The Phoenix Project (29 page)

    
Elliot began extending his abilities
outward now that he perceived a possible enemy and a target for revenge. Nadine
held her glass to her lips and paused a moment before taking a gulp of brandy. “Oh?”

    
“You seemed uncomfortable for a second.”

    
“It’s not something I’m proud of.”

    
“But it needed to be done, right?”

    
“It was my duty,” Nadine said, “for the good
of the nation.”

    
“How long have you been at it?”

    
“Almost twenty years,” she said taking
another drink of the warming alcohol.

    
“That good at it, were you?”

    
“Yes, I was that good. I’m a monster. Is
that what you wanted to hear?”

    
“Close enough. How many Defensives did you
interrogate?”

    
“Only a few,” she lied.

    
“How many of them were vegetables after you
were done with them, before they were executed, that is?” Elliot read her
growing emotions and adapted his strategy to put her off—balance.

    
“Most of them. I didn’t like it Elliot.
They were only doing their duty and obeying their orders when they were caught.
I found it distasteful to have to break down their minds to obtain the information
I was ordered to retrieve.”

    
“Distasteful? That’s all?” Elliot demanded,
fastening onto her growing guilt.

    
“You want the truth?” she demanded in a
raised voice.

    
“Yes! What’s the truth?” Elliot asked. He
could sense her emotions were becoming more chaotic at the line of questioning.

    
“I had to tear through their minds! It was
agonizing for both of us! They began as people just like me. By the end they
were weeping, pathetic creatures worthy of anyone’s pity.”

    
“And?”

    
“And they deserved pity! They deserved all
my pity, but I wasn’t allowed to experience that. To do my job, I had none to
give.”

    
She stood up abruptly and went to a window
looking out on the serenity of space.

    
“Do you really feel anything for them or
are you just putting on a play for me?” he asked from his seat.

    
“You pig—headed bastard!” Nadine turned
back from the window.

    
“Now I see the real Nadine.” Elliot felt
the possibility of her mental shields dropping.

    
“Real? You think this is the real me? I’m
darker Elliot. Do you want to see just how black I am inside? Do you want to
know what that job has done to me?”

    
“What?” he demanded. The emotional baggage
she carried was in danger of toppling over. To prod her further, a smug smile appeared
on his face.

    
“Look,” she said and slammed her hands
against the silver arms of his chair.

    
It was in that moment that Elliot realized
that he may have pushed her too far. She brought her face inches from his
paralyzed features and began to project images and emotions into his mind. She
showed him the hundreds of interrogations she remembered. All began with
defiance. They looked at her with bright eyes as arrogant and defiant as his
until they began to break. Then she would see traces of fear, turning to terror
as they felt their defenses wearing down accompanied by the first feelings of
her tearing into their minds. He felt her repulsion at the invasion of all
their fantasies and hidden secrets as she was duty—bound to rip them to pieces
inside their own heads. He felt her inward terror reflecting theirs as they
lost their very souls having being reduced to what they feared most: existing
as empty, soulless bodies devoid of feeling or intelligence. They begged for
death as the last of their minds vanished. It was the only release they had
from the living hell they were condemned to.

    
In that moment he realized how many times
she had witnessed everyone’s true worst nightmare. The images continued and he
felt torrents of tears rush down his cheeks. He miserably tumbled to the floor
to escape. As he lay on the deck, Nadine stumbled from where he was, fell against
a wall, and crumpled to the floor.

    
He struggled for a while to regain some
composure before he managed to bring himself to a sitting position on the
carpeted deck. Elliot was still overwhelmed by the fact that Nadine had spent
every night for nearly twenty years crying herself to sleep. He realized that
her loss occurred on a daily basis. Sometimes as many as three or four times in
one day, she felt herself die a little.

    
Elliot saw her huddled against the bulkhead.
He didn’t look at her in contempt and he didn’t feel any anger towards her.

    
He felt pity.

    
Elliot stood up on shaking legs and walked
to her position next to the wall. He sat down next to her huddled body.

    
“It’s okay Nadine. I understand now.”

    
“Go away,” she whimpered.

    
“Come here,” he said and took her by the
waist.

    
“Just get out.”

    
“No. Come here,” he said and brought her
body next to his. She rested her head against his chest and wept. He held her,
both of them sitting on the light cream colored carpet in a small nook of the
dining area. He closed his eyes as Nadine leaned against him in grief.

    
“How can you live like this?”

    
“Had the Everlasting not fixed His canon
‘gainst self—slaughter,” she quoted.

    
“It’s more than that,” he said and wiped
tears from her cheek, “or do your defend ancient deities?”

    
“I thought of dying many times, but it
wouldn’t help any of them, and it would be the easy way out for me.”

    
“So you live on in misery?”

    
“There are many rooms in a sub—basement of
MERA. They are filled with people who do nothing but stare at the walls. Many
of them are my victims. If they have to live life that way, so will I.”

    
“As an empty shell?” Elliot asked.

    
“That’s all I deserve.”

    
“You did what you had to, what you were ordered
to do.”

    
“Couldn’t I have done something more? I
should have told them to go to hell. Why didn’t I?” she asked and looked for
the answers in his face.

    
“You knew they would’ve found someone else
to replace you.”

    
“Maybe, I just wish I could have done more.
They never deserved what I did to them.”

    
“No, but you grieved because you never
wanted that. I can see that now,” he said.

    
“That’s not enough.”

    
“Then live for them and improve other’s
lives.”

    
“In penance?” she asked. Nadine smiled up
to his forgiving face.

    
“Make up for what you’ve done then.”

    
“I can never accomplish that,” she said.

    
“You can try.”

    
“Stop trying to make me feel better.”

    
“Yes Ma’am,” he said, and glanced at the
table. “Do you still want to have dinner?”

    
She let out a small laugh and looked down
to his lap. “I am sorry, Elliot. I didn’t mean to do that. You just got me so
angry.”

    
“Yeah, I do that to a lot of people. Come
on, let’s have some steak.”

    
“I actually like roast more,” she said.

    
“Okay, let’s have some roast.”

    
“And mashed potatoes?”

    
“With gravy,” he said and pulled her to her
feet.

    
They righted Elliot’s chair and he went to
the kitchen to order the meal. Nadine walked to the bathroom, off the bedroom,
and fixed her puffy face. She heard him rummaging through the kitchen,
gathering together the meal from the dispenser, and smiled despite the reality
of her situation. She felt like a boyfriend was making a peace offering after a
fight. Nadine allowed herself the fantasy and finished applying her make—up. She
then returned to the dining area.

    
Elliot set down a beef roast with a hefty
bowl of mashed potatoes covered in gravy as she sat down at the table.

    
“Feel better?”

    
“A little,” she replied. Elliot took the
serving spoon from the bowl and put a small spoonful onto her plate. “Don’t
hold back!”

    
Elliot grinned and doubled the portion on
her plate.

    
“You know you remind me of,” he said and
stopped his divulgence.

    
“Of who?”

    
“Lily used to love mashed potatoes,” he
said.

    
“Well she’s in good company. Who is she,
anyway?”

    
“She was my wife.”

    
“Are you divorced?”

    
“No, she passed away.”

    
“I’m sorry.”

    
“It was ten years ago. It’s okay. Would you
like some roast beef with your potatoes?”

    
“Yeah, I suppose I should,” she said and
realized there was a peak of mashed potatoes on her plate. He smiled and placed
a cut of roast beef on her plate. “Thanks.”

    
“You’re welcome,” he said and served
himself, placing a few rather large cuts of beef on his own plate.

    
“Would you like some potatoes with your
beef?”

    
“Is there any left?”

    
“Shut up,” she said with a smile and
spooned a few dollops onto his plate.

    
“Yes Ma’am.”

    
“You are charming, Elliot.”

    
“Even for a Defensive?”

    
“Even for a Defensive. Am I such an evil
Aggressive?”

    
“No, you’re far more human than I would’ve
ever believed.”

    
“More Alliance
propaganda.” Nadine took another forkful of gravy laden mashed potatoes and
brought it to her mouth.

    
“I bet you thought all Defensives were just
as evil.”

    
“Oh yeah, they tell us you’re all wolves in
sheep’s clothing.”

    
“Really? They tell us you’re all demonic
hunters out to destroy us,” he said.

    
“Are my eyes glowing red?”

    
“They’re really white aren’t they?”

    
“Yes, our biggest giveaway,” she admitted
and gorged herself with more of the creamy mashed potatoes. “Aren’t yours
completely black?”

    
“The irises, yes.”

    
“Why is that?”

    
“Why are your irises white?”

    
“Can I see them?” Nadine asked, fiddling
with her fork.

    
“Why?”

    
“I’ve never seen how you really look. Don’t
worry, I’m not going to shove you out into the hallway,” she said.

    
“Alright, do you have any contact cases?”

    
“I always keep a few. If you show me yours,
I’ll show you mine,” she said with a smile and swallowed a piece of roast beef.

    
“Get them,” he said and refilled their
brandies.

    
She exited the dining area and returned a minute
later with two contact lens cases and a bottle of lens fluid.

    
“Ready?”

    
“To Aggressives,” he said and emptied his
glass.

    
“To Defensives,” she replied and emptied
hers.

    
They both removed the lenses from their
eyes and set them in the cases. Elliot and Nadine looked at each other’s uncovered
eyes. Nadine’s short dark hair only accentuated the white irises that nearly
blended with the rest of her eyes. Elliot’s liquid black irises gave him an
other—worldly elegance.