The Rancher's Adopted Family (9 page)

‘I do know how you feel, Seth.’

His eyes blazed with sudden anger. ‘How could you possibly know?’

‘I’ve been there. In that same place.’

She knew he didn’t believe her, or care. His jaw hardened and a merciless light crept into his eyes. ‘OK, so how do I feel?’

Amy’s throat was tight, and it felt raw and fiery when she tried to swallow. ‘You’d give anything to have that time over again, to make different choices.’

Seth continued to glare at her.

‘Believe me, Seth, I know exactly what it feels like to be full of remorse, to feel responsible for what’s happened. I’ve suffered all kinds of guilt over Rachel.’

In silence, he absorbed this news, and at last Amy saw his shoulders relax. He shook his head. ‘But you weren’t to blame for Rachel’s accident.’

‘I was,’ she said, blinking back tears. ‘I should have invited my boyfriend to a corporate launch, but I asked Rachel to come instead. If I hadn’t invited her, if I’d asked Dominic and left Rachel safely at home with Bella, she’d still be alive.’

‘But her accident was just bad luck. You told me that when you rang. Some fool ran a red light.’

Amy’s stomach lurched unhappily and she couldn’t look at him. She hated making this admission, but it had been eating at her for the past two months.

‘I can’t stop feeling guilty about that night because…because I wanted to show off to her. If I’m brutally honest, that was the real, the
only
reason I invited Rachel.’

Still she couldn’t look at him, and she forced her eyes extra wide to hold her tears at bay. ‘Rachel was always so amazingly clever and I finally had the chance to show her how good I was at
my
job. The launch party was going to be fabulous and I wanted her to see me in my finest hour. I—I can’t believe I was so full of myself.’

She pressed her lips together tightly to hold back a sob.

‘You’re looking at this the wrong way,’ Seth said, lifting his voice above the sudden noise of squabbling parrots in nearby trees. ‘There’s nothing wrong with inviting a best friend to a party.’

‘But my motives were selfish.’

‘So you wanted to show off? That’s not exactly a crime, Amy. Half the parties in the world are about showing off.’

He snagged a stem of long grass and she found herself watching the deft movements of his fingers as he wove the strip of green into a narrow plait. A sigh escaped her.

‘Perhaps we’re both being too hard on ourselves,’ he said quietly.

Was he right? She felt a tenuous but amazingly deep connection to him in this moment. Here were the two of them—grieving and alone, lost and guilty—two strangers from different worlds linked by one tiny girl.

‘I know one thing,’ she said, at last. ‘No matter how badly we want to, we can’t change what’s happened.’

Seth nodded. ‘All we can do is look for a way to move forward again.’

His eyes regarded her warmly. ‘Speaking of moving on, I still haven’t shown you why I brought you down here.’

‘Do we have time? Shouldn’t we get back to Bella?’

‘This will only take a moment.’

Ahead of them, the track narrowed and Seth led the way, holding back giant fern fronds so they didn’t brush against Amy. She heard the sound of running water and when they rounded the next bend, the track opened up to reveal a picture-perfect, fern-fringed rock pool fed by a cascading waterfall.

‘Oh, wow!’

‘It’s an alternative swimming hole,’ Seth said with a grin. ‘Better than the beach because it’s too high up for crocodiles.’

‘It’s beautiful.’ It was
truly
beautiful. Even so, at the mention of crocodiles, Amy sent a cautious glance over the tumble of rocks and she quickly scanned the massive overhanging tree branches. ‘Do snakes come here?’

‘Not often.’

She edged closer to Seth. ‘How often is not often?’

He grinned. ‘I’ve seen the occasional harmless python sunning itself on a rock, but that’s all.’

‘But it wouldn’t be safe to bring Bella here?’

‘Why not? She’d be fine—as long as she was with a responsible adult. I wouldn’t have brought you here if I thought it was dangerous.’

Amy turned from the pool to face him. ‘You do understand how important Bella is to me, don’t you?
Rachel was my best friend and now you know how I feel about the accident—’

‘You want to make amends by taking wonderful care of her daughter.’

‘That’s it exactly.’ It was a relief to know that he finally understood. ‘Bella’s my responsibility now. I’m her legal guardian and I love her and I’m committed to watching out for her for the rest of my life.’

Seth nodded. ‘It’s a big thing to take on. Bella’s very lucky to have you.’ He looked down at the grass he’d been plaiting and tossed it away. ‘I’d like to help, if I can. I know I can’t offer much more than financial support. I have to stay here and run this place, but Bella’s my family, and she’s important to me, too.’

Without warning, he sent Amy a smouldering, half-lidded smile that awoke all kinds of unhelpful memories of last night’s kiss.

I’m an idiot
, she thought.

What was the point of thinking about another kiss when Seth was busily discussing their separate futures?

His thoughts were centred on practicalities, not kisses, and from the start she’d insisted that her future lay in Melbourne with Bella. She’d made it very clear that she wanted to live miles and miles and miles away from here.

Her plans hadn’t changed. She couldn’t throw them away on the basis of one kiss.

OK, so maybe Seth’s kiss had eclipsed all other kisses in Amy’s experience, and maybe she was thinking far too much about the chances of a replay, and maybe now that she knew Seth hadn’t slept with Rachel, she couldn’t think of any reason to say no…

Except…if she was going back to Melbourne, the
most she could hope for was a fling. And apparently, Seth didn’t do flings. She was pretty sure he was the still-waters-run-deep type of man—which just happened to be Amy’s favourite type.

Truth was, she wasn’t into flings either, although she believed she could possibly make an exception for Seth Reardon.

Unhappily, she moved to the edge of the rock pool and looked down into the crystal-clear water. She watched the weeds swaying gracefully like thin green scarves anchored to the sandy bottom. She could see the sky reflected in the water and the overhead branches festooned with orchids and birds’-nest ferns like bracelets covering the arms of a belly-dancer.

The bright pink of her T-shirt looked strangely out of place amidst the greens and blues and browns…but as she stood there, watching the reflection, she saw Seth drifting closer, until he was standing right next to her…

Dangerous tingling sensations spread under her skin. She closed her eyes, wishing she could be more sensible about this man. She’d never been forward with guys, but right now she was fighting a shameless urge to turn and throw herself into his arms.
Kiss me, take me…

‘I guess we should go back,’ he said, looking down at the water.

Amy let out the breath she’d been holding. ‘I guess.’

Seth didn’t move…and neither did she.

He was standing so close to her that she only had to sway towards him and their bodies would be touching.

‘Amy,’ he whispered hoarsely and she saw the movement of his reflection, saw his hand reach out to touch her hair.

When she turned to him, she bumped into his hand. He smiled; let his fingers trace the curve of her cheek, and her pulse began a hectic dance…

‘You’re so lovely,’ he whispered.

Oh, man
. She was wearing an old T-shirt and jeans. Her hair was in a ponytail and she hadn’t a skerrick of make-up. And yet Seth was trembling as he touched her and was telling her she was lovely.

This incredibly attractive, gorgeous man thought she was lovely. This serious man who’d rejected Rachel’s flirtations thought she, Amy, was lovely.

In a rocket-burst of confidence and overpowering need, she touched her finger to his lips. ‘Just imagine I’m a female firefly and I’m flashing madly,’ she whispered.

Seth smiled.

Beautifully.

His kiss started out tender and sweet, but within seconds it turned earthy and hot. His arms came around her, drawing her hard into his heat.

He broke the kiss for one pulse beat, maybe two…then he began to seduce her slowly, slowly, teasing her lower lip, brushing it with his lips, with his tongue, with his teeth, wringing soft sighs from her, and tiny, tiny moans…before he took the kiss deeper, hungrier, wilder…making her feel like a goddess…

Goddess of the rock pool.

She felt this could go on for ever and getting wilder and wilder, spinning out of control, until she tumbled into the water with him, and swam naked. Made love beneath the waterfall.

‘Do you fancy a swim?’ Seth murmured into her mouth and his eyes were heavy-lidded and hot as he searched her face.

‘You can read my mind,’ she whispered, totally, totally lost in longing.

She reached for the hem of her T-shirt and hauled it over her head and Seth groaned softly. His hands were trembling as he touched her breasts.

With a cry, Amy began to tug his shirt free from his jeans. She’d never been so turned on, so drowning in desire.

But then, at the worst possible moment, like a distant echo from a past life, Seth said one word.

‘Bella.’

What?

Her mind was too crazed to comprehend. Her eyes were closed, her breath trapped in desperate anticipation of his touch.

‘What about Bella?’ he said.

Oh, good grief.

She couldn’t believe she’d been so carried away that she’d forgotten Bella. Completely.

Seth’s groan morphed into a shaky laugh. ‘I don’t suppose we can leave her with Ming for a little longer?’

A little longer.
How long was that?

Too long, surely.

If only
…

With a heavy sigh, Seth gathered Amy close, pressed his lips to her forehead. His hands rubbed her bare arms, muddling her thoughts, making her yearn to throw off her responsibilities.

But how could she be so weak?

She sighed. ‘Poor Ming will probably be demented by now. Bella has the attention span of a goldfish. I suppose we’d better head back and rescue him.’

‘I was afraid you’d say that.’

His reluctance to leave was flattering, but with a good-humoured chuckle he released her and he bent down and retrieved her T-shirt from the rock at their feet.

He helped her into it, then enfolded her to him one more time, flooding her with happiness.

As they went back along the track and up the stone stairs the wild happiness strummed Amy’s nerve endings and she had to stop herself from skipping.

She wasn’t sure if this second kiss had been another reckless moment, or the start of something quite, quite wonderful…but exquisite thrills zapped through her like a riff on an electric guitar, and she was too happy to spoil the blissful sensations by analysing them too much.

Seth watched Amy disappear into the house to relieve Ming of his babysitting duties, and then, as sanity returned, let out his breath on an anguished sigh.

He’d totally lost it, lost himself in the sexy sweetness of Amy’s kiss. He’d come within a hair’s breadth of dragging her into that pool and taking things beyond the point of no return.

Kissing Amy was fast becoming a dangerous addiction.

But it was madness.

He should never have started this. He should have been stronger, should have had the sense to remember Bella before he made a move on Amy.

He’d set out this morning with the best of intentions, but he’d lost his perspective at some point during the conversation about Rachel and his uncle. He’d kept the details of their story to himself for so long, and it had been damned difficult to talk about what had happened, but Amy had been so incredibly sympathetic, so understanding.

She really did understand. She’d experienced the
same black hole of grief. She’d been living there, in that same painful, guilty place.

She
knew
.

He’d felt a soul-deep connection, and when he’d told her she was lovely, he hadn’t only been talking about her dark chocolate eyes, or her lovely smile, or her exceptionally lovely legs. Looking at Amy was a source of constant delight, but he couldn’t ignore her warmth and sympathy, or her courage for taking on the responsibility of Bella.

The fact that these qualities all came wrapped in such a sweet, sexy package was a miracle.

Amy had looked so
right
standing there beside the rock pool and he’d almost hoodwinked himself into thinking that she belonged there.

Fool
.

He shouldn’t have started another kiss; should have been stronger. Amy hadn’t been flirting. Hell, if she’d been flirting, the kiss could have been excused. But she’d been deadly serious when she’d turned to him.

She’d been asking him to take a leap of faith.

And Seth had no faith.

He’d lost his faith years ago in hard and bitter lessons, and he knew damn well that no amount of loving could overcome the problems posed by this remote lifestyle.

All faith in such rosy dreams had been shattered by his mother, by Jennifer, and by what had happened when Rachel turned up…

Seth’s die had been cast then, just as Amy’s had. They had separate responsibilities now. He had no choice but to keep Serenity going. He owed it to his uncle to stay here, and Amy had no choice but to return
to Melbourne and to raise Rachel’s daughter there, surrounded by family, schools, playgroups, ballet classes—everything a little girl needed.

He had no right to dally in kisses, or to toy with Amy’s emotions.

For the rest of her stay, he had to remember that. Her sweetness and softness were out of bounds.

Hell, he’d already kissed her twice.

Twice
.

Two mistakes.

He couldn’t afford a third.

A
MY
was unhappily aware of how very quiet Seth was as they set off later that morning to explore Serenity in his four-wheel drive.

They were travelling west and ahead of them the sky was leaden and thick with grey clouds. ‘Looks like the rain’s coming back,’ she said.

Seth merely nodded, but she told herself he was concentrating on the narrow, winding track that quite quickly emerged from lush rainforest into open eucalypt bushland and then to grassy plains.

Now, she could see big mobs of Serenity’s cattle dotting the wide, flat paddocks. The animals were huge, pale cream and grey with droopy ears and humps on their shoulders.

‘What kind of cows are they?’ she asked.

‘Brahmans. That’s the best breed for the tropics.’

‘So…do you ride horses and do all those wonderful cowboy stunts?’

‘What cowboy stunts?’ His eyes held a glint of amusement that suggested he was only pretending to be insulted.

‘Oh, you know—throwing a lasso around some
poor unsuspecting cow, or turning your horse on a five-cent piece.’

He spared her a small smile. ‘You mean the incredibly valuable stock-handling skills that come after years and years of hard practice?’

‘Well…yes. Have you been through all the years of practice?’

‘Sure.’

‘I’d love to see you on horseback.’

She wasn’t sure why he frowned. She thought it would be so cool to see Seth thundering over grassy plains after a mob of cattle, or sending water flying as his horse cantered across a creek.

For a short stretch of silence, she let her thoughts play with these swoon-worthy images. She stole a glance at Seth’s jeans-clad thighs, toned from all the hours he’d spent in the saddle, watched the competent way he drove over the rough ground, one hand on the steering wheel, the other smoothly shifting gears.

He was all hard-packed male and capable strength and every time she remembered the way he’d kissed her, the way his hands had touched her, her body caught fire.

Hugging the memories like happy secrets, she dug into her scanty understanding of the cattle industry to find more questions to put to him. When were the cattle mustered? When were calves born and weaned? Were the wet-season floods a problem? How often was a vet required? When did the stock go to market?

Seth answered politely and patiently, but she sensed his cautiousness, too, as if he didn’t want to bore her with unnecessary details. His caution bothered her. Couldn’t he guess that she would never be bored by anything to do with him? Or his lifestyle?

He pulled up at a group of cottages beside timber-railed stockyards. ‘I thought you might like to meet one of the families who live here,’ he said.

‘I’d love that,’ Amy replied with an eagerness that was totally sincere.

Seth frowned and she wondered what she’d said wrong.

Still frowning, he said, ‘By the way, these folk know about you and Bella.’

Before she could ask him how much they knew, a tall, rather splendid-looking Aboriginal man came towards them, walking with a long-legged, easy stride.

Seth introduced him as Barney Prior, Serenity’s head stockman.

As Amy shook hands with Barney the flyscreen door of the nearest cottage opened and a young woman, willow slender, with arresting green eyes and hair the colour of rich marmalade, waved to them.

She was wearing a colourful sarong and a sky-blue vest top. Her feet were bare, her toenails painted blue to match her clothes, and a silver chain twinkled at her ankle. Despite her fair complexion, she looked wonderfully at home in this tropical outpost.

Amy liked her at first sight, and her name, she soon learned, was Celia. She was Barney’s wife. They’d met in Cairns, they happily explained, and they’d lived together on Serenity station for ten years.

Their two children appeared close behind Celia—a golden-skinned, bright-eyed boy of six and a shy little girl of three.

As soon as Bella was released from her seat belt she shot out of the vehicle like a champagne cork from a bottle. ‘Hello, kids! Hello, hello! My name’s Bella.’

Luckily the children were charmed by her lavish en
thusiasm for their company, and a mutual admiration society was quickly formed.

Within a matter of moments, Seth and Barney were lounging in squatters’ chairs on the veranda, keeping watch over the giggling children, who were already climbing the railings on the stockyard fence.

‘These guys are going to talk non-stop about the weather and the condition of the cattle,’ Celia told Amy with a friendly wink. ‘Why don’t we go inside?’

Amy sniffed with delight as she caught delicious smells coming from the kitchen. ‘You’ve been baking.’

‘Scones.’ Celia laughed. ‘I knew Seth was coming.’ She glanced at the stove. ‘They won’t be ready for a few more minutes. I left it a bit late, because I’ve been busy in the studio. Would you like to see my paintings while we wait?’

For a moment, Amy thought Celia was joking. Uncertain what to expect, she followed her onto a side veranda facing north, enclosed with glass louvres to let in the light. The area was filled with easels and paint pots, and it smelled of turps. Stacked against the inner walls were Celia’s paintings.

And. They. Were. Amazing.

Bold, arresting, they completely captured every nuance of the wild beauty of the northern landscape. Amy saw scenes of the open country with straggly pandanus palms, red earth and anthills, scenes of the stockyards, of the main homestead and the gardens, glimpses of the tangled vines, the massive trees and the dark, secret magnificence of the rainforest. And views of the sea.

‘These are stunning,’ Amy murmured, full of genuine admiration. ‘I’m sure they’d fetch a fortune in Melbourne.’

Celia smiled. ‘They do.’

‘So you’ve already sold your work?’

‘Yes. I’ve sold several pieces through the Flinders Lane Gallery.’

‘Goodness.’ Amy laughed. ‘Sorry for making assumptions. You’re way ahead of me, aren’t you?’ And then she remembered. ‘My friend Rachel brought back fabulous paintings from her trip up this way.’

‘Rachel Tyler?’

‘Yes.’ Amy wondered how much Seth had revealed about her links to Rachel. Celia had shown no curiosity about the sudden arrival of a woman and small child on Serenity. Was she simply being polite?

‘Rachel was a terrific help,’ Celia said. ‘She gave me my best contact down there, and, thanks to her efforts, I made enough money through sales to take the whole family to Italy last wet season.’ She grinned. ‘Can you believe I did an art course in Florence?’

‘How fabulous.’

‘I painted to my heart’s content, while Barney and the kids ate pizza and gelato and explored the sights. They had a ball.’ Abruptly, Celia’s smile faded. ‘I was so shocked to hear that Rachel died. I couldn’t believe it.’

Amy nodded sadly.

‘She seemed so happy when she was here,’ Celia said. ‘She should have stayed.’ She shot Amy a rueful smile. ‘A car accident. Just goes to show, those cities are dangerous places.’

‘They certainly can be.’

Amy almost asked Celia if she was happy living here in a place that had apparently frightened Rachel and would terrify most city women. But she’d already seen the way the other woman’s eyes had glowed when she’d
exchanged smiles with her husband, and she was sure she knew the answer without asking.

Morning tea was served on the veranda—strongly brewed and accompanied by Celia’s scones with blackberry jam and cream.

‘Ah.’ Seth beamed a blissful smile as he swallowed the last mouthful of his second scone. ‘Ming’s a genius with a wok, but when it comes to scones he can’t hold a candle to Celia.’

Amy bit her tongue before she made a hopeless fool of herself by announcing that she baked quite decent scones, too.

When it was time to say goodbye, Bella cried because she didn’t want to be parted from her new friends and Seth took her for a ride on his shoulders to calm her down.

Celia hugged Amy and said how much she’d enjoyed her company. Amy was equally enthusiastic, but when she glanced Seth’s way she saw the flare of dismay in his eyes and the sudden tight set of his mouth—and her spirits sank.

It was clear she’d done something to displease him, and she was terribly afraid he was upset because he’d kissed her. Again.

Big fat drops of rain began to fall as they drove back to the homestead. Amy caught the cindery smell of dampening earth, and wound up her window as the heavy drops splattered the dusty vehicle.

In no time the rain was torrential. Amy had never seen such heavy rain and she had to shout to be heard—and she also had to accept that it was not a good time to tackle Seth about his brooding tension and grimness.

When they reached the homestead, he parked as close as he could to the steps. He unbuckled Bella and
took her in his arms as they made a dash through the rain. The distance was short, but they were soaked through by the time they reached the veranda.

Seth’s pale blue cotton shirt was almost transparent and when Amy saw the way it clung to his powerful shoulders and chest and his tapered waist, she decided that statues of Greek gods looked weak and flabby by comparison.

It was only when he frowned at her that she remembered her clothing was similarly plastered to her skin.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, clearly not pleased. ‘I should keep umbrellas in the truck, but we don’t have enough female company to remember the niceties.’

‘Don’t worry about it.’ Amy almost snapped at him. Why did he have to look so unhappy about a little wet clothing? Hadn’t he been on the brink of diving naked into the rock pool with her this morning?

‘I don’t need special treatment,’ she said stiffly. ‘There are lovely thick towels in the bathroom. Bella and I will soon dry off.’

Seth simply gave a curt, worried nod, and excused himself while he went to change into dry clothes, leaving Amy in no doubt that something most definitely had changed between them. The warmth had completely vanished from his eyes.

It was as if they’d never shared kisses, or laughter or painful confessions.

They were back to square one.

As if to confirm this, Seth was polite at lunch and then he disappeared again, muttering something about having to check beef prices on the Internet. Amy tried unsuccessfully to concentrate on a paperback novel while Bella napped.

When Bella woke the rain was still falling heavily, so they spent the afternoon on the veranda, listening to the steady drumming on the roof, thumbing through picture books, drawing, singing songs and playing hide and seek behind pot plants with Bella’s pink pig.

The time was spent pleasantly enough and Amy wouldn’t have minded at all, if she hadn’t been so unable to stop thinking about Seth.

Try as she might to forget, she couldn’t stop remembering the way they’d almost rocketed out of control this morning. The memory of that kiss by the rock pool made waves of longing roll through her, over and over, but it was obvious Seth wanted to pretend it had never happened.

Damn him. Why did he have to be so contrary? He’d been passionate and tender this morning, and withdrawn and moody ever since. Amy wished she hadn’t been sensible.

The spell had been broken as far as Seth was concerned, but Amy was still dazzled. All she could think about was Seth and how much she wanted him again. She wanted his kisses, his touch. And if he kissed her again, she wouldn’t be sensible.

No way.

There were times when a girl had to throw off responsibility and seize the moment.

By nightfall the rain hadn’t stopped.

Bella ate her dinner in the kitchen again and afterwards she demanded that both Seth and Amy tuck her into bed. They took it in turns to read pages from her favourite bedtime book, and they gave her hugs and kisses, but Seth avoided any nonsense about kissing Amy afterwards.

Once again, Ming set the table on the veranda with a romantic candle under glass and floating flowers. The meal was superb—tandoori chicken, accompanied by salsa and a leafy salad, and a crisp white wine. Despite Seth’s reserve, Amy couldn’t help enjoying the novelty of dining, safe and dry, while the rain streamed past the veranda’s wide eaves.

In the dancing candlelight the rain glittered like a silken curtain. Its steady rhythm drummed on Amy’s senses. She felt its cool, refreshing breath on her skin, like the gentlest caress of a lover, and she found herself having fantasies about early nights beneath clean, finely textured linen sheets while the weather outside lashed at a dark window.

Of course, the fantasy would be so much more exciting if she weren’t sleeping alone…but Seth’s increasingly distanced politeness made it patently clear that her chances for romance were dwindling fast.

Seth was struggling.

All day he’d been struggling to put this morning’s kiss behind him.

He’d tried to convince himself that he was proud of his restraint, but he was fast losing the battle. Tonight, Amy looked lovelier than ever. Her dark eyes shone in the candlelight and her soft pink dress hugged her figure and made her skin glow. Everything about her filled him with wanting.

As the meal progressed she bravely held up her end of the conversation while Seth did his best to behave like a polite host. He talked about books, and the movies he’d watched on DVD, and he asked more questions about Amy’s work in Melbourne.

But he knew he was handling this situation badly.
Really badly. And he was pretty sure that he hadn’t fooled Amy. There was every chance he’d hurt her.

She was beginning to droop, like a rose in the rain. She didn’t finish her food and she drank very little wine. Her fingers twisted the stem of her glass.

Hell
. He had to say something, do something.

Ming took away the last of their dishes, and they were left alone to finish their wine without further interruption. Seth prised his tongue from the roof of his mouth. ‘Amy, I think we should talk.’

Her eyes widened with surprise and a flicker of fear. ‘We’ve been talking all evening.’

Seth swallowed. ‘But we haven’t talked about what happened this morning.’

The colour drained from her face. ‘You wished you hadn’t kissed me.’