The Price of Love (A Price Novel Book 1) (30 page)

“Thanks, Eddie.”

Returning to our table, I handed Milly her shot. “Here, Mills.” Eddie brought over the drinks.

Milly drank her shot and made a funny face. “What was that?”

“Banana rum,” Eddie said. “Arden wants to throw up, evidently.”

“Don’t give her any more, Eddie. She hasn’t eaten anything all day.”

I said, “I don’t need either one of you deciding what I need. Give me another shot, Eddie.” He gave Milly a questioning look, as if he were asking her permission. “Eddie, do your damn job. Pour me a drink, now!” Part of me knew I was already on my way to getting drunk if I was talking like that.

Eddie was right. I threw up all night. I thought I was dying. I wanted to die. Milly slept in the bathroom with me and finally got me into bed around five that morning.

When I woke later that morning, I could hear Milly in the bathroom on the phone. When I went into the bathroom, she jumped. That right there said it all — she had to be talking to Slayde. She started out of the bathroom, and then I heard her say, “Hold on.” She turned around and said, “Arden, will you just talk to him?”

I slammed the door in her face and locked it. I didn’t really know why I was being so hardheaded. A big part of me did believe him — I didn’t think he would hurt me — but my insecurities overrode that. They took over like my heart and brain had no say in the matter. I knew it was just a defense mechanism, and I was letting it take charge because it felt like the safe choice. As hard as it had been dating him up until that point, seeing those photos in print just pushed me over the edge. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life scared of what could be revealed next. Real or not, seeing it like that, knowing the whole world was seeing it like that, was a terrible feeling.

*****

A week had passed, and I still hadn’t talked to Slayde — even though Milly had done her darndest to make me. I was putting some of the clothes Milly had brought from the house back into my dorm closet when Lexi peeked in the open door. Just the sight of her made tears fill my eyes. “Is it OK if I come in?” she asked. I nodded. I knew Slayde sent her, and that, if needed, she would walk through fire for him. So doing his dirty work wouldn’t be that big of a deal.

She put her arm around me. I couldn’t look her in the eyes; I was trying to keep from losing it, and I didn’t want her to see that. “Sweetie, I know you’re hurt, but you have to know in your heart what the truth is.”

I didn’t saying anything; I was scared that speaking would unleash the tears I was trying so hard to contain. So I handed her the magazine, which was still sitting on my desk.

She glanced at it and then looked up at me and said, “I know what you see. My question is, what do you know?” I was confused so said nothing. She continued, “I’ve been where you are. It’s the worst feeling. I have felt it, and I will never forget it. Zac and I dealt with the same type of stuff for years. It wasn’t to this degree, but it was bad. Eventually the press will get bored, and they’ll move on to someone else.” After a pause, she took a deep breath and said, “Look, I’m not here to tell you what I think you should do, just to give you all of the information so you can at least make an informed decision.” She kissed my cheek, handed me a CD, and left.

I opened the CD case and stuck the disc into my laptop. I figured if Lexi had taken the time to bring it to me, I should at least look at it. My stomach was nervous as I waited for it to load. There were two files on it. One was a folder labeled
Cast Laker Photos.
The other was labeled
Outtakes.
I opened the Lakers photos one first. There were seven photos. The first picture was the one I saw in the tabloids. The second was a shot from a different angle, and you could see all of the other cast members in that shot. There were four more similar to that one, and the last one was a picture of the whole cast with some of the Lakers team dancers and players. I opened the outtakes folder next and found a video file in it. It was just a camera rolling while Slayde and Shelley were preparing for a kissing scene. When I saw Slayde, my heart sank. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed him, because I was so busy being angry. I heard him say to Shelley, “Come on! Hurry up. Let’s do this so we can go home.”

Shelley said, “All you ever want to do is go home. You need to move A into your bus; then maybe we would get more work out of you.”

Everyone on set laughed, and I heard someone behind the camera say, “Amen to that.” She had called me A, so he must have talked about me to her. I didn’t know how I felt about that.

When they were getting ready to start filming, there were cameras all up in their faces, I guessed to get all different angles. It had to be the most awkward kiss I had ever seen in my life — nothing like a real kiss with Slayde. Slayde asked, “Are we done? Can you make that look good?”

After about thirty seconds, I heard the director say, “Sure, get out of here.”

He wasn’t lying. I had once again jumped to conclusions and made a huge mistake. I didn’t know how to fix this. The damage was done, on my part anyway. I could have picked up the phone and fixed it, but for some reason I didn’t. As much as I wanted to make it better, I did nothing. Maybe Milly was right.

T
he four weeks since Slayde and I had broken up had been a miserable, mind-numbing blur. I somehow managed to keep going in my schoolwork and had begun to prepare for finals. I had avoided anything that could make me have any feelings again. But I thought of Slayde on a daily basis. He had been the best part of my day, every day, for almost a year, even when we had just talked over the phone. I missed him all the time, but I refused to admit that to anyone.

I sat in the library, having tried to find a quiet place to study in that was free of memories of Slayde. But I couldn’t help but think of him. I knew what I missed most. His arms around me. I always felt so safe and comfortable there. Then there was the way he kissed, the way he smelled, how he could always make me laugh when I was sad or pissed, the way he made everything special just for me, the way he sang to me when he was really drunk, the way he always had my back, that beautiful smile first thing in the morning … the list could go on forever.

This isn’t working.
I couldn’t study here either. I slammed my book shut and stood up, abruptly knocking over my chair and causing others around me to look up and give me dirty looks. I couldn’t find a peaceful Slayde-free zone because Slayde was still in my head.

How was I going to do this? My world had been so small before Slayde. Now that he’d made it what it was, I felt completely lost in it without him. Worst than that, he was my best friend. I always wondered if he ever thought about me like I thought about him. Did he miss me? Did he have a list of things about me that he missed the most? Was he dating anyone?
Of course he is. Someone like Slayde Price wouldn’t be single long.
The thought of that made me very upset.
I told myself,
You have to stop thinking about him. You have to study or something. Anything but sit here and miss him.

Even though my love life was in a shambles, real life continued on. Match Day, the most dramatic day of a med student’s career, finally arrived. This was the day we would find out where we were going to do our residencies. Match Day was the day all fears were confirmed or relieved. Milly, Karen, and I took our envelopes back to our dorm and sat on the floor.

“Arden, you open yours first,” Milly said.

“No, you.”

Karen said, “I will. I’ve only been waiting for this day my whole life.” I knew she was nervous that she and Josh would be separated. And I knew Milly feared leaving Eddie. On the other hand, I was conflicted. We had started this process when I was still with Slayde, so of course my first choice had been Los Angeles University Hospital. But now I didn’t know what I wanted. Getting one of my later picks wouldn’t be great either, because of course I wanted to be on the top of the list — but then again, maybe I needed to move.

“St. Luke’s, in Houston, Texas,” she said. “Let me go find Josh.” She jumped up and left, not even letting us know if she was happy or not.

“Well, I guess we don’t matter,” Milly laughed, looking at me. She opened hers, “Oh, thank goodness. I’m only moving to Long Beach.” I knew she didn’t want to leave California, and Long Beach wasn’t far at all. She looked at me. “Your turn.”

I fumbled with my envelope until it opened. “Los Angeles University,” I read with no enthusiasm.

“That’s great. You aren’t leaving me!” she shouted and hugged me. She let go and looked at me. “You don’t look happy, Arden. That was your number one pick. That’s huge.”

I stood up. “I know.”

“I thought you wanted to stay here.”

“I do. I think.”

“Call him,” she said. She knew this was about Slayde.

“No, let’s get ready. You know everyone is going to want to go out. Let’s get dressed.”

I went to my closet and started looking for something to wear. “I really can’t believe you aren’t more excited about this. Did you really want to be on the SOAP list or something?”

Nobody would ever want to be on the SOAP list, which meant you didn’t get matched. I turned around and went back to my bed and lay down. “No, but I don’t know if I want to stay here or not.”

“I’ll be here.”

I smiled. “I know. I’m glad I’m not leaving you, Milly, but I wouldn’t be sad to be a little further away from all the Slayde Price hoopla, you know.”

“So move to Long Beach with me and Eddie.”

“You and Eddie?”

“Well, we’d decided that wherever I went, he was going to go too, and we’d get a place together.”

I sat up. “Milly, why wouldn’t you have told me something so huge? That’s a big deal.”

She shrugged and got off the floor and lay across her own bed. “You’ve been so down. I didn’t want to make you feel even more depressed. But Eddie and I both want you to live with us. We’ve already discussed it.”

I knew she meant that, which made me feel loved. Even if it was only by Milly and Eddie. “Oh, Mills, I will come see you guys all the time, but I think you will be fine without me.”

“No, we want you there.”

“I know, but I will just find somewhere here. Now, call Eddie and give him the good news while I get a shower.”

Milly, Karen, Josh and I met up with a few other friends from class that night at Pot of Gold, since Eddie was working and he always gave us his “buddy” discount. Everyone seemed excited and in good spirits, and everyone was interrupting each other, talking about where they were going and what they were looking forward to. Karen and Josh would both be going to Houston, Milly would be in Long Beach with Eddie, and I would be here alone.

I didn’t want my sour mood to ruin their night, so I was quiet and just listened and forced a smile from time to time.

“What about Eric? Where is he going?” Karen finally asked me.

“How would I know?” I said, finishing off my drink.

“You two need to make up. This is crazy,” Josh said.

“I have nothing to apologize for,” I snapped at him.

“Shut up and take a shot,” Milly said to all of us. “To whatever the hell comes next, and may none of us kill anyone.” Everyone raised their shot glasses to Milly’s crazy but serious toast. I hoped I never killed anybody.

*****

A week later, I was sitting on my bed, studying, when Milly came in and sat down. “What?” I asked.

“I talked to Slayde today.”

I knew they still talked, and it still bugged me. “So?”

“I just thought you should know.”

“Well, I wish you’d remember whose friend you are and stop talking to him.” I shut my book and went into the bathroom, hoping she’d drop it. When I came out, she was still sitting there, looking at me. “What, Milly?”

“Nothing. I just wish you’d talk to him. You miss him. He misses you. This is all crazy.”

“No, what’s crazy is thinking we ever had a future together in the first place,” I snapped. I reopened my book.

“I still think you have a future together if you’d just quit being so damn stubborn.”

“Milly, if all you’re going to do is yap about Slayde Price, I’m going to the library.”

“Fine, but I need to talk to you about something else.” I looked up at her. “Have you thought about where you’re going to live when you graduate?”

I’d avoided this topic just like I had anything that had to do with Slayde. “Not yet.”

“Arden, it’s in just a few days.”

“I know.”

“Well, Eddie and I were talking again last night, and we still really want you to live with us. I know it would be a commute from Long Beach to LA, but you’re family.”

I felt bad for biting her head off now. I smiled at her. “Thanks. I really appreciate that, but I will find something. You two need your space.”

“No, we really don’t. I lived with you and — ” She cut herself off. “I’m just saying, we really would love to have you. Just think about it.”

I knew that she meant that in all sincerity, but she and Eddie had only really gotten serious a few months ago. I thought they needed to have their own space. I really needed to call my mom. Staying with her until I figured it all out was probably what I needed to do for now.

When Milly went to go meet Eddie for dinner, I called my mom. I hadn’t spoken to her since our little chat after Slayde and I split. I had thought I would hear from her after that, but there was not so much as a peep. She didn’t answer her cell phone, so I called her office, and her secretary put me through. “Susan Simms,” she answered.

“Mom.”

“Yes,” she replied.

“It’s Arden.”

She laughed. “I do know my own daughter’s voice. How are you, Arden?”

“I’m OK.”

“Well, that’s good. Can you hold on a minute?” She didn’t wait for my response; she just placed me on hold. After seven whole minutes, she came back. “Sorry. What did you need?”

At this point, needing something from her was a bad feeling. She did put money in my checking account occasionally, but other than that I hadn’t needed her in years. “I need a place to stay,” I said quietly.

I heard her mumbling to someone in the background. “I’m sorry, honey. What?”