Read The Pixilated Peeress Online
Authors: L. Sprague de Camp,Catherine Crook de Camp
Tags: #Fantasy, #Fiction, #Science Fiction, #General, #Adventure, #Epic
"Yea, Master," she replied in a level, expressionless voice, like someone speaking an unfamiliar language. "Hail, Sergeant Thorolf! Wouldst care to show me the sights of Zurshnitt?"
"I shall be delighted," said Thorolf, bow
ing but with a tinge of uncertainty in his voice. Her blank, expres
sionless stare and fiat monotone were utterly unlike the vivacious, expressive, self-assertive Yvette whom he had brought to Zurshnitt. This, he thought, deserved investigation; but it wo
u
ld not do to betray his suspi
cions now.
"Sergeant!" said Orlandus crisply, "methought you'd have a carriage for her. Those silken shoon will not long endure the cobbles."
"I expected not
—
" began Thorolf.
"You thought she'd remain mewed up? A trivial
mis
understanding. Since 'tis partly my fault, I'll lend mine own carriage, freshly imported from Sogambrium. When she return hither, you will I am sure provide suit
able transport."
He turned to command a gate guard. Presently a brougham, black with a
golden coat of arms on either side, drawn by a pair of matched blacks and driven by a yellow-robed coachman, trotted out from behind the keep. With a charming smile, Orlandus said to Thorolf:
"You must return to visit. We shall have much to say to each o
ther."
As the vehicle, with the coachman straining at the brake, inched its way down the winding road on the far side of Castle Hill, Thorolf examined the conveyance with interest. It was his first ride in such a carriage, of which there were only a few
in Zurshnitt. These vehi
cles had come into vogue a few decades before among the nobility and the richer merchants. Owners of these newfangled conveyances at once began pestering their governments for improvements in streets and roads, to let them travel
m
ore comfortably than on the back of horse or mule, in horse litters, or in farm carts. One could now go by carriage all the way from Zurshnitt to Sogambrium or Letitia.
Thorolf spent the rest of the day in giving Yvette a tour of the Rhaetian capital, ex
plaining its sights and monuments: "Now that, Countess, is a statue of our great patriot, Arnalt of Thessen, who routed the Carinthians at Gorbee and so laid the foundations of our Commonwealth
...
"
"What is that?" asked Yvette, pointing to what looked l
ike a large animal covered with tawny-yellow fur, lying in a gutter.
Delighted to see his love show a spark of interest in anything, Thorolf replied: "That's a troll. Methought you knew about them."
"I had never seen one. Is it alive?"
"Aye; you can see its ribs move. Probably sleeping off a debauch. A few dwell in the city, doing menial work requiring great strength; but when paid off they drink themselves tap."
"I see," she said, relapsing into her former state. To Thorolf's further
expositions she answered only: "Yea, Sergeant," in a leaden monotone. Thorolf felt he was showing the town to an utter stranger inhabit
ing Yvette's fetching body. Moreover, this stranger had no interest in the sights of Zurshnitt. At last he said:
"My d
ear, yonder lies the famous Zoological Park of Zurshnitt. Wouldst care for a stroll therein?"
"Aye, Sergeant, if you wish." She looked at her feet. "But these light shoon are unsuited to walking. Couldst purchase me a pair of stout overshoes?"
"Hm. No
shoemaker could make us a pair whilst we wait. But
—
I have it! There's a shop run by high-born ladies for charitable purposes. People give it their used goods, which the ladies sell cheaply and devote the money to good works. They may have a pair that wou
l
d fit."
-
An hour later they descended from the carriage at the entrance to the zoo, with Yvette more substantially shod. Thorolf told the driver to wait, paid the admission fee, and escorted Yvette in.
"Now these," he explained, pointing to a group o
f huge, black, long-horned bovines, "are aurochs from the Vilitzian Forest, in the northern marches of the Em
pire. Albeit they resemble our domestic cattle, they are fierce and untamable. Over here is a unicorn from the Forest of Bricken, now a rare spec
i
es." The mouse-brown beast indicated, munching hay and browse, was the size of a buffalo but of more porcine appearance. Its huge head was decorated with bony bumps and a spirally twisted single horn.
They moved on to the next enclosure, in which lay a l
arge, pallid reptile, like a long-legged crocodile, cov
ered with short hairlike bristles. The animal sprawled immobile with closed eyes, only an occasional move
ment of its rib cage indicating life.
"That," said Thorolf, "is the Helvetian mountain drago
n. There are still a few up in the troll country."
For once Yvette said something other than "Yea, Ser
geant." She replied: "Aye, Master Thorolf. The Em
peror hath a similar beast from Pathenia in his menagerie in Sogambrium."
"How looked it, Countess?"
"Much like yon reptile, save without the bristles and of a darker hue. As with other reptiles, the sight thereof provides but a minimum of enchantment, as it lies all day without moving a whisker. Since the day wanes, should yo
u not proceed to your inn? A repast were welcome."
"A splendiferous idea! The park will soon close any
way. Let's back to the carriage."
As they turned away from the dragon's enclosure, Thorolf found himself confronting a group of men. There were seven
, in the sober dress of traveling mer
chants, but strapping fellows who bore themselves like soldiers. One stepped forward. "Sergeant Thorolf, me-thinks?"
Thorolf bristled; these were probably the men who had sought him at the Green Dragon and therefore
henchmen of the Duke of Landai. "And what if I be?" he said, sliding a hand toward his hilt. As a soldier of his rank on active service, Thorolf was not required to immobilize his blade with peace wires.
"My good sir," said the man, "we have a proposal t
hat, of a surety, will capture your interest." The man made a gesture. Two of the group skirted around Tho
rolf and Yvette and leaped the low fence about the dragon's enclosure. Thorolf, fearing attack from be
hind, whirled in time to see one of the twain
wrench open the cage door, while the other whirled a sling he took from beneath his clothes.
"Ho there!" shouted Thorolf. "Are you mad?"
The leaden sling bullet struck the mountain dragon in the ribs with a solid thump. The big emerald eyes snapped ope
n; up came the fanged head. The dragon lurched to its feet and started for the open door. From its gaping jaws came a long, groaning bellow. The two who had aroused it ran.
Other visitors shrieked and stampeded away from the dragon's cage. Behind him, Th
orolf heard a scream in Yvette's familiar soprano. Turning again, he saw two other pseudo-merchants dragging her off. She struggled, but the men easily bore the slight woman away. Behind Thorolf, the dragon roared as it emerged.
As the spectators fled, k
eepers converged on the site, shouting questions and demands. Two dragged up a large net, which they threw over the dragon's head and forequarters. Another struck one of the men dragging Yvette with a quarterstaff. Staggered, the abductor re
leased Yvette
'
s arm, whereupon the Countess kicked the other kidnapper in the crotch.
"She-devil!" yelled the man, clutching his affected parts.
Trying to hasten to Yvette with drawn sword, Thorolf found his way blocked by a cluster of zookeepers, one of whom cried:
"Seize him! 'Tis he who enlarged the dragon!"
"Fools!" shouted Thorolf. "Yon runagates loosed the beast, to kidnap the lady
—
"
He tried to push past the keepers; but they closed ranks before him. When one grabbed him, he knocked the man down with his f
ree hand; but another threw a net over him. It was smaller than the net in which the dragon now struggled, writhed, and snapped but quite as effective in immobilizing its victim.
"Yvette!" yelled Thorolf. "Tell these idiots who I am!"
Mechanically she recited: "He is Sergeant Thorolf of the Fourth Rhaetian Foot."
"We care not if he be a general!" a keeper cried. "No man shall molest our animals!"
"Hold! What's all this?" demanded a new voice, that of a lean, gray-haired man. Thorolf
recognized Berthar, the director of the Zoological Park. He and the keepers all broke into heated explanations at once, while Yvette stood silently.
"Release Sergeant Thorolf!" said Berthar. "I know him for a true man. Ye say a gang of ready-for-aughts
sought to abduct this lady? Where are they now?"
"They vanished whilst your men were netting me," Thorolf spat.
"We shall sift this matter. But excuse me; I must see that our dragon be well encaged."
-
When the hubbub had died, Thorolf took Yvette t
o Berthar's chamber of office. The room had books and pa
pers piled on every horizontal surface, even the floor. Some of the piles were topped by the skulls of beasts that had dwelt and died in the park. A corner was oc
cupied by a glass-paned terrarium.
B
erthar waved his visitors to chairs and poured small goblets of wine. After Thorolf had told of the pursuit of Yvette by Duke Gondomar, Berthar said:
"I shall alert the Constabulary to watch for these rogues."
"I've already told Lodar," said Thorolf, "
but an ad
ditional reminder were not amiss."
"Is the Countess hale?" asked Berthar, nodding to
ward the silent Yvette. "She seems as quiet as Arnalt's tomb."
Thorolf shrugged. "Unharmed in body; but she is under certain
—
ah
—
influences.
How have you been, Berthar?"
The Director spread his hands. "Nigh nibbled to death by the ducks of daily life. It hath been so ever since my former wife ran off with that water-of-life salesman. Today, for ensample, within a few hours, our Pantorozian t
iger died; a keeper succumbed to the de
lusion that he was a Mauretanian viper and went about wriggling on his belly and trying to bite people; and Banker Gallus demanded that I give his old horse a good home, albeit without providing funds to do so. Then,
to cap it all, came the raid of those rogues who were fain to enlarge the dragon, I ween to furnish a diversion to cover their abduction of your lady."