The Red Line (5 page)

Mon
ths went by…then a year went by.
By her second year of residency, Nora was practically living at the
Monzems
’ house. The neighbors were polite to her, especially when she was with Tamer or Mona. They didn't talk much; they just said hello, but that was enough for Nora. She kept feeling as though she were living in a different world.

Nora met Kamil and didn't like him at all. She felt anger and malice behind his polite smile, and even some disdain. Was it because she was Christian? After she met him, she started looking around her for the first time, really looking at where she was. She was a lone Christian in completely Muslim surroundings! She started to get scared, but one look into Tamer's eyes made her forget everything. She was Tamer's, and that was enough. They would overcome all obstacles together, no matter what.

"Hey Nora, did you get my note? I left it for you in our room." Nora was meeting Rheem this morning to discuss certain patients’ cases. They had a conference later with the Chief of Service.

"No. I didn't have time to stop by our place. I woke up late and came straight here. Is something wrong?"

"Do you remember Ramzi, the guy I used to date at the psychiatric hospital? He’s here. He moved to neurology, and when he saw me yesterday, he asked me a lot of questions about you. I think he’s seriously interested in you. Don't mind me. I'm happy with
Farid
, and we’re seriously thinking about getting engaged. So go ahead, girlfriend! He's one of our guys like
Farid
, a Christian from our area."

"Did you tell him anything about my actual life? Watch out, he knows Tamer. "

"Do you think I'm as crazy as you are? I just told him that you barely stay
here since you have some cousins you frequently visit on this side of Beirut. Nora, listen to me. I keep telling you that you're playing with fire. Just try to get out. Come back to our room. Even
Farid
and I, who are actually getting married, haven’t dared to take
that
step yet. Even though our parents know each other at least, even we are scared to go against convention. Your mom is completely in the dark for now, but there are rumors..."

"What rumors? Oh Rheem, I knew you would talk. You’re disgusting."

"Me? Oh please, Nora. Look at yourself and the blunders you're making! People have seen you many times with a guy in the vicinity of the hospital, and even the Chief of Service asked me the other day if you're getting married! And you say it's my fault? You know what? You're on your own. I don't care anymore!"

"I’m sorry, Rheem."

"Okay, okay, let's get back to our cases before the conference starts."
             

The day went by as usual, but Nora knew that something had broken in her relationship with Rheem, and she didn't know how to fix it.
At lunch, Ramzi was there. It felt awkward to lie in front of Rheem about the imaginary cousins. She had to make up reasons why she couldn't spend time with Ramzi, who was asking her out. She was burying herself deep, so deep under a huge mountain of lies that there was no way to get out.

"I'm not backing away. I know you're shy, Nora, and I know you like to take your time. But I really like you, and we can all go out together in a group."

"Okay, let me think about it." Nora didn't want to be rude to Ramzi, whom she liked. At the same time, she didn't wa
nt to give him false hope for
a future relationship with her.

Since they were the only Christians there, they got used to sticking together:
Nora, Rheem,
Farid
, Eli, and Ramzi. People around them were never threatening; on the contrary, most of the students there were polite. With the war still going on, though, the awkward feeling of not belonging never left them.

Since
Ramzi's
arrival, Nora had gotten more involved with her circle of
friends. Trying not to arouse suspicion, she asked Tamer to stay away from the hospital. She was still sleeping with him, but finding reasons to leave the dorm every day was becoming more and more difficult. The guys were always around, making plans for the evening. She suspected that Ramzi was the one pushing everybody to include her in their plans, and that bothered her a lot. Tamer was as upset as she was by the turn of the events. He now expected to wait for her at home every day, but he was becoming more and more frustrated.

"Are you ashamed of me or something? What's happening?" She couldn't believe that he failed to understand what an awful situation she had put herself in by living with him. Was he that out of touch with reality?

"Tamer, our situation is very awkward. I'm Christian and you're Muslim, first off, and then we're living together..."

"Hey! Stop. Stop right here. I thought you didn't care about religion or traditions
or whatever. Or was it all bull
----!?"

"I love what we have together more than anything. I love you. But I can't let it all go so easily. There’s my future, everything I’ve worked for my whole life…I still can't let it go!"

"And what about our future, Nora? Me, in your future. Do I exist?"

"You're everything for me, Tamer. Just give me time to handle it all."

Nora had to take a stand for once. She could go back to what she had been and forget about this year, Tamer, and her passion. There would be no more suspicion, and the little talk about her that had started would die by itself. Or she could let everything go and surrender herself to her passion, living her life fully and at any cost. She decided to stay at the hospital for a week and go out with the group, but she couldn't stand it. She looked for Tamer at every corner and in every shadow. She could hardly listen to the conversation around her; her mind was elsewhere, wondering what Tamer was doing in her absence. She couldn’t wait for the week to end, to get back to him.

She knew that her attitude was upsetting her friends. Rheem was
distancing herself from her, and Ramzi suspected her of already having someone else in her life…

“Hey, Tamer! Have you heard from Nora recently?”

"She called yesterday. She'll be back tomorrow."

He'd been unapproachable for almost a week now, and Mona was worried about him. She herself had gotten attached to Nora and was used to seeing her around every day. The girl had left suddenly five days ago, leaving most of her clothes behind. Mona had noticed that there was tension between her son and his girlfriend lately. As usual, she didn't intervene or ask questions, but she didn't want Tamer to suffer a relapse. She knew how deeply he was involved with this girl. It was like his whole world revolved around Nora.

He used to disappear after dropping her
off
at the
hospital. Kamil told Mona that he
was frequently hovering around the offices, talking with the employees and asking questions. He even went with Kamil twice to check on some clients. One of Toufic’s many factories was in the sanitary industry; it made all kinds of luxurious bathroom fixtures. It was the only one that stayed open in Beirut during the war. All the others were moved to Arab countries where, as a Muslim, Toufic had a right to do business. None of the Christians had that privilege there, not even the Arab ones.

Kamil was very upset by the turn of the events; he felt that his nephew was slipping out of his control.
He was trying to intervene in the business, and that was out of the question! There was a line where Tamer had to stop. Crossing it would mean unleashing
Kamil’s
rage, and this time his nephew wouldn’t end up in the psychiatric hospital. It would be the end. Period.

Mona knew all this. This past year had been
stressful for
her. She couldn't see Kamil as often as before because of Tamer’s presence, and Kamil himself was busy divorcing his wife and helping her
and his two little kids get settled into a
new apartment. Instead of making Mona
happy, the news an
d her lover’s attitude made her
feel even more worried. Although Tamer’s attitude had changed for the better, she knew that Kamil had become more aggressive, especially after Nora moved in. It was a new experience, but she was worried for her son. For the first time, she saw him as a normal guy who could build a family with the woman he loved. For once, her own interests weren’t her priority.

Tamer watched his mom cross the living room and sit in her favorite chair across from him.
She looked tired, and she even looked her age for once. He pitied her in a way, but he already knew that he could do nothing to help her. She had already chosen Kamil over him years ago. She had even helped put him in the psychiatric hospital, time after time, just to please Kamil and help his schemes along. Tamer had his suspicions that she even plotted with Kamil to kill his dad, and just the thought of it made him hate her all over again.

He knew not to let his feelings show; he had to protect Nora at all costs.
He would behave like before, irresponsible and crazy, until he found a way to outsmart Kamil. He'd been going to check on work recently, not out of interest so much as to bother his uncle. He was never really interested in his dad's business; what he liked most was architecture. But then the war happened, and he’d gotten involved with the militia.

And now Nora had started to create problems. He’d never suspected she still cared about what people thought of her, not after she moved in with him. She'd been behaving differently lately, as if she was more aware of their social situation and their religious differences. He had been very upset when she decided to spend this last week at the hospital. He knew that Ramzi was present there and was interested in Nora.

He hardly could remember the guy; the only thing he’d noticed about him was his fanaticism. Tamer was still wondering why Ramzi, with all his hatred against Muslims, was staying in the area. Nora…He was so attached to her. Could he plan a future with her? And on what grounds? Passion, sexual attraction,
undying love? He used to live his life day by day, trying to survive without thinking about tomorrow. He’d had a week now to check this habit, and he felt like a part of him was dying without Nora. He couldn't wait for her to call and tell him she was coming back. Oh, God! The relief he felt when he heard her voice again! He couldn't wait to hug her and make love to her tomorrow, again and again and again.

"So, everything is fine between you two?" Mona asked. "I got worried when
N
ora disappeared for a week."

"Well, we both needed some time out to think about our relationship."

"I hope that she's not having second thoughts about staying here. I thought that Nora, a Christian and a doctor, would be less weighed down by traditions than us Muslims. I myself never really cared; I was and still am very happy about your relationship with this girl."

"Oh please, Mona. Don't overdo it! This great love and concern for me and my girlfriend! Don't you hear how wrong it sounds coming from you?"

Tamer’s harsh words were so unexpected that she couldn't answer. He was hurting her feelings again and pushing her away from him. What was she hoping for? A miracle change in her relationship with her son? He was still the same. It was time for her to come back to reality and think about herself again. With a deep sigh, she stood up and left the room.

After a truce between the Christian fief and the Syrians, the Christians started fighting each other halfway through the year 1990. It was the Christian army against the Christian militia, which meant brother against brother and cousin against cousin. The Syrians, the Muslims, and the world watched the awful self-destruction of a community which had stood together in the fight against its enemies for fifteen years. Now it was in agony, in a suicidal war against itself.

The front lines turned into an exit for the desperate Christians running away from the inferno; their area had been sucked into a whirlwind of death and destruction. For safety, they took refuge in the heart of the Muslim fief in West Beirut, and even in Syria, which became a safe place
in light of the fact that there were enemies at home.

A bomb hit Nora’s house, and her mo
ther had to live with one of Nora's
aunts in a safer area.
Ramzi's
brother, who fought with the militia, got killed. Ramzi couldn't even attend his funeral.
Rheem's
parents left the country, staying in Syria temporarily before immigrating to Canada for good.

All the residents who had come from the Christian area felt safest staying where they were in West Beirut. Once a week, one or two of them tried to cross the line to get news of the battles and to check on everyone's parents. Meanwhile, the Christians left at the hospital prayed for their safe return from the front lines.

Nora had never felt so depressed. It was like her whole world was falling apart. She was back in Tamer's bed and Tamer's life. But her heart wasn't in it anymore. All her thoughts were bent on what was happening in her area, on her destroyed house, and on her mom, now a refugee running from place to place for safety. Nora had invited her to come and stay in her dorm at the hospital, but her mom refused to cross the line and live in a Muslim area. What would she think of Nora if she knew that her daughter had been living with the enemy for more than a year now? Nora didn't want to think about it. Her relationship with Tamer was like a drug she couldn't live without—addiction to sex, addiction to his smell, his smile, his presence. He was in every breath she took, in every word she said, in every thought that popped into her head, even at the most unexpected moments.