The Power of Forgetting (36 page)

Davey stopped
the recording.

‘That is
utterly terrifying.’ Joe said.

‘Yes.’ Janey
was calm on the surface, but I saw her eyes.

‘How long has
this been going on?’ asked Marcia.

‘From the
beginning.’ said Janey.

‘Who are the
test subjects?’ asked Oliver.

‘I think that
maybe some of us are.’ Janey said.

I really felt
then, that poisonous elementals masquerading as real people was the
least of our worries right now.

Something
occurred to me. Power; Power out of the ground; Our success; Before
we began; Something old; Ancient even; Something at birth; Nascent;
Something that was built in because of an incident of nature. There
were two things; not one thing. Something impossible…. Granny
Estelle told me. She said something; did Laura’s mother. I asked
her once about the elemental world; when I was young. Perhaps she
thought I didn’t remember now. “Why are no babies born to the
people in the woods?” I was so young. She looked down at me; and
unusually answered me. “Because,” she said, “there are no men to
make the babies. None of their kind live here anymore.” So I asked:
“Why not?” She smiled her secret smile; “there can be no boy babies
born to an elemental. So in the end there can be no more of them.
They are all gone a long time ago.”

“Where did they
go?” I had persisted.

“They went
away…. across the sea. And some of them just died. That is why they
disappear. Because they can’t even with an ordinary man, make a
baby boy.”

‘Jared…. did
you say something? Jared?’ breaking into my reverie as they all
went quiet; she asks me a third time. I’m staring at my hands
clasped together on the table in front of me. I am mouthing the
words over again very quietly: “there can be no boy babies….no
boys….no boy babies….”

‘Jared!’ said
Marcia sharply. She is right next to me. She says something else.
But it is like I’m tuned out again. In my mind’s eyes I recall
Granny’s face as she said the words. And almost the last thing she
said: even with and ordinary man….

‘Even with an
ordinary man!’ I gasp the words in surprize. It was there all the
time. I am excited with this news; suddenly there is a light inside
something that had always been a dark place; even before the
incident, ‘It’s here!’ I turn my palms outwards, staring at them
keenly, ‘It’s here. And now I get it…. dear God! I get it at last!’
my eyesight is blurring and I’m laughing. I put my hands to my face
and feel wetness. I can taste it. Salty, burning. I am completely
tripping out on this extraordinarily private moment of
realisation…. There is a whisper at the edge of my mind. Someone
else. I try to focus on them, blinking furiously. But it makes me
feel sad. I stay there. I just want to laugh and cry at the same
time. Can you know that feeling? Happy, and relieved; and also sad
and regretting that this didn’t come sooner; yet glad it is now,
because I am ready….

‘He’s lost his
bloody marbles!’ Hanson says in a worried tone, ‘it had to happen
sometime.’

‘Shut up!’
Marcia shouts, ‘I’ve just about had enough of the slights and
criticisms that you all throw around without thinking. We’ve all
been through enough already today.’

There were some
subdued sounds of apology from more than one person.

‘That’s better.
Now everyone study the map of the base. Davey; print everyone a
copy on A4.’

‘Will that be
too small?’ Davey is careful to keep his tone pleasant and light.
Marcia is not known to cool down in a hurry if you really get on
the wrong side of her.

‘Yes.’ she is
firm and blunt, ‘now everyone will be up at seven, except Jared.
And you will get your tasks in the morning.’

‘Breaking
Camp?’ Oliver’s voice is like the brush of a cat against your
leg.

‘Yes. I know we
are being herded down. So let’s get the jump on the unholy trinity
and be up and moving quick sharp!’

There were some
mumblings of “Yes Boss.” after that.

I slowly look
up. The meeting; was it a meeting? had broken up. Janey is sitting
next to me. Her chin is cradled in her hands, elbows resting on the
table. Marcia is still discussing the printing of the map that
Davey has extracted from Hanson’s flash drive.

‘Hey there…’
said Janey, ‘Do you want to tell me about it?’

‘I don’t know.’
I said stupidly. The idea was fading out like smoke in a breeze. I
feel if I say another word I will forget it, so I asked her ‘When
did you talk to Estelle?’

‘Granny rang me
a week before we left to come here.’ Janey is waiting for the
obvious question. I don’t ask it. I know she expects me to say it.
Just to make the point. Estelle doesn’t talk to me at the moment.
It isn’t that we don’t get on. It’s perhaps rather the opposite. I
think she might be afraid that I’ll make her admit too much. My
mother does know something. Janey was right when she remarked on
that straight after Morel’s demonstration. What about that guy? How
far back in time could he recall the events in a particular place?
What are the limits of his powers? He doesn’t know yet perhaps.
Karis is showing him what he can do. She can amplify it beyond it
normal unpractised limits. She has subtle abilities that seduce
you. She can slip inside a man’s mind almost without their
knowledge. I think that is why she has taken to Morel. She can’t do
that to him. He would know. She doesn’t do it deliberately. But it
is something that she wanted to always avoid. Karis could strip me
bare with one glance when I was very small. She could see right
inside. So perhaps she knows something after all?

‘Jared? My
dear…. don’t fight it.’ Janey is solemn. Grown up, gentle and
patient. She seems so much like Karis at this moment; so much
greater than me. She is really that. Twins…. Yet so very different.
All my distorted views of her died in that moment. She had always
been my golden jewel. My dear sister; and unlike Karis we had
passed the same milestones together. Karis appeared in our lives
fully formed; and adult already. No history, she had always been
there, always beautiful; always young. Did I mention that? These
women do not age like ordinary ones. They keep their youth and
beauty, way past the point when the flower must have faded. Karis
and my mother are only two years different in age. Neither has a
sign of it: they are flawless and youthful. My mother is a more
normal version of her mother (Estelle). Estelle has a mature beauty
that you could see in someone half her age. She has only a few
strands of pale hair in the background of ebony. Impossible! So
impossible that I never noticed it. I know now why Laura very
rarely stands near to me when we have visitors. It would be too
easy to compare us. I have the same dark hair and blue eyes of my
mother. I look so like her. Yet she is a deep and complex person;
with many facets to her personality. Karis says that I am much akin
in temperament and character to our mother; I don’t really know if
that is true. I suppose it is Leo who understands what she is best
of all. So I suppose that is why he watches over me. Where I get my
impulsiveness from I don’t know. But now I see where I get
something of my nature from….it is so startling that I just want to
jump up and run out into the evening forest and swing from low
branches. I know that Marcia and Joe will get Oliver to pin me down
if I attempt to go wandering right now. I turn a little. Janey is
still sitting there. She doesn’t seem perturbed that I’m off with
the fairies for a moment or two.

‘Did Granny
ever tell you about the elementals?’ I asked her suddenly.

‘No.’

‘I thought you
spent a lot of time talking to her about err… stuff like that?’

‘No. I did like
talking about her Job though. She always said it was a good thing.
Kept her out of trouble.’

‘Trouble?’

‘Well yes. When
you have a class full of little monsters to control. It is rather
preoccupying.’

‘Is she still
working?’

‘Yes. She is.
What is it Jared? Shall I get Marcia to send you to bed early?’

‘There’s really
no need. Do you know what you are Janey?’

‘A brilliant
Scientist. Sister to a total idiot?’

‘Apart from
that.’

‘Apart from
that?’ she pouted then, ‘you’re not going to tick me off for being
arrogant and opinionated?’

‘What you said
is true.’ I was reasonable I thought.

‘I think
Hanson’s right. You have lost your marbles.’

‘No. he’s only
partly right. You and I are both carrying a rather unusual set of
marbles.’

‘Yes…’ her
voice is steady. But her eyes change. A warning light going on
perhaps. We both know we cannot tell the others about this. It has
nothing to do with whether or not they would believe us. It has to
do with protecting them for being forced to tell it to someone
else. If you don’t know, you can’t tell. Whatever the enticement
might be. And Hanson’s ears seem like they are on stalks as it
is.

‘Just one thing
then,’ I said in a different tone, ‘was it the double, or Lorraine
who stabbed your double?’

‘I don’t know.
I was there suddenly, walking into the undergrowth. And it hurt
like hell. You do understand, that thinking about who did it; was
not the most insistent thought in my mind at that moment.’

'Of course not.
Sorry. But all the things you said....'

'What things?'
she sat up and folded her arms.

'The things you
said. Stuff about Auntie Zee. And us having...' I whispered then,
'Power over Nature?'

'Mmm.... Well
it's certainly something to think about.' she spoke a clear message
with her eyes "Not Now". Hanson was hovering near. But Joe came
over then and shooed Him and Janey away.

I lay down on
my bed in the medical bay. Joe stood over me despite my insistence
that I was fine, he took all the readings again.

'Where were
you?' Joe asked.

'I don't know
what you mean.'

'You are going
to earn yourself a report for debrief that no one will actually
believe.'

'I don't care.'
I stared upwards, seeing the fabric move and tense.

'You have to
care Jared. You have to start seeing it all from other people's
point of view.'

I just looked
at him, feeling just a bit contrite. I think it was the first time
I had really considered that angle that clearly.

'You're fine,'
said Joe, 'Physically. I just find it unbelievable.'

I didn't want
to ask what he thought about the rest of it. I'd not cared. And now
I felt bad. Joe finished his notes. He put the clipboard down.

'You can go
now.' he held out a hand. I took it and he pulled me upright.

'That's all?' I
asked.

'You want
more?'

'Err....I just
wondered....'

'What now?' he
sounded matter of fact. I detected then a tension; or perhaps
tiredness in Joe.

'I'm sorry for
being so much trouble. Really....'

He smiled
slightly: 'You're okay. Not the most difficult patient.'

'Oh?'

'Well there was
this woman I met when I worked in Leeds...she was really badly
injured but just wouldn't stop going on about her cats....'

'Cats?'

'Yeah....turned
out that she didn't have one; but twelve of the furry little
buggers. A team from the local cat sanctuary were sent to find out
what was going on. And when they got there they found that she had
been hiding a huge wodge of cash in her bed room. Some of her pets
were sitting on a pile of the stuff.'

'So she was a
very rich cat lady?'

'That wasn't
the end of the story. It turned out that she had an arrangement
with the local aspiring master crook. And she was the laundry lady
for their operation.'

'She'd have to
be with that many moggies around.'

'Nah! She was a
crook who laundered money! And the thing that saved her was that
her cats wouldn't let anyone near the evidence. Literally. She
asked me "How's Moxsie?" she said just like that "How's Moxsie? Is
she happy?" too right she was! Bloody gigantic thing.... By the
time the Lady could get into her house, the cat in question had
hidden the cash or so the locals supposed. Cat Lady denied
everything, and there was nothing the police could do. There's no
way of charging a cat with handling stolen goods, or concealing the
proceeds of crime. So she got away with it, I suppose that was the
end of the story.'

'But what about
the cash?'

'No one knows.
But her twelve cats would chase off anyone they didn't know. So
they reckon she still had the money somewhere about.'

'So what you're
saying is.... Be careful of big pet cats?'

'No. what I’m
saying is: - that you never know about people. There's no way you
can know what lies beneath; with anyone. In my experience.... of
which there are even stranger things I won't repeat, there's no
accounting for what folk get up too, and you can never tell by
looking at the surface.'

'Thanks
Joe....for the advice; and the medical attention.'

'That fine.' he
looked upwards thinking for a moment. He looked at me again, in a
questioning way, as I slid off the bed and rested my feet on the
floor.

'The truth is
Joe; I was somewhere I never expected to be. I found some
answers.... I suppose I once believed there was more. Now I believe
it again.... It’s not been easy for any of us. I do know that. I am
sometimes so afraid; I could choke just thinking about it Joe.
Other times there is a world out there that seems more vivid and
real than this one... I don't know Joe, but I think I just found an
answer to a question I have been waiting on for a very long
time.'

'I know,' he
said, and seemed quite preoccupied. Then said: 'It's alright now. I
remembered what I have to do. It's alright now.... Jared; tell me
if anything changes. You can go now.'