The Pillow Book of Lady Wisteria (33 page)

“I didn’t want to upset you,” he said. “And it didn’t seem that important.”

Not important! His news hurt as if he’d stabbed me in the heart.

“Who is she?” I demanded.

“Magistrate Ueda’s daughter.” ,

To hear more about her would worsen my pain, but I had to ask: “Is she beautiful?”

Sano-
san
gave me that flirtatious look of his. “Not as beautiful as you. She’s nobody special. But her father is an important man. It’s a good match for me. The wedding will be sometime in the New Year.”

I rose and staggered backward, clutching my chest. “You’re going to take this girl into your home, into your bed.” Tears filled my eyes. “Oh, I can’t bear it!”

Now Sano-
san
seemed puzzled. “Why are you so upset? My marriage needn’t change anything between us.” He stood up and put his arms around me. “I’ll come and see you as often as ever.”

He meant that I must share him with the magistrate’s daughter, and he would enjoy us both! I felt chilled by his callousness, then hot with rage.

“If you marry her, you’ll never touch me again!” I cried, pushing him away.

Sano-
san
laughed. “Don’t be silly,” he said.

He grabbed my arm, pulled me close, and pressed his mouth to mine. I bit his lip. He shouted and reared back. Blood ran down his chin, and I tasted it on my own tongue.

“Witch!” he yelled. He slapped my cheek so hard I fell to the floor. “Don’t you ever hurt me again. And don’t ever tell me what I can do or not.”

I hated him then as much as I loved him. “I’ll leave you,” I sobbed.

“Really?” he jeered. “Where will you go? How will you live without the money I give you?”

 “I’ll get another man,” I said.

His face turned dark and terrible with rage. “Oh, no, you won’t,” he said. “You’re mine. I paid for you. And I’ll have you however I want.”

Then he was upon me, yanking up my skirts, weighing down my body under his. “Stop!” I screamed, furious that he would treat me so.

I tried to push him off. I beat my hands at him, I tried to squirm away, in vain. Finally I gave up and surrendered. His organ was hard against my loins. He shoved it into me, and oh, the hurt!

“Please have mercy,” I sobbed.

But Sano-
san
laughed and groaned and thrust and enjoyed my suffering. When at last he finished, he climbed off me. As I lay sore and weeping and humiliated, he wiped himself on my kimono.

“That should teach you your place,” he said.

Revulsion halted Reiko’s reading. She uttered a sound of indignant denial. This wasn’t her husband described in the pillow book. The Sano she knew was good and kind, not mean nor violent as the story portrayed him. He would never mistreat a helpless woman nor take pleasure in forcing himself on her. But doubt eroded Reiko’s disbelief.

She realized how little she knew about Sano’s relations with other people. His personality might have a different side that he kept hidden while at home. Nor did Reiko know anything about women in his past. She’d never wanted to find out and shatter her fancy that Sano had never loved a woman until her. Now her ignorance left her defenseless against suspicion, and her inexperience with men made her a poor judge of male character.

Had Sano really spoken so disparagingly of her to Lady Wisteria?

Had he indeed loved Wisteria and meant to keep her as his mistress after he married?

Reiko swallowed the sickness that rose in her throat. Bracing herself, she resumed reading.

We quarreled again and again. My rage annoyed Sano-
san
, but I couldn’t give up trying to convince him to break his engagement, even though nagging would drive him away.

The day before his wedding, I made such a scene that he left in disgust. And he didn’t come back. A month passed. I thought my heart would break from missing him. Another month went by, and the landlord threatened to evict me because Sano-
san
hadn’t paid the rent. The servants left because they hadn’t received their wages, and I had to feed myself on tea and noodles from a nearby stall. The little money Sano-
san
had left me was running out. I wrote his name on a paper and hid it, but the old charm didn’t work. Sano-
san
didn’t come. I would starve to death in the streets!

Then one night three months after his marriage, as I huddled over a fire made from the last of my coal, the door opened, and there he was. I was so overjoyed that I threw myself into his arms and wept.

Sano-
san
laughed. “This is a nice welcome. Maybe I should have stayed away longer.”

His mocking hurt, but he made love to me with such ardor that I knew he’d missed me. He also paid the landlord, rehired the servants, and gave me money. His visits resumed, and I realized that unless I wanted to lose him entirely, I shouldn’t nag him. I must use better means of persuading him to divorce his wife and marry me.

Whenever he was with me, I dedicated myself to his satisfaction. I caressed the nether region between his buttocks with my tongue. I paid a hunter to bring me a live wolf and hold it while I coupled with it and Sano-
san
watched. Often I would hire young girls to join us in the bedchamber. When we were apart, I worked a charm to make him faithful to me. I drew a picture of his private parts and boiled it with sake, vinegar, soy sauce, tooth-blackening dye, dirt, and lamp wick. But a year passed, and although Sano-
san
always came back to me, I seemed destined to spend my life on the fringes of his.

Still, I forced myself to be patient, even on the night when he said his wife had just given birth to their son. This was proof that he bedded his wife even though he said he didn’t love her. How jealous and miserable I was that she had borne him a child, while my love for him was barren!

And the child bound him more tightly to her, dividing us.

But I smiled and congratulated Sano-
san
and hid my feelings. Patience and perseverance were my only hope of winning him, and eventually they paid off. It was in the year that the child was born, during the month of leaves, while Sano-
san
and I sat on the roof viewing the full moon. He was in a thoughtful frame of mind.

“I’ve accomplished more in my life than I ever expected,” he said, “but it’s not enough. The shogun treats me like a flunky. That despicable idiot will never give me a higher rank, more wealth, or my own province to rule because he likes keeping me where I am. When he dies and I lose his protection, my enemies will jump at the opportunity to destroy me. My only hope of survival is my son.”

A cunning look came over his face. “The boy is strong, bright, and handsome. The shogun has no sons of his own, and therefore no one to succeed him. I shall persuade him to adopt my son as his official heir to the regime. It will take time, of course. My son must grow up and earn the shogun’s affection. There are obstacles to clear out of the way. One of them is Lord Mitsuyoshi, the shogun’s current favorite. But I know just how to deal with him. Eventually my son will be dictator, and I, who raised him to power, will be secure for the rest of my life.”

I was shocked by Sano-
san
’s nerve, then delighted at my good luck. Sano-
san
has put himself under my power! All I need do is play my cards right, and he will give me everything I wish.

Reiko closed the pillow book. She sat paralyzed, her heart drumming while she envisioned Sano indulging in sexual depravity. Feverish waves of horror assailed her. To think that Sano’s liaison with Lady Wisteria had continued after their marriage! Perhaps it had continued until Wisteria disappeared.

But this was unthinkable to Reiko. Sano did love her. She recalled their first months together, and their passionate lovemaking. Sano couldn’t have committed adultery, not then, not ever. A unique spiritual bond joined them; they belonged only to each other.

Then Reiko remembered the many times they’d spent apart. Sano could have visited Wisteria during his absences. And one of those absences had occurred the night Reiko gave birth to their child. Sano had gone away on business for the shogun… or so he’d said. Was their love a sham, and her trust in Sano misplaced?

A stinging onslaught of tears rushed upon Reiko; she felt like vomiting. Sano had always seemed a loving father, incapable of trading Masahiro for political security. That he would give their son to the shogun, who used young boys as sexual playthings, was beyond belief. Yet Reiko knew how precarious was Sano’s position at court, and what a toll his constant struggle to stay in the shogun’s good graces took upon him. The honorable samurai she knew would never insult his lord nor plot to usurp power, but perhaps Sano had grown desperate and wayward enough to do both.

She couldn’t know for certain that he hadn’t, because they’d grown apart and he didn’t confide in her. And if he would betray her, then why not Masahiro?

Clutching the pillow book, Reiko glanced around the room, which looked unfamiliar, as if transformed into an alien place. Her mind went on adding links to a terrible chain of logic.

Sano had been hiding something from her.

He didn’t want her to investigate Wisteria.

He’d behaved strangely after discovering the corpse—as if someone he knew and cared about had died.

She had already begun to suspect that there had been something between him and the missing courtesan.

With an anguished cry, Reiko hurled the book across the room. It fell behind a gilded screen; yet she could not ignore the book. Nor could she escape realizing that it was as much of a threat to Sano as Lady Yanagisawa had claimed, and not just because it jeopardized his marriage. She felt helpless in her fear and misery.

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