everything Landon owned was locked up and heading to storage had him on the verge of breaking down. The last week hadn’t been easy. Boxes started appearing and Landon filled two or three a night so that by the time Saturday came and Jason and Michelle arrived to help, all they had to do was help carry everything out. He even had every thing cleaned, so there was nothing left to be done.

Every time Ben offered to help in the evenings, Landon would shake his head and tell him his company was all he needed. Ben sensed that Landon was keeping his own emotions and nerves at bay by staying busy. Aside from accepting Ben’s offer to stay with him, Landon avoided discussing the move or their future. It was driving Ben crazy. He needed some sort of reassurance, some hint of Landon’s intentions. The only reason Ben hadn’t initiated a conversation was because he was afraid that he wouldn’t have more to offer than “Don’t leave me!” and a lot of begging. Other than that, he didn’t know what else to say. He couldn’t think of a way to ask Landon to stay without sounding totally selfish and he wasn’t ready or able to move to California, so he kept holding his tongue. Ben had a feeling Landon was struggling with the same lack of ideas, he hadn’t slept the last few nights and he looked exhausted.

“If it’s ok with you two, I think Michelle and I are going to take a raincheck,” Jason said as he slid his arms around Michelle’s waist and winked at Landon over her shoulder. Ben pretended he didn’t see it. “This went a lot faster than we were expecting and I think I’d like to take my girl out for a nice dinner and then have a quiet night at home,” he added and Michelle clapped her hands and cheered.

“I think I’ll wear a dress!” She announced and Ben raised his brows.

“What’s the occasion?” He asked and Michelle squeezed Jason and he grinned.

“I like to look like a girl now and then,” she said before she stuck her tongue out at Ben.

“Get out of here and have a good time,” he said and Michelle rose on her toes and kissed Ben’s cheek.

“You too!” She said before Jason waved and pulled her down the sidewalk toward her apartment.

“Come on,” Landon said as he put his arm around Ben’s shoulders. “Now that it’s just us, we can take a hot shower together and eat pizza naked before we pass out,” he said as he led them toward Ben’s apartment.

Ben nodded and wished that Landon was making that suggestion under just about any other circumstance.