The Power of Forgetting (33 page)

‘But the
nightmares?’

‘Son…. the
human mind is capable of a lot of things quite without any help
from the enemy. A lot if his work is deception. He wants you to
believe he is stronger than he actually is. Your dreams may trouble
you still. But now we are in agreement; you can always ask me to
help you.’

‘Just like
that?’

‘As you say….
just like that.’ He smiled again…. Seeming now so human; so
familiar.

‘Have I seen
you before?’ I asked him suddenly.

‘Yes. I get
around a lot. I like to keep my eyes on my favourites.’

‘Do you
mean….?’

‘Ah! Do not
misunderstand. I have many, many favourites. No one is forgotten.
Everyone matters. Do not worry. I have all the time there is. Time
is like…. well chocolate. You can never really have too much of
it.’

‘That sounds
like Marcia?’

‘Marcia…. the
girl with the big heart; short on common sense with young men. But
seems to be getting there with her latest chocolate cake.’

‘Is chocolate
cake important at a time like this?’

‘A time like
what? All times are important. Small things most of all. Have you
ever seen a corner that didn’t come to a narrow point? On such
things the world turns. The big things happen in a track that the
world is running on. That is why one person, can change
everything.’

‘How?’

He held out his
hands to me then: ‘To be human is the thing we all must shine a
light through. The image of all things is this one corner. This is
the precious crossroads. You are here with me. Marcia is, and
Janey, Oliver, David, Andrew; and every other friend. Your Father,
and Mother, and your sister Karis, and your aunt Flora; and your
adoptive parents Anna and John, their offspring and their families.
And your friends; and all the ones you see. Eland, Aiden, Ellen….
So many; all remembered, all loved. Always…. You see me. Take my
hands now Jared. We have a journey to make; I will go with you the
rest of the way.’

There was no
getting out of it. I saw that silvery thread. And I had to return
to myself. Time moved slowly in front of us. There was no sound. We
stood watching them. When I could bear it no longer, I turned to
the Man: ‘Please send me back now. I’ll go. Just tell me…. will I
be well again?’

He smiled then;
‘you are well. The body is young. But the issue is the organ
damage. I’ll take care of that, if you wish.’

‘Yes. If you
can.’

‘I can, if you
want me to. Fixing things is good.’

‘Then…. will
you fix me?’

‘Gladly. But
when you go back. It will take a little time; I need to blend this
one in seamlessly. Too obvious and it will attract wrong attention.
I will send the healing so it happens quickly. But not
instantly.’

‘What if you
didn’t do this?’

‘Oh, death by
cardiac arrest and major organ failure; due to the administration
of a cocktail of organic poisons.’

‘More than
one?’

‘That is right.
Your physical strength, and stubborn will, would not be overcome
easily. Also the woman who did this is now gone out of that female
body.’

‘Where is the
body?’

‘Another has
it.’

‘Who?’

He just smiled:
‘Are you ready?’

‘Yes.’

‘I’m right
here. Don’t forget that.’ He put both hands on my chest. I felt a
tingling sensation. Then all of a sudden; he seemed to hit me hard
with both fists. I fell backwards and hammered into the ground. It
was the most pain I had ever felt. Every muscle locked and then
went flaccid a moment later. I think I breathed in then. But I’m
not sure. Pain; like an acre of land stretching out. Difficult to
cross in the mud.

Another. I
heard a sound a slow electronic whine. And then like a radio being
switched on and slowly turned up I heard voices.

‘Clear!’ Joe
spoke sharply.

The body, this
body….my body jarred with the shock. The quivering heart took the
beat and ran for a few cycles. I felt a hand on the chest, moving
around listening, something cold.

‘Come on!
Jared…. pick up the beat.’ Joe again.

I heard another
voice…. Hanson. ‘You have to wake up! Come on Jared! Wake up and
explain to me what the hell has been going on for the last six
months or so….’

‘I think
we’ve….’ Joe is close to me, ‘yes! We got him….’

‘What?’ Janey
this time, ‘Are you sure?’

Something in me
reacted.

‘It’s your
sister Jared; the real one. Flesh and blood…. Come on you daft kid!
Or I really will steal all your dominoes!’

Yes. That was
definitely the real Janey. She said something about a time before
the test. Weird. I was swimming up through a stormy sea. I felt
drops falling on my face.

‘We need to get
him inside now.’ Davey was saying.

‘Get the
stretcher.’ said Joe.

I breathed in
sharply. I was just underneath the line between awake and asleep. I
could hear their voices but I couldn’t respond to them.

‘Did you see
that?’ Davey said.

‘Yes.’ Joe
said, ‘take it steady now.’

Now the pain
really started to kick in. I was sure that they were taking care of
me. My sister had returned; and mysteriously Hanson too. Also,
Janey and him appeared to be behaving around each other again. I
had craved that peace, a cessation of hostilities. So then, as Joe
put a tablet under my tongue I forced my eyes open for a moment. I
hadn’t heard Marcia’s voice. But I saw her. She was deathly pale
and looked completely exhausted. She had hardly slept in two days.
And this was just too much. Hanson swam into view then. He put his
arm around her. ‘Come on. You need to rest Annie, he will need you
looking pretty when he wakes up, don’t you think?’ my eyes shut
again then. I marvelled at this new development. Andrew being,
well…. really kind. But then again, maybe he had been into his own
private hell as well. Maybe that had reformed him somewhat. He must
have been at the lab out here, when I met the copy at his office.
My thoughts disintegrated after that; and then the velvet silence
rolled over again.

I heard voices
and woke up for a few seconds. I moved my hand to my mouth. It was
covered with the mouth piece. Easing my breathing. I could smell a
faint whiff of cooking. Joe was looking down at me. I blinked
twice, then closed my eyes again. I guessed rightly that Joe had
whacked me full of morphine, or something akin. Every part of my
body was stiff and unresponsive; yet pain seemed to be far
away.

‘Jared…. Let me
look at you?’ Joe got my attention; I could feel some tugging on
the right arm. My eyes were open. There was a drip going in on the
right. I think I was laid on a very soft surface. That, or I am
totally tripping. It is daylight.

‘Hello Chief.’
Joe carries on with his changing over of the drip. I have a funny
thought. When was the last time I went to the loo? Joe wrinkles his
nose; ‘I’ll take it out; when you want me to.’ I don’t know what he
means.

A little while
later, I am mysteriously sat up. I flex my hands and fingers. Joe
decides to give me some water. He brings the cup to my lips. It
tastes disgusting. Perhaps it is the taste in my mouth. I haven’t
said a word yet to anyone. And I struggle with the concept forming
in my mind at this moment. Where are the tea bags? At that moment
Hanson comes into the medical bay. He says something to Joe, who
takes the small case and disappears for a few minutes. Hanson just
sits with me. He makes no attempt to have a conversation. What
could we say? Hello; how are you; what happened to you? Are you
mad? Are you sane? Are we actually going to get along now? Hanson
is watching me carefully. He will report back to Joe even the
slightest change in my observable response.

It's not that
we ever actually fell out. I just learned to despise him, as he
took what I had always wanted. I’m too weak for either him or me to
start an argument at the moment. Not that we ever actually argued….
he just; took over. He hands me the cup of squash. It is the only
thing I crave apart from tea; and Joe said I will have to get some
of the stiffness out of my upper body first.

‘Here…. I’ll
take it then.’ Hanson regards me solemnly for a moment. I’m in
danger of spilling it. But I am thirsty. He stares at me, as if
waiting for instructions; then rather hesitantly offers me the cup
again. I nod and he keeps hold of it so I don’t drop it; then puts
it rather too carefully down on the small bench. Suddenly I know
what is coming. He wants something. But my price is information. I
am going to get what I want his time. Clearly I was right; a moment
after that he asks me if I’ve seen Lorraine.

I shake my
head. He looks down at the floor. I remember this too. But for now
I can’t be drawn. I’ve seen it work on girls too. He acts like an
idiot and they fall for it. But then Hanson’s easy confidence and
choice of rugged outdoorsy sweater and boots make some girls go
weak with intense idiocy.

‘I have to find
out what happened to Lorraine.’ He said at last. The cogs in my
head are moving rather slowly at this point. It takes me several
minutes to work out what he is talking about.

My mouth forms
an “O” and I sigh with realisation. Hanson wants to find Lorraine
because he wants her. Does he Love her? It occurs to me that I
might get a straight answer this time; I’m the one with the NDE.
I’m waiting for them to start asking questions. Joe is really
pleased with me. It’s nearly five in the afternoon; and already I’m
on the mend. Joe can’t quite believe it. I have nothing to compare
my state of being to that is normal…. Everything is strange so
normal is just what is happening now. I have flashes of
remembrance.

I looked
clearly at Andrew then; is he for real? As if divining my thought,
he pulls up his left sleeve to reveal a small scratch on the flesh
of the inner arm.

'Davey tested
us not long after we got back. We are not copies.' he pushes the
sleeve back down. And his eyes flicker with doubt. There is
something he isn't telling me. But I can read him quite well and
excepting the thing in the past with Lorraine; I can always guess
what is happening.

He is looking
at me directly again. It is an expression that begs you to ask him
what the trouble is; it's a good job I cannot speak. I moisten my
lips with my tongue. He lifts the cup back to my mouth. He wants me
to talk to him. I find myself taking pity on him. And the image of
his self-possession in administering the antidote that helped saved
my life, gives me a whole new perspective on this man; my once
friend. When friends were simply those you happened to be thrown
together with. Of course he doesn’t know what I saw. Will I ever
tell? One step at a time.

'I am supposed
to meet Lorraine the day after tomorrow. I can lead us to where she
will be. She is on our side Jay. It’s hard to explain; but you
might have to take my word for it.’

Of course I
would do nothing of the sort. Hanson has been extremely foolish in
letting them duplicate him, I suspect, more than once. As for
Lorraine? Well we would have to go back quite a way to unravel that
little drama.

She had been my
girlfriend; and I was quite madly in love with her, or so I
thought. But Lorraine was the kind of girl who cannot settle on one
thing; a bit like a kid in a sweet shop. She craved the pick and
mix style of dating. Exclusivity was not to her liking;
unfortunately. And in this Hanson was another of her sweet
distractions. I could never be quite sure if Hanson knew that she
was still with me when he started seeing her. She had always been
so sweet and attractive; enough to destroy the reason of the
average Male getting into close proximity.

Hanson is
looking towards the entrance to the medical bay. I’m thinking of
tea again. Strong tea. I want to consume a gallon of the stuff.

‘It easy to
misunderstand,’ Hanson said, ‘but there is nothing I can do about
that at the moment; the truth is that Lorraine found the passcodes
that got Janey and me out of there. She can leave any time she
wants. But only if she helps them do a few collecting jobs,’

I nod for him
to go on.

‘Well……she has
told the camp manager that I’m going to visit in two days. If I
don’t show up she might end up in danger. I asked you if you’d seen
her because she has a copy that is well; rather unusual. It has
been known to disappear for days, and get up to who knows what. And
Lorraine is scared of Mr Charles. He’s a cold fish if ever I met
one. Totally immune to her charms. It’s his punishment for what
seems like rather a matter of jealously on his part. He just cannot
get any other woman to take an interest in him. And he’s a real
smartarse about the technology. He can build a time machine with
the left over parts, it is said. Quite a bit about us had been his
pet project…. I mean the duplicates, of course.’ He went quiet then
and reached for the cup of weak blackcurrant. He put his hand over
mine to still the tremble of weakness…. he lowered his voice; ‘I
really am glad you are still will us. I don’t suppose that after
everything I can expect you to believe me. You had the worst of
me…. the double at the university. I can’t lie and say it wasn’t
me, because you already know better….’ I had finished the drink, to
he sat back again in his chair, a strange faraway look in his eyes;
‘Yes….it time to get back to reality. I’ve had enough; there’s only
so much messing about with possible versions of yourself a person
can handle before it all becomes a bit; well…. Tiring.’

I blinked a few
times. This was the closest he’d ever come to an outright admission
of weakness. It was a start. I hoped Joe would return so that
Hanson would take leave of me. Perhaps I would lie down a
little.