The Proud and the Prejudiced (14 page)

After a glance in the direction of the
disturbance, he brought his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. “Where’s your
hotel?” he asked but kissed her before she answered.

“Paparazzi?” she asked between slow, lingering
kisses, which continued as they spoke.

“Tourists…”

“My hotel…this next street…up a few blocks…”

“I’m at the Ritz…”

“Naturally…”

“Shall we go there…”

“No…too far…”

He lifted his face from hers. “My thoughts
exactly.”

They walked the few blocks with arms around waists
without saying anything more, and he occasionally dropped a kiss on the top of
her head. They stopped for a moment before entering the hotel, their mouths
demanding a reunion after a separation of several blocks. Inside, he had her in
his arms again before the elevator doors had closed; and as she fumbled with
the key card, he moved her hair aside and kissed the nape of her neck.

The door opened, and they fell into the room as he
turned her around and pulled her mouth to his again. They stopped only long
enough for him to pull her shirt over her head and then for him to discard his
own. The bed took up most of the room, so he didn’t have to go far to pull the
covers back in one swift movement. He laid her down against the cool sheet and
then lay over her. The light spilling in from the bathroom illuminated his face
as he gazed down at her and caressed her temples and cheeks with his thumbs.

“Tell me this is real,” he said. “Tell me I’m not
dreaming.”

“Shouldn’t I be saying that?” The frenzied,
ravenous kisses from the alley had transitioned into gentle lips upon lips,
which somehow were more intimate.

“After the party, I thought I’d never see you
again. I hated how we left things.”

As his kisses deepened, he unhooked her bra and
slid the straps from her shoulders, then he caressed from her neck down to her
elbow.

“I couldn’t believe it when I heard you were here.
I wish I didn’t have to go to Toronto tomorrow.”

Wait. What?
When he tried to kiss her, she
didn’t kiss back, and she turned her face away. “Oh, no.”

“What is it?”

“The Matterhorn.”

“What?”

“You want to stick your flag in me!”

“Well, I’ve never heard it called
that
before.”

She shoved his chest but didn’t even manage to
move him a millimeter.
God, his chest feels good.
“This is a one-night
stand. I’m one of your bimbettes.”

“What? How can you even think this is a one-night
stand? And why are you always talking about my ‘bimbettes’? I don’t even know
what the hell that means.”

She shoved him again.
Ugh. Better stop that.
“True. I guess I am too old to be a bimbette. Just like last time, you try to
get me in bed when you are leaving the next day and, coincidentally enough,
both times to Toronto.”

“For work – not to leave you. That’s who I was on
the phone with earlier, trying to arrange so I could wait a few days. I wanted
to go back to L.A. with you.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Why do you think? I’m in love with you, Alice.”

Oh, brother
. She rolled her eyes. “Would
you get off of me, please?”

“Not exactly the response I had hoped for.”

“You are not in love with me.”

“Then why would I say it?”

“To get me in bed.”

“I
am
in bed with you!”

“Because I’m trying to get you out of it!”

He pushed himself up and off the bed and turned
his back on her, and she sat up, covering herself with the sheet.

“Do you really think I would say that just to get
you to have sex with me?”

“Men do it all the time.”

“I don’t.”

“Why won’t you look at me?”

He shrugged. “I thought you’d want to get dressed.
I was giving you privacy.”

“Oh. Well, would you throw me my shirt?”

He picked up the shirt and, handing it to her, sat
on the bed. Leaning over, he cupped her face in his hand and rubbed her cheek
with his thumb. “I love you. You have to know it. Videos of us together will be
on the web by – well, they are probably already up now. Do you think I would
have done that if I weren’t in love with you?”

She shook her head. “Wait. What do you mean? You
wouldn’t have done what?”

“Been videoed together.”

“Why not?”

“Because, you know, because you’re not…”

“What? Pretty enough for you?”

“Of course you are!”

“Good enough for you?”

“No!”

“Famous enough?”

“Well…”

“Get up!” He stood up and turned away, and she
pulled on her shirt then hopped off the bed. “I cannot believe you did not want
to be seen with me because I am not another Winnie or Cleo.”

“That’s what I’m trying to say! I love you, so
that doesn’t matter! I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”

“Well, for not caring, it seems like you’ve given
it quite a bit of thought! You’re acting as if you were singing with Osama Bin
Laden!”

He closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his
nose. “No, I’m not.”

“How is it different?”

“For one thing, he’s a terrorist, and for another,
he’s dead! You just don’t understand.”

“Then why don’t you explain it to me?”

“My image is everything. It’s my career. They
would misinterpret why I am with you. People don’t expect someone like me to…”

“Oh, I see. Someone like you would never be
involved with an Alice McGillicutty!”

“That’s just how it is. They won’t understand.
They will think –”

“What difference does it make what ‘they’ think?”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you – I don’t care
anymore!”

“What do you mean, ‘anymore’?”

“Well, of course I hesitated at first. Why
wouldn’t I? You’re just…It’s not…”

“I’m just a lowly writer, and you’re a big movie
star.”

“I wouldn’t put it like that, but none of that
matters anymore. I tried to stay away from you, but I couldn’t do it.”

He reached out to touch her, but she swatted his
hand away. “You have to be the most vain, most arrogant human being I have ever
met. And the sad thing is, you don’t even realize how arrogant you are. I guess
you just assumed I would be waiting in the wings ready to be swept into your
arms with your professions of undying love.”

“Well, you certainly have not seemed indifferent.”

“That’s right; I’m not. Almost from the moment we
met, I have hated you!”

He started at this and stepped back as if he had
been stung.

“From the moment you showed up at
All My
Tomorrows,
you made it clear that you were too good to be there, far better
than the rest of us. But then you spent time with us and seemed to find some
value in what we did, and I thought you were coming around – becoming human.
Then you SUE so you don’t have to come back! After having everyone at your
home! That’s not just arrogant – that’s two-faced.”

“Are you finished?”

“Oh, not by a long shot! What did you say to Jack
about Giselle?”

“What?”

“What did you tell him about Giselle that made him
completely bail on her? Did you tell him she was just sleeping with him to get
into movies?”

He didn’t answer.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Why would you say such a
thing? She has been devastated, and according to Dirk, Jack was hurt by it,
too.”

“The night of the party, I heard Mrs. Jellyby
saying that once Giselle was a star, it would save –”

“You are going to listen to her? She’s an idiot!
She entertains all kinds of pipe dreams she hopes will save the show. Giselle
has never wanted to do anything besides what she is doing right now – except
maybe be with Jack. She has never wanted the pressure of a film career. Not
everyone wants to be a big movie star like Peter Walsingham!”

“Well, you certainly became defensive at the pool
when Winnie said Giselle would never get out of soaps!”

“That had nothing to do with what Giselle wants
and everything to do with both Winnie and you – because you were right there in
league with her – both of you believing that you are better than other people
just because of the size of the screen or the time of the show.”

“We were just stating facts.”

“They wouldn’t be ‘facts’ if people like you did
not keep reinforcing these stereotypes. You know, when soaps got started, it
was actors from Broadway who performed on them.”

“We don’t make the rules.”

“Yes, you do! You are exactly the ones who make
the rules of this exclusive club so you can pretend superiority while you
teeter on the precipice of fame. You’ve become so imbued with the rules, you
believe your own press. You think it’s within your purview to control the lives
of people like pieces on a chessboard – whether it’s Jack and Giselle or me or
Rich –”

“What about Rich?”

“He told me what you did.”

“And what is that?”

“That you got him thrown off your last movie. Do
you deny it?”

“No, I don’t deny it. Did he tell you why?”

“He said he had started dating Winnie and you
didn’t like it. Next thing he knew, he was off the set and couldn’t even get an
audition in primetime.”

“Why would I care who Winnie dates?”

“Obviously, because you intended to have her for
yourself. I bet the only reason you even looked at me twice was because you
knew Rich and I were dating. The competition – the conquest. But then someone
else would come along who presents a challenge, and you would just throw me to
the side like Winnie and Cleo and your wife.”

“I think I’ve heard enough. This is how you really
feel about me?”

“How could I possibly feel anything else for
someone who leaves so much destruction in his wake?”

He picked up his shirt and started for the door,
but then he turned and stepped over to her with only a few inches between them.
“You despise me this much, yet you kissed me with so much passion, and you were
going to let me make love to you. Would you really sleep with a man you hate?”

“Huh. How ‘bout that. You’re the only man I hate,
so I guess I would. Until this moment, I never knew myself.”

He said nothing more, only turned and walked
quietly out of her life.

CHAPTER 14

Peter closed her door just before two, and Alice
stood staring at it for several minutes after. Once able to shake off the shock
of everything that had happened in the last hour, she took a shower and cried.
Not gentle tears but full-blown sobs, which depleted her such that she braced
her arms and head against the shower wall. And yet, she had no idea why she was
crying.

Once she had run out of tears, she got out of the
shower and put on a thin robe. A storm had come in, and rain pelted against the
balcony like rocks. She opened the French door and realized it
was
rocks
– or hail, rather – and wondered if he had made it back to his hotel before the
storm.
If he went to his room. Maybe he went back to the bar. He had been
pretty wound up – he still has time to get laid.
She slammed the door.

She curled up on the bed, staring at the wall,
considering Xanax and sleep, wondering what would have happened if she hadn’t
kicked him out of bed.
No. That would have been a tragedy. Damn tequila. I
hate him. He is the last man in the world I would want to sleep with.

But could he really be in love with me?

The thought of a major motion picture star falling
in love with her defied even her imagination. Although he did appear in public
with her, even though she is so beneath him.

Oh no.
Forget what people were going to say
about him when that video got out. What would they say about her?
I still
have to face everyone back at the show! Well, maybe none of them will see it…

She continued ruminating over various scenarios,
all equally mortifying, until light drifted through from the balcony and she
gave up on sleep. The rain had somehow rendered the city less humid, and after
a few minutes sitting on the balcony in just her robe, she caught a chill and
went in and got dressed. She pulled a sweater around her and sat on the balcony
as the sunrise changed the light-play on the buildings around her.

The eerie silence of the Quarter piqued her
curiosity and coaxed her outside where the smell of wet concrete overwhelmed
all others. Bourbon Street had been transformed into a bacchanal ghost town,
dampened debris the only evidence of the previous night’s festivities. When she
came to the karaoke bar – neon sign dark, doors closed – the night before
seemed like a dream. Except she still hadn’t slept.

She turned the opposite way of “the alley” and
meandered toward Jackson Square as she reflected on every look, every touch
through the filter of his confession. The aromas of powdered sugar and beignets
boiling in oil aroused her senses, but she couldn’t eat. She considered getting
a café au lait, but she didn’t want to speak to anyone – even to order a
coffee. She walked up the levee to the Moon Walk and wiped the rain off a bench
before sitting down and pulling her sweater tight around her as if it were
autumn and not late August.

She had no idea how long she had been there when
his voice made her jump.

“I’ve been walking around trying to find you. I’d
almost given up.”

Her heart began to race, she told herself because
he surprised her, and she would not face him. “How did you know I was out?”

“I went to your hotel. Not your room – I was going
to call you from the lobby, but the front deskman had seen you leave.

“Don’t worry – I didn’t follow you here to throw
myself at your feet.” He spoke with a firm voice, enunciating each consonant,
leaving no doubt that his anger had not waned. “I will not embarrass either of
us like that ever again, but I have to discuss something with you. It is very
serious, and I couldn’t let anger and hurt feelings stop me.”

She wanted to tell him to go to hell, but her
curiosity got the better of her. She scooted to the far side of the bench to
make room for him, and they both stared out at the river.

“Did you make it back to the Ritz before the
storm?” she asked, maintaining a tone as curt as his. “Or you probably didn’t
go straight there.”

“Of course I did. Where else would I go?”

“So what is so important that you had to tell me
face-to-face?”

“I would have emailed you, but what I have to say
must stay between you and me. I couldn’t risk having it intercepted. Not that I
do not trust you – I do not trust technology.”

“Even a phone?”

“If I had called, would you have answered?”

She responded with a shrug and swallowed.
Probably
not.

He glanced at his watch. “But I’ll get to that in
a minute. First, I need to clear up a few things. You had a lot to say last
night, and I hope you’ve gotten it all off your chest, so I would appreciate it
if you not interrupt me.”

After a moment’s thought, she nodded.

“Look, I can’t change how things are in the
industry and the public eye, that actors are expected to marry other actors
like they are their own species. They would assume, as you apparently do, that
I was just using you for sex. I wish it weren’t like that. I wish I didn’t have
a publicist and an image consultant trying to control my every move. And you’re
right – it
is
an exclusive club – but the truth is a lot of people will
do anything to get in. I’m sorry I misjudged Giselle, and even though he may
hate me for it, I will tell Jack that I made a mistake.”

She found this admission so shocking, she wanted
to say something but couldn’t think of what it should be. Perhaps it was better
she had agreed to remain silent.

“Now about the lawsuit. My attorneys put that in
motion the day they sent me to
All My Tomorrows.
I had no idea when
anything was filed or that you and everyone with the show didn’t know about it.
I had every intention of coming back to the show next month, and I was as
surprised as you to hear about the injunction. I think you will agree, though,
with everything…it is better that I not return.

“Now I have to tell you something, and you must
swear not to tell anyone. I’m not trying to protect myself, but this would hurt
someone else if it got out, and I can’t be responsible for ruining her
reputation.”

She nodded.

“Rich was right – I did get him fired, but he
didn’t tell you why. He didn’t even tell you the events in order. I thought
Rich was all right when he came on location, and I even ran lines with him like
I did with Dirk, and we’d go out sometimes after filming. One night we’re at a
club, and he offers me some Special K – ketamine. I considered it, but I pulled
up the effects on my phone and decided against it. I didn’t think anything of
it, figured he had just come across some and decided to try it. But pretty soon
it seemed like everyone on the set was using it, at least half the cast and
crew; and people were showing up late and exhausted, and it was affecting
production. I found out Rich was the supplier. First I confronted him and told
him if he would stop, I wouldn’t report him. He said I had gone from being
Hollywood’s bad boy to being a choirboy or something since I hadn’t tried it
when he offered. When he refused to stop selling it, I told the producers, and
they told him if he would go quietly and not reveal who he had sold to, they
wouldn’t press charges.

“Before all this happened, like I said, Rich and I
would hang out; and we talked about a lot of things. I told him how much I
hated going out on location because it was hurting my marriage, and I didn’t
get to spend any time with my daughter. I didn’t tell him this, but I will tell
you. It finally came to a head when I was working on
Cause of Death
. My
wife...she…she had an affair. After my initial anger, I didn’t blame her – I
blamed myself for never being around. So when they offered me
COD,
I
jumped at the chance of a regular series, hoping I could put my marriage back
together.”

When he admitted to his wife’s affair, Alice’s
head jerked around to face him. He still kept his eyes on the river, but the
pain in his face led her to believe him, and she turned back away.

“You might have noticed that Winnie has not even
come up yet. That’s because she had nothing to do with him getting fired but
everything to do with him getting revenge. While we were working together on
COD
last year, unbeknownst to me, she and Rich began dating. When she started
behaving erratically on the set, I didn’t know what to think – until I saw them
together. First I tried to warn her about him and the drugs, but she said I was
jealous. She had made it clear to me that she would like our relationship to be
more than professional, but…that would never happen in a million years. One
night Jack calls me, frantic. He’s at Winnie’s – he’s her agent too – and she’s
all messed up. I went over there, and she was out of her mind. She didn’t know
who she was, where she was, even what she was! My wife wasn’t home when I left,
and I sent her a cryptic text about needing to help a friend. I thought I’d be
right back. Then Rich showed up and told me to stop interfering, and we really
had it out. Jack and I knew we had to get her out of town to keep her away from
Rich and the media away from her before they saw her having what amounted to a
psychotic episode. I kept trying to call my wife but it went straight to
voicemail, and I didn’t say much when I left a message or texted her – just
that a friend was in trouble and I’d be gone longer than expected.

“We took Winnie to my place in Park City, and you
know most of the rest. Rich figured out where we were and called the paparazzi,
so when we came out, our picture ended up everywhere. Jack had left earlier
that day, so it looked like…what it looked like. That was the final straw for
my marriage. I tried to explain, but she wouldn’t listen. The worst, though,
was what it has done to my daughter. She doesn’t really understand, only that
Daddy was with a woman other than her mother, and that’s why we got a divorce.
On top of that, I still don’t get to spend much time with her. I won’t say he
destroyed my family because I now know that nothing would have saved my
marriage, but it shouldn’t have happened like this.”

She stole a glance at him again, his chin firm and
his teeth clenched. He hadn’t shaved.

“When Rich showed up at
All My Tomorrows,
Jack and I confronted him. He said he had cleaned up and wanted another chance.
I didn’t say anything just to keep his mouth shut about Winnie. You can see why
I must have your discretion, but I couldn’t leave you without warning you about
him, to be careful and watch him. I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t trust him. You
could ask Jack about him, too, if you don’t believe me. He can tell you what
happened with Winnie and how he more than I took care of her in Utah.”

He looked at his watch again. “I want to tell you
one more thing, and then I have to go or I’ll miss my flight. I’ve heard you
talk about my ‘bimbettes,’” he spit out, “and harem, but I never thought you
were serious – at least until the cast party. When I was younger and getting my
first taste of fame, I admit I was pretty wild, and most of what you saw in the
tabloids back then actually was true. Now you know nothing ever happened
between Winnie and me. She was hanging out at the set because she’s Jack’s
client – not at my invitation. The only reason I spent so many evenings with
Cleo was because she is a terrible actress. And I guess that gave me an excuse
to avoid you. Then when you came to the set that day and laughed at me, I
couldn’t… I would never have embarrassed myself or humiliated you by
publicizing a one-night stand.” Although his speech had begun with anger, he
had gradually calmed down and spoken for some time in a normal, if emotional,
voice. But he added volume and an edge to the end of his soliloquy. “The point
I am trying to make is, in the last ten years, I have only slept with one woman
– my wife! And I have only wanted to sleep with one other!”

He stood with such force it shook the bench, and
her widened eyes went straight to his face, hard as stone.

“I have to go. I’ll miss my flight.” He started
walking away.

“Wait!” Alice’s voice halted him, but he kept his
back to her. “Last night you said you needed to ask me something, discuss
something with me. Was it about Rich?”

He froze for a moment then took a full, rattling
breath and released it. He turned just enough to meet her eyes. “No.”

Then he stepped back over to the bench and,
crouching before her, placed his hand against her cheek and kissed her
forehead. The dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes attested he had not had
much sleep either. “Take care of yourself, Alice.”

He walked away before she could think of any way
to stop him or even if she should.

Eileen was waiting in the hotel lobby when Alice
returned.

“Where have you been?”

“Walking.”

“When you weren’t in your room, I thought you were
probably with Peter, but then they told me here that Peter had come looking for
you, and you had already left. And where is your phone?”

Alice couldn’t remember the last time she had gone
anywhere without her cell phone. She had walked out of her room with only her
key card in her back pocket.

Eileen followed her to the elevator. “Dirk was
here looking for you, too.”

“Oh, no.” Alice rubbed her temples as the elevator
doors closed.

“He was really upset last night. I think he was in
a state of shock when you and Peter were singing to each other – we all were –
and then you both just took off. He said he should have expected it but that he
thought you were different.” They stopped on Alice’s floor, and Eileen got out
with her.

“Are you following me?”

“I already checked out. We have to hurry if we’re
going to make our flight.”

“Oh, shit. I didn’t realize I had been gone that
long. I’m not even packed.”

“I’ll help you.”

They got to the room and began flinging suitcases
and clothes.