The Pixilated Peeress (11 page)

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Authors: L. Sprague de Camp,Catherine Crook de Camp

Tags: #Fantasy, #Fiction, #Science Fiction, #General, #Adventure, #Epic

BOOK: The Pixilated Peeress
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"Never fear. How did they find out? Filching docu
ments?"

 

             
"I know not; but I am sure they have done the like with certain senators. Thus grows their power."

 

             
"What is this lady's name? I ought to know in case I should enc
ounter her."

 

             
"Nay, that I will not tell. Let the dead past
...
"

 

             
They argued, but Zigram was adamant. At last Tho
rolf said: "My Countess brought her coronet with her. Who were the safest banker to leave it with?"

 

             
"Waddo Sifson were as good as any."

 

             
"Thanks. Here are the barracks. Come over some time and, if you won't take exercises, at least watch me at mine. Good day, sire!"

 

-

 

IV

The Desirable Dragon

 

             
During the following days, Thorolf's attention was often distracted by thoughts of Yvette. He
saw her fine-boned face in the visage of every girl he passed on the streets. Afternoons, af
ter drill, he found himself lingering on the Street of Clockmakers, ostensibly absorbed in an elaborate as
tronomical timepiece in a merchant's showcase. By sil
v
ered disks, gilded hands, and moving mythological figurines it displayed not only the time but also the phases of the moon, the tides, and the motions of the planets.

 

             
Thorolf's examination of the clock was but a pretext for shooting furtive glances up Ca
stle Hill to the for
tress where he had left Yvette. He realized that his fa
ther was right; he was falling in love.

 

             
He knew it was a folly. Yvette had told him plainly that her next husband must be of noble blood, an issue that she took with utmost seri
ousness; and he was just a plain citizen of the Commonwealth. Even if she ac
cepted, she was too arrogant and aggressive to make an endurable wife. She would insist that he move out of the barracks, buy a house, and hire servants; and away would go whatev
e
r money he might still save for his advanced studies.

 

             
Her candid confession of unchastity also bothered him. He had long assumed that he would marry a virgin and that they would explore the mysteries of love to
gether. This was still the common, socially
accepted pattern of behavior in Rhaetia, where Doctor Mersius' contraceptive spell was not yet widely known. If many Rhaetians failed to live up to it, enough others adhered to it to make such behavior no cause for remark.

 

             
Thoro
lf was not much surprised by Yvette's candid admissions; he had long heard tales of the Carinthian nobility. But even if he overlooked this matter, the straitlaced Zurshnitters were cold to brides with color
ful pasts. Marriage to Yvette, even in the wild
l
y im
probable case she would have him, had as favorable a prospect as a wrestling match with one of the fifty-foot serpents of Thither Ethiopia.

 

             
His first task was to get her away intact, in her proper form. This done, he thought that, from her free-and-
easy ways in such matters, she might permit him some nights of lechery despite his lowly social standing on her scale. He avidly desired such a union, however ephemeral. But, inexperienced as he was, he doubted that he could so please her as to change her
basic na
ture, which was too firmly set in the aristocratic mold.

 

             
Still, no matter how much he berated himself as a sentimental fool, Thorolf still loitered in the Street of Clockmakers, pretending an avid interest in clocks while stealing sidelong glanc
es at the bodeful battle
ments above. At the end of a week, he could stand the suspense no longer. He trudged up the path to the castle and told a mailed guard:

 

             
"Kindly take a message to Doctor Orlandus. I am
Sergeant Thorolf, and I wish to know the stat
e of the patient I left in his care."

 

             
When the guard departed, the other guard said: "Bean't ye he who last week brought some gigantical bug to the castle?"

 

             
"You may call it that." said Thorolf.

 

             
The guard returned, accompanied by a stout, scowl
ing,
red-haired man in a red robe. In no ingratiating tones, the redhead said: "Sergeant, the Master remem
bers you; but he cannot take time from his world-saving work to answer idle queries. Your Countess shall re
ceive you on the day appointed, a sennight he
n
ce. Good day, sir."

 

             
The man walked away. The sight of smiles on the faces of the two guards infuriated Thorolf; but he held himself in check. A fight would do no good and, more likely, harm. Instead, he bent his steps toward the head
quarters building of
the Constabulary.

 

-

 

             
Gray-haired Chief Constable Lodar said: "The reason these wights roam abroad with swords unwired. Ser
geant, is that I have a command from above to turn a blind eye to their venial offenses."

 

             
"What's 'above'?" demanded Thorolf. "M
y es
teemed father?"

 

             
"Now, now, I would not mingle in a family dispute. Let's say that it came from those superior to me in the government."

 

             
"Have the Sophonomists infiltrated the Constabu
lary?"

 

             
"Not to my definite knowledge. Suspecting these men of ambitions inconsistent with proper duty, I have re
jected applications when I was certain of such affilia
tion. But I doubt not that we have some amongst us, as a consequence of the death of Master Eb
e
rolf."

 

             
"What befell him?" asked Thorolf.

 

             
The Chief Constable looked about and lowered his voice. "He was a former Sophonomist who turned against the Order. He went about denouncing them and warning of their ambition to seize the rule of Rhaetia. Well,
one morn he was found in an alley, strangled. I assigned Constable Hasding to investigate. He said he was making progress; but one day he fell, or was pushed, from high in the Temple of Irpo and slain. I sought the file of information Hasding had gathered
on the death of Eberolf; and lo, 'twas missing! I suspect that someone in the corps extracted it. Other papers, too, are not where they should be in the files."

 

             
"If Orlandus be so great a mage," said Thorolf, "what needs he with planting spies in your mi
dst to filch papers? Why could he not effect his desires by spells?"

 

             
"Imprimus, I doubt he's so puissant a wizard as he pretends; that tale of having studied the wisdom of the East in Serica is surely false. At the time he claimed to be so occupied, he w
as a petty thief in Letitia. Sec
ondly, to make doubly sure that he cast no witchery upon us, I caused old Doctor Bardi to set up a protec
tive spell on all the Constabulary, to render us proof against illusions, transformations, demonic posses
sions, and
similar japes."

 

             
"If Orlandus plant spies amongst your men, why canst not do the same with him? His guards are ordi
nary men, unlike those delta-possessed diaphanes."

 

             
Lodar smiled quietly. "If we had such nameless informers at work, think ye we'd admit
to it?"

 

             
Acknowledging the hint with a smile and a nod, Tho
rolf asked: "Hast heard what befell the Countess of Grintz, when at her behest Bardi tried to cast upon her an illusion spell?"

 

             
"I heard it made her into an eight-headed dragon; but I set that
aside as mere rumor. We have had no reports of such a monster gobbling our citizens; not that some do not deserve that fate. What, then, did hap
pen?"

 

             
Thorolf told his tale, adding: "As you see, dear old Bardi's work is not always to be depended upon."

 

             
"It seems to have worked for us," said Lodar. "We tested it, importing a wizard from Tzenric to cast the fellest spells in his armory upon Constable Prisco, who had volunteered."

 

             
"I'm happy not to have been in Prisco's boots. What befell?"

 

             
"The spell
shed the wizard's attacks as featly as good plate armor sheds stones. The old fellow may not be so keen as a razor of the best trollish steel; but this time he was in the gold. We've sought to persuade the gov
ernment to hire a first-rank wizard full-time,
to protect us and the army; but the Senate hath balked at the ex
pense."

 

             
"Gramercy for your news," said Thorolf. "Me-thinks I could use such a protective spell for dealing with Sophonomists."

 

-

 

             
Next day, Thorolf went to Bardi's house. When the last of Bardi's regular patients had departed, Thorolf told the iatromage:

 

             
"Doctor, I would that you gave me the same immu
nity spell that you cast upon the Constabulary. In six days I must needs fetch Yv
ette from Castle Zurshnitt. and you know what that may entail."

 

             
"Dear me!" Bardi mumbled. "I were glad to, my son, at my usual fee; but there's a difficulty."

 

             
"What is that?"

 

             
"I no longer have the spell to hand. 'Twas from a book

not one of mine, but
one in the Horgus College Library. I copied it out on a paper, and anon
I
stowed this sheet betwixt the pages of one of those." A sweep of Bardi's bony hand indicated the disorderly rows of books on the sagging shelves.

 

             
"Well, why can't you simply take
it out of the book in question?"

 

             
"Alas, I have forgotten which volume I placed it in."

 

             
Thorolf counted ten and then spoke with poorly con
cealed exasperation: "Then tell me which volume in the college library you took it from, and I'll make my own copy
."

 

             
"Dear, dear, I have forgotten that, too!*'

 

             
"Well, you can go through every one of your own volumes until you come to it, can you not?"

 

             
"But that would waste days, and I could not afford the time, with the rent due in a week. Let me be for a few days; the title of one book or t'other will surely pop into mind."

 

             
Thorolf sighed. "Oh, well, let's go to dinner at Vas-co's."

 

             
"Gramercy, albe
it ye must not detain me there over-long. There is some reason why I must return to my house this even, but I cannot recall what it is."

 

             
"Ere we go," said Thorolf. "make sure your head be securely fastened, lest you forget it."

 

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