The Promises We Keep (Made for Love Book 1) (72 page)

This is the second time I
’
ve been around her since
the kiss
. Nothing has changed and we both seem to know that. We haven
’
t talked about that night or about Logan and we don
’
t need to. The fact that there is no awkwardness between us affirms what I was thinking last night
—
we needed that conversation
—
that kiss
—
and now it
’
s over. We
’
re both moving on; but now we have that moment tucked into our back pockets for safe keeping.

“
Hey, you.
”
Kenzie
’
s voice is the only warning I get before she
’
s seated in my lap, leaning back against my chest. Her mane of curls tickles my neck and my arms and I can
’
t stifle the grunt that escapes me as she inadvertently presses against my full stomach. I don
’
t complain, though. This morning we called a cease fire and I won
’
t do anything to eradicate that truce. Something tells me it had something to do with a conversation she had with Addie when they went out for breakfast, but I didn
’
t ask. I don
’
t want to know. I
’
m just glad to have my sister back.

I rest my arms around her in a loose embrace and sigh.
“
Hey. What
’
s up?
”

“
I saw you
staring
,
”
she coos playfully.

“
I wasn
’
t staring.
”
As the words come out of my mouth, I don
’
t hide my grin, knowing she can
’
t see it from her vantage point.

“
Checkin
’
her out like she
’
s the prettiest girl in the room.
”
My eyes drift back toward Addie and I can
’
t deny the truth in Kenzie
’
s statement. I shrug, at a loss for words, and I can tell she feels the movement and understands that I
’
ve conceded.
“
That
’
s what I thought.
”

“
Aww, look at you two,
”
gushes Addie as she reaches out her bare foot and nudges Kenzie
’
s knee.
“
Glad to see you
’
re playing nice.
”

“
Yeah, well, I needed someplace to sit,
”
Kenzie teases.

“
Oh, is that all I am? A chair?
”
I lock her in my embrace and go for the kill
—
attacking her sides with my fingers. She jerks in my arms, trying to escape my tickling hands, but she
’
s going nowhere.

“
Stop! Stop!
”
she cries between her giggle fits.

“
You
’
ve gone and done it now,
”
says Addie with a grin.
“
Better start groveling.
”

“
Okay, okay! You
’
re the best brother in the whole wide world,
”
she mutters, breathless.

“
That
’
s
more like it,
”
I reply, relaxing back against my chair, once more.

She sighs and leans on me as she works to catch her breath.
“
Hey
—”
She straightens instantly and points her finger animatedly.
“
When did
that
happen?!
”

Addie and I follow her gaze across the deck, curious as to what has her gawking. A smirk tugs at my lips when I see Grayson and Avery. They
’
re sitting on the porch swing, her legs stretched out over his and his arms resting casually on top of them. Her head is propped against his shoulder and she appears to be pointing people out to him. He says something that makes her smile and when she tilts her head up, they share a quick kiss before she resumes her previous position.

“
Aren
’
t they adorable?
”
says Addie.

“
I think my brain might explode. He cut his hair
and
he
’
s dating Avery?
”
Addie and I both laugh as Kenzie begins to sulk.
“
Guess he couldn
’
t wait around for me forever,
”
she states with a sigh, leaning back against me.
“
You
’
re sister is a lucky girl.
”

“
No pouting,
”
teases Addie, reaching out to pinch Kenzie
’
s leg.
“
You
knew
you were stuck in the sister-zone.
”

“
Yeah. That five year age gap will do that to you.
”
I can
’
t see her face, but I know she
’
s smiling.
My sister, one of the masses who is completely taken by my best friend. That guy has wicked game.

When I tune back into the conversation between Addie and Kenzie, I find that they
’
re now talking about boys and I tune right back out.
That
is something I really don
’
t need to be hearing about.
Friend
drama, I can handle
—
boy
talk, no thank you. I have to admit, though, I
’
m right where I want to be. Zoned out and in the company of my sister and my girl
—
or, my friend
…
whatever she is
.

I shake my head as thoughts of my current situation begin to invade my mind. That all too familiar feeling of frustration starts creeping its way into my mood and I close my eyes as I attempt to push it away. With my eyes closed, I
’
m reminded of my exhaustion. I can no longer tell if I
’
m tired from lack of sleep or from too much thinking.
Then again, isn't my lack of sleep a result of my overthinking?
I furrow my brow, now irritated, and it hits me
—
I can
’
t do this anymore. I can
’
t keep going on like this.

Two seconds ago, I was content. Then, just thinking about Addie and our breakup opened the flood gate of questions and my mood instantly soured.
But this is not who I am. I
’
m not short tempered. I
’
m not a negative person.
I think of Logan and how she asked me if I was a
glass-half-empty
kind of guy
—
and I
’
m
not
. Lately, though, I feel like that
’
s who I
’
ve become.

I don
’
t want to be that guy.

When I open my eyes, I look around me and realize that I have nothing to complain about. Not really. I
’
m full; not just my stomach, but my life. I have not one family, but two. I have friends that put up with me, even on my worst days. I have been dreaming about becoming a doctor since I was a kid and in another year, I'll be one step closer to making that dream come true. And I've got this girl, who I love. Addison is crazy enough to trust me and wait for me when I ask her to. So, what, I'm complaining because I need to grow up? When did I become such a joke? Every second I spend being mad, I miss out on just enjoying what I have.

I grab hold of this awareness
—
my gratefulness
—
and I realize that I don
’
t want to keep fighting. It
’
s not even that I
’
m
letting go
of anything, I
’
m just giving up.

I surrender.

The truth of the matter is, all my fighting hasn
’
t gotten me anywhere. In the past five weeks, the only thing I
’
ve managed to do is grow into a more frustrated person. I
’
m a pain in the ass to be around and I
’
ve got no more answers now than I did when this whole season started.
So I give up.

Addie laughs, pulling my gaze in her direction.
I won
’
t let her go. I can
’
t. I
’
ve put all the distance between us that I can handle, and I can
’
t promise more than that. I can promise one thing
—
no more wondering
why
.

God, do what you want. I don
’
t care how or why or what You do. Now, all I care about is
when
.

I
’
ll be waiting.

I know that God doesn
’
t owe me anything. But, like I
’
m always being reminded, He has promised me much anyway. I can
’
t see the future or claim to know what He
’
s doing
—
obviously
—
and I can
’
t guarantee what will happen between Addie and me. God's not a magic eight ball or a fortune cookie. He
’
s a mystery; and the secrets He knows He keeps. I just have to trust Him.

Wow! And there it is.
I have to trust Him.

Whatever happens between Addie and me, it's up to us. Yeah
—
God is doing His thing, but I choose her. I can't be with her now, but if I just stop fighting it, maybe I'll be free of all that is preventing me from moving forward. Currently, I
’
m more of a colossal mess than I was when we broke up. I
’
ve got to get my crap together. Maybe if I give in and trust that God has my heart in this place for a reason, something will give.

“
Hey,
”
Addie pulls me from my thoughts as she pokes my leg with her toe.
“
Where did you go? Come back.
”

I plan to,
I think with a small smile.
I promise.