The Pledge (15 page)

“Just sneak out,” Aunt Dani said after Momma and Cory went inside the house.

“Huh?” I said.

“If you want to see Allen, just wait until your parents go to sleep and sneak out.”

“But what if I get caught?” I said.

“Child, please. I've been sneaking out for years, and I've never gotten caught. Just make sure you're back before your momma gets up—you know she wakes up before the sun.”

I thought about what she said, and I realized it made sense. My parents would only worry if they knew I was with Allen, but what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

Aunt Dani hung around until everybody went to bed, then the two of us spent some time casing the place. We walked into the bathroom that Cory and I shared, and she pointed to the window in there.

“That's big enough for you to use,” she said.

I had never really paid the window any attention. “How do you know that?” I asked.

“Girl, I've learned to pay attention when I enter anywhere. You never know when you're going to have to make a fast exit.”

 

“Do you guys think it's ever okay to sleep with a guy when you're not married?” I asked during the Worth the Wait meeting. The question had been running through my mind again the last few days, and I really needed someone else's opinion.

“Haven't we had this conversation before?” someone asked.

“So? I want to have it again,” I said. “Do you think it's okay?”

“Why would you ask that?” someone said.

Bree looked at me, and I shrugged, trying not to glance directly at her, knowing she would know exactly what I was thinking. “I was just curious.”

“If a guy really loves you, then he'll understand you wanting to wait until you're married,” Jennifer said. “If he doesn't, then that's his problem, not yours.”

“Are you kidding me?” Emily asked. “You sound like somebody's mother. Nobody thinks like that anymore.” She turned to me. “If you guys really love each other, I don't see what the problem is. You're planning on getting married someday, so why wait?”

“She needs to wait because that's a promise she made to herself,” Bree said, and I realized joining Worth the Wait had changed her way of thinking. Sophomore year she used to talk all the time about losing her virginity. “Who cares what some guy thinks?”

I held up my hands. “Hold up,” I said. “I never said this was me. I was just asking a question.”

“Come on, Courtland. We're not stupid. We know you're talking about you and that fine Allen Benson. If I had the chance, I'd take it. He plays ball, too, and you know he's going pro in a few months. He's about to get paid.” Emily got this dreamy look on her face. “Think about it. If you had his baby, you'd be set for life with all that money he's about to make.”

I had just taken a sip of Sprite, and I started to choke. Bree had to beat me on my back for a few minutes before I stopped. “Baby?” I finally managed to say.

Emily grinned and nodded like I had just told her she had won ten million dollars.

“Yes, a baby,” Jennifer said. “That's one of the consequences that could happen if you sleep with a guy who's not your husband. Next thing you know, Allen will be running around calling you his baby momma.” She looked at one of the girls in the group who had recently had a baby. “No offense.”

The girl shrugged. “None taken.”

“So are you thinking about it?” Bree asked.

“Maybe,” I said.

“But why?”

“It's hard to explain,” I said. “It's one thing for us to make all these vows when we don't have boyfriends, but when you get one and you're feeling all these things, it's hard. I mean, I really like—I mean love—Allen. It's not like he asks me for a lot. If all he wants is to have sex with me, what's the big deal?” I reached for my purity necklace, remembering a second too late that I didn't have it anymore.

“What do you want?” Andrea asked from the doorway.

“I don't know anymore,” I said honestly. “I thought I wanted to wait until I got married, but it's really hard.”

“But it's not impossible,” Bree said. “Don't let Allen talk you into doing something that you'll regret.”

“But what if she doesn't regret it?” Emily said.

“What if she does? It's not like she can get her virginity back,” Bree argued.

“We're all going to lose it someday, so what does it matter when it happens?” Emily asked.

“If you feel that way, why are you a member of this club?” Jennifer asked.

“Because I told you, virgins are sexy,” she said.

The room grew kind of silent as we thought about what Emily said. I couldn't deny the fact that Allen had me feeling a lot of things I hadn't really expected to feel, despite all that had happened between us.

“So have you thought about what type of birth control you're going to use?” Jennifer asked.

“Huh?” I asked, looking at her like she was crazy.

“Birth control,” she repeated.

“Why would I need to worry about that? If I decide to do this, I'll just let Allen pick something.”

“Hello,” Jennifer said, using her fist to knock upside my head. “Is anyone home? Is it just me or did Allen not get charged with rape? I've heard she might be pregnant. That would mean he didn't use protection, which would mean if you sleep with him, you're exposing yourself to all kinds of diseases.” She shivered and puckered her face up like she'd eaten a whole pack of sour candy.

I hadn't heard the girl who had accused Allen might be pregnant, and I told myself it was just a rumor. I had tried not to think about Allen being with other girls, but Jennifer was right. If I decided to sleep with him, I couldn't leave it up to chance that he would protect me. I was going to have to protect myself.

Momma
wasn't feeling well the next day, so I drove myself to cheerleading practice. Even though I had gotten a car, she still was slow to let me drive places by myself, which didn't make any sense to me. What was the point in having my own car if I could never drive it? When she called and asked me to stop at Wal-Mart and pick up some Tylenol Cold for her, I found myself staring at the condoms, wondering if I should buy some just in case.

What am I doing?
I thought.
Allen loves me, and he knows I want to wait until after I'm married to have sex.

I shook my head, then laughed, not believing I was even entertaining the thought of giving up something I treasured. I grabbed Momma's cold medicine, then got in line.

When I was almost at the register, my cell phone rang, and Boyz II Men's “A Song for Mama” came blasting through. I grabbed the phone, embarrassed, and pushed the talk button.

“Hey, Momma.”

“Hey, baby. Where are you?”

“I'm at Wal-Mart. I should be home in a few minutes.”

“That's fine,” she said. “Can you stop and pick us up something to eat? You still have money, don't you?”

She had given me some money that morning. “Yes, ma'am. Is pizza okay?” I asked, thinking I could pick up a five-dollar pepperoni pizza from Little Caesars.

“That's fine, baby,” she said, sneezing.

“Why don't you get some rest? I'll be home soon,” I said.

“Okay,” she said after a violent cough.

“Get some rest, Momma,” I said.

“Ma'am, can I help you?” a woman asked.

I threw the medicine on the counter, and just as I was about to give up looking for my money, which I thought was in my purse, I finally remembered I had put the money in my jeans pocket.

“Will that be all?” the woman asked.

“Yes,” I said, looking at the woman for the first time. “Andrea? I didn't know you worked here,” I said to my Worth the Wait adviser.

“Hey, Courtland. I just started a few weeks ago.

“Will that be all?” she asked, and I wondered if she'd seen me looking at the condoms earlier.

I nodded.

She gave me the price and I handed her the money, waiting on her to say something, but she didn't. Instead, she gave me my change and said, “Have a nice day.”

“You, too,” I said, praying she didn't tell my mother.

 

Two nights later Allen and I agreed he would meet me at the corner down the street from my house after my parents fell asleep. Momma still wasn't feeling well, and I knew her medicine would knock her out, since she had had to get a prescription from the doctor that morning for the flu. Daddy was at work and wasn't scheduled to get off until around eight the next morning, so I figured I was good.

I tried to be as casual as possible when I stuck my head in Momma's room to check on her. “You need anything?” I asked.

She could barely keep her eyes open. “No, baby. I'm fine. I'm just going to bed.”

“Okay. I am, too,” I said, pointing at my robe for emphasis. “I'll check on Cory, then I'm going to call it a night.”

“I love you, Courtland. Thanks for all your help,” she said, and she was asleep before I could respond.

Cory was playing her video game, but I made her go to bed, and when I was sure she was asleep, I slipped off my robe, smoothed my jeans and straightened my sweater, then I glanced at myself in the mirror, praying Allen would like my outfit. He had criticized the stuff I had worn a few times, and some stuff he had told me I could never wear in public again, like my favorite Apple Bottom jeans, which he said showed my butt too much.

I headed to the window and climbed through like Aunt Dani had shown me, wondering after I made it to the ground why I didn't just use the front door. I giggled at my silliness, then headed to the corner where I was supposed to meet Allen. It was only January, and the day had been pretty warm, so I didn't think I needed a jacket, but I was wrong. It had gotten colder and I stood there shivering for ten minutes before I finally texted Allen to see what was taking so long.

It took him five minutes to respond that he was about ten minutes away. I thought about telling him to forget about it, but part of me really wanted to see him.

I had been waiting thirty minutes when Allen finally showed up. He didn't even bother to get out of his truck to help me in. Instead he reached across the passenger seat and flung open the door.

“Hey,” I said, trying to hide my annoyance at having to wait.

“Hey,” he said, looking me up and down. “Where's your coat?”

“I didn't think it was this cold out, and I wasn't expecting to have to wait out here this long.”

“Yeah, I had to meet with some people,” he said, not bothering to apologize.

“Where are we going?”

“I figured we could just go chill for a while.”

“Can't we go get something to eat?” I asked.

He sighed. “I guess.” He put the car in Drive, then sat there for a minute before putting the car back in Park. “Look, I'm not going to spend any more money on you if you're not going to put out.”

“What?” I asked weakly.

He kept going like I hadn't spoken. “Look, with everything I've been through lately, I don't have time to play games anymore. You're cool and all, but I didn't think it would take this long.”

“You didn't think what would take this long?” I asked.

“Getting you. It's been almost six months now, and nothing's changed. I can't always be spending money on you when I'm not getting anything in return. I knew I shouldn't have bet Noah—”

“You made a bet about me?” I asked, not believing what I was hearing.

He laughed. “Yeah. I remember when you were a freshman, thinking you were better than folks. That night at the fountain, I told my boy Noah I'd be able to break you. We bet ten dollars that I could do it.”

“Why are you telling me this now?” I asked, feeling sick to my stomach. Noah had tried to run game that night, then had turned around and made a bet on me.

“Because I'm tired of playing games. I know you don't want to be a virgin anymore. It's all over you. I thought you wanted a gentleman, but since you still weren't giving it up, it occurred to me that maybe you're one of those chicks who's into guys dogging you. I grabbed you and you kept on coming back, like a dog to his bone.”

I sat there with my mouth wide open, not knowing what to say or feel. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked.

“Courtland, you know you like it.”

Tears filled my eyes. I couldn't believe I had been so stupid. Allen had never loved me. Our whole relationship had been a lie.

He put the car in Drive and hit the gas, throwing me off the seat, since I hadn't bothered to put on my seat belt.

“What are you doing?” I screamed, trying desperately to find something to hold on to.

“I'm sick of these games, Courtland.” He grabbed my wrist and pinned me close to his side. “They're going to end tonight.”

“Allen, you're hurting me. Let me go,” I cried as he drove faster and faster, driving through yellow traffic lights and barely missing a car before he jumped on the highway. He was going so fast, I couldn't read the road signs to see where we were going. I had never been so terrified in my life.

I tried reaching for my purse so I could dial 911, but I only had one hand free, and I was using that to hold on to the dashboard.

“Please, just let me go,” I pleaded. “I'll do whatever you want if you just let me go.”

He slammed on the brakes, then turned and looked at me, and as well as I thought I had gotten to know him, I didn't recognize this guy sitting next to me. “Why didn't you just say that to begin with?” he said, placing his hand on my thigh. It made my flesh crawl in revulsion.

He drove to a nearby school, parked, then reached for his belt buckle, and I took a deep breath. I had dreamed about my first time almost as much as I had about dating, and I never thought it would be like this.

Allen reached for me and placed a sloppy kiss on my lips, then he leaned back and reached for the bottom of his shirt and looked up at me with a grin. I used that moment to fire every ounce of pepper spray in the canister on my key ring into his eyes.

As he screamed in agony, louder than any girl I had ever heard, I reached for the door handle, bolted out of the car, then ran with everything I had in me, looking behind me every few seconds to see if Allen was coming after me.

I ran for what felt like miles, ignoring the burning in my chest, determined to put as much distance as possible between Allen and me. When I finally came to a stop, I had no clue where I was. I reached in my purse for my cell phone, only to discover I didn't have it. I groaned, wondering if the night could get any worse.

I started walking, praying I would come across a pay phone, but after ten minutes I still didn't see one. Finally I sank to the ground and started crying. I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. I thought Allen loved me.

I glanced at my watch and realized it was almost four in the morning. I didn't know where I was, and I didn't have any way to get home. I didn't even have my emergency twenty dollars, since I had spent it a few weeks ago when Aunt Dani and I had gone to Chick-fil-A. I thought about going to someone's house to ask if I could use their phone, but what was I going to say to them and to my mother when I asked her to come get me?

Instead, I just got up and started walking again, ignoring the cold air and my icy tears, praying God would get me out of this situation.

My prayers were answered when I saw a car headed toward me. Before I could flag it down, the driver spotted me and pulled over.

“What are you doing out here so late by yourself?” a man asked.

Part of me was scared to approach his car. All my life, Momma had drilled into my head to never talk to strangers, and I knew I definitely shouldn't get in the car with one, but what else was I supposed to do? I just started crying.

He stopped the car and walked over to me. “It's okay,” he said, placing his warm jacket around me. “Are you hurt?”

I shook my head and he led me back to the car.

“Want to tell me what happened?”

“My boyfriend and I, we…” I swiped at the fresh tears and took a deep breath.

“Take your time,” he said.

“He tried to rape…rape me,” I said softly.

The man sighed. “Did he?”

I shook my head, staring at the floor.

“Let's get you home.”

“No.” I looked up, my eyes wide with fear. “I can't let you take me home. I wasn't supposed to be out tonight, and I can't tell my parents what happened.”

“You can't or you won't?” he said. “What's your name?”

I opened my mouth to tell him, but realized he might know my parents. “Courtland Dennis,” I said, using Aunt Dani's last name.

“Courtland, I'm sure your parents are worried sick. It's a little over four o'clock in the morning. We need to get you home. Where do you live?”

“West End,” I said.

“What are you doing all the way in Hoover?” he asked.

I shook my head. I was at least twenty minutes from home if I was driving. What he said clicked. “We're in Hoover?”

“Yes.”

“My aunt lives somewhere around here. Can you take me to her house?”

He took off his cap and rubbed his low-cut hair. “I really shouldn't,” he said.

“Please.”

He started up the car. “Where does she live?” he asked.

“Off Lakeshore Drive, near Ross Bridge.”

We headed in that direction and I realized I had stopped about two blocks from the 1-65 entrance ramp. I gave him directions, and we headed to Aunt Dani's. I just hoped she was home.

 

I had been banging on Aunt Dani's door for ten minutes straight when the man who said his name was Mr. Matthews finally convinced me she wasn't home. I slunk back to his car, trying to figure out what to do. The sun would be up soon, and I knew my momma would be awake any minute. She always got up while it was still dark out. Even though she was sick, that didn't stop her from dragging herself out of bed at her usual time for her daily devotion and to make breakfast for Cory and me.

Thinking of breakfast reminded me it was the day before we left for the competition in Orlando, and we really were supposed to meet at school early to have a celebration breakfast, sort of our last chance to bond before we got on the road the next day. Later that afternoon we were having a pep rally, then one final practice before we headed home supposedly to get a good night's sleep, but I had a Worth the Wait meeting.