The Red Line (9 page)

Her aunt, who was sitting on the sofa beside her, didn't say a word. She was older than her mom, and she had never married. She’d stayed home to take care of her ailing parents until their deaths.
Mirande
—that was her name—was Nora's godmother. She’d always surrounded her niece with affection and presents. A devoted Catholic, she used to spend most of her time at church, and not even the threat of a bomb falling on her head could stop her. Nora didn't want to think about her aunt’s reaction to her conduct. Not only had she crossed the line of morality, but she was in love with a non-Christian, a man belonging to a religion which threatened their existence every day!

Mirande
sat there pensively across from her sister, just listening to
Marcelle
. She wasn't affected by her sister's outburst as much as she was by Nora's distress. "
Marcelle
, stop. That's enough. Look at Nora. She needs us now more than ever. Please calm down. And you, Nora? Are you sure you're going to marry this guy? What's his name, by the way?"

"Tamer. What's between us is serious, Aunt
Mirande
. Tamer has been wonderful to me, and we've been with each other for two years now."

"Do you know how people will look at you if you stay with him? There is already too much talk. You need to leave, Nora. I mean leave the country. Try to clear your head and your feelings. If your love is really indestructible, then you'll get back together and it won’t matter."

"Is that what you want,
Mirande
? Nora is my only child. She's killing me already, and you want her to leave? What would happen to me then? She will just have to stay here with us, find herself a position in the east side, and forget the past years and the awful situation she put us in!"

Nora didn't want to listen anymore. She excused herself and went to her
room. Her only thoughts were about Tamer and what had happened to him. She felt so scared. It was like a huge fist was squeezing her heart, and a bleak feeling of inescapable hopelessness was overwhelming her. She went to the phone and tried to call the
Monzems
, but the lines were really bad. She wanted to cry and cry until there were no tears left…

Two days later, the last and fiercest battle happened. The Syrians marched into the Christian fief where they were met with savage resistance from both the Christian army and the militia. Many died, and many were taken prisoner. Nora, her aunt, and her mom stayed hidden in an underground bunker. They were aware of all the destruction above their heads, and they didn't dare get out.

A week after the war ended, Nora was planning to go back to the hospital. Then Rheem showed up at their door. There was an awkward moment, but then suddenly it was as if nothing had happened, and they hugged and cried. Rheem had a lot to tell Nora about the hospital, but Nora wanted to hear about one person alone: Tamer.

"Tamer? Tamer
Monzem
? I thought you left him the day you came back to the hospital. It was more than a month ago."

"Yeah. That was the worst day of my life. The day started at the hospital, but it ended at Tamer's house."

"What happened there? Did you fight?"

"No. I didn't see him at all. He had a fight with his uncle and then disappeared. His mom told me he was having one of his old crises, but I couldn't believe her. We’d had breakfast together that morning, and he’d looked sane and happy."

"Oh Nora, don't forget that he was your patient. Whatever they said about him might be true. He might be back at the psychiatric hospital now. Did you talk to Azoomy?"

"No. I want to talk to Mona first. I'm leaving tomorrow, going back to the hospital, and then I'll figure out where to go from there."

Nora left the next day. Beirut was all new to her. The front lines had disappeared. No more militia, no more barrages. The ruined streets were filled with passersby. New construction sites were showing up everywhere. Ironically, she missed the war. What a strange feeling! It was like she didn’t belong anymore; she had ended with the war.

‘Beirut!’ She thought. ‘Where is my Beirut? Where are my hiding places? Where are my armed guys? And where is my love story now? Is it gone with the war? My lover disappeared with the last sound of the bombs, and o
ur footprints crossing the line
back and forth w
ent away like dust scattered in
the wind.’

At the
Monzem
residence, no one answered the door. Nora knocked at a neighbor's door and heard the atrocious news. She fainted on the doorstep and had to be brought inside the house to recover. She learned that Mona was on her honeymoon with Kamil. She felt like throwing up. Tamer was no more. An awful cramp hit her in the womb, and she knew that she was carrying his baby.

Back at the hospital, she had no one to turn to except Rheem. Her mother would die or kill her if she knew. Rheem was there, though, and she was supportive again. It was like her fight with her over Tamer had never happened.

"Everybody talks about this obstetrician two blocks down the street. He does it all the time. He might not charge you much because you're a
doctor, and
none of the girls that went there had any complications with him. How far along do you think you are?"

"Maybe a little bit more than two months. Oh my God, Rheem! I'm killing my baby, but I feel nothing! Am I dead already? A walking dead person? I'm not even thinking about killing myself! I'm feeling nothing! Nothing!"

"Oh please, shut up Nora. You won’t feel anything; it will be like nothing ever happened to you. I’ll ask them for general anesthesia even if it's not necessary at this stage. When you'll wake up, it will be like a bad dream that
went away, never to come back…
I hope," she added with a deep sigh.

They went to the procedure together. After Nora left, the only feeling that
drove her on was a desire to run away, to run away from herself, to run away from the knowledge that she’d just sent a little breath of life back to heaven, to run away from Tamer's ghost, which was haunting her thoughts…She wanted to run, and yet, she felt that she deserved the pain coming from both her hurt body and her messed-up soul.

A meeting with Dr.
Fahmi
prepared her for her trip. She would start her residency i
n France, and it would last
at least two years. She called her mom to say goodbye. She didn't dare talk to her face-to-face. Which face did she want to show her mom? A liar’s or a murderer’s face? Every mirror showed her the shadow of a criminal, surrounded by ghosts…

"Are you ready to leave?" Rheem repeated the question, concerned by her friend's silence. Nora was too quiet in
Rheem's
opinion, and she was concerned about her friend's sanity. They would forever share a secret that could completely destroy Nora’s reputation, a reputation that was already in shreds. ‘It's killing her right now,’ thought Rheem.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go!" She hugged Rheem fiercely. "Oh, Rheem thank you for your support, for everything. I'll never forget what you did for me. And congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Sorry I can't stay longer. Good luck with everything!"

"Good luck to you, Nora. Take care."

"Just pray for me, that is, if God still cares about me," she added cynically.

Nora, pale and ten pounds thinner, boarded the plane to Paris. She didn't even look back. She imagined a huge pool of blood and pain in place of her heart, a heart this country had completely destroyed. She left as an empty shell filled only with the tormented ghosts of Tamer and her baby.