The Rancher's Adopted Family (10 page)

Hell, no
. Kissing her was the best move he’d ever made. It was incredible. She’d made him feel like a giddy youth madly in love for the very first time.

But he couldn’t tell her that. ‘I owe you an apology,’ he said.

He saw her shoulders slump and he felt shame in the pit of his stomach. His apology was totally inadequate.

But Amy lifted her chin, as if she’d found sudden courage. ‘You’re confusing me, Seth. I’m not used to having a man kiss me as if he really likes me, then make me feel like a very bad mistake.’

Oh, God, he deserved this.

‘It’s not that I didn’t want to kiss you. You must know that.’ He dragged in a breath, forced himself to add, ‘But I shouldn’t have allowed it to happen.’

To his surprise, she narrowed her eyes at him and dropped her head to one side, watching him shrewdly.

‘OK,’ she said slowly. ‘Tell me one thing. Why
did
you kiss me?’

It was a fair question, but for the life of him Seth couldn’t think of a fair answer—not with Amy sitting there, looking like every kind of temptation he’d ever known. There was only one reason he’d kissed her. He’d wanted her, wanted her so badly he hadn’t been able to think of anything else.

But he had to get his mind past all that now.

As if she’d guessed he wasn’t going to give a straight answer, she let out a soft sigh. ‘You know, there are all kinds of kisses, Seth. From my possibly limited experience, I know there are hello kisses and pleased-to-meet-you kisses, and I’d-like-to-do-that-again kisses.’

A deep pink blush crept into her cheeks and she dropped her gaze to the bowl of frangipani. ‘And then there are kisses like your kiss this morning.’ Her blush deepened. ‘I’ve never been kissed like that before.’

She glanced up quickly and he saw the silver glitter of tears in her eyes and his heart felt as if it had shattered like glass.

‘You kissed me as if you were making love to me. You showed me exactly what it would be like if you made love to me. And I’m afraid I haven’t been able to think about anything else, ever since.’

Oh, Amy, Amy, Amy.

He couldn’t bear that he’d hurt her…. She was so courageous and honest…and
lovely
.

If he thought he could make her happy, he would do so in an instant.

But if he weakened now…if he gave in…everything he’d been trying to protect would be destroyed. In a
heartbeat he and Amy would be down the hallway and in his bed together, making fabulous, amazing, heartbreaking love. He would be lost in this sweet, courageous girl’s kisses. His hands would be caressing her soft, smooth skin. Her lovely, warm body would be linked with his.

He wanted all of it. All of her. Now. He wanted to inhale her, to know every part of her intimately, to bind himself to her.

He’d spent three days battling this desire, and for Amy’s sake he had to be strong. She wasn’t a girl to be trifled with and he had to resist this last, terrible test.

‘I’m sorry you feel that way,’ he said, hating the lie, but knowing it had to be said. ‘I gave in to an impulse when I should have known better.’

A tear spilled down her cheek and she hastily dashed it away.

Don’t touch her
.

Clenching his hands into tight fists, Seth said, ‘I don’t want to mess things up for you, Amy. You came here to find Bella’s father, not to get involved with me.’

She took a small sip of wine as she considered this. After a bit, she said, ‘Are you scared I might get too serious?’

‘Perhaps,’ he admitted reluctantly. ‘I certainly don’t want to send you back to Melbourne with emotional baggage. You have Bella to worry about. You don’t need complications.’

‘Why does a relationship have to be complicated?’

Something as hard and as spiky as coral lodged in Seth’s throat. ‘Our situations were already complicated, even before I kissed you. We’re from two completely different worlds.’

She sat very still, as if she was thinking this through, and Seth prayed that she understood.

After the longest time, she shrugged her shoulders. ‘You’re scared I’ll fall in love with you.’

‘And vice versa,’ he whispered.

Her mouth titled in a slow, knowing smile. ‘I don’t know, Seth. I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. If you’re worried about kissing me, maybe it would help if I kissed you instead.’

He tried to cover his groan with a laugh. ‘How will that help? We’d both be in trouble.’

Clearly she wasn’t put off. Her smile lingered. ‘Wouldn’t it be the honest way to find out what’s going on between us?’

‘Amy, don’t play games.’

‘Games?’ Her smile faded. Painful seconds rode by, then she gave a bewildered shake of her head, let out a noisy sigh. ‘OK, I’ll behave, but I think you owe me a better explanation than that.’

So they ended up on the sofa, not in bed, as Amy had hoped. She sat sedately at one end, with her skirt smoothed over her knees, and Seth sat a discreet distance away from her, with his long legs stretched in front of him, crossed at the ankles.

With a theatrical flourish, she positioned a row of red and purple striped cushions between them. ‘That’s the no-go territory, right? It’ll save us both from these complications you’re so worried about.’

He smiled wryly.

OK. Problem was, now she’d got this far, she was so nervous she thought she might be sick. Had she really asked Seth Reardon to explain exactly why he couldn’t
risk falling in love with her? Did she need this depth of pain and humiliation?

She couldn’t believe she’d been so pushy. The tropics must have melted her common sense.

‘What exactly would you like me to explain?’ he asked.

At that very moment, Amy wanted to turn tail and run. But where would that leave her?

A nerve-jangling wreck.

‘I guess I’d like to get everything straight in my head,’ she said. ‘It seems we’ve both more or less agreed there’s a mutual attraction, but you’re saying we shouldn’t do anything about it because—’

She nodded to him to take over.

‘Because I live alone at the end of the earth and you live in Melbourne in the bosom of your family, with a great job and a small child and—’

‘Wait a minute.’ She made a sweeping gesture that took in the length of the lovely veranda. ‘What if I actually liked this particular end of the earth?’

Seth rolled his eyes. ‘You’d soon get sick of it here.’

‘Other women live on Cape York.’

He didn’t respond immediately, but she saw a flash of hurt in his eyes and she guessed.

She forced herself to ask. ‘Is that what happened to the girl who—who broke your heart?’

After a beat he nodded. ‘She went home for a short stay and never came back. She came to her senses instead.’

‘But you really loved her?’

‘I’d asked her to marry me. We were engaged.’

So, yes, he’d really loved her. Amy’s throat tightened painfully. ‘Where was her home?’

‘New York City.’

A low whistle escaped her. ‘Serenity would certainly be a culture shock for a girl from New York.’

‘No more than it is for you, or for Bella,’ Seth said tersely.

‘Are you saying this is no place for a woman? Or there’s no place for a woman in your life?’

He let out an impatient sigh. ‘Look, I’m not warning you off because I’m still nursing a broken heart. This isn’t about me and my tender ego. It’s about trying to protect you. It wasn’t easy for Jennifer to call off our engagement. She had a kind of breakdown. It was a really bad time for her.’

‘I’m sorry.’

Amy’s throat ached as she tried to hold back tears. She could feel the other woman’s pain, as if it were her own. It would have been beyond terrible to have loved Seth, and to know that he returned her love, that he wanted to marry her, and then to discover, too late, that she couldn’t cope with his remote lifestyle.

This Jennifer must have been devastated to give him up.

‘Jennifer did the right thing, Amy. She knew she wouldn’t be happy living here for ever.’

‘Is she happy in Manhattan?’

‘Married with two children the last I heard.’

He looked so grim Amy wondered if he was still in love with Jennifer. If that was the case, she also wondered why he hadn’t thrown off his responsibilities here and gone after her.

She supposed the very fact that he hadn’t gone showed how deeply he was anchored to this place.

But was he right? Couldn’t a woman be happy here? The right woman?

She remembered the pain in Rachel’s eyes when
she’d talked about Bella’s father.
I couldn’t live there. It’s so hot and wild and remote—I’d drive the poor man insane
.

Problem was, Amy couldn’t really understand why Serenity was such a problem for Jennifer, or for Rachel. It was remote, sure. Seth had already explained that, and she’d seen for herself how long it had taken to drive from Cairns to Tamundra, and then from Tamundra to here.

But Seth flew a plane, and there were other people living here, and the house and gardens were absolutely beautiful…and if a couple really loved each other…

‘What about Celia?’ she asked.

Seth frowned. ‘What’s Celia got to do with this?’

‘She lives here. Barney’s house is just as remote as yours, and it isn’t nearly as big or comfortable as your place, but Celia’s blissfully happy.’

‘Celia’s different.’

‘Of course she is. Everyone’s different.’ As Amy said this, she had a sudden burst of clarity, as if a knot in her thoughts had untangled. She wanted to punch the air in triumph. ‘Seth, that’s the point you’re missing. You can’t assume that every girl will be the same as Rachel and your American fiancée.’ More gently, she added, ‘Or your mother.’

She squeezed a smile. The logic of her argument seemed perfect to her, but after a stretch of silence Seth shook his head.

‘Celia grew up in Far North Queensland,’ he said. ‘Coming here wasn’t such a big change for her.’

Amy let out a heavy sigh. It was like talking to a brick wall and she had a terrible feeling that she could talk all night and not change Seth’s mind. Even if she ripped off her clothes and lured him into bed, he would still want
to send her back to Melbourne. The knowledge that he wasn’t going to change sank inside her like a lead weight.

‘OK,’ she said softly. ‘I’ve said my piece. Maybe I should shut up now.’

To her horror, her eyes flooded with tears.

No. Please, no. Don’t let me cry. I have to retain a shred of dignity
.

Quickly she jumped to her feet. ‘You didn’t ask for me to come barging up here, and I seem to be making life very difficult for you.’

When he didn’t deny this, she cast a despairing glance at the rain. ‘I’m sorry.’

Still he didn’t speak and Amy couldn’t bear to look at him.

‘If the weather’s not too bad in the morning, I’d be grateful if you’d take me back to Tamundra first thing,’ she said, and, without waiting to see if he planned to respond, she turned and hurried away.

A
MY
slept in and when she woke she was groggy-headed and exhausted after another agonisingly restless night.

The first thing she remembered was asking Seth to take her back to Tamundra today, and she was swamped by a cold wave of misery. Oh, God. How could she feel so lost-in-a-black-hole dreadful over a man she’d known for a few days?

Desperate to feel better, she sat up quickly, and saw that Bella’s bed was empty, just it had been yesterday.

But this morning Amy refused to panic—she knew Bella would be safe, playing with Seth in his room. Each day, the little girl was becoming more and more infatuated with him.

Funny about that
.

Amy indulged in a huge yawn and slowly swung out of bed. She shuffled her feet into slippers and yawned again as she opened the wardrobe to get out her dressing gown. For once, she would be covered up when she said good morning to Mr Reardon.

The rain had stopped and the world outside was strangely quiet, but when she listened more carefully she could hear the now familiar birdcalls and the peep-
peep-peeping of the tree frogs. She brushed her hair, tightened the knot in her dressing gown and went into the hallway and called to Bella.

There was no answering call from Seth’s bedroom.

Amy winced. After last night’s unhappy ‘discussion’, the last thing she wanted was to come face to face with Seth’s bare chest and his pyjama bottoms, but she had to make sure Bella was safe.

Gingerly, she tiptoed forward. ‘Bella, are you in there?’

Again, there was silence and another step showed her that the room was empty.

Amy stared at the huge unmade bed and rumpled sheets. Bella’s pink pig was lying on the carpet beside the bed and Amy’s heart swooped painfully. Where were they?

She told herself she wasn’t going to panic. She’d slept in quite late, so Bella and Seth had probably started their breakfast without her. Tugging the lapels of her dressing gown higher, she went down the hall to the kitchen, and found Ming putting the final touches to a fruit platter.

He turned and grinned at her. ‘You’ve had a good sleep in.’

‘I hope I haven’t held everyone up?’

He shook his head. ‘You’re the first to show up for breakfast.’

‘Really?’ She tried to ignore a spurt of fear. ‘Where are Seth and Bella?’

Ming frowned. ‘Seth’s down at the hangar, checking over the plane.’

‘The plane?’

‘He said something about flying you to Cairns today.’

Oh, yes, he would want to get rid of her by the fastest means possible, she thought unhappily.

‘I thought little Bella was with you,’ Ming said.

Now tendrils of true fear snaked around Amy’s heart. ‘I haven’t seen her. She’s not in our bedroom, and I’ve already checked Seth’s room. Do you think she could be at the hangar with him?’

‘I’d be surprised.’ Ming frowned. ‘But I guess it’s possible. There’s a phone line to the hangar. I’ll give him a call.’

‘Thanks. While you do that, I’ll start searching the rest of the house.’

Stomach churning, Amy went to the veranda first, checking behind furniture and pot plants and under the dining table in case Bella was playing hide and seek.

From the veranda railing she looked down into the fenced pool area, and was relieved to see that it was empty.

She was determined to remain calm and she went back to the bedroom she shared with Bella and checked beneath the beds and in the wardrobe. She checked the bathroom, then Seth’s bedroom and bathroom, where she caught a lingering waft of his aftershave. Bella wasn’t there.

In the hallway, she met Ming, looking worried. ‘Seth hasn’t seen Bella,’ he said. ‘He’s coming back to the house straight away.’

‘Have you checked any other rooms?’ She was beginning to feel frantic now.

‘I’ve checked my room and the study and the laundry,’ Ming said.

‘What about the pantry?’

‘Yes, I’ve had a good look in there. No luck, I’m afraid.’

‘I’ll check the gardens, then.’

Amy began to run and every fear she’d ever felt in her life paled into insignificance compared with the terrible, suffocating fear that filled her now. She couldn’t lose Bella. She simply couldn’t.

She mustn’t.

‘I’ll send Hans to start searching out the back,’ Ming called after her.

Heart in mouth, Amy flew down the steps. Bella couldn’t have disappeared. She had to be all right. She just
had
to.

‘Bella!’ she called as she rushed along wet paths between plants and shrubs still drooping after the rain. ‘Bella, where are you? Come on, sweetie, it’s time to stop hiding now.’

She kept telling herself that she would hear Bella’s giggling laughter very soon now. She would find the little girl toddling up a pathway, grinning happily, arms outstretched.

As she rounded a tall hibiscus bush, however, it wasn’t Bella she ran into, but Seth.

‘Hey,’ he said, gripping her arms to steady her. His blue eyes pierced her as he searched her face. ‘You haven’t found her yet?’

Amy shook her head and her mouth turned square as she tried not to cry. ‘I slept in, and by the time I woke up she was gone. I thought she was with you. Her toy pig’s in your room.’

He shook his head. ‘I was up very early.’

‘She must have gone looking for you, then. I don’t know where she is.’

‘Don’t worry,’ he said gently, and he pulled her against him and hugged her and she felt his heart beating hard above hers. ‘She can’t have got far. We’ll find her.’

‘She’s so little,’ she whispered, and to her horror she remembered the pythons out in the rainforest. Oh, it was too hard to be brave.

‘I’ll find her, Amy,’ Seth murmured, and he pressed a warm kiss to her cheek. ‘I promise.’

For a brief, thrilling instant, his big hand cradled her head against his shoulder and she closed her eyes, absorbing his strength and the musky warmth of his skin, the laundered cotton of his shirt, and she felt suddenly, wonderfully reassured.

‘You should wait at the house,’ he said as he released her. ‘Bella might turn up there at any moment. Don’t worry, Amy. Barney’s on his way. He’s a brilliant tracker, and Hans and Ming are already searching. We’ll find her.’

‘Good luck,’ she whispered as she watched his retreating figure, tall, broad-shouldered, lean-hipped. Competent…

As Seth hurried away his stomach was in knots. Sweat trickled down his back, and his mouth was dry as bulldust.

He was facing terrible truths he hadn’t fully acknowledged till this moment. He loved little Bella. Deeply, painfully.

She wasn’t simply a cute, sweet, baby girl—she was his flesh and blood. His family. The daughter of the man he’d loved as a father.

And—he’d fallen in love with Amy…

The savage, inescapable truth tore at his heart.

Amy didn’t deserve this worry. She’d turned her life upside down for Bella, and it was only because of Bella that she’d made this long journey north. He’d do anything to banish the awful fear from her eyes.

He’d told Amy that he’d find Bella and, by God, he would. He’d move heaven and earth to return the little girl safely into Amy’s arms.

But the child was so tiny and this place was so wild, and he was gripped by the worst kind of terror.

Amy went back to the veranda and sat on the top step, hugging her knees. She tried to pray, but her fear kept getting in the way.

She kept picturing Bella’s cheeky smiles and dancing blue eyes, kept hearing her high-pitched voice singing off-key, kept remembering the joy of Bella’s little arms hugging her, the softness of her skin and the sweetness of her baby kisses.

How had she actually thought she could let her feelings for Seth get in the way of her responsibilities to Bella? How could she have been so sidetracked last night? So selfish?

Oh, heavens. Was Seth right when he’d said this was no place for a woman, or a child? There were snakes here, and crocodiles and dark, dangerous forests and—

She would go mad sitting still.

She jumped to her feet and began to pace. Appalling horrors crept into her thoughts, but she fought them back. She wouldn’t allow herself to think the worst. There were four experienced men out there searching for Bella. The child was only two, and she had little short legs. Seth was right; she couldn’t have gone far.

Could she?

She reached the end of the veranda for the third time, turned around for the third time, and was about to pace back when she heard a cry.

‘Cooee!’

Her heart leapt.

Running to the top of the steps, she heard another cry.
It was Seth’s voice and he sounded elated, but she couldn’t make out the words.

Heart pounding, Amy gathered her dressing gown around her knees and flew down the steps, then dashed across the lawn in the direction of the voices.

Seth and Barney were coming towards her.

She saw a bundle in Seth’s arms.

‘Hi, Amy!’

Bella’s voice called to her in the bright, happy, eager and innocent way that she greeted everyone.

With a sob of joy, Amy stumbled towards the little group and there were hugs all round, for Bella, for Barney, for Seth.

Seth’s face was alight with laughter and Amy could sense his deep joy and relief, but when she looked into his eyes she saw something more—the dying glimmer of terror and pain and fear, mixed with a tenderness that pierced her heart. She burst into tears.

Breakfast was something of a celebration.

After Amy washed her face and changed into a T-shirt and jeans, she joined the others on the veranda. She was embarrassed by the way she’d cried all over Seth, but he’d been very sweet about it, offering her his handkerchief, and stroking her hair and trying to cheer her up by explaining that Bella had strayed only a little way down the main track.

Apparently, Bella had decided to go looking for ‘the kids’, as she called Barney and Celia’s two youngsters.

Now there were six on the veranda for breakfast—Barney and Ming and Hans, as well as Seth and Bella and Amy.

The men ate their way through a mountain of bacon and sausages and eggs, and they laughed and joked and fussed over Bella. Everyone, especially Seth, was trying to make light of the mishap now, but Amy knew she could never forget how horribly close they’d come to tragedy.

And sadly, Bella’s misadventure had proved Seth right.

If ever there was an experience that proved they didn’t belong here, this was it. She and Bella had caused all sorts of disruptions, and she didn’t want to put any of these men through that level of worry again.

She accepted now that it was time to go.

All too soon, breakfast was over and Barney, Ming and Hans were heading off to work.

‘I should say goodbye to you now,’ Amy said, forcing a smile.

The men looked surprised. Ming sent a concerned glance in Seth’s direction, but it was Barney who spoke. ‘You’re leaving already?’

Amy nodded, and avoided Seth’s eyes. ‘I’m afraid I have to get back to work, too.’

It should have been gratifying that these men appeared genuinely sorry to say goodbye, and Amy held onto her smile as she thanked them all again for their help in finding Bella. Hans offered to take Bella for a ride in his wheelbarrow, and he promised to keep a close eye on the little girl while Amy packed.

Seth waited until only he and Amy were left on the veranda before he said quietly, ‘You know you don’t have to rush away today.’

‘But I think it’s best, don’t you? As long as it suits you to fly today, of course.’ She turned to him and was dismayed by the bleak and lonely shadows in his eyes.

He looked so sad, and she thought, for one tingling,
breath-robbing moment, that he was going to beg her to stay.

But almost immediately his air of sadness was replaced by nonchalance, and he shrugged. ‘I’ve checked over the plane and the airstrip. It’s not too boggy, and the sun’s out now, so it should be fine for take-off.’

‘What about the hire car I’ve left in Tamundra?’

‘I’ll get one of the men to run it down to Cairns when the rain stops.’

‘Thank you. I guess I should pack, then,’ she said in a small voice.

‘Take your time,’ Seth said coolly. ‘There’s no rush.’

But Amy had to rush. Her nerves were too frayed—she had no choice but to dash about her room, hunting for Bella’s toys and books, folding clothes, slipping spare shoes into bags and swiftly stacking them into their suitcases.

If she stopped for a moment she might think.

She didn’t want to think.

She’d done too much thinking here, and now it was time to hurry away before her mind—or her heart—imploded.

They set off midmorning, flying south into another bank of cloud. The hum of the motor and the steady vibration of the plane soon made Bella drowsy. Amy closed her eyes, too, and pretended to sleep.

It was cowardly, perhaps, to avoid conversation with Seth, but she was afraid she would become terribly emotional, and blurt out something that would embarrass them both.

Closing her eyes didn’t help, of course. Her mind kept going over and over the events of the last few days. She couldn’t believe it had been such a short time. She’d
been through so much. She remembered her first meeting with Seth in the Tamundra pub, remembered the way Marie, the publican’s wife, had warned her about him.

Eyes that make you wonder
…Marie had said, and, oh, boy, was she right.

Amy flashed to their first night here at Serenity when she’d told Seth that Bella was Rachel’s daughter, to the fireflies in the heart of the rainforest, that one deliberate stroke on her hand, the meals on the veranda, the kisses…Oh, dear heaven, the kisses…

And then, this morning’s drama.

Her chest ached when she remembered the depth of emotion she’d seen in Seth’s eyes when he’d brought Bella to her, and the ache became unbearable when she thought about the sadness and loneliness she’d witnessed as well.

She’d wanted to throw her arms around him, to hold him and to tell him that it didn’t have to be this way.

He could have them.

She and Bella would stay if he asked.

But she knew he wouldn’t ask. He’d been through enough tragedy. He wasn’t taking any more risks.